PROLOGUE
First things first, yeah we know, I don't own Code Geass, just the ideas used on this particular fic.
Big spoilers warning, as the story is set after the Ressurection movie.
Some parts may contain harsh/ vulgar language, but not lemons. I think T rating is ok since it's not too much.
It's been a very long time I last wrote a fic, so please bear with my English. This story has been written originally in greek and I wanted to translate it so more could read. It's actually an oneshot, but decided to split a bit as the original is around 9k words, so it might be slightly tiresome to read it all.
Now onto the story : I was actually inspired most by the original series and the impact Kallen x Lelouch dynamic had on me. However, since we all know the og ending I also had to borrow the au timeline, so to make this happen. And my greatest challenge was to make it possible, without refusing the au canon. I'm not to touch or change the events that occurred in both universes, creators did their work and I leave it as it is.
It's gonna be a "quiet" story, then, not involving war around, but mainly focusing on things characters did not clear up.
At first, the tone will be rather immature, so to depict some aspects of Kallen's funny nature. And please keep in mind : there is no hatred for c2. All thoughts expressed is the jealousy of Kallen towards her (remember how clearly Kallen showed it when fighting c2 in ep24 of r2) since you know the Ressurection canon. I had to make this clear in case someone didn't understand. The writing follows the thoughts of the characters each time, its important to stress that.
Thanks in advance for visiting the page.
Goodbye
Part 1
As the sun rose, she woke up from the bed, combed her hair -as much as she could- and...
Oh... She had to look at the mirror.
Why should she bother doing it? She doesn't want to see it anymore.
She can't even call his name...
Nothing. Wrong word.
No one. Double fault.
Zero! Nooooooo...! She shouldn't even say that, damn accursed mirror she had put the photo on.
She had gotten used to saying a good morning and a goodnight to the smiling boy with the black hair and purple eyes.
That smart lazy bum who always got on her nerves. The one who would lose his breath in under two minutes of running, and physical education was an unknown word for him.
The one who teased her, and was rather annoying.
But the worst thing of all, is that she had to cope with a new reality.
The boy she'd been mourning for such a long time, had just come back to life.
He wasn't just a plain photograph, anymore. He was alive again, breathing, bearing flesh and bones and to top it off... he belonged to another woman.
From one side, she was so touched to see him again. Yet the pain of memory was just too real.
Just when Kallen had managed to learn how to live on, his Ressurection seemed like salt in her wounds, which split open again.
And now, she didn't have to mourn for his loss anymore, but her own dead hope...
A year has passed after his imminent return, and one more after he chose the love of his life.
Kallen funnily wondered if it would have been better for him to have stayed emperor, so to be able to marry many women.. Then, he could plant his seeds to the wives around him, and every woman should be occupied in raising their own kids instead of fighting like chicken over his love. Just like Kaguya said After all, he was the son of Charles Brittania, so like father, like son. Yes! That could have been the perfect solution!
"Come on, Kallen. Get serious." she cursed herself, while brushing her teeth, thinking of her daily schedule.
First things first, she'd go to school. Then pay a visit to the gym, or go training somewhere alone. Such proportions took long to build, so they needed to be kept on.
She was lively, energetic, stubborn (hey, don't say too much), independent and needed no male to protect her! Much like an authentic Aries, she was a burning fire, a really spontaneous person.
But...in the end, none of these traits mattered.
Not a single thing on her was good enough for him.
He had made his choice, he belonged to someone else. That C2, whose only sacrifice was the life she NEVER lost. But at the same time, she was the only one who could bring him back. Hence, she deserved him, whether it was selfish or not.
She breathed new life in him. Even though she had to take him on a path where he'd never show his face again. An isolated road and maybe even more harsh than the path he had walked during his " first" life. Still, he'd be with her, free at last, and happy.
Kallen sat on her desk, and looked at the chair he used to sit.
Gone were the days he had asked her they returned to school. He was the one who made the promise, and still he was the one who couldn't keep it.
He had to live on a new identity, banished from the face of the earth. Like her, his Shinigami. That's how Kallen called C2, as it reminded her of a famous manga series, since C2 had deal with him, she ate pizza instead of apples, and instead of being an ugly black thing, she was admittedly such a beautiful woman. So charming, so seducing, as if she belonged to another world.
She had the privilege to live together with him from the start, and share everything with him. Wasn't it so obvious she had the upper hand, into gaining his trust? Co existence brings intimacy, then involves into a habit, and sometimes routine is a force much stronger and greater than love itself.
C2 had no country to defend, no family to lose, so she barely gave a fuck whether his motivations were good or not. Even if he wanted to burn everything to ashes, C2 couldn't care less, as she had forgotten what it was to be a human. That's why she could support every decision of him, be it cruel or not, so long as her own desires were fulfilled. And actually, C2 must have definitely known how ephemeral and futile his plan would be, after watching empires rise and fall. But she enjoyed watching him unfold his plans, nonetheless. She allowed him to walk into his death, instead of preventing it. And she didn't even show the slightest intention of joining him to eternity, by sacrificing her most precious gift : her immortality. If she had done that, then yes, it would have been the ultimate sacrifice, and her love would be the strongest of all.
Who was the one who fought his greatest battles? Who gave flesh and bones to his plans? Who was gambling with death every single day? Not her.
All she could do was just speculate from a safe and privileged position, next to him, in the same cockpit.
Had she taken advantage of her immortality and be recruited to his army, she'd definitely be his Q1. But of course, C2 wasn't a pawn. Lelouch was her pawn, her own possession. Lelouch sold the world, and in turn he was used by C2, who wrapped him in her fine and delicate arms.
Maybe the title of the Wicked witch of Brittania wasn't just a rumour. But who could ever see behind her enchanting beauty? Since she was the Wicked Witch, she could easily attract and mesmerize everyone around her. She could even make love potions, or she could even have a Geass, too. Yeah, that might explain a few things. After all, she was the absolute equivalent to Lelouch, so it seemed possible.
Even Lelouch was telling her how egocentric she was, and yet he enjoyed her dominance on him. Maybe because they were the same, regarding that matter.
Anyway...
No matter what the truth, C2 won, be it her spells or she led an honest victory, whether she was using him or not. The battle between a mortal and an immortal was just unfair, after all.
She brought him back, gave him a chance to see this "afterworld", and maintain it, like a sleepless guardian of humanity.
And had he been awaken fully immortal, Kallen could finally resort to real peace, knowing his path was totally different from hers. But Ressurected Lelouch wasn't fully immortal, at least not yet. He could only have eternal youth, so long as he's not fatally wounded. And that drove Kallen crazy, knowing he was wandering into the unknown while being unprotected.
How she longed to fight his battles again, maintain his integrity and avoid a repetition of the tragedy. Kallen knew perhaps too well how to protect, by pouring all herself into the battle. She deserved better the Sword title, not Suzaku. She was his executioner, his most loyal pawn. Even on the fight with his loving C2, she turned her to dust. And she'd done it a thousand times more, hadn't c2 been immortal.
Although Kallen had been born as female, she bore the willpower of ten men into the battlefield, because she was fighting in all her prowess and determination. Such an ablazing passion Kallen had, and no one could surpass her.
Even the man she loved was superior only in intellectual terms, and that's what she truly admired in him. His perfect tactical mind, his strategies, his focus, his mentality. Not just his beautiful purple eyes or his weak skinny figure. She loved what he hid behind the mask, and even more underneath that.
" Lelouch"... she sighed in a bittersweet tone, and kept on drawing on her school book.
Another day was almost over. Kallen had decided to return to her mother, so she had not arranged any plans with her friends. Much to her dismay, she was soon informed her mother had to cover up a colleague's shift. Hence, it would be in vain to go back too early.
She could try breathing some nice fresh air. And what that ideal place would most be? The seaside docks.
She boarded then the train, to go there. It was impossible she went unnoticed, though.
Most recognised her as former Japanese hero in the war with Brittania. Some just admired her well trained body. But in some rare occasions, there'd be one or two faces looking at her angrily , making lame comments.
"Does she have no shame at all?" some older men were whispering.
"Hey, isn't she the one...? "
A young man approached her, as the train was approaching her stop :" You're a hero. It was so brave what you wanted to achieve, despite the fact it didn't work. Must have been hard, right?"
" Yes. It was hard. " a small sigh escaped her lips.
" I understand, don't blame yourself. No one could fool that evil tyrant."
" True. I'm not a witch." she said no more words, lowered her head and departed the train.
She walked to the seaside docks, and left everything behind her. The day called for some isolation, especially after the conversation she had aboard.
Kallen longed to embrace her lonesome, view the magnificent scenery and do some training. It might help her blow off some steam, channel her energy into her punches, until she'd get tired enough to fall dead on the bed. By making herself exhausted, she wouldn't have to think more.
Time was passing by, she had to do a small break.
Sweaty as she was, she put her phone out and chose a random song to play, while she sat on the nearby small box and gazed upon the sea, drinking a sip from her water bottle.
Such a sad song that one was, the lyrics were so suicidal. However, it went in perfect accord with her current state of mind.
One more night
To bear this nightmare
What more do i have to say
Crying for me, was never worth a tear
My lonely soul is only filled with fear
Long hours of loneliness, between me and the sea
Losing emotion
Finding devotion
Should I dress in white and search the sea, as I always wished to be?
One with the waves, ocean soul
Walking the tideline, i hear your name, was angels whispering
Something so beautiful it hurts...
I only wished to become something beautiful
Through my music
Through my silent devotion...
And as she was listening, every lyric was heartbreaking..
Oh yes, there were more powers in the world apart from witchcraft and geasses.
Thoughts are bad, if they're accompanied by the adjacent melody.
Because music can simply talk straight to the soul, and not just once or twice.
And depending on the mood, it can even magnify feelings and emotions.
Are you hurt? A sad song simply amplifies the pain.
Are you happy? A happy song sends you to heavens.
Music multiplies what people have inside.
So that song, was tearing open all of Kallen's wounds...
And it was good that she was all alone, in that place, without much worry of getting accosted. Who would dare touch her, anyway, the black queen?
The song ended, but her flow of thoughts were overwhelming her..she needed to keep on training to defeat that pain.
" Farewell, Lelouch..."
She'd said so many goodbyes, that even the word had lost it's true meaning. More than anything, she kept on saying goodbye in hopes she'd just believe it, one day. Or was she doing that because she never heard his " farewell" back then?
She'd seen that on his face, that frozen, deadlike expression of his. And still she wondered: why did he allow her to touch him? He was a goddamn emperor for god's sake! If she was heard adressing to him on his name, she'd be long shot before she even laid a finger him. Let alone the act of the sacrilege she committed by kissing the evil tyrant, confessing her love to the one she hated the most. Whom? To his worst and most despicable version.
At first, she only had an infatuation for Zero, while she distrusted the smart Lamperouge guy. But when she finally assembled all the pieces together, she gave her heart to the emperor of Britannia, having accepted all his identities as a single being.
Her first kiss, the one she d been saving for someone special, the same kiss he'd once longed to get by force, it was all she would give on her own volition. But it was the most painful and heartbreaking. It hurt even more for the reason that his body language was emanating such apathy, while his lips responded, and for a few seconds, she had seen life and joy in those closed eyes. It was only at the end , when Kallen realised she had sealed his epitaph with that kiss. It was the first for her, and the last for him. And those dead eyes, this motionless expression, was but a foreshadowing of his eventual death. Later on Kallen did conceive his farewell, and why he hadn't said anything in that corridor of separation. He didn't want to drag her on his own hell, and invalidate their fights for Japan's freedom.
No matter how selfish Lelouch was, he'd hate himself if he ever saw Kallen fighting alongside him, for the sake of Brittania. The Brittania they both despised.
Kallen's pain was inexplicable, as those heartbreaking moments resurfaced from the back of her mind...
Maybe that's why a strange love like this hurts so much. Its like having two bottles, one filled with hatred and one full of love. No matter which one you pour to another, they'll overflow, and all goes to waste.
She wasn't mourning for her lost tears, but the ones she could not get out. She was drowning, falling deeper into herself. She wouldn't allow that anymore.
She even had a chance to speak with Lelouch's resurrected version, but didn't grab it. She only said that she was unsure whether those two had anything to say anymore. So, she didn't even attempt to clear things up with him, though C2 urged her.
Kallen got to learn the art of lying as well, knowing her own truth didn't matter anymore. Even if she tried to speak, she was fully aware she would only get rejected, maybe for the third time. It was pointless, then, to even dare.
She'd swallow her feelings and keep the crying to herself, while wearing the mask of the happy and joyful girl.
And maybe she'd get someone new, and eventually forget one him, one day.
It could be tomorrow, it could be within next week, or the other month. Or NEVER.
How could she forget such a man?
He was one of a kind, and he returned only to end up choosing someone else. He didn't love her, he felt nothing at all. He only viewed her as a subordinate, as a tool, and he pitied her strong feelings for him. And the only reason he leaned to that kiss, was just to comfort her, in the first place.
She began crying after her last line of words. Rejection was turned to pain, and pain turned to anger.
She wanted to let it all out, she longed to fight something, someone, whatever!
Where were those glorifying days she'd taken up to the skies on her Guren?
Peace... Peace only killed andrenaline.
With eyes shrouded in tears, she began practicing her kicks, trying to imitate those nice spinning kicks Suzaku had taught her. She wanted to improvise, and create a movement for herself. To make a name of her own. A finishing kick that would belong only to her, some sort of a trademark.
She soon gave up the idea. Names are just names. The only thing that mattered is that the kick would be effective against the target.
And without even noticing, she finally kicked something. The tears got dry, at last.
" Ouch!" an excruciating growl of pain disrupted her flow of thoughts. She almost lost her balance due to her absence of mind, yet saved it for the very last moment.
The victim was lying on the ground, curled up in pain. Upon feeling the threat, Kallen quickly took action : she turned him face down, sat on his waist and grabbed firmly both his hands, rendering the stranger immobilized.
" You fool. To think that you could rob me, of all the people." she snarled agressively.
The victim was still in pain to respond. She tried to examine the pockets first, and see if there was any weapon hidden. She then looked at the head and realized the person was wearing a mask. " Don't move! I'm gonna kill you!"
" Kallen. Please just calm down. Let me take the mask off. "
She denied his request, though the voice sounded familiar.
" You stay still and quiet, and no one will get hurt. " she threatened under her teeth, while she turned him face up.
She began removing the mask, and couldn't believe her eyes, when her gaze fell on his violet eyes...
No, it couldn't be. She must have been hallucinating.
" Lelouch? God! Is this real?" she was way too shocked to believe, as she let go of his hands.
" Unless you're on refrain, I guess so." he replied, as the pain from her kick was deteriorating.
Her eyes were popped out, full of guilt and worry." Forgive me. I thought you were a robber. Are you ok?"
" Yes. Sort of. I'll survive." he tried to joke.
" What are you doing here, of all places? It's pretty dangerous if somebody sees you."
" I can only see you and me around. And now, if you allowed me to get up it would be even better. "
Kallen soon realised she was still lying on top of him, mouth gaping wide open.
" Forgive me! " she got up full of surprise and embarrassment.
Lelouch kept his composure, as Kallen gave him a hand, and he went to sit on the small nearby box. Kallen stood up before him, while keeping a small distance.
He gazed upon the sea with a nostalgic feeling painted on his face. Relief was on the way, as his expression was calm and smooth.
" I've missed the city. Even school. " he formed a faint smile.
" I can only guess you miss student life, not the subjects, right?" she crossed her hands.
" True. Have you decided what you want to follow..?"
" I've got a few ideas running on my head. It's just hard to choose between police and military."
" Military? I see, old habits die hard. Way better than terrorism, I guess." he teased.
" What about you? I mean, how do you spend your time now?"
" Nothing too exciting. Just geass hunting. We need to maintain the peace we created."
" Hope you're safe on your journeys. You're still a mortal, wandering without protection.." she made a grimace or concern.
Lelouch giggled.
" Well. It was pretty bad last time. I thought I was gone for good, again." he showed no sign of worry, and that annoyed Kallen.
" Stupid boy! You should have given a call. We'd all help. "
" I did call. But you never picked it up. "
Kallen found herself into a tight situation. She had actually blocked Lelouch's number out of anger, and had kept it that way. Because she wanted to say goodbye.
He made his choice, so he chose his path. Let C2 fight for him and protect him. And she was just as good as a punchbag, just to eat some bullets and then regenerate, according to Kallen's retrospective.
Lelouch had his best warrior before him, but seems like he never appreciated that. He had to take responsibility of that choice, then...
Yet, Kallen wouldn't say those things straight to his face. She just lied :
" I got a new device. Most probably I lost your number. " she came up with a common excuse.
Lelouch would hardly fall for such a bluff, but at the same time he enjoyed uncovering people's lies. Hence, he got his phone out of the pocket and dialed her number. As no ringing sound was coming from her bag, he had the answer before his eyes.
" Not just blocked. You put me into blacklist. Or so it seems. Sorry for bothering you. Just wanted to see you're ok." he put his phone on his pocket, got up and began walking away.
"Nooooooooooo..." she thought to herself.
How could she just let him go, after all the time she yearned to see him? She had to come up with a new lie, the most common she could ever think of. She then looked at her cellphone, took an astonished expression and exclaimed :
" Oh, how did this happen? I guess my boyfriend was the one who did that. He tends to be slightly jealous of male contacts."
Lelouch halted his step and return to her again :
" Oh, I see. Just tell your boyfriend he shouldn't search your phone. You deserve more trust than this."
She agreed, then put her phone back, without doing anything.
" You can also tell me if you prefer to keep me blocked. I dont think I ever forced you to ...
Lelouch didn't complete his sentence. Of all the people, he was the last one to claim that to Kallen.
" Are you sure?" she tried to play calm.
" Sorry. About that. Much as I hate the past, I think I owed you an apology. Actually, I wanted to run behind you, only to get interrupted by Rolo." he lowered his head in remorse.
" Its long gone, Lelouch. I can tell you the truth. I blocked you because I think we barely have anything to say anymore. You've completed your goals, things are calm so.."
It was hard to read between the lines, when it came to Lelouch. Kallen couldn't understand if he was sad by the answer, or he genuinely wanted to keep in touch. He seemed to care, nonetheless.
" It's true we kinda have different lives. Is that a problem?"
" Well, no, not really. I just need one favor."
" Kallen making deals? I'm surprised." he smirked. " I listen, then, and hope I can help."
" You had said you never used geass on me. So I have a shot. Right? "
Lelouch was utterly stricken by her misconception. He had never denied using his Geass on her, stating only that her heart was her own. Hence, it seemed that Kallen had gotten the wrong impression all along.
Even so, he omitted clarifying that part, just to find out what she needed. In most cases, he could work miracles without his Geass, anyway.
" Depends on what you need. I'd have to say exactly what you need to do, and use the exact right words. What you need me to command you?"
" I... I want to forget the past. Everything. "
Lelouch was put into deep thoughts.
" If I bid you using those words, you'd end up forgetting even your own name. Frankly, I don't think it's what you really want. You need to be more specific, so to benefit from my power."
" But I can't! It's too embarrassing to mention." she blushed in a funny and cute manner. Her reactions were genuine and spontaneous.
" Forgive me, Kallen. I can't do it. " he tried to end the subject.
She turned her back and decided to let it go.
" Make me forget...you. Our own memories. No more comments. " she lowered her head and averted her eyes away from him.
Lelouch felt obviously uneasy. Why did Kallen want to forget him? Basically, he knew the truth inside, perhaps too well. But even if he had the capability, he was unsure if he wanted to do that to Kallen. He was slightly affected, so he said half the truth.
" I doubt it's gonna work. Actually... I'm certain about that. It'll be even more confusing for you in case you have stored documents, or any other material." he was having difficulty keeping his composure.
" I've got to rid of the evidence, right? So much for my lovely poem... " she sighed in hesitation.
" Are you writing poems? " he smiled in a friendly tone, trying to skip the subject. " I never knew you had this side as well, Kallen."
" You're not gonna see anything!" she retorted a bit agressively, like the tsundere she was.
Then she went on:
" Ok. I made up my mind. Let's go to my home, destroy all evidence and then you erase my memories. Well, it'll be a bit hard to get there, but I trust your wits!" she exclaimed in admiration.
" That's right. Our main advantage is the night."
" Ok then. It's settled!"
On their way to her house, Kallen made a stop to get some takeaway, while Lelouch was waiting patiently, hidden in a dark alley.
Suddenly, he heard footsteps. Seemed like some suspicious figures were passing by. He found a better spot to hide, until his ears fell to that weird conversations...
" Did you see that gal with the big boobs?"
" It's still a wonder she gets to walk free, and they call her a hero."
" It was zero the one who made her do it. She just failed. She's not a traitor."
" Don't be a jackass. You saw how that slut threw herself on the tyrant. She's just as a traitor as that accursed Kururugi, who got what he deserved."
" You've heard she's half Brittanian. Probably she wanted to defect to avoid execution. She likes it hard from both sides!"
" How come that fucking asshole did not shoot her?"
" I heard he was a classmate of her. He must have been screwing her at the school's toilets before he got the crown."
" Makes sense. But he still sent her to execution grounds. Such a heatless fucker. " they laughed.
" She was even crying during the assassination. She should have joined as well."
" We can do it, now. But first we can get one round or two."
Lelouch's fury was growing more uncontrollable, the more he was listening to that sickening and vulgar conversation. More than anything, he was trying to deduct what was the initial source of all those comments. What is more, he was furious about listening to what they thought about her, and what they intended to do.
He had managed to draw the hatred upon him, but how could Kallen be involved in all this?
Lelouch had taken all precautions to keep her out of Zero Requiem, and they were only seen together in Academy. He had even pretended he didn't know her, to keep her safe, and asked to take the long route, so to see her one last time. He could have clearly avoided that, yet deep down, he couldn't resist. All he wished, back then, was to see her, one last time...
Then...! That was it.
He'd found the most apparent answer. But it was time to act with the criminals, first, and later on get the whole picture from Kallen.
Lelouch initially thought to order them go kill themselves. However, it'd be dangerous to disrupt the peace he had created. Therefore, he gave them a geass curse, so to clear Kallen's name- if ever mentioned, and leave the place, forgetting they ever saw him...
