Recovery
Chapter 9
Journal of John Nolan
Jackson and I share something besides a rookie class. We're both victims of the lying lover syndrome. Although D.H.S. cleared her, I still believe that Jessica lied to me about shooting a man without cause. And even if she was telling the truth about that, she wasn't straight about her life goals. Maybe she wasn't straight with herself. Either way, she delivered a massive dose of deception.
At least I thought it was a massive dose of deception until I got a worse one from Grace. That she could lie to me about her divorce or lack of divorce still grinds in my gut. Sadly, it reminds me of my mother. As far as I know, she lied to all the men she dated.
Compared to those three, Tamar is like a woman from another world. Dating her is both exhilarating and terrifying. I'm always afraid some terrible secret will emerge to break our trust. But in my sane moments, I don't think one will. She and Luna have been friends almost forever. If there was a secret, at least a bad one, I don't think Luna would want Tamar with me.
Tamar and I are taking it slow. We haven't gotten past a little good-night necking. Do they still call it that? Still, in many ways, I've been more intimate with her than I was with Lucy, Jessica, or Grace.
But back to Jackson. It turns out that Sterling is a complete phony. His name is phony. His American accent is phony. He's from Australia. But worse than that, he's a felon, which means that Jackson was violating regs just being with him. The fact that Jackson didn't know is a significant point in his defense, but it still puts him on thin ice, although not as thin as mine. At least, so far, he'll be moving up on time.
The new guy is Isaac Young, a mounted cop. I hope Jackson has found Mr. Right, but I can't help wondering how if Lucy and I couldn't date as cops, why Jackson and Isaac can. Is there a double standard for two men, or didn't anyone ever think about it? The truth is that Lucy and I were more within regs than Jackson and Isaac are. We are of equal rank. There was no possibility of sexual harassment by a superior. Isaac outranks Jackson, but Jackson isn't in his chain of command. Maybe that makes it all right. In any case, Isaac seems to make Jackson happy. After the mess with Stanton, Jackson can use some joy in his life.
It was entirely by accident, but Lucy got herself involved in some undercover work. She's decided she has a talent for it. I don't doubt that. Lucy has many talents, and I know firsthand how good she is at putting up a front. I'm just wondering if she might have a bit too much empathy for the job. I've heard about cops who go so deep into their legends that they lose themselves. I don't know if that really occurs, but I can imagine it happening to Lucy. She'll see things from the point of view of the criminals she attaches herself to. I have to wonder if when the time comes to take them down, she'll be willing to do it.
She managed fine once when she was playing an opiates-making chemist. But she didn't have to play one very long, and she didn't get to know her criminal co-workers. If she goes deep undercover, she'll meet husbands, wives, and kids. She'll learn about tough times and backstories. That's just Lucy. It's difficult enough to concentrate on your job when you only hear a person's 30-second hard-luck tale. But to do it when you've known them for weeks, months, or years – I don't know.
Harper has firsthand experience with the problem. I can ask her what she thinks, but I may not like the answer. She's totally behind women in police work and Lucy, in particular, all the way. The only one who seems to be against Lucy going undercover is Bradford. But after what happened with his wife, he would be. I can't see Lucy getting hooked like Isabel. But then you never really know people. If nothing else, the last year has taught me that.
I have class again tonight. I think I'll be getting along better with my fellow students after sharing the details of the bad decisions I made about Armstrong. But from the looks on their faces toward the end of sitting through hearing my paper, I may have given them too many details of the personal agony involved in those choices. A note on that: not all of the group believed that I screwed up. Some of them were sure that if I hadn't gone after him, the blue wall would have protected Armstrong forever. Given what's going on with the union and Stanton, they may be right. I hope not. Professor Ryan didn't share her opinion on my dilemma, but she gave me an A- on the paper. Afterward, she told me I should use fewer adverbs. At least that little trick will make my reports shorter.
Sergeant Grey takes his usual spot at the podium. "I have changes of duty to announce this morning. Officer Phelps has transferred to the Harbor Division. As some of you may know, he's always been fond of boats. So I'm sure we'll all wish him luck in his new position. Officer Wrigley, you'll be taking over Phelps's patrol at the Fashion Center, a one-officer assignment. Officer West, that leaves you needing a new training officer for your last days of pain. As a fulfillment of my field requirement, that training officer will be me."
John turns to check out Jackson's reaction. He can see the set smile Jackson uses when handling the front desk. "Yes, Sir," the young rookie responds. "I'm looking forward to it."
"I doubt that," Grey returns, "but you may learn something besides how to write tickets for rolling stops. For the rest of you, the protests appear to have quieted down for the moment, but anything can spark an incident. Be careful, be thoughtful, and be watchful. We want to head off trouble, not make after-the-fact arrests.
"We have seen a recent drop-off in drug sales, which means gangs may try to drum up further business or take over another gang's territory. That could put innocents in the crossfire. Our first priority will be the protection of civilians. At any sign that weapons fire might be exchanged, call for backup and do your best to clear the area of any potential targets. We'll worry about the one that got away later. Is everyone clear on that?"
"Yes, Sir," echoes through the room.
"Good. Now keep everyone safe out there, including yourselves."
"Nolan," Jackson whispers as they leave their table. "You've ridden with Grey. What's it like?"
"Other than him not being able to keep the smile off his face when an old lady kicked me in the nuts and a total lack of gratitude when I kept him from dying in a building full of gas? Fine. He's a good cop, Jackson. He knows a lot about the streets. But it's been a long time since he had to face the kind of physical tests we passed at the academy. He should have been able to get out of the building that I mentioned on his own. He's a little slow. And I know his wife worries about him. He'll be watching your back, but you'll need to watch his."
"I'd do that for any partner. I even would have done it for Stanton," Jackson protests.
"I know," Nolan assures him. "Just stay on top of your game, Bro."
