Chapter 2: Summer Shenanigans
"I'm sooooo boooorreedddd." Naruto lamented. "It's too hot. It's too humid. There's too many bugs."
It was the summer break of his starting year of school. Naruto hoped to get more friends at school, but that wasn't turning out the way he wanted. Naruto just couldn't sit still in class. He had too much energy. Even after lunch, when all the kids tired themselves out, Naruto still had extra energy to spare.
"Why don't we go to the supermarket?" Kurama replied. Like Naruto, he is also bored. But more importantly, he is hungry. And most importantly…..they are out of tuna.
"You fish for brains. It was on sale. That's why I got tuna. Plus, it will be pure torture going there. It's a long walk through the middle of the village. I'd fry like an egg in this heat!"
Kurama is still hungry. He isn't going to take no for an answer. He noticed the fishing pole hiding in the corner in the mess that is his apartment. "Why not fishing? It will be nice and cool by the river and we can go in to cool off too."
Naruto started weighing the pros and cons in his head. He looked over to the corner. Sure enough, propped up against the wall was his homemade fishing pole. He made it last summer and used it sparingly. Sure, the fish were free. But it was a pain in the rear end. Had to make sure the fish were big enough to be worth eating, but not too big or else they never get cooked. Then building the fire. Maybe going to the supermarket would be better. But, it would be cooler by the river.
"Solved. Okay Kurama, let's go!" Naruto grabbed his fishing pole. He grabbed the tackle box and headed over to the Naka river. Once he had everything, he put Kurama's backpack on and Kurama climbed inside. A quick lock of the door and he was off. At lightning speed.
"THIS IS THE MOST BORING THING IN THE WORLD!"
Remember that Naruto wasn't the quietest student who stayed in his seat. Yeah, that applies to other aspects of his life.
"We've been here for twenty minutes and not one thing has happened. Not a single nibble."
To be honest, Kurama was getting bored. He is still hungry. But that is now of a lesser importance to the boredom. They had been there for twenty minutes. Nothing of importance happened. Going back through the steps of how they got to this spot in space and time. We arrived at the fishing spot. Kurama extended his thumb. We set down the tackle box. Kurama extended his index finger. Naruto cast out his fishing line. Wait, we never put bait on the line.
He pushed Naruto into the river.
"WAUGHH!" Naruto screamed as he fell into the river. Fortunately, they were just on the river embankment. That didn't stop Naruto from getting a face full of water. Gasping for breath as he came up, "Where is that tricky fox?!"
Kurama was just laughing away. Being a tricky fox was one of his number one priority in life after all. However, it should be mentioned. Naruto wasn't the best at geography around the Elemental Nations. He couldn't read a map that well and on the recent lands and their capitals test, Naruto only got the Land of Fire correct. More appalling, he wasn't that well known on some of the finer aspects of geography. Like which clan has exclusive rights to the Naka river. One that began with a U and did not end with -zumaki. A clan that had eyes that could change color and grant special abilities. And most importantly in this situation, were exclusively police officers.
"What's with all the noise? Hey! You there, you can't be here, come over here."
Naruto scrambled out of the water. He grabbed Kurama and made a dash into the forest.
The Uchiha policemen quickly caught up to the evidence Naruto left behind. They noticed the homemade fishing pole and the tackle box. "Hmm, what's this note? 'Don't take this, this is mine. -Naruto Uzumaki.' Wait Yashiro. Don't chase him. Here, it's that kid." Tekka Uchiha handed the note on the tackle box to Yashiro.
"Let's bring it up to Fugaku then, there's a note on the back. 'If you do take it. I don't know who you are. I don't have money so I can't buy it back. But I have a particular set of skills. I will find you. And I will prank you.'" Yashiro and Tekka tried. They really did. But they couldn't. They burst out laughing. Yakumi smacked them both on the back of the head.
"Its no joke man!" Yakumi interjected. "He….he put fish heads in the house of the unfortunate Inuzuka who took it last time. They raised a huge fuss over it."
"He got into the Inuzuka compound?!"
Only the stealthiest of Uchiha could get into there. And that was even with the help of genjutsu to fool their noses. Like their dog companions, the noses of the Inuzuka's are very sensitive and no matter how much the Uchiha tried, they would always eventually get caught. How Naruto was able to get stinky fish heads into the compound, that took expert levels of sneakiness.
"Forget going to the police chief, let's just get this back to his apartment. Grab his fishing pole Tekka."
Naruto and Kurama eventually ended up going to the supermarket. Kurama was taking his sweet time looking for his 'premium' can of tuna, so Naruto decided to get something special for him. He was looking for a specific aisle. The paper section. He found it and went all the way to the far side. He skipped over all the toilet paper. He walked all the way to the end cap.
"Score." Naruto was pleased. On the end cap was his revenge. He needed to get Kurama back. How dare he push him into the river. He said he was bored. Kurama was probably bored too. But this, this means war. On the end cap were packs of water balloons. A hundred pack of water balloons. To Naruto, there was no such thing as overkill. Anything worth doing, is worth doing multiple times. He stuffed the packet of revenge onto the bottom of his carrying basket and made his way back to Kurama. He finally picked his cans of tuna and requested to be taken to the bread aisle. In a jiffy they were back at his apartment.
"Hey, my fishing gear was returned. Life's filled with surprises." He set the bag of groceries on his kitchen table and went back and retrieved his fishing supplies. Kurama was already absorbed in making his delicious tuna sandwiches. Naruto started pouring water into his instant ramen cup. The few minutes it took to heat up were without a doubt some of the worst minutes of his life. It's called instant ramen. Why isn't it instant!? A travesty. Outrage!
Ding. Oh, it's done already.
Back to the revenge, the plan was already coming to fruition. Kurama typically took a nap after lunch. He would sit out on the balcony of the apartment and laze around in the sun. Naruto would take advantage of this. His plan would be swift and righteous.
Kurama was dreaming about his ultimate dream. Destruction of Konoha? Endless pranks on Naruto? No, don't be silly. His dream was to live on a farm. This farm wasn't like all the other rice fields with a small garden for growing fruits and vegetables. This farm had only two things. Bread and tuna. Pick loaves of bread from the bread tree because that's how bread is made, right? You just pick it from a tree like you would apples. Then the river would have so much tuna in it you just needed to put your hand in it. In fact, Kurama was doing it right now. But, when he put his hand in the water, his hand wasn't wet. What? Instead, now his whole body was wet.
Broken from his pleasant dream he heard, "Ha! Gotcha!" Followed by some laughter that was fading out as Naruto retreated. Kurama just growled back at him. The first exchange happened, now it is time for the main event.
"A water balloon? Why? This calls for supreme retaliation." Kurama began scratching his chin. "I'll get him back with a water hose. Yes, good thinking. Nothing can match both the water volume and velocity as good as a water hose. Unless, he went as far as to…"
"Jiji I need your help!" Interrupting whatever meeting the Hokage was currently in, Naruto didn't care. He needed his help pronto! In fact, the Hokage was talking to his advisors Danzo, Homura, and Koharu. "I heard in class that you were awesome and ninjutsu, I need some old man!"
True, the Third Hokage is known throughout the world as being the foremost ninjutsu expert. Normally, ninjas had a primary element such as fire they were good at, and a secondary element they were proficient at. Some could even use a third, but those were rare. Even more rare was combining them to form new elements. But Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Third Hokage, can use all five elemental ninjutsu forms flawlessly. Naruto learned this just before summer break and it was one of the few things he remembered from class.
"Naruto you are entirely too young to—" Hiruzen began only to be cut off by Danzo.
"Now Hiruzen, don't deny the boy. I would be able to teach you if you want."
"And who're you mummy man? I bet you're nowhere near as good as Jiji!"
Hiruzen cleared his throat. As amusing as it would be to see his old teammate in a verbal spar with a child, "And why do you need me to teach you jutsu? You won't be starting that for another few years at school?"
"It's really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, re—", a deep breath from Naruto, "—ally, important old man! So it all began this mid-morning, I was bored so Kurama suggested we go fishing."
"That stuffed toy?" Koharu questioned.
"Yeah, him. So anyways, he suggested we go fishing. Now I was being careful making sure everything was quiet, not to disturb the fish you know. Just like you say." A nod from Hiruzen. "So then Kurama, for no reason whatsoever I tell you. I'm innocent. He pushes me into the water! The jerk! So I bought some water balloons at the supermarket and I got him good. You should have seen it jiji. It was awesome and I totally got him good."
"And where does me teaching you jutsu get involved?"
"Geez I was getting to that. You must be going senile. I gotta tell you the story so I can win you over and can teach me the Water Dragon Jutsu. I just know that Kurama is going to retai-retala-"
"Retaliate?" Danzo suggested.
"Yeah, thanks mummy man. Maybe you're not that bad. So please Jiji, I need to know it because Kurama is going to retaliate!"
"Naruto. You haven't even gone over hand signs yet. Let alone the 44 hand signs for the Water Dragon Jutsu. Plus we don't even know if….."
Naruto was just tuning him out at that point. Blah blah blah, mumbo jumbo, whatever. He felt a tap on his shoulder. It was the mummy man! He handed an envelope to Naruto.
"Danzo what are you handing him?"
"Naruto wanted to learn the Water Dragon Jutsu, here are pictures of the hand signs with the order."
Before Hiruzen could admonish his 'most valued teammate,' Koharu beat him to it. "Sure. Brilliant move my esteemed colleague. Give a six-year-old kid an extremely powerful jutsu. Nothing can go wrong."
Before anyone could debate the reasoning further. Naruto saw his chance and took off back from whence he came.
"What have you brought upon us." Koharu mutter quietly.
"I see this as an absolute win. With his chakra reserves already high, he will become an amazing ninjutsu specialist."
Hiruzen just sighed and puffed on his smoking pipe. This job was going to be the death of him.
If you talk to his teachers, Naruto was a bad learner who put no effort and wouldn't amount to much as a ninja. But what they failed to realize or even try to realize is that when Naruto is told why things are important, he is a hard worker. Like this jutsu, he must have it. He can't retaliate with water balloons again. He knows Kurama. Kurama will escalate things. Naruto must beat him and escalate even further.
He heard the distinct sound of water rushing through a hose nearby. "Ha ha! Gotcha Back!" That is what Kurama would have yelled. But he only got to the 'Ha ha' part. Naruto swiftly jumped to avoid the stream of water heading towards his prior location. Naruto painstakingly finished the forty-four hand signs in record time and shouted,
"Water Style: WATER DRAGON JUTSU!"
A huge water dragon came from the puddle. It rose higher and higher than the Hokage tower, the monument even! Then it all came crashing down and drowned Kurama in a torrent of water. At least, that was what Naruto wanted to happen. In reality, nothing did. He finished the last hand sign and that was it.
"But, I did every-"
The water from the hose finally caught up to him.
