Simon let out a moan, unable to keep the sound from coming out of his mouth. As soon as he had entered the room, Gary had him up against the wall, kissing him passionately, Simon eagerly meeting every movement. Gary paused to pull off Simon's shirt, before pressing his body back up against Simon, continuing to ravish his mouth. Distracted by the love bite that Gary just left on his neck, Simon failed to notice that Gary had already unbuckled his belt, until he slid his hands past the elastic of his boxers.

Simon suppressed a flinch, quickly ducking out of the loose hold that Gary had him in. He let out a chuckle, hoping that it sounded less fake than it felt. "Woah there, love, the door's still open," he commented awkwardly, turning around to shut the door quickly, taking the brief moment that he was turned away from his partner to attempt to rein back his panic. Making sure his shoulders were unhunched, his body relaxed, he turned back around to see Gary leaning back on the bed on his elbows, stripped down to his boxers with a cocky grin on his face.

"I thought you were maybe feeling a bit underdressed," Gary said, watching in delight as Simon took in the sight before him.

Simon wasn't sure what to say. Gary looked gorgeous lying there, his whole body on show, for him. But Gary was also incredibly vulnerable, and Simon had to resist the urge to put a stop to the whole night, right then and there.

Tugging his own pants down but leaving on his boxers, figuring it was only fair since Gary was also only wearing his underwear even though he wasn't particularly comfortable revealing this much of his own body, Simon walked slowly over to the bed, impressed at his own ability to keep it together. He looked down at Gary, could see his arousal clearly outlined in his boxers, and slid down to his knees, his hands resting just above Gary's knees.

Gary stared at him with wide eyes, his tongue darting out to lick his lips.

"Is this okay?" Simon asked, as his fingers trailed along the inside of Gary's boxers. He gripped the sides, trying to clearly convey his intentions, only pulling them down once he got Gary's nod of approval.

"Yes, yes…" Gary panted as Simon took his cock into his mouth, licking carefully around the head before taking more of the length into his mouth. It had been…well a very, very long time since he had done this, so Simon didn't go too far, not wanting to choke. He bobbed his head back and forth, continuing to watch Gary's reactions, enjoying how the younger man clenched at the blankets in response.

"I thought this was going to go the other way," Gary muttered, releasing the tight grip he had on the sheets to run his fingers through Simon's hair. Simon's gut clenched, but Gary continued to play with his hair gently, scratching along his scalp with a gentle pressure. "This feels fantastic babe, but I think I'm going to cum soon," Gary said, looking down at Simon.

Simon just nodded, taking Gary's cock in as deep as he could, waiting for his release. It only took a few more seconds before Gary shouted, pressing slightly deeper into Simon's throat, Gary's cum hitting the back of Simon's throat. Simon coughed slightly, Gary quickly handing over a bottle of water.

"Simon, are you okay?" Gary said, his words dripping with concern.

"Yeah, yeah, just went down the wrong way," Simon said, taking another swig of water, and then almost spat out the water as he realized what he had said, Gary letting out a small bark of laughter.

Gary reached towards him, pulling Simon down onto the bed and resting his hand on his hip. "Let me return the favour," he said, starting to pull down Simon's boxers but Simon shimmied out of his grasp.

"Not tonight, sorry love," Simon said, shifting to the edge of the bed and bending down to grab his pants. "I have to edit Soap's mission reports before they get to Sheppard, otherwise we'll all be running extra laps tomorrow," he lied, coming up with a plausible excuse, relieved to see Gary nodding along. He leaned over to give Gary another kiss before standing up and heading to the door.

Luckily, no one was in the hall, so Simon was able to practically sprint back to his room, no one the wiser. Once he was in his room, he locked the door behind him, sliding into the small, attached bathroom - one perk of being a Lieutenant. Flipping the tap to hot, Simon stepped into the shower just as the shakes started.

Wrapping his arms around himself, Simon focused on calming his breathing. Gary hadn't forced him to do anything, everything that happened was his own choice, Simon told himself harshly, in an attempt to stop the oncoming panic attack, but logic wasn't working. Gary slipped from his mind as the dark memories came flooding in, Simon sliding to the floor with a sob.

xxxxx

Gary woke up with a groan, leading over to turn off the annoying alarm, surprised that Simon hadn't turned it off already. But then he felt the empty space next to him and remembered that Simon had taken off in the night, after giving Gary the most magnificent blow job. Stretching in the bed, Gary closed his eyes briefly, reminiscing on the view of Simon's lips wrapped around his cock. What a wonderful memory to start the day, Gary thought to himself as he struggled out of bed to get dressed, knowing they had a full day of training to get through before he could see Simon again.

But Simon was busy with more paperwork that night, then extra training the next night, and then he was too tired the next…Gary was about to scream in frustration. As he walked back towards the barracks, he didn't notice Soap come up beside him until he spoke.

"Hey mate, are you doing okay?" Soap asked, looking at Gary with a frown.

"Yeah, yeah, all good," Gary responded, plastering on a fake smile. He couldn't exactly tell his commanding officer that his other commanding officer was avoiding him after having a mind blowing night of sex after all. Well, what he thought had been a mind blowing night but now he was having second thoughts.

"Okay, well get some extra rest, looks like we'll have a mission by the end of the week," Soap replied, clapping a hand on his shoulder before heading off in a different direction.

Great, Gary thought glumly, wondering how Simon would manage to avoid him on mission too.

xxxxx

"Hey, I hear this is where I can find a certain bug?" A female voice said, knocking on the door to the break room before entering.

Gary perked up at the voice, and then leaped up to give the speaker a large hug. "Mandy! What are you doing here?!" He asked with a big grin, leaning in to give her another hug. He blushed when he realized that the rest of the team were staring at them, Ghost included.

"Apparently you all needed some new pilots to help clean up your messes," Mandy joked, squeezing Gary back just as hard. "It will be just like old times, me saving your ass." She added with a grin.

"I was the one with the gun -" Gary reminded her, smiling at the familiar argument.

"-And I was the one flying the helicopter while dodging the SAMs," she argued back, ignoring the rest of the stares being directed towards them in the room.

"Well, are you going to introduce us, Roach?" Ghost asked from the back of the room. Gary watched with a small frown as Ghost leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms in obvious annoyance.

"Staff Sergeant Mandy Macfie," Mandy introduced herself. She nudged Gary's elbow. "And I've known Gary…I mean Roach, still have to get used to that, for what has it been, eight years now?"

Gary thought back to when he first met Mandy, and nodded, eight years seemed about right. "Hey, I'm going to show Mandy around a bit and Ghost, I'll meet you at the range at eight, okay?" He knew that he was putting Simon on the spot, but he was tired of being ignored. Whatever was going on would have to be dealt with before they flew out at the end of the week.

xxxxx

"This place isn't too bad, I've definitely been stationed at worse locations," Mandy commented as Gary finished his tour, the two of them heading to Gary's room.

"Agreed," Gary replied, grabbing out a beer from his secret stash and handing it across to Mandy.

"Don't you have a shooting date?" She asked, but accepting the beer nonetheless, clicking Gary's with a gentle tap.

"Nah, Simon will just find an excuse to continue to ignore me," Gary responded bitterly, taking a large gulp of his beer.

"Oh, not Ghost, but Simon?" Mandy said, taking a sip of her beer. "As your almost sister-in-law, I need all the details right now," she added, setting her drink down and leaning forward. "What did the douche in the mask do?"

xxxxx

Fuck, Simon thought to himself as he pulled away from Gary's door, quickly escaping down the hallway. He didn't know that Gary thought he had done something wrong the other night, he had assumed that Gary would have blamed his absence on Simon, not on Gary.

He was going to need to make it up to Gary somehow. As he stared at his reflection in the mirror, he thought hard about the lube that rested in the drawer. He could do this…for Gary.

xxxxx

Gary was shocked but elated to get Simon's text, asking if he could come by his room instead of the shooting range tonight. He may have showered twice, making sure everything was completely clean, just in case this ended up going where he hoped it would be going. He knocked on Simon's door at five to eight, opening the door when Simon called for him to come in.

He found himself pinned to the wall, similar to what he had done to Simon earlier on in the week, but when Simon whispered in his ear that he wanted Gary to fuck him, it felt like only seconds until Gary was up against Simon's back, guiding himself into his partner; Simon having prepared himself before Gary got there.

He was tight, so tight. Gary started to pull back, planning to stretch Simon a bit more or maybe try a bit more lube, but Simon let out a small whimper at his movement, reaching back with his hand and stopping Gary's retreat. "Shh baby, I was just going to grab more lube," Gary said, leaning over to kiss the back of Simon's neck.

"No, no, it's fine, just give me a second," Simon said, his hand trembling slightly on Gary's hip. Gary could hear Simon take a few deep breaths, his body relaxing in kind. "Okay, now, please love." Simon said quietly.

Gary pushed in deeper, now that there was less resistance. As he bottomed out, he let out a large moan; everything felt warm, tight, and simply marvelous. He started out with small movements, and encouraged by Simon's gasps, continued until he was pounding hard into his boyfriend, the cheap army mattress squeaking under them. "Fuck babe, your ass feels amazing," Gary whispered, tightening his grip on Simon's hips. But it was at that moment that Gary realized something was wrong.

Simon was shaking, his back tight, his face smushed into the mattress…was that a sob that Gary just heard? Gary quickly pulled out, gripping Simon's shoulder to roll him over, but yanked his hand back like he had touched something hot when Simon flinched at his touch. "Simon, what's wrong? What do you need?" Gary asked quietly, feeling lost. He had no idea what he was supposed to do, no idea what went wrong. He shifted further away from Simon on the bed, worried that he was too close, but Simon quickly grabbed his wrist with an iron grip, not letting him move further.

Simon finally turned to look at Gary and Gary felt his heart fall into a million pieces. Simon's eyes were red tinged, and full of tears as he continued to sob silently; Gary's confusion only increased as Simon pulled him closer, tucking his head against his chest. As Simon's tears started to soak Gary's chest, Gary could feel a few fall down his cheeks too. "Did I do something….no, no, this isn't about me," Gary started to ramble out loud, still completely unsure about what he should be doing. "What do you need babe?"

"You." Simon whispered, continuing to hold tight to Gary, tucking his head into his chest even more. Gary nodded, tightening his arms around his partner. That he could do.

xxxxx

It was probably an hour or so before Simon calmed down, Gary wondering if he had fallen asleep until he finally spoke up.

"I'm sorry," Simon said quietly, pulling away from Gary as he sat up, the blankets pooling in his lap.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Gary said in response, copying Simon's movement to sitting but still keeping the distance that Simon had put in place. He reached his hand out, but left it sitting in the middle of the bed, left it so that Simon could make the choice if he wanted contact or not.

"Pretty sure I'm the one that's broken Gary, not you," Simon said harshly, gripping his hair roughly. "I can't even be intimate with someone I love because of -" Simon cut himself off, his hand trembling as he wiped stray tears from his eyes.

"I'm the one who's sorry. I should have noticed that something was wrong earlier," Gary said, hanging his own head. If he hadn't been so focused on his own concerns about Simon ignoring him, maybe he would have realized Simon was upset.

"I really want to try," Simon said softly, glancing over to where Gary had placed his hand. He reached out, as if he was going to take Gary's hand, but pulled back at the last moment. "But I might never be able to give you what you want."

"I want you, Simon, however much you're willing to give me," Gary said honestly, turning his hand up, finally letting out a smile when Simon interlaced his fingers with his. He had so many things he wanted to say, so many things he wanted to know, so many ground rules that they would have to put in place so hopefully this wouldn't happen again. He never wanted Simon to push himself into a bad situation because he thought it was what Gary wanted or needed. But it wasn't the time for that now. "Can I stay?"

Simon smiled, opening his arms, and Gary shifted over to tuck in as the little spoon, Simon reaching down to pull the sheets up over both of them. As Gary started to fall asleep, surrounded by the warmth of his boyfriend, he realized that that was the first time Simon had said that he loved him. Holding on to that thought, Gary fell asleep with a soft smile.

Everything would be better in the morning.