Recovery

Chapter 4

Journal of John Nolan

To borrow from A Tale of Two Cities, "It was the best of times. It was the worst of times." The good stuff first. With the help of Hugo and some of his friends, the playground is safe for kids again – as long as we regularly check for discarded needles and condoms. The lights are bright enough now to keep most of the junkies away, and the ladies of the evening can find less visible places to ply their trades. Some of the parents and grandparents in the neighborhood have volunteered to keep an eye on it, in coordination with L.A.P.D. patrols.

Putting a band together was more complicated, but we have a start on it. By we, I mostly mean Lucy. I've always known she could sing. Sometimes we used just to sit looking out at the ocean while the sound of her voice reflected the rhythm of the waves. I know our relationship was bad for both of us, and she's better off with Emmett, but I miss those times. She's pulled in a few of her friends on guitar, drums, and bass – at about a million decibels. Some of the teens around the center have joined in. The trumpeter from the freeway exit even showed up once. Jackson dropped in a couple of times too, but he has problems of his own, which relate to the worst of times.

Lopez was promoted to detective. No one deserves it more, but it left Jackson with a new T.O. There's no nice word for what Stanton is. Bigot may be one of the milder ones. He's the epitome of the kind of cop the demonstrators are protesting. He has it in for Jackson, and so far, the sonofabitch is winning. After all the work Jackson's done to get himself together, he could still wash out because of Stanton. It's not fair, but nothing seems to be fair these days. I'm beginning to understand that nothing ever was.

I used to blame my father for leaving. I still have a hard time understanding why my brother – half brother – was so attached to him. I still blame Dad. Facing a hard choice is no excuse. I lived that when I married Sarah so we could raise Henry together. Sarah and I had our problems, but she's never been the emotional vampire my mother is. For years, Mother's been drawing men in, sucking out what she can, and tossing them aside. Maybe that's what she was doing to my father. I don't know, and I'll never have the chance to ask him. He could have made a choice other than taking off, but I'm beginning to see why he didn't. I could never agree with just walking or, more accurately, running away. That's cowardice. But Mother excels at making life hell.

She created one of the worst of times. She showed up on my doorstep, having yet again pulled her love-them-and-leave-them act. That wasn't all she did. She wreaked havoc at the division and tried to play Luna Grey as one of her dupes. Mother picked on the wrong Grey. She probably would have had an easier time conning the sergeant. But Luna grabbed the situation by the balls. She not only got her money back, she helped the sergeant and me expose illegal weapons sales. That might earn me a point or two, but I'm not holding my breath. Grey found himself quite a woman. I should be so lucky someday.

Luna also gave me some great advice. I needed to be as merciful as I could, but I had to protect myself from Mother. That meant setting some boundaries. I made Mother leave, but she tore my guts out on her way out the door. I'll survive. I always have. But concentrating on my disciplinary exam will be just that much harder.

At least things are going better for Harper now. That puts her in a better mood, which takes some of the pressure off me. But whether I make it through or not doesn't depend on Harper. It depends on putting in the work. I have to crush that exam and the rest of my time as a rookie. Whatever it takes, I'm determined to do exactly that.


"Where's Jackson?" John whispers to Lucy as they take their seats in front of Grey's podium."

"He was here," she whispers back. "I saw Grey pull him into his office. But I didn't spot him after that. Did you see him in the locker room?"

"No, I didn't, and …"

Grey approaches his podium, loudly clearing his throat. "For any of you who might be speculating as to where Officer West and Officer Stanton are this morning, I will just say that some matters are being worked out. Until then, Stanton is on the desk. West is yet to be determined. Now, I want to make one thing clear. More than ever, it is essential that you all perform your duties with the utmost sensitivity. No one receives either rougher or gentler treatment because of any aspect of diversity, barring disability. And if accommodating a disability becomes an issue, you will call for appropriately trained assistance.

"You will also keep your body cams activated at all times. If you lose one or have a malfunction, you will call in immediately, and another will be provided. Failure to activate your cam for anything other than personal physical functions in the appropriate venues will be the basis for disciplinary action. Is that understood?"

Amid grumbles, heads nod throughout the room.

"Now, many of you may be aware of what happened in Portland last night. For those that aren't, law enforcement acted without any insignia or indication as to the source of their authority. They also used undue force. That will not be happening here. Unless you are undercover, you will identify yourselves at all times. Your badges and nametags will be clearly visible. If someone asks for your badge number, whether they should be able to read it or not, you will give it without protest or prejudice.

"As long as events keep unfolding as they did in Minnesota, in Portland, in New York, and anywhere else that makes the people we serve fear us as the bad guys, it will be our responsibility to prove them wrong. That means doing whatever it takes.

"I've adjusted a few patrol routes. Bradford and Chen will be covering part of Stanton and West's area. Harper and Nolan, you'll check in at the center this morning, but then I want at least one of you on the street. Harper, if you're alone, take the unit. Nolan, if Harper isn't with you, you're on foot. And all of you remember, in the current situation, keeping the peace will earn you a lot more points than racking up arrests. All right. That's it. Be safe out there."

Grey meets the eyes of Luna, who was watching from the back of the room. He sighs. "There they go. That wasn't much, but it was a start on change."

"It was good," Luna confirms. "I guess you are staying around for a while."

"I guess I am," Grey acknowledges. "So, after your accidental involvement in law enforcement, what's your updated reinvention plan?"

"I think Officer Nolan and I understand each other. And since you've piled extra duty on him and Harper, I thought I'd go down to the community policing center and see if I can get things better organized down there. I might even bring a friend. Nolan is enthusiastic, but he doesn't have a clue about making a publicity campaign work. And Harper's just spent years trying to avoid getting noticed. I think I can help turn things around."

"Just don't forget your pepper spray," Grey advises.

Luna gives her husband a quick nudge. "You should know by now that I don't forget anything."