Tough Spot


"Hey, you came." Thea smiled, watching her father appear on the side-lines of the soccer pitch where she was watching James' game.

"Why the tone of surprise?" Punk asked.

"Well I know you guys have Mirren and Leela." Thea said, "Plus the weather is awful." She groaned, "You know how much snow we've to get tonight? A lot. Even by Chicago standard. I may not see you for a few weeks." She teased as Punk smiled.

"The city always pull through." Punk shook his head, "How is he doing?" He smiled, getting his eyes on James who was quite the player on his team, "He growing his hair out?"

"Apparently." Thea nodded, "Dominic was supposed to be here tonight but he got held up at a job." She said.

"I'm sure he can get the benefit of the doubt. He never misses these." Punk said as Thea nodded.

"You heard from Jude?" She asked him.

"Just a text this morning. They're checking the house for prints to see if anything shows up. And looking into other break ins in the neighbourhood to see if they can link anything up." Punk nodded, "She didn't say much else."

"At least it's in Sean's expertise. Hopefully they find whoever it was." Thea said as Punk nodded.

"Hey, you know when I was gone." He said, trying to keep the tone conversational. His eldest daughter had a skill for sniffing things out.

"In prison?" Thea asked, keeping her eyes on James on the pitch.

"Yeah." Punk said.

"What about it?" She asked.

"Did mom ever speak to anyone? Like a counsellor or therapist?" He asked.

"Not that I know of. She was pretty honest with us throughout all of that. I don't imagine she would have hid that from us." Thea shrugged, "Why? Did she?" She wondered.

"No, well… I don't know. I just often wondered." He nodded calmly, "Just wondering who she vented to, that's all."

"Uncle Dean. Me. Sam." Thea said, "She had an outlet with us, I suppose. She tried not to get into too much with me, though which I can understand why. It'd be kinda fucked up if she was talking shit about you with me. She was too much of a good mom for that." She nodded.

"Yeah, of course." Punk nodded as Thea turned to him.

"Why the sudden curiosity? If you want to know if she saw a therapist then just ask her." Thea scoffed.

"I found these letters." He said as Thea looked at him, "I didn't want to tell anyone about it but I gotta talk to someone about it." He nodded.

"Took you long enough to find them." Thea rolled her eyes, looking back on at the pitch as Punk looked at her.

"You knew about them?" He asked.

"Yeah." She nodded, "She started them when Cassie was born. I found it in her dresser. She doesn't know that I know, I don't think." She explained, "But I knew whenever she was writing them. She'd tell us it was work." She nodded.

"There's hundred up in a box in the attic." Punk said, "Some of them are really difficult to read. Some are nice." He nodded, "I read all about your graduation last night." He said as she looked up at him with a small smile.

"She wrote about that?" Thea asked.

"Thea, she's wrote about everything." He nodded, "I thought maybe she'd gone to a therapist and they suggested it." He shrugged.

"Maybe. I don't know. I only found one. I didn't want to find any more. It was kinda sad." She nodded.

"Do you think I should ask her about them?" Punk asked, "I feel like I'm invading her privacy by looking at them. Clearly she didn't intend for anyone to read them. Maybe not even me. Some seem really private."

"I don't think there's harm in telling her that you came across them. Maybe then let her decide whether you can read any more or not. Unless you've already read them all." She said.

"It'd take me a year to read them all. There's so many." Punk scoffed, "I didn't know Cassie dressed up as Pocahontas for Halloween four years in a row."

"She was a nightmare with that shit." Thea rolled her eyes, "She used to talk to trees because of it. Weird kid." She shook her head as Punk laughed a little.

"I mean, over the years your mom has obviously filled me in on as much as she could but reading those letters… it kinda makes me feel like I was there, in some way." He said.

"You should tell her that. I don't see why she wouldn't let you read them. Especially after all this time." Thea said.

"Yeah I'll talk to her." Punk nodded, "She was really proud of you. Graduating after all the shit you went through."

"I know." Thea smiled.


"Hey, baby. Can you go upstairs and get me her pacifier from my room?" AJ asked, sitting at the kitchen table with a crying three month old Cassie in her arms whilst Thea and Jude sat across from her eating their dinner, which consisted of Chinese food she had ordered in because she simply didn't have the time to cook. She always thought when she heard mom's say they didn't have the time to do things, they were just exaggerating, but now with three children on her own she completely understood the meaning of the phrase.

"Yeah. Where is it?" Thea asked, standing up from the table whilst Jude reached over and stole a noodle from her plate, "Stop taking stuff from my plate." Thea pushed Jude who almost fell off the chair.

"I don't like what I have." Jude complained.

"That's not my problem." Thea made clear, "Mom, tell her." She turned to her mother.

"The pacifier should be on the dresser. Or the stand beside my bed." AJ nodded to Thea who rolled her eyes, leaving the kitchen whilst Jude leaned back over to steal some of her sisters food, "Jude." AJ sighed.

"I don't like what I have." Jude told her mother honestly.

"Then why did you ask for it?" AJ shook her head, bouncing Cassie lightly in her arms.

"I don't know." Jude shrugged as AJ just nodded along.

Meanwhile Thea had made her way upstairs, looking for one of Cassie's pacifiers in her mother's room, opening up the dresser drawer beside the bed when she saw a letter sitting at the top.

She wouldn't have went snooping in her mother's bedroom, it was only because she was looking for the pacifier that she'd stumbled across it, and she couldn't not read it, as much as she wanted to, as much as she knew she probably shouldn't.

Dear Phil

I think I'm actually going insane. Cassie is not a fan of sleeping. Or being quiet. She's adorable and I love her with all my heart but the girl isn't giving me a break. All three of them aren't. I so wish you were here to help me. Whenever I find a quiet moment in the house I just wish you were here to hug me. Thea doesn't speak to me much anymore, which is worse than her being mad at me. Jude is going through a 'doing everything in my power to annoy mommy' phase. She's just a kid, and she misses you, and she doesn't understand, but sometimes I just want to scream at her. I want to scream at all of them. It makes me sound like a devil mother. Like my own mother. But I just can't remember when I last had more than two hours sleep.

Renee suggested therapy. So did Sam. And then Dean did. He was the one I snapped at. It's always him. I apologised and then he brought over some donuts. He's a good brother. I understand why they've all suggested it. I don't look particularly well. When I come to visit you I put on a lot of make-up and clothes that are too big for me. You'd probably be scared if you saw what I actually look like. Maybe therapy would help. But I don't know if it's post-natal depression or the fact I just miss you. Maybe both. I'm sure they can help me with the post-natal stuff but I don't know if anyone is qualified to treat wife who just misses her husband problems.

I'm writing this at 3am. Cassie is sleeping in my arms in our bed. She hates sleeping in her crib. I put her down and she screams the house down. Then Thea and Jude wake up. And it's like we all just hate each other. Even Jude, she's only six and she looks at me sometimes like she hates me, like she'd rather someone else as her mom. Thea is really good with Cassie. She gives me a lot of help. But she's just so quiet. She doesn't speak to me about anything. Not even school. I'm worried about her. I'm worried I'm not going to be enough for her. For all three of them.

I used to think

Thea put the letter back into the drawer she'd found it, realising her mother clearly hadn't finished writing it, realising her mother was struggling way more than she anticipated. She was often so consumed with her own problems. Her own thirteen year old problems, she forgot her mother was probably struggling just as much.

She eventually found the pacifier for Cassie, making her way downstairs into the kitchen filled with cries.

"Found it." Thea said.

"Thank you." AJ nodded tiredly.

"Do you want me to take her? Whilst you have dinner?" Thea asked as AJ looked at her.

"No… no, you finish yours." AJ shook her head automatically.

"I've had enough." Thea said, "I'll take her." She nodded, not giving her mother a choice as she took Cassie from her, leaving the kitchen with her baby sister as AJ sat at the table, closing her eyes and pausing for a moment as she heard the crying subside.

"Mommy, eat your dinner." Jude demanded as AJ nodded.

"I will." AJ opened her eyes back up, reaching for some food to put on her plate, enjoying the brief moment where her hands didn't feel so full.


"Oh, Sunday doesn't work for us. Well, for me." Cassie explained, holding her phone against her ear by using her shoulder as she got out of her car, carrying folders as she struggled to shut the door with her foot, "I'm covering a shift on Sunday." She said, making her way towards the police station.

She was on a phone call with the adoption agency they'd chosen and was arranging for a day to meet with one of their adoption professionals.

"Wednesday should be perfect." Cassie nodded in conversation, walking into the police station which appeared busier than usual, "Great, thank you." She wrapped up the call, hanging up and placing her phone in her pocket as she walked slowly into the station.

"Mandy, what's with the busy traffic in here this morning?" Cassie shook her head, asking the receptionist, who upon looking closer she could tell had been crying, "What's going on?" She shook her head suspiciously.

"It's Jake." Mandy sighed, "Nobody called you?"

"N-No… well I've been on the phone all morning." Cassie shook her head with confusion, "What about Jake? What's going on?"

"He had a heart attack." Mandy said as Cassie raised her eyebrows, "He's dead, Cassie." She nodded tearfully as Cassie stepped back a little, dropping one of her folders as she felt her body weaken at such unexpected news. Although he wasn't a young man, he was in his late fifties and appeared very fit. She didn't know what to say.

"Oh my God." She shook her head, the only thing that seemed to come out of her mouth. She immediately thought of her husband and his close relationship with Jake, how hard this would hit him.

"It was through the night. At home." Mandy nodded, "His wife was there. He wasn't on his own." She said as Cassie nodded, placing her hand over her mouth, physically feeling the colour draining out of her.

"God, I need to call Theo." Cassie shook her head.

"Theo's already here." Mandy pointed behind Cassie where Theo walked through the doors of the station, just as ghostly looking as her after receiving the news over the phone.

"Hey." Theo swallowed the lump in his throat as he approached Cassie, "I dropped Chase with my mom." He said as Cassie immediately wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly as he buried his face into her neck.

She cupped the back of his head, holding him tightly, stiffening as she watched Mark walk through the doors of the police station, looking upset and full of condolences.