A/N Well, I got surprised to see myself adding more stuff, just when I had thought this would be the last chapter of the oneshot. I can even admit it surpassed my greek version in terms of plot/ explanation, which now needs re-editing. Thank you for keeping up, despite my awful English.
In this chapter, the mystery behind the rumors spread for Kallen is revealed...
Thanks in advance!
Goodbye
Chapter 2
Upon entering the door to Kallen's house, Lelouch put off his mask, and sighed in relief, as his plan was a total success. They had managed to get unnoticed throughout the city, and barely ever did he need to use his Geass to make people forget that they saw him.
They went straight to the living room, which had a nice comfortable sofa, a low table and a big tv. Among the walls, her medal of honour was hang up, between some frames praising her grades as a student, as well as her combat skills . Obviously, she'd been taking participation in Knightmare competitions, and remained among the best pilots ever existed. Lelouch felt honored to have had such a strong ally at his disposal, and at the same time he took pride into having contributed to this outcome. Regardless of the fact that he initially used those petty bunch of terrorists, he was their mentor as well, giving a meaning to their rebellion. So in the end, it wasn't mere exploitation, as both sides gained a satisfactory result.
" Chow time!" Kallen exclaimed in enthusiasm, as she returned from her room, having changed to more comfortable clothes. Lelouch felt slightly embarrassed by her fine t shirt, yet had more important things on his mind. Much as feminine as Kallen was, her tomboy attitude could strike a perfect balance, and set things right.
" Hope food's not cold. I'm gonna turn the tv, it's got my favourite show. Say, how does it feel, Lelouch?" Kallen was friendly, trying to make him feel comfortable.
" I've truly missed the feeling of being indoors. Or eating junk food, now and then."
Deep down, Lelouch felt slightly nostalgic about having a roof over his head. His mind silently wandered to the days he was just an ordinary student, taking care of his crippled sister. He used to cook various types of food for her, and do the housework. How funny it was, that the exiled prince of Brittania lived such a poor and humble life. Maybe that's the reason he grew up to be so different, as he had undergone through all emotional stages, and social statuses. Once he was a prince, he was denoted to a commoner. Once he was a master, he was denoted to a servant. And then again, he was promoted to an emperor, ultimately ending up back to the drawing board. Life's a perfect, mysterious circle. He had experienced it all, those ups and downs. And that's what made him so lovely and admirable, as he could adapt to every situation.
When the former comrades finished their food, relaxed and tidied the place, it was time to have some serious conversation.
" Ok now, where we left? Yeah." Kallen sounded blissful. " Now's the time to destroy the evidence, so you can grant my favor. I can't wait for that."
" Kallen, before we go into that part, there's something bothering me. While I was waiting for you to come back from the shop, I run into some gangsters making lame comments. They were talking about you... and me as well. Do you have any explanation for this?"
Kallen tried her best to make it look less significant. She was perfectly aware that the new Lelouch only wanted to move forward, so it'd be pointless to talk to him about the burden she was carrying. Kallen's wish was merely to forget her feelings about him, and see him the way it should be, without the need to explain what happened during his absence. Therefore, she tried to separate, once more, her beloved Lelouch from that Ressurected man, despite the fact they bore exactly the same resemblance. Despite the fact she always loved him, no matter what his name was.
" You'd call that ancient history. You hate talking about the past, so it's not important. That's something between Lelouch vi Brittania and me.
So, it doesn't concern you, L2. Now, let's end this once and for all."
Lelouch got slightly emotional. It was the very first time he heard Kallen calling him on his new name. Something inside him broke, like a glass turning to smithereens.
Kallen, going full defence, denying him, separating him one more time from his previous self.
He grabbed her wrist as she got up from the couch, eyes filled with confidence and a hint of sadness.
" I know what it is. Your reaction gave me all the answers. Show me the documents, please. I need to confirm my deductions."
Kallen seemed impervious to his plead, and only gave him a cold stare, as if he was a stranger. Of course, she was solely dedicated to his previous self, and most probably wanted to protect the "old Lelouch" from learning the truth. Therefore, he had to remind her that it was still him, exactly the same person who cared about her.
" I can't back away from the past when I see it affects your present. So, let's do some ancient history. We'll talk about everything." he managed to break into the walls she built.
Kallen went to her room and then came back with a handful of documents. Most of them were newspaper extracts, containing various articles.
Lelouch was handed the material, while Kallen attempted to keep her focus onto the tv show, so to appear cool before him. Nonetheless, she was concerned about his reaction, giving him small glimpses. The last thing Kallen wished, was to make him sad, or draw his pity.
In her mind, she was the one to be accounted for her own thoughtless actions, so she had to get the blame. All she asked from Lelouch was just a little help to make the process of self-healing a bit easier.
It only took him one quick look at the titles and the captions, before he realized his worst fear had turned to reality...
" Scandal : the demon emperor and the Black Knight.: the old times"
" Zero defending Kozukis loyalty : she acted as a spy."
" Black Knight losing sanity after emperors assassination : exclusive pictures."
" Secret relationship?"
" A kiss with the devil"
" Zero's plan, or possible defect?"
" Conspiracy Theories : demon emperor's secret love affair"
" Hero or traitor?"
The last document he was faced with, was a picture of their kiss in that corridor...
"What have I done..." he was broken, eyes flickering out of terror and misery..
" Tell me the whole story, Kallen." he had a soft and demanding tone.
After that, Kallen began to speak :
" It all began from the corridor leading to gymnasium. It had a camera installed."
"Damn it. "
He cursed himself under his breath. How could he ever have miscalculated such a possibility, when he owed such a sharp mind? One small detail ignored, and his whole plan could be shred to pieces. One minor miscalculation, and Kallen's life might be irrevocably destroyed, to the point of no return. The one he wanted to protect, was the person he left exposed to the world. Because of his own weakness. Because he failed to play the cold hearted emperor flawlessly in that corridor...
" You were...gone at that time. The tape belonged to Milly and it was safe, until somebody broke into her apartment and stole it, among other stuff. From that point, you know how the media works. " she made a brief pause and looked deeply into his eyes, just for a few seconds.
"They saw us. The world knows, Lelouch. " she then took her glance away, profoundly ashamed from the photograph on his hand...
He felt utterly stricken by the revelation of their private moment reaching out to the public, and the impact it had on Kallen's life. He cursed himself for the millionth time, repeating, replaying the scene in his mind's eye. He should have been merciless, aloof, adamant, and prevent the kiss from ever happening. Yes, he should have gotten out his gun, and point it to her, reminding her that an emperor was not to be touched by some commoner. Albeit, he failed miserably. Only because he wanted to see her...
" For a short time after your death, some people were pointing fingers on me.
I was called a would- be traitor. And I wouldn't mind, if I was given a solid reason for that.
Lelouch, you may have pushed me away, but you never realised that I had already been dragged into that hell.
You paid the price of your actions, and now you have a second chance.
But I... I'm still bound by the life you left behind."
Lelouch was in the verge of tears, trying his best to maintain his composure. He then realized why Kallen wanted so bad to protect him from that hazardous knowledge.
"Even you, could not make the perfect plan, as there's no such thing. I'm not blaming you, though. It was all my fault, mine alone. I'm also grateful to Suzaku for trying to cover up that incident. He appeared as zero, and announced that my action was just a secret plan to defect to Brittania, so to work as a double agent and kill the tyrant from within."
" That's totally Suzaku's thinking. Good that it worked on the crowds."
" Partially, yes. But not all the way through...
Because you remember you had decided to broadcast your... death. Do you think you made me hate you enough, so not to shed any tears after I realized your plan?
During that time I... I went out of my mind, totally freaked out! I can barely remember things after that...
You were lying dead, they freed me up and then... it was all a blur. Took me some months to recover, and still I can't recall that part. I guess it's better that way.'
Lelouch sighed in despair, and began doubting himself. It hadn't occured to him how much pain he might have caused to those who held him dear. What if Kallen did try to commit suicide alongside him? Must have been the most obvious explanation as to why her subconsciousness repelled the memory, as a means of self defense. He acknowledged her strong feelings, but not to that extent. He had thought he had hurt her just enough so to go on without him.
But yes, he failed in that part, too, much as Kallen failed to play the Black Knight flawlessly. Kallen had a great chance to kill him long before he completed his Zero Requiem plan, aboard the Avalon. It wasn't C2 the one who actually saved him. It was Kallen's clouded judgement and hesitation that spared him.
She spared him, she felt for him. Period.
It was only at that time Lelouch realized that Kallen unknowingly did participate in the Zero Requiem plan, just by sparing his life in that critical moment. She was, in fact, the key factor to the success, due to her love and mercy... Had she succeded in killing him at that stage, all of his efforts would have been rendered useless. And knowing her, she'd might have gone down as well...
One more time, Lelouch had neglected how dangerous and unpredictable his Q1 was, much to him and even to her own self...
" That incident was covered up, too on the grounds that we used to be classmates. Milly played an important role on that, and tried her best to build up a good reputation for me. The majority recognised me as a hero. Still, there'll always be some individuals who might have mixed thoughts about me.
" I... I failed. " he broke down.
Kallen gave him a warm hug, and rested her head on his shoulder. Lelouch didn't respond, out of his own sadness.
" You didn't. It's just that no one could get out of this unscratched. Each one of us had a price to pay. Now you have the whole picture and you can understand me. That's the reason I asked you to use Geass on me. To heal me.. You're the only one i can count on. If you really care, do it. Make me anew, and we can also be good friends. " she tried to smile, to encourage him.
Lelouch's face darkened, eyes downcast on the floor. He hated himself for having wasted his geass on Kallen, the first time, and he could do nothing that very moment, when she needed him the most. The era of lies was gone, he had to face the truth and the consequences of his recklessness. Kallen would probably hate him for life, but maybe she needed to experience that hatred, once more, so to keep on going.
" I'm terribly sorry, Kallen. I never denied having used Geass on you. I had only stated your heart is yours. . You went under the impression I've never used it. But I have."
" What?" she was infuriated, and returned to her sitting position, utterly devastated.
She secretly wanted to slap him, but soon realised it was her own fault. Hence, she tried to stay calm, much to her dismay.
"When did you do that?"
" The first time I met you at school after Shinjuku. I wanted to make sure you were the same girl. And I didn't know at that time my power worked only once."
" I see.." she sighed miserably.
All of her hopes were shattered to pieces. One more time, Lelouch let her down.
" Forgive me. I was ignorant of my capabilities. I didn't know Geass works only once. I... wasted it."
" Seems like we both wasted things on one another. That makes us even..." she crossed her hands and turned away her head from him, out of plain stubbornness.
" You mean the kiss, right?"
" Don't call it a kiss. It was nothing! Simply nothing! " she kept her line of defence.
"So, if you had to put me a score, that'd be zero. " he laughed in a sinister manner, as he was drowning in the depths of his sorrow, and that made him act like a jerk.
Maybe Kallen needed to be reminded of his darkest side, so to hate him with all her heart. Maybe that was the only way to help her overcome her obsessive devotion to him. Even if it meant his own -possibly- eternal misery. Maybe he had to cut all ties with her, forevermore, and make her say a final and ultimate goodbye.
He amused himself for the clever pun he came up with. And he was fully aware he was a scum. Because he was feeling depressed as well.
What is more, he wanted to express his self sarcasm, because he had responded to that kiss.
And maybe somewhere, deep down, he was profoundly annoyed by the fact that Kallen had zeroed their kiss, and never appreciated those few seconds he "had broken" because of her.
Despite all his efforts, against all odds, his irony couldn't do the trick again...
Kallen was totally immune by his words, maybe nothing could reach out to her.
Instead, she was standing her ground, eyes wet but not soaked in tears, and she demanded an answer:
" Just answer me one last question..
Why did you let me do it? Why did you fail to play the emperor flawlessly? Why did you kiss me back?"
Lelouch pushed her close to him, at a breaths distance. Swiftly, she lowered her face, blushing, unwilling to look at his eyes, much as she wanted to. She was extremely uneasy, and couldn't face him. He gently took hold of her chin, and lifted her face, until their eyes came into full contact.
" Because I never expected you'd do that. Funny, but true.
And deep down... I wanted it...! You felt that." he was whispering, and slowly began to reach out for her lips, only to get slapped one more time.
" Stop it! I don't want you to pity me! And I don't need your comfort! All I wanted is...to know if you felt something for me. For real! Nothing else."
That was it, the queen had gone too far after that slap. She had to be reminded who was the king.
Lelouch wasn't affected by anything, this time. He grabbed her face and kissed her abruptly, much to her resistance. He would have definitely lost that battle, if Kallen was truly determined to use her physical power against him. But this time, he took his chances, and emerged victorious.
She could not say a word, but surrendered herself to his penetrating tongue, kissing him back, unleashing her fiery desire. She felt her heart pounding hard, as if it was about to fly out from her chest, shaking, trembling, like a tiny puppet on his hands. Lelouch was her one and only soft spot, her Achilles heel, the root of all evil and her only cure.
" I love you." she whispered shortly, breaths intertwined, as they deepened the kiss.
They were passionate, as if they longed for a very long time that union. Karma had always been so cruel on them, haunting them like a curse. Whenever those two were to develop some intimacy, there was always something to interrupt them, be it people or difficult situations. Never ever did they get the chance to share beautiful moments that could help their relationship nourish. Barely ever did they have the chance to talk, to understand each other. And when they finally managed to come closer, it had been already too late...
Yet those two shared their own, unique code of communication, a language that needed no words to be spoken. For they used to speak through their actions, the things they did for one another, their acts of kindness, and maybe that was more than enough...
Whey they finally broke the kiss, they were engulfed in that beautiful silence. Their faces were calmer, relieved. It was the plain view of two lovers who had unfinished business. They both needed this reunion, to have their wounds healed and make up for the lost time and evolve. And maybe that was the better solution, instead of relying to Geass power...
Still.. things were not ideal.
And never would be.
Already, that kiss was forbidden...as Lelouch belonged to someone else...
Trivia
* Though I'm not sure if it's official source, there was a Private Talk between Cg girl's in a Hamam, after Ressurection.
Kallen was teased for kissing Lelouch, as it was stated the corridor had a camera.
That's one of the sources I drew inspiration from, though the girls were rather OOC in that text.
And of course, I wanted to present how serious would that be, if indeed that corridor was under surveillance...
