Chapter 5: I have not yet begun to fight
Naruto was walking through the village. He was wanting to buy some ice cream for the hot summer day but like most of the time, he got distracted. The culprit this time, a new vending machine. It was next to the ice cream vending machine. It was brown and didn't look as colorful as the ice cream one next to it. Probably the reason Naruto never noticed it, but it had his full attention now. Now if there is one pet peeve of Naruto, its being told he can't do something. And this had a big, red sign with white lettering.
Kurama read it aloud. "Look, it says you must be eighteen to buy cigarettes."
"EIGHTEEN?! By then I'll know better." Naruto was livid. He wanted to have a smoke. He saw cool people do it all the time. Even the Hokage! As future Hokage, Naruto needed to be allowed to do so too. Flawless logic.
A quick journey later, Naruto was once again interrupting an important meeting between the Hokage and his advisors. "Hey Old Man! Can I have a cigarette?"
The Hokage signed. Why in the world would be want to try smoking? I shouldn't indulge in this behave-
"Sure, Naruto. The old man has plenty of tobacco in his desk. Third draw on the right side, correct Hiruzen?"
"Really?! Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!"
Hiruzen was glaring at Danzo. What is his mission objective? Hiruzen needed to get to the bottom of this. Now. Besides, I highly doubt this will work as you think it will.
"Now Naruto there is one rule about smoking. You must not smoke inside." Naruto was leaping for joy. "Dog, will you light his tobacco when he steps outside?"
Once outside, keeping to his word the masked Anbu lit the cigarette and Naruto, not even inhaling yet, went off to find his companion.
Meanwhile, back in the office, the small chat about a treaty was put on hold to discuss what had just taken place. "Danzo…what exactly are you doing?" Koharu started.
Not wanting to just come out and say it. It, being that he is trying to replace Hiruzen as a grandfather figure in Naruto's life. Danzo responded with the classic, "Why is it eighteen? I think it should be lowered to genin rank requirement. If they are old enough to kill, they are old enough to smoke, drink, and whatever else they might want."
Koharu and Homura just groaned. This argument again? It seems like almost every week there was a suggestion in the anonymous box asking for it to be lowered. It was enacted by Tsunade herself when she caught her younger brother Nawaki trying to be 'cool' and 'hip.' Nothing like the fear of a Tsunade punch will take even the most ardent smokers into a smoke free life. A month of medical research later and a bit of arm twisting and the eighteen-year-old requirement was introduced. Danzo was always a critic. Saying it was a stress reliever.
Hiruzen cleared his throat to get the attention of his colleagues. "From now on. Danzo Shimura will be known as Mr. Enabler in recordings of these meetings. All in favor?"
A simultaneous "Aye" from Koharu and Homura.
Are we going back to being children again Hiruzen? Danzo thought, "Are we really going—"
"Quiet Mr. Enabler. Let us see the fruits of your labor." Hiruzen pulled out his crystal ball and focused on the chakra of Naruto.
Naruto finally caught up to Kurama. Kurama was shocked. Usually these plans don't work. "The old man let you have a cigarette?"
"For a crusty old man, he's pretty cool sometimes." Now was the first time to truly inhale. Leaning back into hit, Naruto breathed in. And immediately started coughing. One hand went behind his back and dropped the tobacco. The other went to his throat as he started hacking and wheezing.
"You'd think this would be a harder habit to break." Kurama noted. Naruto was on his hands and knees coughing.
"Trusting mummy man is hazardous to my health. He's wrapped in bandages for crying out loud."
A heat wave recently hit the Land of Fire. It was totally unfair for Naruto. How was he supposed to enjoy summer vacation if it was too hot to do anything? But Naruto was burning for a different reason.
"Hey Kurama."
Kurama opened his eye. He was resting under a tree, enjoying the shade the tree offered. Naruto was holding one of those infernal water balloons.
"What would you do if I creamed you with this water balloon right now." Naruto continued.
Kurama was in no mood to get wet. It would take an entire afternoon in the sun to get dry. He narrowed his eye brows and tried to look as intimidating as possible.
"Take the worst thing you can imagine, and imagine something a hundred times worse than that."
Naruto was taken aback. "You'd do that to me?!"
"No, I'd do something even worse."
Naruto thought it over for a second. Then launched the water balloon at Kurama anyways. Not even waiting for it to hit, Naruto took off in a run. A now drenched Kurama following.
"You piqued my curiosity."
It took Kurama nearly the entire afternoon to dry off. Kurama is a crafty fox. When he had sufficiently dried off, he knew that Naruto would be back soon with another water balloon. After all, its what he would have done. The threat of bodily harm didn't seem to faze Naruto. Kurama had to think of something. He didn't particularly want to go all the way back to the apartment for the hose. That relied on too many things going perfectly. The only reason he got it last time was because he took Naruto by surprise. That and he was next to the training grounds shed that had a hose line. He couldn't buy water balloons either. His own attempt at forgery wasn't much better than Naruto's. With a thumb over his cheek and the rest of his fingers curled in front of his mouth, Kurama was deep in thought.
Too deep to notice an approach of a water balloon equipped Naruto. "You see Kurama. I have an endless supply of water and I can easily get more water balloons. All I have to do is stay away from hoses and I have the offensive superiority."
Oh look at him using all his fancy words. Kurama rolled his eyes. Quite luckily too. Because at the end of his eye movement, he noticed a rusty kunai in the grass.
Naruto continued talking. "With this, you have to do what I say. What do you think about that?"
Picking up the worn kunai, Kurama smiled. It still had a bit of a sharp tip. Not that sharp, but it will get the job done. "I think I'll take this kunai and poke your balloon." A little jab at the water balloon and it popped. Sparing Kurama of getting wet while getting Naruto drenched. A job well done, Kurama chuckled and went to enjoy an afternoon of sunbathing.
Naruto closed his eyes tightly. He kicked up some dirt and grunted. "That's the problem with weapon technology. It becomes obsolete quickly." He said to nobody. Now the score was even. Both have been equally wet this afternoon. It was time to up the ante. Go big or go home.
Kurama was looking for payback. Sure, he had won the last fight but that was a fluke. Naruto was persistent. He wouldn't win the war unless he found some ammunition. Specifically, the water balloon packet Naruto bought. Problem was, he couldn't find where he stashed it. Not near his ramen cabinet. Not under the bed. Not in the bathroom. He was instead forced to use a regular balloon. Or what he thought was a regular balloon. It must have been a leftover from the recent festival they just had. Once filled with water, it was long and slender, like a balloon those performers used to make animals. Kurama sighed in disappointment. How could he throw this at Naruto?
Naruto, with a fresh water balloon in hand, walked up with a grin on his face. "My water balloon is round and aiiro- no, aaro-, nope. Uh Aerodynamic." He suspiciously was looking at his hand. "This is for better accuracy and maximum soakage."
Now pointing at Kurama's water balloon. "Your water balloon is long and floppy, impossible to throw the tiniest of distances."
Again, telling Kurama things he already knows. But as if in an 'ah ha' moment he finally stopped contemplating his life decisions and looked back at Naruto with a slight grin. Naruto was too engrossed in his self-superiority to notice.
"The advantage is mine! Do you surrender?"
Kurama hadn't exactly finished tying the knot at the end of the balloon. With one hand on the end. He applied a little pressure and opened the other. Water came shooting out all over Naruto.
After cursing at the small pond for not granting him an awesome Water Dragon Jutsu, Naruto is currently walking back to his apartment. He worked up an appetite and instant ramen was definitely what he was feeling. His tiredness seemed to vanish as Naruto was completely absorbed in his own world. Whistling to himself. Not a care in the world. Everything was completely fine.
Everything was not completely fine. Kurama woke up from his mid-morning nap. It was going to turn from his mid-morning nap to his noon nap. Possibly going all the way to an early afternoon nap. Those darn cicadas. The distinctive sound started shortly after Kurama closed his eyes. Now irritated, Kurama went to do the only thing he knew to lighten the mood. Making a tuna sandwich. He arched his back and yawned. He rolled his shoulders and his neck while his tails went straight out. He walked casually back towards the screen door to Naruto's apartment and headed towards the kitchen. When he got on top of the stool to get the loaves of bread, he noticed that there were none. Instead, tucked away in the back corner was something bright. It was the water balloon package Naruto bought a week ago.
Kurama was stalking Naruto for the past few minutes. Hidden from view behind a tree, Naruto didn't notice a thing. Suddenly, "HEADS UP!" Naruto swung his face around to the right and as soon as he completed his motion, a water balloon exploded on his face. Kurama was very giddy.
"Ah ha ha ha ha, You're all wet! He he!" He started running away while Naruto cursed him.
"You rotten fleabag!" Naruto raised his fist at the retreating Kurama. "I'll get you. Ya hear me?! Say your prayers!" Naruto was completely drenched. It was a water balloon about as big as his head. Wait, it was the same bright colors as the ones I bought. That fox! He found my secret stash! There was still the weapon of mass hydration. The hose. Forget taking a light step back to the apartment. Naruto was now in a full sprint getting there. Step one. Beat Kurama back to the apartment. Step 2. Bring the hose out to the front entrance. Step 3. Wait in the bushes. Step 4. Soak Kurama. Step 5. Profit.
"By golly that rotten fox. I'll get him back with the hose! He won't be dry for a week….no…a month!" He attached the nozzle to the end of the hose. Turned it on. Tested it just to make sure he turned it the correct way. Step 1 complete.
"I'm gonna get you now Kurama. Hehehe."
Step 2 and 3 commencing. After a couple of minutes Kurama came around the side of the apartment building. Water balloon in hand. He was finishing the knot on the end. Naruto pointed the hose at Kurama.
"Trying to get another balloon ready, eh?! Well you're too late! Hope you're thirsty sucker!"
Naruto pointed the hose at Kurama and squeezed the handle. A small trickle of water came out and then nothing.
"Hey? What's wrong!? This hose isn't working!"
Kurama replied, "Oh, I had to take the end off to fill up this water balloon."
Naruto's eyes became wide. Kurama was already ahead of him. "Uh oh." Kurama's arm was already behind his head and ready for a point-blank head shot. For the second time in under five minutes, Naruto had a water balloon hurled at his face.
Soaked once again, Naruto lamented on his hands and knees. "Actually, I'm kind of looking forward to going to school next week."
