"Questions and Commands"
Kate, Julia, Spot, Rummy drinking together in a crowded pub, sitting in a booth. Kate and Spot on 1 side, Julia and Rummy on the other. The crew is on their 3rd round, and the mood is comfortable and playful.
Kate: (eyeing Julia mischievously and smirking) Who's up for a drinking competition? I'll buy the next round…
Groans are heard around the table.
Spot: No fuckin' way….not again. You cheat…every damn time, Kate.
Kate: (affronted) How the hell can I cheat? You all are sitting at the same table as me, watching me the whole time. What could I possibly be doing to gain an advantage?
Julia: My darling, sweet sunshine…..you overestimate our gullibility. And, for once, I'm with Conlon. Not sure how you do it, but I'm certain you're doing something.
Kate: (scoffs) I think you're all just sore losers…..trying to sully my good name with nonsense, baseless accusations. I'm above board at all times. I doubt any of you can say the same.
Spot rolls his eyes and Rummy chuckles good-naturedly, but Julia "Ha's!", wholly amused, a challenging, mischievous spark grows in her gaze.
Julia: well perhaps we can think of another game that evens the playing field a bit.
Kate: (smugly) I'm all ears
Julia: (smiles pleased) Questions and Commands it is, then. I'm assuming the gentlemen of our group are familiar?
Rummy: (grins widely) Oh this oughta be golden entertainment…..I'm in for a few rounds without a doubt.
Spot: (groans) I'm assumin' there ain't much point in me sayin' no, right?
Kate: (laughs, grasping and squeezing his hand under the table, his eyes alight upon her, affection clear in his stare) Unless your vote is for the drinking competition….
Spot: (smirks) No way in hell.
Kate rolls her eyes, a smile still on her face as Spot squeezes her hand back and winks.
Julia: Excellent. Well, since it was my idea, I suppose I'll start, then. Katherine, my dear, Question or Command….
Spot and Rummy's eyes meet across the table, both sensing something is playing out between the two girls. But Kate smiles, thinking for a moment on her options.
Kate: Hmm….alright….let's go with a question first. I have no problem being honest.
Julia: (smile widens) Excellent choice. My question, sunshine, is this: What was the final thing that led to your dismissal from Sacred Heart of Jesus' finishing school after only one month of attendance?
Kate's eyes widen, her face first paling and then growing redder by the minute. Her eyes are avoidant to all other tablemates.
Spot: Wait, wait wait…..hold on a second, that story's actually true? She got kicked out of a finishing school? (turns to Kate) you got kicked out of a finishing school?
Rummy snorts, taking a swig of his drink as Spot stares in shock between the two girls and Kate covers her face with her hands, utterly embarrassed.
Julia: Oh yes, it's a statement of fact….unfortunately for Katherine.
Kate: (hands fall from her face, bright red cheeks as she narrows her gaze) I told you that in confidence!
Julia: (starts to laugh) And now you get to tell the whole table in whatever manner you like, love.
Kate: (groans) Bad form, Julia. Can't I pass?
Spot, Julia, and Rummy: (all at once) No.
Spot: (turns to Kate) Yeah, there's no way we're lettin' this go. We gotta hear this story now. If you pass, then we'll all just keep askin' the same question.
Kate: (eyes widen in exasperation) Who're the cheaters now?
Rummy: Alright, alright, enough stallin'. Get to the good stuff.
Spot smirks challengingly toward Kate, Julia attempting to contain her growing laughter as Rummy motions for her to "get to it".
Kate: (covers face again, her voice muffled somewhat) But it's so unbelievably mortifying. Julia, you're the worst—the absolute worst.
Julia: (nods matter-of-factly) She's right…it's epically humiliating. So far from being above board wouldn't you say, sunshine?
Spot shakes his head in amusement before nudging Kate, and Rummy's smile widens as Kate removes the hands from her face, cheeks bright red, biting her lip, as an awkward smile creeps on her face.
Kate: Alright fine…..if you must know, my mother felt the need to send me to the sisters of the Sacred Heart for guidance—
Julia: (cutting in) I believe her words were (makes a puckered face and continues in an Italian accent) "I hope to God the sisters can sort you out". Which is rather amusing by itself, since the very same sisters failed so miserably in sorting out her behavior.
Spot and Rummy start laughing, Julia good-naturedly chuckling and shooting Kate an affectionate smile
Kate: (rolls her eyes, but a smile is seen on her face) Truer words…anyway, we had to go to Mass twice a week, a small chapel a few blocks away. Morality building piety or some such nonsense—unbelievably boring stuff.
More laughter is shared around the table.
Spot: It's hard to tell why they might have had a problem with you…..all that deference and respect…..such a saint, you were, I'm sure.
Kate: (shakes her head, muttering) You're all fucking hilarious, you know that? (Louder snickers are had about) Anyway…..to get to the point, we were all taking turns lighting prayer candles and kneeling and asking for forgiveness, or something equally ridiculous while the priest monitored us for God-approved straight posture and genuine remorse. Then when my turn came….
Kate's face gets redder, everyone looking expectantly toward her.
Julia: Go on…..
Kate: (defensively) In all fairness, they made us wear these exceptionally itchy lace gloves—constricting abominations of cloth that got in the way of absolutely everything…..
Kate trails off for a moment, huffing before she continues.
Kate: Ugh, anyway, the candle I lit—it accidentally caught on to one of my gloves. So, I panicked a bit—yanked the damn thing off and tossed it away.
Julia: (attempting to contain her laughter) And where did it land?
Kate: (rolls eyes) I'm so pleased you're enjoying this.
Julia: Go on….tell them where it landed
Kate: (groans, closing her eyes momentarily before muttering) It—it landed on the priest's robes.
Spot and Rummy's eyes are wide in shock and amusement. Both men starting to laugh louder. But Julia shakes her head.
Julia: Oh, there's more. So, sunshine, what happened when your smoking glove landed on the priest's garments?
Kate: (looks away, grimacing) His robes caught…fire…..surprisingly quickly, I might add.
Spot: (completely floored, turns to Kate) You set a priest on fire?
Kate: (scoffs) That's hardly what happened. And a bit of a dramatic summation at that. Assigning motive? I mean—it was an accident—self-preservation really—
Julia: But we're not done yet, are we, sunshine? What did you do next?
Rummy: I can't believe it gets worse. How is that even fuckin' possible? She set a priest on fire—
Kate: Well….I felt responsible….it was my glove after all, and he was flailing around, obviously in need of help…..
Julia: (laughing) And so how did you help him, Katherine?
Kate: (face reddens significantly, closes her eyes) I…I tried to pat the fabric that had caught fire out with my skirts…..
Julia: Oh, yes….sooooooo helpful…and then what happened?
Kate: (groans, her head falling back against the booth back) Really…I don't see how this part was my doing….ugh, if he had just held still….. but he kept frantically pulling at his robes…and so they….ripped…..a bit.
Rummy and Spot share looks with each other, Rummy laughing hard and Spot unable to hide his headshake and chuckle.
Julia: Not a bit….alot. But, sunshine, was that the only clothing mishap that resulted?
Kate: (face now completely red, shakes her head) No. I…..well I accidentally….and honestly I don't even know how it happened, but somehow….I…..I…unhooked…his trousers from his suspenders.
The table is silent, Julia quietly laughing to herself, her body shaking from trying to hold it in and Spot and Rummy looked thoroughly floored but also processing the insanity of what's just been said. Kate let's her face fall into her hands.
Kate: Just….unbelievable…an awful…utter catastrophe. I was trying to help the man…..I swear to God—but the sisters and Father Shelty saw it differently.
And then the table erupts in laughter. Julia's eyes are watering she's laughing so hard, spot keeps shaking his head in confoundment and Rummy is full on guffawing.
Rummy: (laughing hard, can barely breathe) She….oh God help me…..she….pantsed a priest….she set him on fire….and then she pantsed him….this is just too fuckin' good….too good
Spot: What the hell did they tell your folks?
Kate is avoiding eye contact, smiling and shaking her head in embarrassment.
Julia: (laughing harder) That's the best part! It was so….so unspeakable and undignified that they had to immediately release her from their roster. They sent her home with a note!
Kate: Yeah, that note was….absolutely ridiculous…..
Julia: (barely able to breathe from laughter) Oh, sunshine….go on….tell them what it said….it's just…..so perfect….
Kate: (sighs before quoting the note in a silly, accented male voice) "There are no services in this realm or the next to address Katherine's moral deficit. Neither Heaven nor Hell will suffer her indignance. Satan begs for mercy while the angels weep in fear." Completely absurd….I maintain that was a totally uncalled for commentary on my character, based on one incident…..an accident. Just so over the top…..
Everyone laughs even harder, Kate finally joining in. Spot wraps his arm around her shoulder, pulling her to him.
Spot: (gently kissing her hairline, murmurs for only Kate to hear) Heaven's loss is my gain.
Kate looks back at him, eyebrows raised as she smiles and then leans in, grabbing his face with one of her hands to pull him into a short, but intense kiss.
Rummy: Wait, wait, wait, wait…Julia said that was the final thing that got Kate dismissed from the finishing school, didn't she? (Turns to Julia) So there are other incidents before that one?
Spot breaks the kiss with Kate and laughs as Kate groans, shooting Julia a warning glare.
Kate: Absolutely not…..don't even think about it! We've had enough humor at my expense so far…..someone else needs to have a go first….
Julia: (smiles affectionately at Katherine) Oh, I'm sure we'll get to it soon enough. (Kate rolls her eyes) Especially because…..well the other two weren't accidents…..
Kate: (gasps) Julia! Don't you dare—
Spot and Rummy appear interested, ready to ask what else could have possibly gone wrong. But Julia holds her hand up, laughing.
Julia: All in good time, my friends….all in good time.
