Needing Someone
"What are you doing down here at this time?" Dean questioned, walking along the docks, finishing his late shift, so late it was pitch black and quiet, noticing his oldest niece sitting on one of the benches smoking.
"I just needed some fresh air." Thea said, watching as he walked towards her and sat down on the bench beside. The only member in her family she could offer a cigarette to and know the offer would be received every time.
"Thanks." Dean nodded, taking the cigarette from her and lighting it up, "Fresh air." He joked a little, cigarette hanging in his mouth still as he gave her the lighter back.
"Alright, so I should just say I'm getting some air then." Thea nodded.
"Most people get that on their doorstep. You walk here?" He asked her as she nodded.
"You know I walk everywhere." Thea said.
"Creature of Chicago." Dean nodded, "We made sure we instilled that in you from a young age. Had your ass trailing around these streets with us before you could even talk." He chuckled to himself as Thea smiled.
"Lucky me." Thea nodded.
"How's your sister doing?" Dean asked.
"The one whose husband cheated on her or the one with the husband who can't walk properly?" Thea turned to him.
"Well I was going for the latter but… you can give me the specs on both." Dean shrugged.
"They're both fine. I think." Thea nodded, "It's just gonna take time for Theo to get stronger. But God knows neither of them have patience." She rolled her eyes, "And Jude… I don't know what she's thinking. I usually do." She nodded to herself, "Not with this." She said.
"It's not for you to figure out." Dean said, "Do you have any idea how insane I'd go if I tried to figure out all your dad's shit? On top of mine?" He asked.
"Nobody could figure out his shit." Thea scoffed, "Not years ago anyway." She said, watching her uncle check his watch.
"I know why you're doing here." He grinned suddenly as she rolled her eyes, "You turn forty in… less than three hours." He nudged her.
"Don't." She warned as he chuckled.
"Hey life begins at forty." Dean insisted, watching as Thea looked down, not saying much, "Come on, T-bag. Don't be stupid." He shook his head, "It's just a number. And you got a lot of good things to show for it. Beautiful family, good job, expensive looking house." He nodded.
"Lot of bad things to show for it too." Thea nodded.
"We all got that. You ain't special." He said as she smiled a little, "I heard you upset your mom cause you told her you didn't want a party."
"Gosh, is that in the family newsletter this week?" Thea shook her head, "I'm spending the day and night with Dominic and the kids. We're going out of town." She nodded, "And I don't want the fuss." She mumbled.
"Far cry from how you were as a kid. Talk about wanting to be the centre of attention all the damn time." He rolled his eyes with a smile as Thea chuckled.
"It's just a weird feeling. Entering my forties. And I'm gonna have a teenager soon. How the hell is this happening?" Thea shook her head.
"At least he's a much nicer teenager than you were." Dean nodded.
"Would not be hard." Thea concluded, "I'm just being dramatic, I know." She waved her hand, "I shouldn't be sad about leaving my thirties behind anyway. What a drag all of that was." She said as Dean smiled.
"Yeah, mine too." Dean nodded, looking out at the boats tied up for the night as Thea turned to him.
"No one really ever asked you how you were doing." Thea admitted as Dean turned to her, "You know… when dad was gone." She said as Dean nodded, not saying anything, "Spotlight was kinda on me and my sisters. And mom. You always checked in on us but… I don't really remember if we ever checked in on you." She sighed as Dean smiled a little.
"You were just a little girl-"
"No I wasn't." Thea shook her head.
"You were, in my eyes. Your mom checked in on me. Renee checked in on me. I was alright." Dean nodded, "Missed your dad. But I was alright."
"You think it's genetic?" She asked him.
"What?" He questioned.
"Alcoholism. Drugs. Mental… problems." Thea said.
"Depends what kind of psychologist you talk to." Dean said, "I think if you're gonna struggle with something then… that's just what life has in store for you. No point in figuring out why or how. Odds are… you won't ever get the answers."
"There is a pattern, though." Thea nodded, "Sam, you, me-"
"Please, I'm not as messed up as you and Sam." Dean teased as Thea smiled.
"You know what I'm meaning." She looked at him as he nodded, his smile disappearing a little, "I don't know how you did it. Get clean on your own."
"Because I didn't really have anybody." Dean said, "I was probably at my worst when your dad went to prison the first time. Your mom kinda cut me off. Was the first time I was out in the big bad world without my big brother." He nodded.
"Why did mom cut you off?" Thea shook her head.
"I don't know. She wasn't in a good place either. Pretty bad time for all three of us." He nodded to himself, "But… then you came, and I got clean and your dad got out of prison and…"
"We lived happily ever after?" Thea raised a brow, "Don't think so." She mumbled.
"I don't know about ever after but… we were happy, yeah." Dean nodded, "And I met Renee, got my shit together. Priorities." He said as Thea smiled.
"In case no one ever said it to you… I'm proud of you." Thea said as Dean looked at her, smiling to himself and looking down.
"Your mom and dad have been telling me all my life." Dean assured her as Thea smiled.
"April, come on. Let me in." Dean knocked on AJ's apartment door, hood up, leaning against the wall. He'd been knocking at the door all day, hoping to annoy AJ enough for her to open the door to him, but she never budged.
He then turned his head as he heard steps coming up the stairs in the apartment hallway, watching AJ showing up, slowing her steps as she looked over at him.
"What are you doing here?" AJ questioned. She was just finished her shift at the coffee shop, a job she'd recently just secured, although she knew it wouldn't be for long since she was due to have a baby in three month's time.
"Hey." Dean smiled, glad to see her, sniffing from the cold as he put his hands in his pockets, "Where… Where were you?" He wondered.
"Out." AJ said, "Working." She nodded, walking past him and over to the apartment door, taking her keys out as he watched her.
"I uh… I don't want to do this but… can I borrow some money?" He asked as she turned around and looked up at him. He had a black eye and was shivering. She wasn't sure if it was shivers from the cold or something else.
"I don't really have money for you to borrow, Dean." AJ shook her head, "Where are you even staying?" She sighed.
"That doesn't matter. I'll pay you it back, I promise." He nodded as she looked over at him.
She felt bad for the way their relationship had disconnected once Punk had gone to prison, but it was difficult for her to be around him when she knew he visited Punk frequently. It was easier for her to avoid everyone and everything at the present moment.
"What's the money for?" She asked as he just smiled, shaking his head.
"Soda. Chips." Dean shrugged as she looked at him.
"Dean-"
"Maybe a pizza or something." Dean nodded.
"I'm not giving you money for drugs." She whispered, "I've already sold pretty much everything in this apartment so I can buy this baby a… a crib." She shook her head, hearing how tragic it sounded, "I'm not gonna give you money to contribute to you slowly killing yourself."
"Please." He shook his head, "I ain't ever asked you for anything in my life." He said, "I got nothing else right now."
"You're one of the toughest people I know. And you're smarter than this. And there's… there's a job out there and an apartment waiting for you." She nodded, "You're not her." She said as Dean looked at her, "You're not gonna be her, Dean."
"How's… how's my niece or nephew doing?" Dean nodded, wiping his nose and eyes quickly as AJ looked at him.
"Niece." AJ nodded, "She's doing fine."
"You won't visit him?" He asked, leaning his shoulder on the edge of the door as she stood at the doorway.
"No." AJ shook her head, "And I don't want him to come back here."
"AJ-"
"I don't." AJ shook her head, "I uh… I've had a long day so I'm gonna get in-"
"So we come as a package deal then? You don't want him around… that means you don't want me around?" He nodded, "Thought we were friends."
"We are. I just… I want to be on my own." AJ shook her head, "You'll be alright-"
"Do I look alright to you?" Dean laughed, "I hate him as much as you do for what he did to you-"
"I'm not asking you to hate him. We both know that… neither of us hate him." She shook her head, "I think we just gotta be on our own right now-"
"How? I don't… I don't know how to be on my own." Dean admitted, "How are you doing it?" He asked as she shrugged, tears in her eyes. She had no idea how she was doing it.
"What choice do I have?" She asked as he nodded, looking across at her, knowing she was hurting the same way he was.
"I'll go." He nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat, suddenly watching as she stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him tightly as he froze.
"Please look after yourself." She whispered as he looked up, trying to make sure his tears didn't escape.
"I'll try." He nodded, placing his arms around her tightly.
"What are you doing awake?" Cassie questioned, walking into the living room where she saw Theo sitting on the couch with the TV on, the only source of light in the room, some late night talk show she could see he was barely even paying attention to.
"Can't sleep." He said.
"Pain?" She asked him as he nodded, "Are you due more medication-"
"I'm trying not to take that shit." He said.
"Why? It's there to help you-"
"It makes me feel like a zombie." Theo shook his head.
"But it's to help with the pain. Were you this stubborn and annoying as a kid?" She wondered, turning on the lamp by the couch, sitting down next to him, turning to look at him. She knew he wasn't himself. She knew he was frustrated and unhappy and most of all, in pain.
"Six to eight months." He said as she looked at him, "That's my timeframe according to Jake." He nodded.
"Theo, that's… that's not so bad-"
"Are you kidding?" He turned to her.
"He just wants you back fit and healthy." Cassie said, "And it's gonna take you a while to get your strength back. And maybe you need the break… mentally."
"Don't play the shrink with me." He rolled his eyes.
"You're just gonna make it worse for yourself. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself." She said as he laughed to himself, shaking his head, "What?" She shook her head.
"You." He turned to her as she raised her eyebrows.
"Excuse me?" Cassie shook her head.
"You don't get it." He said.
"No, I do. I do get it." She sat up a little, "I've been out of action. I know it's difficult, especially when you love your job as much as we do. When you feel like people are depending on you." She nodded, "But it is what it is, Theo. You can't spend the next six to eight months being mad."
"Just go back to bed." He shook his head.
"I will, if you're gonna be like this." Cassie shook her head, standing up from the couch as he watched her, "I'm going to visit Thea in the morning before she leaves. It's her birthday and she's going away with Dominic and the kids." She told him, "Are you coming with me?"
"Well I don't got anything else to do." Theo said as she shook her head.
"You know, I'm really looking forward to six months of you being an asshole." She nodded as he looked up at her, "Really looking forward to it." She laughed to herself, leaving the living room as Theo rolled her head back on the couch sighing to himself.
