Dealing With It
"I feel like I don't know what to say." Jude admitted, sitting downstairs in the coffee shop with Sean, Theo and Cassie. AJ and Punk had gone up to visit Sofia, "To Thea and Dominic." She said.
"I guess there's nothing you really can say." Theo said, "Nothing to make it better anyway."
"I can't imagine it. I can't imagine it for Sofia and I can't imagine it for Thea and Dominic." Cassie shook her head.
"There's ways around these things, though." Sean nodded positively, "There's so much new technology these days… maybe there's something they could do for her. Maybe there's some kind of corrective surgery." He said.
"Thea's a doctor. If she knew there was a way to fix this then she wouldn't look as terrible as she does right now." Jude shook her head.
"Is it inappropriate to say that it could have been worse?" Theo asked as Cassie turned to him, "It could have been." He defended, "You said she was in good spirits and the surgery went well that she had. Maybe Thea and Dominic are upset about what's happening but… I think they'll also be pretty glad they go to sleep with a daughter who is still alive." Theo nodded.
"He's right." Jude agreed, "But… it's still sore to think about."
"Yeah I think it's a pretty bad situation when you have to tell yourself that things could be worse only if she was dead." Cassie shook her head.
"You know what I mean." Theo said.
"I know." Cassie said, placing her hand on his back reassuringly.
"There's still a chance that it could just be a temporary thing, right?" Jude nodded, "I mean, we gotta hold onto that."
"I think if it was temporary, it's expiration would be up by now." Cassie nodded.
"We just gotta be there for them." Theo said, "Do whatever we can to help."
"Of course." Jude nodded, "We should start by convincing them both to go home and sleep but I can already see how that conversation will go."
"No, we're staying." Thea shook her head, speaking to her father outside Sofia's room whilst AJ was in with Dominic visiting her granddaughter.
"You gotta sleep. And you gotta eat." Punk nodded, "She needs you to be on top form right now."
"We'll sleep here." Thea said, "I don't wanna leave her. Not right now. Nurses go in and out of her room and she doesn't like it.' She said.
"Me and your mom can stay with her then. You and Dominic can go home and get some sleep. Shower. Recharge your batteries." Punk nodded as Thea just shook her head stubbornly.
"I think I'm in shock." Thea admitted. At times, she felt dazed. Completely knocked on her ass by what was going on. It was sinking in but at the same time it truly wasn't. The magnitude of the situation was just too big.
"Of course you are." Punk nodded, "But she's in there, and she's doing good." He assured her, looking through the window where Sofia was sitting up in bed talking to AJ, "I don't think a lot of us know what to say to you or Dominic right now. I'll be honest." He said as Thea turned to him, "But just hear me out on one thing I do know." He nodded as she looked up at him, "This does not hinder her life." He shook his head.
"She can't see anything." Thea screwed her eyes up, taking slight offence to his comment, "Don't you dare." She whispered a little, turning away from him and looking back at Sofia through the window.
"Thea-"
"No. Don't you stand there and lie to me. This does hinder her life. This changes her life forever. She will not have a normal life." Thea spat quietly, "She won't grow up the same way little girls her age should. She won't get to read or write. She won't get to play with her friends the same way. Movies? She loves movies…" Thea said to herself. As the hours went by, she was beginning to realise just how challenging her daughter's life had now become, "She'll be treated differently by people at school, by everyone." She shook her head, "Getting a job will be difficult for her. If she gets married she won't even get to see the person she's marrying. She won't ever see their face." She said as Punk swallowed the lump in his throat, "Do I have to go on?" She turned to Punk angrily.
Punk shook his head, not wanting to say any more to upset his daughter, seeing first hand just how devastating this was. He knew all the thing she pointed out were valid, and tragic, but he couldn't let her fall apart to the misery of it all. There had to be hope.
"There's ways for her to still do all of those things. Even without her sight. That's the point." Punk nodded as Thea turned to him, "I think I should probably give you some space-"
"Yeah I think you should." Thea agreed. The good thing about her relationship with her father was they knew when to leave each other alone.
Punk headed back into Sofia's room whilst Dominic came out, walking over to Thea who had made her way to sit beside the coffee machine.
"She's in there telling your mom that we should get her a cat." Dominic smiled a little as Thea kept her stare straight ahead, "Your mom said they would stay with her, if we wanna try and get some sleep-"
"I'm not going." Thea shook her head.
"T, we can't stay here all this time. She's probably gonna be in here for a week at least." He said.
"I don't want to leave her." Thea said.
"I don't either." Dominic agreed.
"My dad just said that this doesn't hinder her life." Thea told him as Dominic looked at her, "I mean… really? How does this not hinder her life?"
"He's just trying to be there for us." Dominic understood, "We can't treat this like a death sentence, Thea."
"Well it feels like it." Thea admitted as Dominic looked at her, angry, "What? Sorry I'm not tiptoeing around it. But her life is going to be difficult. And you know it is."
"There will be ways that make it not so difficult for her. There's all kinds of new technology these days. She'll have a stick to walk with. Or there's guide dogs. There's all kinds of audio translators and tools, right?" He nodded, "And there's Braille. It can help blind people read and write" He nodded as Thea looked at him, "She's in there, smiling and laughing… if she can lose her sight and still do that then we can pick ourselves up and be strong for her." He nodded.
"It's not that easy." Thea shook her head. It was hard for her to see the light at the best of times. She very much saw life in black and white due to her disorder, and this was all black.
"I know it isn't." Dominic nodded, "You're the master of it… but don't push away people who are trying to be there for us." He said.
"That's my baby girl." Thea let out a sob, placing her hand over her eyes as Dominic wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close, "Why? She doesn't deserve this." She shook her head.
"I know." Dominic nodded, holding her tightly just as he saw Doctor Arnold coming down the corridor, "Hey, here's the doctor coming." He told Thea quietly who quickly lifted her head from his shoulder, drying her tears and trying to fix her face.
"I can give you both a minute if-"
"No, please." Thea stood up with Dominic, "Do you have her scan results?" She asked.
"Yes." Doctor Arnold nodded, "There's a lot of good news. The swelling has gone completely down and the surgery was incredibly successful. No bleeding. No clots. No swelling. It's excellent." He said as Thea nodded.
"That's great." Dominic nodded, turning to Thea and giving her a reassuring nod.
"Did you take a look at her optic nerve?" Thea asked.
"Yes, we did." Doctor Arnold, "Where the two optic nerves meet is where the most damage has been sustained. The fact I can see the damage on the scan alone is… well it's enough for me to know that it may not be good news for Sofia's eye sight." He said truthfully, "Those I've treated with the same kind of damage as Sofia's haven't regained their vision." He said, "I'm very sorry. I can only imagine how stressful it must be to know this."
"So this is it for her? She won't get it back?" Thea asked, trying to let it properly sink in.
"It's very likely she won't." Doctor Arnold said, "Our main priority right now is helping Sofia through her recovery. It was a big surgery. Maybe later in the week we can discuss the both of you speaking with a liaison nurse, to speak more about going forward with Sofia's loss of sight, and what we can do to help her live an independent life, regardless." He nodded.
Thea looked at him and realised she was no longer hearing the words coming out of his mouth. Suddenly everything around her seemed to be so far away, and the next thing she knew she was almost hitting the floor before Dominic caught her.
"I didn't faint." Thea shook her head, sitting outside on one of the benches at the hospital with her mother, "I just got light headed." She nodded, "The lights are bright in there."
"You fainted." AJ concluded, "You're tired. You've had too much coffee. And this is a lot to take in. You need to go home and sleep. Eat something. Shower."
"I can't leave her here." Thea shook her head.
"Me and your dad will stay with her. And your sisters are here too. She won't be on her own. We can take shifts." AJ smiled a little, "That way, Sofia won't get bored of talking to the same person all the time too."
"What if something happens?" Thea asked, "And we're not there?"
"She's doing good. She just needs to rest right now. You heard the doctor, her surgery was extremely successful. You're a doctor, you know how good that is. No swelling. No complications. That's all great news, Thea." AJ assured her.
"No swelling. No clots. No complications." Thea nodded, "No eyesight." She turned to her mother, "Her life has changed forever. She's too young to realise that just now but it has. She can't live a normal life."
"What the hell is a normal life, Thea?" AJ questioned.
"One where you can see things!" Thea said, "Obviously."
"So you're just going to write her off? Your own daughter? Suggest her life is meaningless all because she can't see?" AJ asked angrily. Out of everyone, she had experience of handling Thea and her negative thoughts the most. She knew how to get through to her, maybe better than anyone.
"She's going to be disadvantaged in… so many aspects of her life." Thea said, "I'm allowed to be upset about that. I'm allowed to be upset for her." She defended.
"We're all upset for her, baby. You know that." AJ said, "But not one of us think her life is meaningless now. I know you don't either." She said, "She can live a normal life. There will be things put in place to help her adapt. It will be hard, I don't doubt that for a second, but she can still do all the things little girls her age do." She nodded as Thea ran her hand through her hair.
"She'll never see my face again." Thea shook her head, swallowing the lump in her throat, "Or anyone's face." She mumbled.
"I know." AJ nodded, "I know but you have to stay strong for her right now. We all do." She said as Thea fidgeted with her shaking hands before rubbing them up and down her thighs with agitation, "Thea." AJ placed her hand on top of Thea's.
"What?" Thea shook her head.
"Whatever it is you're thinking about…" AJ said, shaking her head as Thea looked at her, "It will never be worth it."
"And what am I thinking about, mom? Apart from the fact my daughter is blind." Thea said, standing up from the bench, "What am I thinking about?"
"You need to go home and sleep." AJ just nodded. She knew what Thea was thinking about. She just didn't want to say it to her.
"No, actually what I think I need is for everyone else to just go home." Thea nodded, "I don't need you all here sitting around. Me and Dominic will be fine." Thea shook her head.
"Well we're not going anywhere." AJ said calmly, watching as Thea began to walk away, changing her mind and walking back to her mother.
"What am I thinking about?" Thea demanded to know as AJ looked up at her, not saying anything, "Subtle as a damn brick. All of you." Thea shook her head, "You're not here for Sofia. You're all here to make sure I don't go off the rails." She nodded.
"That's not true." AJ shook her head.
"That is not what I'm thinking about." Thea spat angrily, "It's not." She shook her head, although she couldn't confirm the thoughts weren't crossing her mind.
"You need to let us be there for you." AJ said, "All of you."
"No I just need you all to leave." Thea shook her head, walking away and heading back into the hospital.
