Chapter Five || Conflicted
Opening the door to her house, Tori felt for the light switch on the wall and flipped it on. She immediately screamed when she saw someone sitting at her kitchen table. It was none other than Andre, still in his costume from the play and holding a red mug in his hand. "Andre?!" she exclaimed, shutting the front door. "What are you doing?!"
He took a sip from the mug before saying, "Drinking cocoa." He gave her a small smile as he lifted a plate of pastries with another hand. "Cookies?"
"Andre, I meant what are you doing in my house?!" She walked over to him with big steps. "And how did you even get in here?"
Andre shrugged. "Robbie leaves a spare key by the bush in front of your window."
Tori raised an eyebrow. "He what?... Never mind, can you just tell me why you're at my house at ten p.m.?"
He gave Tori a nervous look before sipping some more hot cocoa. Tori sighed, crossing her arms and tapping her foot on the floor with impatience. Andre didn't know how to say what was really on his mind. How could he say it without Tori freaking out? He decided to play it cool. "It's nothin' really," he said, taking a bite from a cookie. "It's just that... I think I'm in love with Jade." He paused to swallow his food. "Again."
Tori's jaw dropped at his words. "Andre?!"
"I know!" he exclaimed, finally freaking out. "But you know what? This is all your fault, Tori!"
"What? How is it my fault?"
He stood up and pointed at her. "I told you to throw away that song I wrote for Jade, so why did she find it three days ago and shove it in my face?"
Tori winced, knowing that she screwed up. "Ugh, I'm sorry, Andre. But the song was so cute, I just couldn't bring myself to throw it out."
"Yeah, well now I'm in love with her, and I'm getting wonky all over again!" he exclaimed, grabbing his head as he sat back down.
"Dude, we've already been over this. You can't love Jade. She and Beck are like, joined at the hip or something," she said, pulling out a chair next to him and sitting down. "You'll never find them without each other. And you can't do that to Beck!"
"Tori, it's different this time." He shoved his mug away from him and put his elbows on the kitchen table. "The last time I had a crush on Jade, I wasn't that close to her. I mean, yeah, we've been friends for years, but I really only saw her as Beck's girl. It's just that this past year we've been hanging out a lot more. We're close friends now, and I don't know if I can hide this from her the way I did last time."
Tori threw her hands in the air, at a loss for words. "Okay, so what's your plan? Are you going to ask her out? Convince her to dump Beck for you?"
"No, I'm not gonna do that!"
"Then what are you gonna do?"
"I don't know, Tori," Andre whined, leaning his head against her shoulder.
She shook her head. "Aw, come here..." Tori patted his shoulder as he had a mini-breakdown, telling him it was going to be okay. Andre wasn't sure if Jade felt the same way, but Andre had to put himself out there and let her know how he felt. He didn't want to break Beck and Jade up, he just wanted to let his feelings out before he lost his mind. This time, Andre knew he couldn't ignore the chemistry he felt when they were singing on stage.
He made up his mind: he wasn't going to run from his feelings. Not again.
The next day...
Jade decided to wear her comfort outfit to school: a red and black flannel, ripped jeans, and brown combat boots. Though she preferred wearing her black skirts, tights, and heels, today was not the day. She barely slept last night, tossing and turning until dawn. Her mother and father had been arguing for hours about his new wife and how he never visits Jade anymore. To top it off, his new wife showed up at the front door to see what was taking so long, and her dog left a little present right on their porch. Jade felt like pulling her hair out from how loud they were shouting.
And how could she sleep with everything that was on her mind? Things were still rocky with Beck, her home life couldn't have been worse, and now she wasn't sure how she felt about Andre. How could she even be conflicted about Andre? She must've woken up in a parallel universe. It was the only sane explanation...
"Hi!" Cat said in a singsong voice, skipping over to her friend's side. "What's wrong, Jade?"
"What makes you think something's wrong?" Jade said, refusing to make eye contact as she continued walking down the hall.
"Well, you're doing that thing you do with your eyebrows whenever you're sad," Cat said nonchalantly.
Cat was Jade's best friend, no matter how much the redhead got on her nerves. They were close and knew each other's emotions well at this point. "Don't look at my eyebrows," Jade commanded, entering Sikowitz's classroom. She didn't feel like having her emotions analyzed by anyone today. Jade was cranky, and rightfully so. She didn't need anyone to tell her that.
Cat looked down at the floor as she followed behind Jade. "Sorry..."
The rest of the group was already in their seats. Cat took the seat next to Robbie, while Tori and Beck were sitting next to each other. Jade would've usually been peeved off by this, but today she didn't care. She just wanted to get the day over with so she could enjoy her weekend in solitude. The only seat left was next to Andre, so she sat there.
Andre could feel a cold sweat beginning to form on his forehead. Jade was sitting right next to him and it was taking everything in him not to blurt out how he felt. Especially not with Beck in the room only a couple of feet away. But he had to get her attention somehow.
He glanced in her direction and saw her leaning back in her chair, arms crossed and legs stretched out. Her black hair looked a little messy as if she didn't have much time to brush it in the morning. Was she tired? Andre looked away before she could catch him staring.
Jade had caught him staring, anyway. Was he staring out of boredom, or did he feel the same way about their performance together as she did? She wasn't sure what to make of it, and it was making her angry. It seemed like she had no control of anything in her life at this point. She had to know what he was thinking. The uncertainty of everything was about to drive her insane.
As Sikowitz called some of the students on stage to reenact the Civil War with Australian accents, Andre felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned his head and saw Jade facing him. She tilted her head, gesturing to the door of the classroom. When she quietly got up and walked out of the classroom with her bag, Andre did the same. No one seemed to notice that they had left.
He wasn't sure where they were heading or why they were skipping class, but he didn't question it. He followed Jade to the music room and watched as she shut the door behind them. "What's your problem?" she snapped, glaring at him with her intense eyes.
Andre looked back at her, dumbfounded. "Uh..."
"You were staring at me for at least a minute just now in class. And last night, during that performance, the way you looked at me then. I..." she trailed off, unsure of what to say next. Should she tell him that she felt some kind of weird attraction toward him? That now whenever she saw him, her heart would skip a beat? No, she couldn't possibly say that. She'd rather get hit by a bus than say something as cliche like that. "I don't understand. Do you have something you want to tell me or not?"
Even though this was what he wanted, now that she was right in front of his face, he couldn't make the words come out. Once he said what was on his mind, there was no way to take it back. "Jade, I don't know if we should talk about this right now."
"And why not?"
"You're... upset," he replied, trying to find the right word to use without getting her fired up. "Let's just talk about this later when-"
She interrupted, pointing a finger at him. "Don't tell me how I'm feeling. I'm very aware of my emotions," she said abruptly. "And why does everyone feel the need to label me? I'm the 'mean girl', the girl who can't control her temper, the one who pushes people away, everyone's afraid of her. I'm sick of it!"
Here it was: the bottled-up emotions ready to explode. She started to pace around the room as she continued her rant. "Maybe if everyone would get off my case and leave me alone, I wouldn't be so angry all the time. And maybe if I could just have full control over one thing in my life, just one, I wouldn't want to... to-"
She snarled as she reached for the hammer in her purse, hurling it across the room. It landed on the back wall, creating a loud thud that made Andre flinch.
"What the- Why do you have a hammer in your purse?!" he exclaimed in shock.
"For whenever I feel like throwing one across the room!"
Normally, he would've run out of the room by now. Jade was having another one of her moments that made people want to get as far away from her as possible. But this time, he could tell that there was a lot on her mind. Something was bothering her, and he'd feel bad if he didn't at least try to help her, no matter how scared she made him. This wasn't just a little crush he had on her this time. He actually did care about her.
"Did you... maybe wanna... talk about it?" he asked carefully, watching closely to make sure she didn't make any sudden moves.
Jade crossed her arms and glanced over at him. "Why would I want to talk about it?"
"If you get it off your chest, you might feel better."
"That's stupid." She scoffed, looking down at the ground. Why would someone want to listen to the problems in her home life, anyway? The only person who really listened was Cat, but she was... well, she was Cat.
"Come on, just try it. Talking about it always helps me," Andre said, thinking about the many times he'd gone to Tori for help with his problems. He took a couple of steps closer to Jade. "Or, I guess we could always go back to class-"
"Sit," she commanded him, pointing to the wall.
He nodded, sitting against the wall of the music room. Jade followed suit, placing her purse on the floor and sitting a foot or two away from him so they were nearly side by side. She usually would never do this with anyone else, but she trusted Andre somewhat. He wasn't as punchable as the others in their group, and he had the most common sense, too. If she could count on anyone to be a good friend, it was Andre, no doubt. With a big sigh, Jade shrugged and decided to try this whole "talking it out" thing. Whatever that was. "My parents make me want to slam my head into a wall. Repeatedly."
Well, it wasn't exactly what Andre was expecting to hear. He was hoping her thoughts would be less violent, but he wasn't too surprised. "Okay," he said, his voice a little higher than usual. He cleared his throat and slowly nodded his head. "Any reason in particular?"
"Well, my mom is always criticizing me and telling me I'm going down the 'wrong path', my father barely even looks at me, and whenever they have to talk they argue all night so loudly that I can barely sleep," she said, shaking her head. "Oh, and Beck is being a dipstick and wants us to go on a break because of our argument the night of the play. So yeah, life's just great."
Andre took a moment to process everything she had told him. He assumed Jade probably didn't have the best relationship with her parents, considering it's Jade we're talking about here, but he didn't know exactly how bad it was for her when she went home. And without Beck, who else did she have? Besides Cat, and maybe Tori, Jade didn't seem to have anyone on her side in life. "Jade, how come you never told anyone about that? About your parents fighting and keeping you up at night?"
She shrugged. "I don't need everyone knowing my business. It's not like they would understand, anyway."
"I would," Andre replied, slightly turning himself toward her. "You've met my grandma before, right? She used to be really sweet- you know, before she lost her mind. Now I always have to check the fridge every night to make sure a man's not 'hiding in it', and I gotta convince her at least seven times a day that her television ain't coming to life. Sometimes I barely get time for myself."
Jade brought her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them. "Yeah, your grandma's a real whack job," she commented, looking at the floor. She appreciated his empathy but didn't exactly know how to say it. She could already feel the teeniest bit of weight being lifted off her chest after finally venting to someone. It was like her lungs could breathe in more air and her shoulders weren't as tense anymore.
"That's one way to put it," Andre said, giving her a side-eye. He decided to let her comment slide given that she was letting her walls down just a little bit. "Look, I get how it is to feel like everything's going to chiz sometimes. Like nothing is going your way. But you got friends here, Jade. You just gotta let us in."
Jade understood everything he was saying completely, but that didn't mean she liked it. It was going to be a long time before Jade became an open book, if ever. Opening up to people wasn't her strong suit. At all. She silently acknowledged his words, scratching the back of her neck. "Hand me my tumbler from my purse. I need caffeine," she said, rubbing her temples.
Andre reached over into her purse and pulled out the hot tumbler filled with coffee. As he handed it to her, she gently grabbed it from him, taking a couple of sips from it. Man, she had been waiting all morning for that sweet, sweet taste of bitter, black coffee. Hopefully, it was enough to keep her awake throughout the day. "You never answered my question," she said to Andre in between sips.
He raised an eyebrow. "What was your question?"
"Why were you staring at me during class this morning? And why were you acting weird during the performance?" Her eyelids were heavy, but she tried her best to stay awake to hear what he had to say for himself. She had to know.
Andre opened his mouth but still couldn't speak. Why was it so hard to say? But he had to do it. He couldn't keep this to himself forever. And she and Beck were probably going to break up soon anyway, again. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he and Jade...
There was a long moment of silence before he finally spoke. "Look, I've been trying to think of the right way to say this. I just don't want you to freak out or throw a hammer at me, all right?"
"Just spit it out, Andre," she muttered groggily. She was going on two hours of sleep and the caffeine didn't seem to be enough. Andre was taking too long with whatever it was he had to say.
Andre was going back and forth between telling her that it was nothing, that it was all just a misunderstanding and he had no feelings for her, and telling the truth. They were silent for a couple of moments longer before he spoke again. "Jade, I..." he trailed off, fiddling with his thumbs. With a deep breath, he decided he needed to be as open and honest with her as possible. "I think I love you." He couldn't believe he actually said it. "And look, I know it's crazy, I do. But just hear me out. I think maybe, if you can just give me a chance, I..."
He felt something on his shoulder. Turning his head, he saw Jade's head tilted to the side, her eyes closed. The tumbler was still in her hand, resting perfectly on her lap. She had fallen asleep on his shoulder. "You didn't hear any of that, did you?" he asked, disappointed.
Jade was so much more peaceful when she was sleeping. It really must've been a rough night for her, because she was fast asleep already. Andre almost try to wake her up before remembering Cat's warnings about disturbing Jade when she's sleeping. Unless he wanted to be tackled and punched, it was best he let her wake up on her own. Hopefully soon, because having Jade leaning on his shoulder was making his heart beat way too fast.
He decided she probably needed any sleep she could get, so he leaned his head back against the wall and shut his own eyes. No harm in a little rest, right? Just until the class period was over.
It only felt like seconds, but Andre and Jade were napping for over an hour. There were noises of shoes scuffling in the room, causing Andre and Jade to stir awake. Jade rubbed her eyes, confused on where she was and how she fell asleep. She then remembered that she had been talking with Andre in the music room, drinking coffee that obviously seemed to have no effect on her. She must've fallen asleep in the middle of their conversation, and on his shoulder, too. Her face felt hot from realizing that she fell asleep on him, but her thoughts were interrupted by whispers and shushes coming from the room. When she looked up, she saw a group of girls staring at the two, their eyes wide open as if they were looking at an exhibit in the zoo.
"What are you freaks staring at?" Jade demanded to know, still grouchy from just having woken up. Andre looked at the group of girls as well, wondering how long he'd been out. Did they miss lunch? He looked at the clock and saw the time. School was almost over.
The girls started jumping and squealing with excitement. "Oh my god, oh my god, does this mean Beck's single?!" one of them exclaimed. "Let's go find him!"
Andre could feel his stomach drop. "Hey, wait!" he shouted as the girls started to run out of the room.
"Get back here!" Jade yelled after them. They both stood and took a couple of steps in their direction, but they were already out of the room. Jade and Andre both gave each other a nervous look. This wasn't going to go well...
