Chapter 4: Money makes the world go 'round.
"I know it isn't a lot Naruto but this will be your new home." Hiruzen opened the door to an apartment. Naruto just turned four…..cough…excuse me. Four and a half. The Hokage deemed him old enough for Naruto to leave the orphanage and live by himself. The apartment wasn't anything special. It had the necessities. A kitchen with a stove top and sink. Cabinets for your food and cooking supplies. A shower, toilet, and even an extra room. It is also fairly small, perfect for living by yourself because you don't need that much space and it is easy to clean.
"You will have one of my masked assistants checking in on you and bringing you food." Hiruzen continued as he handed him an envelope. "Inside this envelope are the keys to the apartment. One will be your main key, and the other will be the spare."
On the kitchen counter was a bigger envelope holding papers, and a calendar. "This has all the important documents, keep it hidden in a cabinet and somewhere easy for you to find. You see this calendar? This is the trash schedule. These days are for your burnable trash bags. They have a red outline, and the non-burnable trash days have a blue outline." The Hokage was pointing out to an anxious looking Naruto. "The ones with a green outline will be special ones like cardboard, glass, and other things."
It was a lot of information to take in for the little four-and-a-half-year-old boy. While the orphanage was still a place Hiruzen though he should be, the situation was not improving. Naruto was getting too old to be there. Old enough to start acting out against the care takers. Naruto just groaned and collapsed in dramatic fashion on the bed. He'd just have the calendar on the door so he would always see it.
Getting Naruto's attention again, Hiruzen reached into his robes and pulled out his final envelope. Naruto was sitting on the bed, looking at the envelope that was just given to him.
"Open it." Inside was more money than Naruto had ever seen in his life. He would usually just see one when the masked man took him around the village and bought him a snack. This was a lot more than one. There must have been at least two. A more likely number was fifty bajillion.
"Naruto. As you are now living here, we are allowed to give you an allowance. Your bills are already paid for so this money will go for things that you want." The old man was started to sound like a professor again, laying down some wisdom on a youngin'. "It is important that ones learn the value of mo…ney…"
Meanwhile, Naruto was twirling the stack of money with his fingers. A steady sound of bills fanning out and then hitting back together. All while muttering, "Money. Ha. Ha. Ha. I'm rich. I can buy off anyone. The world is mine."
Hiruzen was just left thinking, Oh dear god I blew it.
"Power. Prestige. Friends. I can buy it all. I'm free. Ha. Hahaha."
The trickery Naruto thought would last did not come to be. No matter how much he tried, Hiruzen would stop by every month and hand him an envelope containing the same amount of money. Naruto had tried every way he can. He used watery eyes and a sob story but that didn't work. Naruto wasn't about to give up though. He is tenacious like that.
Speaking of the Hokage, he is currently in his office. Reviewing a couple of documents for his upcoming meeting with the Uchiha clan head. Calmly smoking tobacco with his pipe. Just trying to calm his nerves. Speaking with Fugaku was always a pain in the rear. Always something to complain about. Always something that is not going the way it should. Always something bad. Never anything positive. Why couldn't he just be more like Kagami. Or maybe Naruto. That would be the day, an Uchiha that acted like Naruto. It was at this train of thought that his doors burst open. That happening in the Hokage's office should be a ninja with urgent news. What else could warrant a sign of 'look at me I have priority over everything else.'
"Quick old man! There are some ninjas from the lightning country! They are right outside the gate and the guards told me to talk to you!"
Now, Hiruzen knew that wasn't the case, but he wanted to de-stress. Playing along with Naruto's games was one way for him to do so. "Oh really? What do they look like?"
"Uhh…" Clearly this was not the response Naruto thought through. "Big and lots of muscles." Ninjas were super strong right? So, they had to have lots of muscles.
Well, his ability to think quickly and come up with a satisfactory and believable answer is improving. Hirzuen thought to himself and nodded.
Naruto noticed and continued, "I think we should do what they want."
"Did they say what they want?"
"Yeah, they want twenty ryo."
"I'll bet they do."
"Since you're so busy and everything. Why don't you give the money to me and I'll just bring it over to them?"
Hiruzen continued smoking on his pipe. Now just content to inhale and exhale. Naruto was getting a little more antsy. The old man should have just given him the money by now. This would cause a major catastrophe if he didn't! Deciding to indulge Naruto, Hirzuen reached into his desk and pulled out the money. Naruto was on his way out feeling accomplished he just fooled the old man.
Once the doors were closed, "Dog." An Anbu masked ninja appeared in front of him. "Report."
"The monthly stipend is not lasting as long as it should Lord Hokage. From my information gathering, the shop keepers are charging him extra than what he should. With Naruto's math skills being as low as they are with him just now starting his first year at the academy…" Anbu operative Dog trailed off.
"It seems I need to get a pocket book for young Naruto. And to teach him how to use it."
Back in the present Naruto was once again facing a money problem. His loveable foxy friend was eating a hole in their budget with his Tuna sandwich habit. But like most things, Naruto had an ingenious solution.
"If I can't get more money from the old man, I'll just make my own!"
Such a simple task really. All he had to do was get paper that looked exactly like the money. Easy enough. A trip to the stationary store to get the right color and texture. Back at his desk in his apartment, Naruto was busy at work. He had a bill as reference. Luckily there wasn't a face on it but it still was tricky. A lot of elaborate designs on it. A lot of kanji Naruto didn't recognize. But, just because he didn't know what it meant did not mean he could not copy it. The Konoha symbol on the right side of the bill and just some lines on the left side.
"How hard can this be?" Infamous last words.
It was some time later when Kurama woke up from his afternoon nap on the balcony. He went inside and saw Naruto at the desk with a bunch of crumpled paper near his chair.
"Watcha doin'?"
"Counterfeiting money." Naruto responded, curtly. Sighing and putting his pencil behind his ear, "It's really hard. Look at all these little lines on the bill." Naruto showed Kurama the real bill and pointed to the bill in the center of the table. His attempt was a far cry from the real thing.
"Think anyone will fall for this forgery?"
Being as confident as ever, "Sure, everyone will." Naruto continued his work.
Kurama was looking over Naruto's shoulder and inspecting his attempt at a felony.
"That's the kanji for element, not a coffee drink."
"I said this is hard." Naruto lamented. "And how do you know kanji anyways?!"
"Foxes are tricksters. Always need to read the fine print."
With the attempted felony now a complete bust, Naruto was searching the thrift store. Popping tags with not a lot of money in his pocket. He wasn't exactly looking for anything specific. Just looking around at whatever is available, and cheap. This thrift store had everything. But right now, Naruto was rummaging through the sports section. He was on the hunt for just a random assortment of things. Rackets, balls, anything that was cheap really. He was bored and Kurama promised to eat ramen for a little while.
"What exactly are we looking for?" Kurama asked once again.
"We're getting equipment for Narutoball.
"Narutoball? What is that."
"I don't know yet."
And that was the brilliance of the whole thing. Narutoball was a made-up game with only one rule, well technically two. Rules of the game cannot be used twice and any plays made in one game cannot be made in the next. And technically a third, masks must be worn while playing. That is why he was on the hunt for literally anything. Naruto will find a use for it. In one convoluted rule or another. Naruto's carrying basket was steadily filling up with an assortment of balls, clubs, rackets, wickets, sacks and flags. Content with his haul, Naruto paid for it all and went to an open field.
Naruto distributed all the equipment haphazardly around the field. Wickets placed in seemingly random places, balls thrown everywhere and one for each player. Kurama was growing more confused by the second. Wickets are usually used for cricket. A game from outside the village but you need a bat to play that. All Naruto had was rackets. And cricket doesn't use flags, right?
"There, all set."
"What do you mean all set? This isn't all set. This is just randomness."
Naruto picked up a stick. "With this 'Stick of Truth' I will tell you the rules. There are no rules except one. No rule can be used twice." With the stick in hand, Naruto tapped Kurama on both shoulders. Once Naruto said those words it was game over for him. Kurama with his superior fox intellect was going to win this game for sure. Utter chaos ensued.
Naruto just captured a flag. "Ha, ha! I stole your flag! That makes me have Q points compared to your 12." He was running back towards the central oak tree to deposit the flag when he felt a tap from a rubber ball.
"But I hit you with the Naruto Ball! You have to put the flag back and sing the 'I'm very sorry' song."
"No, I don't. I was in a 'No-song' zone!" Naruto raised his hand and shouted back at the fox.
Kurama unfortunately was a step ahead of him. He pointed at a random maple tree and said, "No, you weren't. I touched the opposite tree before I hit you with the Naruto ball. Therefore your 'No song zone' is actually a 'song' zone."
Not wanting to sing, "But I didn't see you touch the opposite tree. You have to declare it!"
The tricky fox, "I was, but since it was the opposite tree, I declared it oppositely by not declaring it. So, start singing."
"Drats. Here's the 'I'm sorry' song, hey wait a minute! If you touched the opposite tree. Then that means I don't have to put the flag back. And I don't have to sing the 'I'm very sorry' song." He pointed at Kurama and shouted, "Ha! In your face!"
