Still Here
"Can you make it inside alright?" Thea asked, parked outside Cassie's house, dropping her off on the way home after they'd left Jude at her hotel.
"I'm not that drunk." Cassie insisted as Thea nodded with a smile, "I hope Theo is awake." She said.
"Ok, well go." Thea shook her head with a laugh as Cassie turned to her.
"Are you alright?" Cassie asked as Thea looked at her.
"I'm fine, Cassie." Thea nodded.
"Yeah but you'd say that anyway." Cassie said, "Please… please tell us if you're not alright." She nodded, taking a hold of Thea's hand, swaying it back and forth.
"I would." Thea nodded, "I get help now. There's nothing for you to worry about." She said as Cassie looked at her.
"How'd one guy end up destroying both of my sisters huh?" Cassie shook her head, leaning her head against the window behind her.
"You make it sound like some kind of high school drama." Thea scoffed.
"Yeah if only." Cassie rolled her eyes, "Seriously. If you need help-"
"I get help." Thea nodded, "I have medication that properly works for me. And therapy. And a really good husband." She said.
"I always like Dominic." Cassie nodded, folding her arms.
"Yeah?" Thea raised her eyebrows, "Get out of my car." She smiled as Cassie chuckled.
"Alright alright. I'm going." Cassie put her hands up, "If Theo's not up… I am waking him." She vowed, getting out of the car, "Goodbye." She wiggled her fingers into the car before slamming the door shut.
She made her way into her house, locking the door behind her, kicking her shoes off at the door, unsteadily drunk but not unaware of her surroundings.
She headed upstairs, taking her jacket off along the way, making her way into the bedroom where she saw Theo was sleeping. She huffed angrily like a child, walking her way around the bed, stripping out of her clothes, leaning over and trying to identify if he was really asleep.
She let out a cough here and there, wondering if it would subtly wake him, but he stayed fast asleep. She eventually got into bed after making 'accidental' noises around the room that failed to wake her husband.
She hugged into his body, kissing his chin as he moved a little, mumbling sleepily as she looked up at him with a smile. She kissed his chin again, kissing his cheek and then eventually his lips as he stirred a little more, opening his eyes and looking down as she grinned.
"Don't tell me it's almost six." He mumbled in a sleepy voice as she shook her head.
"Only twelve." She told him as he nodded happily.
"Can I help you with something?" He smiled a little, feeling her playing with the rim of his boxer shorts under the covers.
"Maybe." She nodded.
"What do you want?" He asked her.
"You." She looked up at him as he laughed a little.
"You're drunk." He laughed a little, kissing her nose sweetly.
"Not really." She said, tracing her hand up his chest, cupping his cheek and reaching up for his lips, which he was more than welcoming.
He placed his hand on her waist, sliding down and squeezing her butt as she chuckled into the kiss, rolling on top of him and deepening the kiss.
"There's nothing else I'd give up sleep for." He said as she smiled, kissing his neck.
"Oh, I know." She smiled, kissing down his body, pulling his boxers down and disappearing between his legs as he ran his hand through her hair.
"Fuck." Theo moaned, closing his eyes and smiling, keeping his hand on her head as it moved up and down.
She eventually made her way back up his body, straddling herself over his hips, pulling her t-shirt off and throwing it on the floor before leaning down to get his lips with hers.
"Am I doing all the hard work?" She asked as he nodded.
"Yeah, go on." Theo nodded as she smiled, pulling her panties to the side before guiding him inside, lowering her hips down slowly and smiling.
"Fuck." She whispered, placing her hands on his chest and rolling her head back, biting her lip as Theo watched her.
"You're so beautiful." He said, taking hold at the side of her neck, pulling her down and kissing her as she took hold of his arms, moving her hips up and down on him whilst moaning into his mouth.
"When was the last time someone was down here?" Thea shook her head, crouched down in front of Sam's grave, picking the weeds from around the headstone, "Probably me." She figured, dusting the top of the headstone with her hand and sighing.
"I really miss talking to you." She sighed. Losing her grandmother had really hit her hard, and continued to hit her hard. To most she was a waste of space but to her she was her closest confidant since she was a teenager, and at a time, her only friend. She missed their talks every day.
"Jude is coming back to live in Chicago." She said, "I never thought I'd see the day." She shook her head, "I don't envy her whole situation that's for damn sure." She said, "But I'm glad she's gonna be around more. And I do hope her and Sean work things out. If it was supposed to be over, it'd be over by now." She nodded.
"Oh, dad is reading mom's letters." She remembered to say, as if she was truly talking to her grandmother. To her, she was.
"Yeah he found them in the attic." She nodded, sitting on the grass, folding her legs in a basket, "I'm sure you're featured a lot. You were really there for us when dad was gone. Even mom admits that." She said, "I haven't thought about that time in my life in a while but recently it's… it's literally all I've been thinking about." She shook her head tiredly, "The drinking, the drugs, Jackson… having basically no life." She said, "I mean… what the hell was I doing to myself?" She shook her head.
She looked at the headstone, closing her eyes and imagining her grandmother was standing right in front of her, smiling to herself, "You were really there for me. You didn't have to be. And maybe it was because you felt like you owed it to my dad but… I don't care." She shrugged, opening her eyes and sighing, "I don't think he knows even half of what actually happened." She shook her head, "And that's not his fault. I just… maybe I wish I still went to visit him. Maybe if I spoke to him about what was happening, get it off my chest, it would have been easier." She nodded, "Now I'm forty and it's like he's reading my damn memoir or something." She laughed a little.
"It's a depressing memoir." Punk nodded, standing a few footsteps away behind the other row of graves.
Thea jumped with fright, turning around and getting to her feet as he walked over to her.
"How long have you been creeping on me?" Thea asked, offended as he smiled.
"I just got here." Punk nodded, "I didn't really want to interrupt your conversation but…" He shrugged as she folded her arms, looking over at the grave.
"You guys barely look after it down here." Thea said as Punk nodded.
"I know. Shame on us." He said seriously as she nodded in agreement.
"How come you're coming down here anyway?" She asked curiously. She knew he rarely came down here to Sam's grave. Really only her birthday and anniversary.
"I was… I was actually coming down here to thank her." Punk nodded as Thea looked at him, "I don't believe in an afterlife or any of that bullshit." He added as Thea rolled her eyes and nodded.
"I'm aware." Thea said.
"But…" He shrugged, "I guess I just needed to get it out. I should have said it to her when she was still here."
"I'm sure you did. You guys were ok in the end." Thea nodded.
"I don't know if she ever believed me, though." Punk said.
"What are you thanking her for exactly?" Thea wondered curiously.
"For being around when I was in prison." Punk said, "For you. For your mom." He nodded.
"So you're still doing your reading?" Thea nodded.
"I'm almost done." Punk nodded, looking down at her, "Thea." He said as she looked up at him, "I'm sorry." He nodded, "For everything you went through. For not being able to be there for you." He shook his head.
"We've done this before." Thea sighed, shaking her head. Part of her felt more vulnerable now. Knowing her father knew the details she'd managed to keep from him all this time.
"And what the hell did I know before?" Punk shook his head, "It's just hit me that… I could have been in prison, and got a phone call to tell me that my daughter was dead." He shook his head, "Because she didn't want to be here anymore."
"I didn't." Thea nodded, "How… How much did mom write about?" She asked curiously, quickly wiping her tear that had escaped.
"A lot." Punk nodded, "I… somehow I feel like I barely know you girls at all." He shook his head.
"You know us." Thea assured him, "And I'm still here." She shrugged, voice cracking a little as he nodded.
"Yeah, you're still here." Punk nodded with relief, pulling her into a hug, "You're still here." He said thankfully, leaning his chin on her head and closing his eyes.
Knowing just how close he was to losing her, knowing the details, the suffering and pain that truly went on when he was gone, the only thing he wanted to do was hold her. Hold her the way he wished he could have when she was seventeen.
