Summary: AU. When Tosaki arrived, the fear that had held Tanaka in its grip ended. Tanaka is sure this has to be a good sign. Thinking too much about it would not change anything either way. After all there is no one in sight who would be suited better than he himself to be Tosaki's secretary.
Escape Before the Rain
It was weird to think about, but when Tosaki had arrived the fear had ended. Before Tosaki had been there, there had been nothing but growing terror, the kind of panic that made it hard to think, made it even harder to see a way forward. Tanaka simply had possessed no idea what might come next. Turning out to be an ajin, it had went beyond surprise. It used to be the kind of issue you'd see addressed on TV or in the newspaper, experts talking about it, debating how to deal with those specimen would be best. And then it had turned out Tanaka had been one of those specimen all along.
The realization had been a burden, threatening to completely overwhelm his mind. Tanaka had been frozen into place by his fear, unable to take another step. Luckily he had not been alone. Next to him had been his father, gripping his hand, dragging him with him to the car, silently, secretly, so the townspeople investigating if one of their own truly had turned into an ajin would not notice they were trying to get away. His mother had been there too, handing him over a bag holding something to eat and his jacket. Her last desperate attempt to bring a scrap of familiar normality into this new reality. There had been fear in her eyes too, though Tanaka had been able to tell she had been trying to hide it, that she had been trying to stay strong. "Be careful", she had whispered, her voice drenched in emotion she did not allow her face to show.
Tanaka had only nodded, promising her he would be. Then the car had set into motion and his mother had been gone, leaving nothing but an uncertain future. The terror in his mind had expanded, making it hard to breathe. But his father had still been next to him, gripping the wheel of the car, promising Tanaka it would be alright.
"Tanaka-san, the way I see it, the two of us working together would be of advantage for the both of us."
Tanaka did not know if his current situation deserved the label "alright" but he guessed those were semantics. His father was safe again, the shock of getting arrested when they both had been discovered not entirely forgotten but in the meanwhile at least lying in the past. His mother was safe again too, trying to appease the last lingering suspicions of their neighbours by reminding them it all had been only a misunderstanding, Kouji was no ajin after all. Was the fact he occasionally returned home for visits not proof enough he was normal, that the authorities had no reason to keep him away and under supervision?
"Tanaka-san, the way I see it, the two of us working together would be of advantage for the both of us."
It had of course been no misunderstanding at all, Tanaka thought, looking through the one-way mirror, unable to tear his gaze away from the torn figure on the slab. Bright red blood kept blooming against skin that had become pale from years away from the sun. The beeping of some machine or another told that despite her injuries the woman on the slab still was alive. But then, for Kouji and her "alive" was nothing but a state between two recoveries.
The people doing the research stated an ajin got used to pain if they had died often, claimed regenerating often dulled the pain response. Tanaka didn't know if that was true. In the cause of his work he had needed to regenerate a few times since he had been with Tosaki but not often enough to tell if the experience really reduced pain. If he was honest, he rather doubted the claim. To him it made no sense, pain was pain. You didn't need less of a narcotic when visiting the dentist just because you already had been there a few times, so he didn't see how in the case of ajin any of this should be different.
Next to him he heard a rustling of fabric, Tosaki turning towards him. "Tanaka-san, do you have the Grant Pharma results from last time?"
Tanaka opened his briefcase, quickly locating the desired paperwork. Of course he had them ready; being perfectly organised was his way of insurance. He paid attention to what Tosaki had to say, making an effort to read his moods, learning to predict his wishes sometimes even before Tosaki would voice them. He took out the results, handing them over.
"Those exactly, thank you." Tosaki leaned towards the microphone that let his voice be heard in the laboratory room. "We're ready. You can go on performing your next step on the test subject."
Tanaka had used to feel upset when hearing the way they referred to the woman on the slab. She was still a person after all. And one of his kind if you'd belief Tosaki's argument that ajin weren't human to begin with. Tanaka didn't know if he agreed with that. He didn't know. These days stating the slightest bit of his opinion always ended up feeling so complicated even in the privacy of his own mind. It was easier to cling to facts only, it arouse less suspicion. Though facts weren't always a help to navigate his new surroundings either. He knew the woman on the slab was named Tainaka Yoko but no one ever called her that. He didn't either. There were occasions where facts were holding a hidden trap, he needed to be mindful of that too.
Feeling a glance resting on him he turned his head, meeting Tosaki's gaze. He was giving Tanaka an intense and careful look, as if he was able to estimate the thought forming in his mind. For a moment Tanaka held his gaze for the simple fact that trying to hide something from Tosaki was pointless. That only would have led to problems.
Tanaka straightened his tie before avoiding his gaze and looking at the scene taking place in the laboratory again. He had used to feel genuinely upset when witnessing the experiments taking place in the lab but nowadays an odd sort of routine had set into him that left him indifferent and cold. As if he wasn't able to care anymore. That bothered him. For the fact alone that this could be him lying on the table and getting experimented on in the lab. Tosaki reminded him about that the rare times he accused Tanaka of slacking off.
Tanaka gripped the briefcase he was holding in his hand. But now was now and he was not the one stuck in the laboratory. He couldn't deny, when Tosaki had arrived the fear had ended. If that meant Tanaka had been rendered numb then so be it.
The End
