Struggling


"Look up for me, baby." Cassie nodded, sitting on Theo's bed in the hospital, facing him, razor in hand as she tried her best to shave his face.

"You're talking to me like you talk to Chase." Theo grumbled, tilting his head up as Cassie smiled.

"No, I'm not." She smiled, gently grazing the razor up his chin.

"You are." Theo objected.

"Well maybe it's cause I'm trying to take care of you." She said, "You know, you didn't look so bad with the beard. I wouldn't have been mad if you kept it." She told him as he chuckled.

"I looked like I just got out of prison." Theo nodded, "My mom always told me and Matthew that a beard makes a man look dirty." She said as Cassie chuckled.

"Some guys suit it better, I guess." She said, "You don't wanna see my dad clean shaven, trust me." She shook her head.

"I don't think I ever have, actually." Theo thought about it whilst she grazed the razor along the soap, getting rid of the stubble which had grown over the past week of him being in hospital. As soon as he saw it he insisted Cassie get rid of it for him. He was still too weak to move much, if any.

"There." Cassie smiled, "I think I did ok." She looked closely, handing him the mirror as he examined for himself.

"It'll do." Theo nodded, "Not like I got anywhere to be."

"I thought you were just trying to impress the nurses." Cassie teased.

"Yeah, that's exactly what it is." He said as she smiled, drying his face with a towel and leaning in for a kiss. It was about the only thing they could do that didn't cause him any pain. Hugging and lying together wasn't on the radar at all.

"You hungry?" She smiled, pecking his lips again before getting off the bed and wandering over to the chair where her bag was.

"Not really." Theo shook his head.

What Cassie wasn't prepared for was how little he had been talking. It wasn't that he was incapable, after the first couple of days he was able to have full conversations with her and others, it was his own choice to stay quiet and she was worried. She was worried about a lot of things.

"When do you get meds again?" Cassie asked, looking over at the board above his bed.

"I'm sure they'll remember." Theo smiled a little. He knew if his medication was given to him one minute late, she wouldn't be happy. To say he felt taken care by her was an understatement.

"You're getting them again soon." Cassie nodded, "They must be wearing off then." She looked at him as he nodded.

"There's always pain." Theo waved his hand, not causing a fuss even though he was in pain pretty much every hour on the clock. It was just the nature of his injury and healing process. He was bandaged up around his torso, and still couldn't leave the bed. Even lifting his arms caused shooting pains down his body to his wound, hence why he couldn't hold a razor to his face.

"Jake recommended a real good physiotherapist." Cassie said, trying to change the subject, sitting down on the chair beside the bed. She'd moved the chair as close to the bed as she could.

"I can't even go take a leak yet, Cass." Theo shook his head.

"I know but… you'll want the best, right?" Cassie nodded, "Or maybe you should call John? He did good work with you on your shoulder that time." She said as Theo just nodded along. She knew he was holding back. Nodding along more than saying anything. After she'd gone over the details of the shooting with him, he'd pretty much shut off.

"What is Chase up to?" Theo asked her.

"My mom and dad took him out for pizza." Cassie smiled, "He's getting dined out like a gentleman this past week." She said as Theo chuckled.

"Will you bring him in the morning before he goes to school?" Theo nodded.

"Of course I will." She told him, "Are you sleeping better? You look a lot brighter today." She noticed. She was pretty much spending majority of her day in the hospital with him. Of course he insisted how ridiculous it was, and for her to go home and rest, but there was no telling her, and he knew that by now.

"I slept a little better last night." Theo said, "Still not great. Feel like I'm in a damn coffin." He shook his head.

"Well you're not." Cassie nodded, "You gonna fill me in on the details with your parents?" She smiled.

"What details?" Theo asked, "I don't know why he was here. My mom had every right to go off on him-"

"I know, but she did it in front of everybody outside in the waiting room. It made my family look… diplomatic and… wise?" She shook her head with confusion, "That doesn't happen often." She said as he smiled.

"It made me feel like I was a little kid again." Theo shook his head, "Hearing them yelling at each other."

"Oh." Cassie said, figuring she should have realised that sooner, "Sorry, I'm talking to you about it like it's gossip." She shook her head.

"It's fine. I don't care." Theo said truthfully, "I didn't want him here. I'm glad you and my mom realised that whilst I was out of it."

"Yeah I knew you wouldn't." Cassie nodded, "I think it probably put a lot into perspective for him, though."

"He can kiss my ass." Theo mumbled as Cassie smiled.

"You wanna know something that might cheer you up a little?" She asked.

"Go on." Theo said.

"Apparently Jake is thinking about retiring." Cassie said as Theo looked at her with confusion, "You know he's not gonna accept anyone taking his spot but you, right?" She smiled.

"He's probably thinking about retiring cause seven cops got killed." Theo said, looking at her bluntly, "Wouldn't say that's cheered me up." He shook his head as Cassie looked at him.

"I wasn't meaning it like that I just-"

"Just… talk to me about anything other than work." Theo said with frustration.

"You're saying that like we always talk about it. We haven't spoken about… any of this, not since you first woke up-"

"Well we don't have to." Theo said, "Brock is in jail. It's over." He nodded to himself as Cassie looked at him.

"It's not your fault." She said quietly, reading his mind and the thoughts he was thinking, "Theo, look at me." She took a hold of his hand as he looked at her, "This is not on you-"

"It was me he wanted." Theo nodded, "Four of them were just kids, Cassie." He rolled his head back on the pillow stressfully.

"I know." Cassie said, "But you're not responsible for everything that happened. He was a dangerous man. With or without the motive to get to you. If he wasn't fixated on you, he would have been fixated on someone else… he should never have been let out." She shook her head.

"What'd he do to you?" He asked her.

"Doesn't matter." Cassie said, "I'm fine." She nodded.

"Still beautiful." He said as she smiled, "I don't really remember much of what happened after I was shot. It's just a blur."

"I don't either, and I was fully conscious." She smiled.

"The only thing I remember is Thea talking to herself." Theo recalled, "I think I might have told her to shut up." He cringed a little.

"You did." Cassie smiled.

"Maybe I should apologise since you know… she saved my life." He nodded.

"I don't think she cared." Cassie shook her head.

Cassie was the only one who was really in and out of the hospital room. The rest of the family were giving Theo some space, and Theo was glad of that.

"Is Jude still here?" Theo asked curiously. His concept of time was all over the place considering he was doing nothing but lying in bed every day.

"Yeah. So is Sean." Cassie said, "They slept together and now they're back to not talking again." Cassie summed up.

"I'm pretty sure Jude wouldn't want you telling me that." Theo laughed a little, wincing as he did so.

"Oh, she doesn't know I know. Thea told me." Cassie explained as Theo shook his head, "She told me not to tell anyone, though-"

"Well I'm gonna go tell the world." Theo nodded as Cassie smiled.

"I think Sean is leaving soon, though. To get back to work and the girls. Jude wants to stay here and make sure I'm ok, which I've told her a dozen times I'm fine." Cassie shook her head.

"You've ate chocolate cake for dinner for the past three nights." Theo said, "And I can sense you haven't put a record on in a while, which means you're not ok." He nodded.

"And you tell me you don't know how to read me." She said.

"I do sometimes." Theo nodded, "Can you take care of yourself first? Before you come in here and fuss over me?" He asked.

"You're my only focus." Cassie made clear, "And I like having chocolate cake for dinner." She shrugged as he smiled to himself.

"I don't know when I'm getting out of here." Theo dreaded.

"You don't have to think about it." Cassie said, "Just… a day at a time, right?" She nodded.

"I guess." Theo nodded, "Put a record on when you go home." He told her, "I know it'll cheer you up."

"Is that an order?" She smiled.

"Yes." He said as she smiled.

"Alright." She nodded, lifting his hand and kissing it, watching as he stared off to the window, sighing to herself, knowing he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders right now, on top of the physical pain he was already enduring.