Just Us Girls
"Hey, there you are." AJ smiled, walking outside onto the front porch of the vacation home she had rented for the week. It was a place she had found online, in the middle of nowhere, exactly what she was looking for when she decided to take the girls away.
Thea had gotten out of hospital and after a few weeks taking it easy at home, they hit the road, just the four of them to Thea's disappointment.
"Where else would I be? There's nothing here." Thea scoffed, sitting on the sofa in the corner of the porch, hugging her knees with a book beside her. AJ noticed the bookmark was still in one of the first pages.
"That's by design." AJ nodded, taking a seat at the other side of the couch, "I was gonna make a start on breakfast if you want to help." She said.
"I'm not really hungry." Thea shook her head.
"The doctor said that might be the case for a little while." AJ reminded her, "You still need to eat."
"I'll have a granola bar or something." Thea said with agitation.
"C'mon, what was your favourite breakfast as a kid and I'll make it." AJ nodded.
"No offence, but you never made any of my favourite breakfasts." Thea told her honestly as AJ nodded, knowing that to be true. Her husband did top her when it came to breakfast cookery.
Thea looked at her mother, watching her looking down, probably thinking of what to say next. She felt lucky to have a mom who was trying so hard, even if she didn't express it. Things were just difficult right now.
"You could do chocolate chip pancakes." Thea nodded as AJ turned to her hopefully, "I like when you make them." She said, "But when you make them like the mini ones. Not the huge ones." She explained as AJ nodded.
"Ok, I can do that." AJ smiled, "Anything else?"
"No, just that." Thea nodded.
"Ok." AJ smiled, leaning over and rubbing Thea's shoulder before leaving the porch and heading back into the house.
She was finding it the most difficult to see what an upheaval her habits and destructive behaviours had been for her family. She was already dealing with so much, but the added guilt for upsetting them all with her overdose was making it even harder.
She watched as Jude came out of the house, wearing some yellow shorts and a t-shirt with a sunflower on it. She looked the exact opposite of how Thea felt.
Coming round over the past few weeks, being fully sober and clean, it had reminded her of all the horrible things she had said and done to her sister during her spiralling substance abuse. Things like stealing her sister's lunch money, leaving them both in the house by themselves.
"Where are you going?" Thea asked her eleven year old little sister.
"I was going to chalk the road." Jude said, standing at the top of the steps, holding a bucket of chalk.
"Can I help you?" Thea asked. It sounded more inviting than sitting in her own head.
"Yeah." Jude shrugged, walking down the steps off the porch and onto the road. Thea followed after, making her way over to Jude nervously. She wondered if her sister was scared of her, or if she hated her guts like she hated herself.
"Did you bring the chalk?" Thea asked as Jude nodded.
"Yeah." Jude said, kneeling down on the concrete and reaching for a piece of chalk.
"You're just… you're just drawing whatever?" Thea asked, sitting down beside her, folding her legs in a basket and reaching for a piece of chalk.
"Yeah." Jude nodded.
"Ok." Thea said, "I like your t-shirt, by the way." She turned to Jude who looked at her, trying to assess if she was being sarcastic or not, "No, I really like it."
"I got it for my birthday." Jude mumbled.
"It's very you." Thea smiled, "Bright and colourful." She nodded as Jude smiled a little.
"You can wear colours too, you know." Jude scoffed as Thea looked at her grey sweats and white t-shirt she had on.
"At least I'm not wearing black." Thea said.
"That's true." Jude nodded, swapping chalk colours as Thea watched her, trying to copy what she was doing. So much time had gone by where she hadn't been paying attention to her sister, that she hadn't even noticed what a talent she had.
"So what do you really think of this place?" Thea broke the silence.
"I don't know." Jude shrugged, "I think it's supposed to be quiet for you." She nodded, "So you can relax." She said. She'd picked up little conversations her mom had with her uncle and grandmother over the few weeks.
"This isn't relaxing." Thea scoffed, "It's creepy. I lie awake at night and think someone's gonna break in and murder us." She rolled her eyes, "With an axe." She added, "Like a lumberjack or something."
"Why would you think that?" Jude shook her head at the absurdity.
"I don't know." Thea shrugged, "I'd feel better if Jackson was here." She nodded, playing with the chalk in her hand.
"Why? I thought he was being mean to you and you didn't like each other anymore." Jude said childishly.
"No." Thea shook her head, "It was just… complicated." She nodded, "I'll get better and we'll be fine again." She told herself.
"Mom wanted it just to be a girls trip." Jude said sassily as Thea nodded, "Don't you like hanging out with us more than your boyfriend?" She questioned.
"No, that's not it." Thea defended, "No, I just… I just miss him that's all." She summed up, "When did you last see dad?" She asked curiously.
"Uh… the day before we came here." Jude nodded.
"Does he ask about me?" Thea asked curiously as Jude turned to her. At a young age she'd mastered taking care of herself and her own feelings. She wanted to see her father and so she did. She didn't think about it in complicated or emotional manners like her sister. But she knew there was something more to her sister's behaviour. They all did.
"Yeah, he asks how you are but mom said I should tell him you're fine because we're not telling him that you were in hospital or that you tried to die." Jude said as Thea looked at her, not realising her sister was so aware. Not realising that her baby sister was actually grown up. She wasn't that little baby she used to tease and torment. She was growing up and she knew damn well what was going on around her.
"I didn't try to die." Thea said quietly.
"Yes you did." Jude said expertly, "Because you're sad." She nodded, changing chalk colours again, concentrating back on her drawings as Thea watched her.
"It was just an accident." Thea nodded.
"It's ok, Cassie just thinks you've been sick. With a sore stomach." Jude said, "And at school, people aren't talking about you or anything. Not in my year anyway. And I just told my friends that you've just not been feeling good." Jude nodded.
"Thanks." Thea nodded.
"That's ok." Jude said, leaning forward and adding more colour to her rainbow.
"You're really good." Thea smiled.
"I won a competition." Jude told her sister excitedly. She'd not had the chance to talk to her sister normally for so long. She'd missed her. So much.
"What did you win?" Thea smiled.
"A bag of sour patch kids." Jude shrugged as Thea chuckled a little, "I gave them to dad." She nodded.
"They're his favourite."
"They're his favourite."
They both said at the same time, looking at one another for a second. They realised, years ago, that only they could understand what it felt like to live with their father locked away. No one else could understand that feeling except them.
"Thea! Jude!" Four year old Cassie yelled, running out of the house.
"Watch the steps!" Thea yelled motherly to their sister who never looked where she was going, watching as she rushed down the stairs, holding a plate with her pancakes, rushing over to them.
"Why are you always running?" Jude asked Cassie with confusion as the four year old sat down in between them, exhausted from her short run to them.
"So I can get to eat my pancakes." Cassie explained, sitting the plate on the ground, folding her legs in a basket and tucking into her pancakes using her hands as Thea raised a brow.
"What did you do to your leg?" Thea nudged her sister's scabbed leg.
"I did it when I was playing soccer." Cassie said, "A girl tackled me." She nodded, "I was mad."
"No kidding." Thea laughed, "Your nose is running." Thea poked Cassie's cheek.
"Stop picking at me!" Cassie yelled with frustration as Thea and Jude chuckled, "What are you doing?" She asked them.
"Using chalk to draw." Jude told her.
"Well mommy said I've to say that pancakes are ready." Cassie told them, "You have to go get them." She nodded.
"Alright." Thea said, turning around and noticing their mother leaving the house with a plate of the pancakes she'd made, bringing breakfast out to them.
"You girls don't wanna come inside and eat them?" AJ smiled.
"It's hot out." Jude shook her head.
"Yeah I'm warm, mommy." Cassie looked up at AJ unhappily.
"Take your cardigan off then." AJ suggested, sitting the plate of pancakes down for Jude and Thea, "What about juice?" She asked them.
"Orange." Jude nodded, "Please."
"Yeah, I'll just have that." Thea said as AJ nodded, heading back into the house to get juice for them.
"Why are they mini?" Jude looked at the pancakes.
"I like them mini." Thea shrugged as Jude laughed a little, picking a pancake up whilst AJ came back with juice and glasses, sitting them down for them, pouring Cassie's in case she spilled some, which didn't go unnoticed to Cassie.
"I can pour it myself." Cassie rolled her eyes.
"I'm just helping." AJ smiled, "Ok, you guys good?"
"You aren't having any?" Thea asked as AJ looked at her.
"Mommy you like the sun and the sun is out." Cassie pointed out as AJ nodded.
"I do like the sun." AJ smiled, "Ok, I'll crash the party." She nodded, sitting down on the ground, creating a circle with them.
"Will I pour your juice because you poured mine?" Cassie asked AJ sassily, kneeling up and squaring her mother up as Thea chuckled.
"Oh, go for it, madam." AJ shook her head as Cassie reached for the jug, pouring the juice carefully, spilling some which ran down into Jude's chalk drawings.
"Oh, Cassie." Jude scoffed.
"Oops." Cassie giggled, handing AJ the juice.
"Thanks, baby." AJ laughed a little.
"Sorry, Jude." Cassie said as Jude just shook her head with a smile whilst AJ turned to Thea, noticing she was laughing to herself, eating some of her pancake. It was the first she'd heard her laugh in such a long time.
