Prompt #3: Elliot thinks about Liv in Rome on Valentine's Day


When In Rome

•••

Rome is the city of echoes, the city of illusions, and the city of yearning. – Giotto

February 1st, 2016

Elliot walked down the road to the local market. It was only fifteen minutes from his home. He enjoyed walking through the scenic roads of the small village which was right outside of Rome, Italy. Once he arrived at the market he shopped getting some food he would carry in his wicker basket. The market was moving fast as he tried to move through the crowd.

All of a sudden he heard a laugh. The laugh warmed his heart. It was her laugh. The laugh he would know anywhere. Olivia. His Olivia. Elliot turned and looked trying to find her face in the crowd.

He walked quicker trying to push through the crowd. Elliot called her name hoping she would respond. His heart was beating faster as the adrenaline rush made him excited and nervous. Finally, he reached the end of the market.

Just as he was about to give up. He saw her. She was walking on the sidewalk back up to the road. She turned back to him and they shared a moment as their eyes locked. Olivia was more beautiful than he remembered. She was wearing a deep red V-neck dress. Her hair was loose and tucked around her left shoulder. She smiled and waved.

For a moment Elliot felt whole again. He felt an undying love for the woman he saw in front of him. He smiled and walked towards her.

"Dammit," Elliot's alarm went off. He woke remembering his dream. He had a recurring dream of Olivia. The dream started six months after he left. It was always the same. Every time just before he would reach Olivia he would wake up.

Somewhere out there, if love can see us through

Then we'll be together somewhere out there

Out where dreams come true

He stretched and yawned looking at the alarm clock. 5:00 am. Elliot pushed back his sheets and sat up. He was tired. Exhausted from lack of sleep the past few months. Maybe even depressed with all the changes that had happened in his life.

"Maggie," Elliot called as he left the bedroom. It was unusual not seeing Maggie's face the minute he woke up. He looked around wondering where she had gone.

He turned and smiled as he saw her coming from the living room. She was asleep on the couch.

"Hey, sweetie. Let's go get breakfast. I think I feel like eggs and sausage today." Elliot softly hummed as he got out two frying pans. He opened up the refrigerator getting out the carton of eggs and four sausages from the box.

"Let go outside for a minute." Elliot saw Maggie waiting patiently by the door. He laughed as she ran outside playing with her ball.

Maggie, his four-month white pomeranian puppy was the only good thing that happened this year. She gave him company when he felt so alone. A dog would always be there no matter how many times you feel like you failed. A pet's love was unconditional.

•••

Kathy and Eli moved back to New York in September. A legal separation that looked like it was finally heading towards a divorce. 32 years of marriage. This separation felt like it was the end. They loved each other but were more like best friends. They didn't go on dates, kiss, and he couldn't remember the last time they had sex.

Kathy was the one who told Elliot she was leaving. She missed the four oldest kids who all lived back in New York. She wanted time apart to work on herself. Her identity had always been a mom and cop's wife. Kathy wanted to go back to college and get a degree. Or get a job. She needed more. She and Eli moved in with Maureen who had recently bought a house.

Kathy said she wanted someone who loved her completely and wasn't holding back a part of themselves. Kathy wasn't sure she wanted to date but also needed to figure things out. Elliot didn't blame her. He knew it wasn't easy being married to him.

They had moved to Rome, Italy for a fresh start. But rarely do you ever get a fresh start. Your problems follow you no matter where you live. So within a year of moving, they were right back where they started. However even more alone and frustrated being half a world away from family and friends.

It started when Elliot first joined the police academy. He would volunteer to work extra shifts, holidays, and special events. The extra money was helpful for his young family. As he grew in his career he became a workaholic. Once he joined SVU he needed to find the criminals responsible for hurting the individuals he met in each case. His job at SVU gave him a purpose bigger than just being a job.

Those little things chipped away at his family. Every missed dinner, dance recital, sports game, movie, and game night. The list could go forever for all that he missed from his kid's childhoods. His kids grew up without their dad as someone they could count on being there.

Some would say that was the sacrifice for being a police detective. That being a good and effective detective meant long days and always being on call. Elliot would only partially agree with that. Elliot was also partially to blame.

He didn't blame Kathy for finally having enough. Elliot was surprised she stayed this long. They had tried their best. Both agreed they would stay friends for their kids. They both loved each other but just weren't meant to be married anymore.

The last thing Kathy said surprised him. She told him to contact Olivia. Figure out your feelings for each other. Kathy knew about his letters and encouraged him to give them to her. She always knew their bond was special.

•••

What Kathy said had stuck with Elliot the past few months. Why hadn't he tried to reach out to Olivia? Elliot sighed as he debated calling her. He knew she would be mad but they would work through it. Elliot nervously dialed Olivia's cellphone number from memory.

Elliot held his breath as he hit send. It felt like time stood still as he waited for the phone to start ringing. Instead, his brief hopes were dashed. He got a message he was dreading.

"The phone number you have called is disconnected. Please check the number and try again," replied the operator from the automated message.

Elliot dialed again hoping he had mixed up a number. No, he had the right number. He heard the same message. Olivia's phone was disconnected. It was a reminder of how much both their lives had moved on without each other.

•••

Next Elliot decided to try the SVU office number. He knew Olivia would work in the SVU department until she retired. SVU meant too much to her personally. Olivia was making a difference. Elliot dialed the phone number.

"SVU, Fin speaking." Elliot instantly recognized his close friend and fellow detective Odafin Tutuola.

"Hi, um is Liv in? I need to talk to her. Please." Elliot was nervous.

"Only friends call her Liv. Your voice sounds familiar. Who is this?" Fin asked curiously.

"Um, Liv and I met at the conference a few weeks back. I'm just following up on something we were talking about." There was no way Fin was believing this lie. Elliot should just say it was him.

"Oh, so you are the guy that was hitting on her." Fin laughed. "She is out of the office in meetings and then starts her vacation. I can forward you to her voicemail. She will be checking messages this week."

"Yes, can I have her voicemail?" A minute later Elliot heard her voice. He listened to the message and then hung up. He didn't know what to say. Olivia was now a Lieutenant. He beamed with pride knowing Olivia was advancing in her career. He was happy she was doing well. Elliot would love to see Olivia as the next Captain. Maybe he try calling again. Maybe in a few weeks. Maybe.

•••

Today was always a hard day for Elliot. For years it had always been one of his favorite days. Her birthday was a day he would try to plan and think of a way to make it special. She hated her birthday. Every year she would insist it should be just a normal day. She always said please don't make a fuss. But he knew secretly she loved it.

February 7th. A normal ordinary day for most people. A day that didn't stand out for any reason. Except for the reason that broke his heart every year. It was a reminder of what he lost.

It was a reminder he left without a goodbye. He knew he broke her heart. Elliot heard it in every voicemail she left. He was a coward. He couldn't face her because he didn't know what to say.

Today was Olivia's birthday. He had missed five birthdays. Each year he wanted to reach out. He would go to the shop near his house picking out a card and stationery to write a letter. Every year for her birthday. Same for Christmas. These were the two times he got the courage to reach out.

And even though I know how very far apart we are

It helps to think we might be wishin' on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby

It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there, if love can see us through

Then we'll be together somewhere out there

He couldn't shake the thought of Olivia since Christmas. Elliot wasn't sure if it was because he was alone and thinking of the past. Or if it was his guilt getting the best of him. Elliot had tried calling and reaching out. It wasn't meant to be. He knew Olivia wasn't thinking of him anymore. She had moved on and was happy. All he ever brought her was drama and pain.

He walked into his bedroom and took down his box from his bedroom closet. This is where he kept his letters for Olivia. He should have only ten. But with today's letter, he made it to 100.

100 letters. He was both sad and a little proud of that number. The first year he left he wrote 92 letters to Olivia. The letters were his lifeline. They helped him from completely drowning. Drowning in grief and heartbreak from the shooting with Jenna.

Also the heartbreak from losing Olivia. As partners for twelve years, they were taught to protect each other. They knew each other so well that with just a look or head nod everything was understood. He had made a promise they would be partners forever.

Somewhere in the twelve years as partners Elliot and Olivia became one. They were so intertwined that it was impossible to keep them apart. In the twelve years together no matter who pulled away they always found their way back together.

Was that a soulmate? Elliot had wondered since he left. No matter the time that passed nothing helped fill the heartache he felt every time he thought of Olivia.

He carried her picture in the back of his wallet. Folded in half with little crinkles on the edges where some days he held on so tight. Some days he lightly stroked her face with his finger. Some days he would just look at the picture and smile. Some days he would see the picture and he would cry as he felt his heart breaking in two.

•••

Valentines Day

Oddly, Valentine's Day was one of Elliot's favorite days. As a child, his mom made it a big day. When Elliot grew up he carried on the tradition. He would take off the day and the kids would stay home from school. The day would start with his homemade pancakes. Then each year they plan out the day. Each of his kids would pick one activity to do. The only requirement was they had to do it as a family. They finished the day with a gift he picked out and a handwritten note to each of his kids.

This year was the first year he had ever been alone for Valentine's Day. Elliot could no longer lie to himself. Every decision or avoiding the truth affected not just himself but every person around him. He knew changes needed to be made. The issue was he didn't know what.

•••

Elliot decided to go to the market. He was going to make some Italian pasta for supper. At the market, he would also get some wine and dessert and some fresh vegetables. The weather was nice so he decided to walk there. Elliot grabbed his zip-up New York Yankees hoodie and walked outside.

Fifteen minutes later he arrived at the piazza. The market was unusually busy today. He picked out some zucchini and carrots. Next, he saw cherries and peaches excitedly putting them in his basket. Last he grabbed some meat, fresh bread, wine, and homemade chocolate truffles.

It was a beautiful day. Rome was always beautiful on most days. But today the sky was breathtaking. He wished he could capture the moment. He walked to the edge of the market. Elliot took out his phone taking three pictures.

He put his phone in his back jean pocket. He walked to a nearby table and sat down. Elliot opened his box of chocolate truffles as he looked at his pictures. Today he had a strong feeling he needed to make sure they turned out. The first two pictures captured the sky perfectly.

The third picture made his heart stop. How was it possible?

Deja Vu. Elliot looked down and in the far right corner of the picture. A woman was walking up the sidewalk. She was wearing a deep red V-neck dress. Her hair was a soft chestnut brown that fell loosely down her back.

His dream? Could his dream be true? In disbelief, Elliot walked back to the spot he took the picture. He looked and saw nothing. He walked further up to the sidewalk where he saw her in the picture. Nothing.

Elliot smiled and shook his head laughing to himself. He was losing it. It was only a dream. Olivia would never travel to Italy. Especially on Valentine's Day, a holiday she said was foolish. He turned and started walking back to the market. That was when his heart stopped.

"Elliot?" A voice called out behind him.

Elliot would know that voice anywhere. He smiled and turned around as his eyes teared up.

It doesn't matter how many miles down the road

It doesn't matter how many times I let you go

You're always with me

Written in the history of my heart