Bottled Up
"I wish I could breast feed her." Cassie sighed a little, feeding Lena her bottle later that night outside on the balcony of the apartment they were staying at with Theo sitting across from her.
"You can't?" He questioned.
"Well… I can." Cassie nodded, "Just not as well, I guess. It might take a while. I'll produce less milk because I haven't actually been pregnant." She said, "And I don't know… it would just feel odd, I think."
"Why? She's your baby." Theo nodded.
"I know she is." Cassie assured him, "It's just easier this way." She nodded.
"You got nice boobs anyway. She'd ruin them." Theo waved his hand as Cassie chuckled, "Think of your husband. Think of what he needs." He nodded sarcastically as she rolled her eyes.
"Hey, I forgot to say. That man in the bar we were in earlier. Don. He came over when you were in the bathroom changing Lena. He recognised you." Cassie nodded.
"Yeah I know Don from when I was a kid." Theo said briefly.
"You never even said. Why are you so weird here?" She shook her head.
"What?" Theo chuckled, "I'm not weird."
"You are." She laughed, "You're acting like a secret spy or something."
"No I'm not." Theo rolled his eyes, "It's just been a while since I've been back and… I'm just familiarising myself with the place again."
"You're not gonna drop some big bomb on me and tell me something terrible happened to you here, are you?" She said.
"You gotta stop watching so much TV, man." Theo nodded.
"I'm half joking, half being serious." She admitted, "You're acting sus. Why?"
"I don't know, Cass. I guess… maybe the people here have a pre conceived idea of who they think I am. I know my dad goes around and talks about me being a cop, not with pride." He added, "One of them." He whispered as Cassie looked at him.
"So if you grew up with that kind of perspective. If you grew up with a father painting cops as the enemy, how did you become a cop?" She shook her head as he lifted his head, smiling a little, "What?"
"How did you?" He asked as she opened her mouth to speak, realising it was a valid question.
"Are you saying our fathers are alike?" She smiled a little.
"Absolutely not." Theo shook his head, "Your dad is proud as hell of you. That's the difference."
"You don't think deep down, yours is too?" She asked.
"No. I don't." He said, "Why are we even talking about him?" He shook his head.
"He traumatised you and Matthew so much that even just coming to this place is triggering you." Cassie said as Theo shook his head, "Yes."
"Don't be my shrink." Theo scoffed.
"Am I wrong?" Cassie asked, "You're not… You're not you when you're here. You're tense and you're… scared?" She shook her head, "Like a little boy." She said quietly as he looked across at her.
"Sexy, isn't it?" Theo nodded.
"You know what's sexy?" She asked as he looked at her.
"You." He nodded.
"Yes, but you know what else?" She said.
"What?" He waited.
"Being honest with yourself." She said, "You come here and you feel like a little boy because you never got to heal from all the damage your father did to you. Emotional damage. He boxed you up and never gave you the patience you deserved. As all little kids deserve." She said as Theo listened closely, "You moved away from here and you completely forgot about all the bad shit that happened here-"
"Wasn't bad shit." Theo said modestly.
"Your dad was not a good dad." Cassie said bluntly, "And your parents had an explosive divorce. It was bad shit." She nodded.
"You were kidnapped as a kid. That's real bad shit." He said.
"This isn't about me." She reminded him, "Don't invalidate your feelings by thinking other people have it worse than you. You'll never be able to move forward."
"I don't want to see him." Theo made clear, "He's never going to change."
"I know." Cassie said, "I know he's not gonna change. We don't have to see him." She understood, "But this place is beautiful. And I know you have some good memories here, too. I don't want you to be scared of coming here." She shook her head, "Let's make our own memories."
"Only reason why I came." He nodded to her as she smiled, "There it is." He whispered, watching as she smiled bigger.
"I'm gonna go put her down." Cassie told him as he nodded, watching her walk off inside to their apartment with Lena whilst he sat outside on the balcony, looking out at the city lit up, standing up and placing his hands on the railing.
Cassie put Lena down in her crib after her feed, also checking on Chase who was sleeping in his bed, eventually making her way back out to the balcony where Theo was standing looking out at the city.
"I swear this place has only ever looked beautiful to me when you're with me." He admitted as she smiled, standing beside him, "You know what the craziest thing is?" He asked her, turning around, leaning his side against the railing as she faced him.
"What?" She asked.
"I didn't think my dad had done anything all that bad until I met yours." He said, "There's a weird juxtaposition with them."
"How do you mean?" She asked.
"My dad… squeaky clean record. Stand up business man. Respected in his community." Theo said, "Treated his sons like pieces of shit." He added as Cassie nodded, "Your dad… ex con. Been around the block a few times. Most people don't approach him." He said, "Treats his daughters like they're the greatest people to walk the earth." He nodded as Cassie smiled.
"You never really know anyone, I guess." Cassie nodded.
"When I met your parents for the first time. When they invited me for dinner when you were pregnant with Chase. It hit me then." Theo said, "It hit me then that how my dad treated me and my brother… it wasn't right. And whatever part of me that had convinced myself it was all ok was just trying to avoid confronting it." He said, "Who knows what kind of dad I'd be if I didn't have your dad, honestly." He said as Cassie smiled.
"He'd love to hear you say that." Cassie nodded, "But you'd be just fine. You're an amazing dad, not because of anyone else. Because you care. You care so much." She said, wrapping her arms around his neck, "I can't believe when I first met you I thought you were a prick." She said as he laughed loudly.
"I was a prick." He chuckled, "You did something to me. I mean I'm sitting out here talking about being traumatised by my dad, for God sake." He shook his head as she smiled, "Ain't nobody else gon hear me talking like that."
"Enough with the macho bullshit, Theodore." She tilted his chin up with her finger.
"Right." He nodded, "I think this place has always been beautiful, actually." He said, "Maybe it's just my perspective that has changed. Wasn't beautiful to an unhappy kid who didn't really know who he was or where he stood in life." He said, "It's fucking stunning to a guy who has the perfect wife and kids. His dream job. A big house with pictures on the fridge." He said as she smiled.
"I love you." She smiled, "So much." She whispered, pressing her forehead against his as he smiled.
"I love you." He whispered back.
"My mom and dad think they're famous." Jude nodded, sitting down beside Sean on their sofa after she'd put the girls to bed, "Apparently they're getting free stuff from coffee shops." She said as he chuckled.
"Let them enjoy it." Sean nodded.
"And I'm helping James get girls to swoon over him at school." Jude nodded, "I am helping all of my family. I'm such a giver." She thought to herself as Sean smiled.
"That you are." He nodded as she turned to him with a grin, "Did you see the article in the paper about it?"
"Yeah." Jude nodded, "Pretty cool, huh?" She smiled.
She was a little overwhelmed by the response to her mural. Seeing so many people come out to look at it and admire it was all she ever wanted. The added extras of the press picking up on it was all fun too.
"You're a superstar." He nodded, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close as she smiled, curling into him.
"I'm already getting so many business inquiries." She said.
"I love how you sound surprised at all of this." Sean admitted, "You really didn't think it would take off like this? Jude, it's incredible."
"I guess I was so busy focusing on finishing it that I didn't really imagine what it'd be like when people finally got to see it." Jude said, "I feel like an artist." She whispered.
"You are an artist." He chuckled a little as Jude smiled, "And I know you're gonna do more amazing things. This is just the beginning. They're gonna be hanging your pieces up in the institute soon. Just watch." He nodded as she smiled.
"Thank you for always believing in me." She looked at him, their faces inches apart, "I probably wouldn't have the confidence in myself without you telling me I can do it. So thank you."
"Well, you're amazing. It's not difficult to be confident in you." He admitted, taking her chin with his thumb and finger as she smiled.
"What are you guys doing?" Thea worried, walking into her parents living room, noticing everything covered in sheets in the centre of the room.
"Decorating!" AJ cheered whilst Punk groaned.
"Why?" Thea shook her head, "I swear you guys decorated a couple years ago."
"We did." Punk grumbled.
"It needs freshened up." AJ told Punk who just nodded in agreement by default.
"You didn't think to ask Jude?" Thea scoffed.
"I think Jude's schedule is pretty full now." AJ said, "Isn't it amazing? Seeing so many people down at her mural?" She asked Thea.
"Pretty amazing." Thea nodded in agreement.
"What are you doing here anyway?" Punk asked her, "Everything alright?"
"Yeah, everything is fine." She told them, "Well I'm worried about Dominic." She admitted as they both looked over at her, giving her time to expand, "He's not drinking." She said, knowing that was what they were probably thinking, "He's just been… not himself, I guess." She nodded, "I think it's probably just to do with everything that happened with Sofia. We're still all getting used to it. He's been so great with keeping me calm and sane… I think I've maybe forgot to reciprocate." She sighed.
"Well have you spoken to him?" AJ asked, "Told him you're worried about him?"
"No." Thea shook her head, "If I did he would just brush it off and tell me to stop worrying. He'd make a joke and I'd laugh and then… we'd forget the conversation ever happened."
"Well that's not entirely healthy." Punk said.
"That's what you do." AJ turned to him.
"Is this about me?" Punk questioned as AJ narrowed her brows at him.
"Hey, you know the term bickering like an old married couple?" Thea asked as they looked at her, "That's literally you guys now."
"Ok, rewind." Punk shook his head, "You and Dominic have had a chaotic few months. I think it's fair that Dominic might be feeling a bit all over the place. He's been great. He's been steady. Doing everything he needs to do to make sure his little girls is alright. And she is alright." Punk said as Thea nodded, "But it's a lot for you guys. You need to check in with yourselves." He nodded.
"Well we were supposed to have a night just the two of us last month but then Jude heard and suddenly turned it into a six-way dance." Thea shook her head.
"Honey, just talk to him." AJ reached over and squeezed Thea's hand. No matter how old her daughter's got, it always warmed her heart that they still came for advice and comfort when they needed it. Regardless of how big or small their problems were.
"Yeah, you're not gonna get anywhere if you don't talk to him." Punk agreed, "Us guys like to pretend we're always fine. And that we got things under control. But we just don't like speaking about shit."
"I know, well that's why I'm worried." Thea said, "You're right, I just… I gotta talk to him." She nodded.
"What were your first impressions of me? Really?" Cassie whispered, lying in bed with Theo through the night, naked under the sheets with him, "Before we even had our first conversation."
"So like… when I first saw you?" He asked.
"Yeah." She said, tracing her finger around the tattoo on his chest.
"Great ass." He nodded as she rolled her eyes.
"Really?" She looked up at him.
"And long hair. Like… really long hair." He said, "Puerto Rican Rapunzel." He nodded as she chuckled, "What about you? What did you think when you first saw me?"
"I remember seeing you at the academy a couple times." Cassie nodded, "You just looked like someone that everyone wanted to talk to. And also someone that could break a heart or two."
"Oh, so you were eyeing me up way back then?" He smiled, amused.
"Well I was only human." She said, "Friend fucking really never works, does it?" She nodded as he chuckled a little louder than he meant.
"What makes you think that?" He said sarcastically as she smiled.
"The sad part is I really thought we could just keep having sex and not feel anything." She shook her head.
"I'm sure some people make it work." Theo shrugged.
"When did you know? That you had feelings?" She asked him curiously.
"Who said I had feelings?" Theo teased as she nudged his side.
"Theo, I'm being serious." She said as he chuckled.
"Well I'm not really sure." He admitted, "There wasn't like a moment or anything. It was gradual. We started having sex and it was just about the sex. I mean we barely even kissed one another." He said, "Then all of a sudden we got mad eye contact going on and all I could think about every day was how long it would be until I got to see you again." He said, "Then Jake asked me about going to Puerto Rico and I was all in until I realised I was like… so in love with you. I begged him to let you in on it but he wasn't having it." He shook his head.
"Well I have a moment." Cassie nodded, "When you took me to that record store. The really small one that I had no clue even existed." She said as he nodded, "I knew you didn't give a shit about records or music. But you wanted to show me, and you were excited to show me." He said, "Knew I was in trouble then." She said as he smiled.
"Even if I asked you out back then, you would have said no. It all happened the way it was supposed to." Theo said.
"Why would I have said no?" She asked.
"Oh, please. You were like a robot back then. Must not fall in love. Must not have feelings Must not show affection." He said in a robot voice as she rolled her eyes, "If I asked you out, for real, you would have laughed in my face."
"I would have." Cassie nodded truthfully, "You wouldn't have asked me out, though. You didn't want a relationship either."
"I know. That's why it worked." He said, "But hey, look at us clowns now."
"Sometimes I kinda miss it." She admitted, "Does that sound bad?"
"Miss what?" He asked.
"When we first started… hooking up." She said, "There was no pressure. It just worked. We had fun. It never got awkward. It didn't get complicated."
"Sure, it was fun." Theo nodded, "I'm kinda ok with how we are now, though." He said.
"So am I." She lifted her head and smiled.
"Hi, sweetie." Thea announced, walking into the living room where Sofia was laying on the couch, listening to an audible book being played on Alexa whilst Chance lay on the floor beside.
"Hi, mom." Sofia said, having sensed her mom was coming after hearing the door opening and closing, knowing her mother's footsteps. She knew most of her family's footsteps now and could often predict who was coming, "Alexa, pause." Sofia said as Thea smiled.
"Oh, don't let me ruin a good book." Thea said, "Where is everyone?" She wondered, crouching down and patting Chance's head, taking a hold of Sofia's hand and kissing it whilst she was crouched.
"Sam is in bed and I think James is in his room." Sofia said, "Dad said he had to pop out for a bit." She said as Thea raised her eyebrows.
"What?" Thea shook her head, standing up straight.
"He said he wouldn't be long." Sofia said.
"He's not in the house?" Thea asked with concern.
"No, he left." Sofia said as Thea felt a knot in her stomach.
"O-Ok." Thea said, trying not to sound alarmed, "Ok, baby. Go back to listening to your book." She nodded, leaving the living room and heading upstairs, opening up James' bedroom door where she saw her thirteen year old fast asleep on his bed, still in his normal clothes, laying on top of the covers.
She couldn't help it when she walked over to him and shook him a little, "James." She said as softly as her nerves would let her, "James, wake up." She said as James opened his eyes.
"What?" He grumbled.
"Where is your father?" She said.
"What?" He screwed his face up tiredly.
"Your dad. Where is he? Sofia said he left." Thea said as James shrugged.
"We had dinner and then I came up here. Sofia was listening to her book in the living room." James said, "Dad was in the kitchen."
"He didn't tell you he was going out?" Thea asked.
"No." James sat up, "He left the three of us here by ourselves?" He questioned, a little surprised as Thea ran her hand through her hair stressfully, "Why would he do that?" He shook his head, "Where'd he go?"
