Recovery

Chapter 15

Journal of John Nolan

I got to class early tonight. Professor Ryan was there but none of the other students. I noticed a folded piece of paper on the floor that looked like it had been slid under a locked door. It had Ryan's name on it, so I gave it to her, telling her where I found it.

I could see the shock on her face when she unfolded it. When I asked her if there was something wrong, she held it up for me to see. It had a cartoon frog stamped at the top, which I would have thought was cute back when I was reading stories to Henry. Now, as a cop, I know that it's a symbol of white nationalists. There was nothing cute about the message, either. "Stop trying to replace the white race, or the school will have to replace you."

I asked her if the threat is because of her efforts to ensure that Stanton is held responsible for his racist behavior. She said she didn't know. She'd had threats before but never at the university. When I told her that I'd keep an eye on her, she smiled and thanked me. But she also assured me that my protectiveness would in no way affect my grade. Fair enough.

She did give the class an update on her progress regarding Stanton. She thinks he's about to be charged. Maybe that was the source of the warning. For all we know, it could have come from Stanton himself. It took some doing, but I convinced her to let me get it run for fingerprints. I'll have to make sure that hers and mine are excluded.

Given the warning note, maybe Ryan was trying to distract herself from a racism discussion. She brought up other forms of discrimination, including ageism. When one of the other students asked me about how the L.A.P.D. treated me, I told the class about some of what Grey had said to me. I tried not to make it sound too heavy, but I could see the anger building in Ryan's eyes.

At first, I thought she was pissed off at me for being long-winded, but she wasn't. She pointed out to the class that Grey's outright discriminatory behavior against me was as much against both the law and L.A.P.D. regs as discrimination on the basis of sex or ethnicity. In fact, a court case had firmly established that the L.A.P.D. couldn't discriminate against anyone capable of doing the job, simply on the basis of age.

I knew that. It was one of the reasons I decided to move to L.A. to become a cop. But I hadn't really thought about Grey as a bigot, just a tough taskmaster – and sometimes a jerk. But he is married to Luna, who's Tamar's friend, so I'm not about to pursue anything that would cause trouble for him. And Tamar told me Luna's been trying to talk him into retiring. Clearly, she hasn't succeeded, at least not yet. But in a month, Grey won't be able to bounce me for the most trivial reason anymore. I can deal with him. But honestly, sometimes I wish I didn't have to. At least Harper has my back.

I told Ryan that I wanted to follow her home, just for safety. She objected at first, but her heart didn't seem to be in it. In the end, she gave her consent. I thought I spotted a pickup truck tailing her from the university, but it turned off before she turned into her street. It could have been nothing, but I got the plate. I'll run it in the morning. Actually, I think I'll ask Harper to run it and the fingerprints as well. If Grey is still looking for a reason to jump on me, using police resources without an official case, even for someone working with the L.A.P.D., would be as good as any.

Now that Ryan brought up what she considers Grey's blatant ageism, it's at the front of my mind. I'd love to talk to Tamar about it, but since she's Luna's friend, it's the first thing I'm hesitant to bring up with her. I resent Grey for putting any kind of barrier between Tamar and me, even if it wasn't deliberate. It's another reason I'm increasingly determined to make sure he doesn't get his way. I'm going to become a cop, and I'm going to have a career as a T.O.


Harper pulls the shop out of the garage onto the street. "I ran the plate number you gave me, Nolan. You had good instincts. The guy has a string of assaults, bar fights. Everyone he attacked was black. He's also believed to be associated with the 14 Club. Nothing on the prints yet."

"Isn't 14 a white supremacist symbol?" Nolan asks.

"It is in more than one way," Harper confirms. "This guy is hardcore, Nolan. If he's after your professor, she could have a serious problem."

"I'll make sure that she doesn't," Nolan declares.

Harper rolls her eyes. "Always the guardian, Nolan. She may need the warrior on this one too."

Nolan's fingers curl into fists. "Whoever she needs, she'll get. Can we check in on the Community Policing Center?"

A smile twitches Harper's lips. "I don't suppose Tamar is there."

"It's her first day back since she was pepper-sprayed," Nolan admits. "I want to make sure she's OK."

"All right, Nolan," Harper agrees. "I'll give you ten minutes unless we get a call. But you'll owe me."

Nolan sighs. "I always do."


John takes a seat with Tamar at one of the tables in the center. "I wanted to make sure you were all right coming back here."

Tamar flashes a rueful smile. "It took me a minute to get through the door. The place still smells like pepper. But I'm OK. I've been arranging the deliveries of fresh vegetables. We'll have a few more kids eating healthy, despite themselves."

John takes her hand. "That's terrific. And the guys at the division are donating a case of peanut butter."

"Good for them. But that's not what's on your mind, is it John? Every time we've talked since Wade Grey left the hospital, I've sensed you were holding something back. I know I'm Luna's friend, but if he's getting under your skin, you can tell me about it. Luna does. Over the years, he's managed to tick her off plenty."

"Probably not the way he's ticked me off. I've been letting it go. Sometimes I've even convinced myself that I deserved it. But I've been talking to Professor Ryan. I've told you what a firebrand she is about civil rights. I've been thinking that was mostly about race, like what Stanton did. But she's told me that the way Grey's been leaning on me, hazing me really, because of my age, is just as bad. He's been doing it since the first day I walked into roll call. And I don't think he's gone to the mat for me like he did for Lucy and Jackson. Maybe just the opposite. He's wanted me to wash out. He's never made a secret of it, but he's always said he was doing it for the safety of the other officers. He made me believe that. But after what Professor Ryan said, I'm not sure."

Tamara reaches up, running her fingertips through John's hair. "I've known Wade for years. And I can tell you that he's far from perfect. He has his prejudices like pretty much everyone. And he rationalizes them like pretty much everyone. I've seen people do that at every protest I've ever organized. And that's a lot of them. Wade probably believes what he told you about protecting his people. That may even include you. But if you think he's been unfair, you not only have the right to say so, it's your duty. There will be other older rookies coming behind you. They won't deserve to be treated that way either."

John draws in a deep breath. "Thank you. I needed to hear that." He can feel her squeeze of encouragement warming his fingers.

"Nolan," Harper calls from the doorway, "We've got a 2-11."

"Talk to you later," Nolan promises Tamar and runs to catch up to his T.O.