Summary: Ariana recounts curing her parents to Sephiroth over leftover pasta, Cloud is Suffering with Ariana's bullshit, and Cloud has a little talk with Sephiroth'
Notes: Ridiculous crack conversations finally return.
"Soooo, Sephiroth," Ariana pulled her fork out of her mouth, the remains of the cheese disappearing behind her lips, "Do you have any idea who you're going to stay with?"
"I don't know," the man replied, a contemplative expression settling on his face.
"Huh. If that's the case, you can stay with Father and Cloud," the woman offered, "You'd have to deal with them being lovey-dovey, but neither of them would argue against you staying with them. The AVALANCHE of your world are currently housed with Tifa at Sector Seven, so I doubt you'll see them unless they seek you out. But if you're uncomfortable with that, I'll let my parents know."
"…"
"Sephiroth? You're not saying anything," the female SOLDIER prodded, "Are you okay?"
"No."
"Right, I'm not sure what I was expecting. The last couple of years for you must've been rough. Take all the time you need," Ariana leaned back, remembering something else, "Oh, and, uh…I might've used Fade the other day, after our fight ended. Gaia let me heal whatever bad stuff that was in you. Come to think about it, it's very likely that the degradation because of the JENOVA cells were afflicting your brain mentally and emotionally, which made it possible for the Calamity to overwrite your morals. And since neither of your birth parents are exactly the picture of mental health, that also fed into your superiority complex," The woman explained, "It's kind of a funny story of how my Sephiroth, Genesis, and Angeal were cured."
"Tell me," Sephiroth set his fork down.
"Heh, well, we were celebrating my promotion to Second in '97, a little before I met Cloud, I think, and we were having a birthday party. So, I might've dropped a couple of ice trays when I was taking the things out of the kitchen, and I totally panicked. A few days earlier, I bumped into Aerith for the first time when I was patrolling Sector Five with my squad, and we totally hit it off. She gave me a few water bottles, since it was a heat wave in August, and she told me that the water in the bottles was groundwater that she purified. And when I dropped all the ice, I used some extra bottles I had put in our kitchen, and I put it in the trays, froze everything with one of the Blizzaga I was trying to master, and carried on. And bam, I administered holy water without knowing it. And even now, I use the White Magic Gaia gave me as a back up in case the degradation happens again."
Ariana smiled at her recollection, trying not to laugh.
"Ah, and that was how history was turned. Me, a Mako enhanced SOLDIER candidate that tripped while carrying ice trays, panicked, made holy water ice cubes, and fixed her predecessors without even knowing. Totally wild, as Zack would say."
Sephiroth startled at Zack's name, meeting Ariana's eyes for the first time since they started eating.
"Zack…I want to see him at some point," the older man requested, "If he would let me."
"I can call him up now, see if he has some free time," Ariana offered, only for Sephiroth to shake his head.
"There's no need. I'd like to be settled beforehand."
"If that's the case, I'll call Father, see what he says," the woman then took out her PHS, speed dialing her Father on speaker.
"Ariana, what did you do," came Father's deadpan voice when he picked up.
"I'm a little insulted you think I already did something bad, Father."
"Ariana, out of all of my children, the biggest troublemaker of them is you."
"I hate that I can't contest that. Anyway, I was asking the other you where he wants to stay in the meantime, and I offered your place."
"Did you call your Uncle?"
"No, even though we both know he wears the pants in your relationship, I thought I'd ask you first."
"I see. If my husband has no issue, then I don't either."
"Fantastic, so Sephiroth's going to basically need half your closet. I don't think the Lifestream allows you to carry gil, so…"
"Rufus can handle the money. He funds your Coffee Committee if you recall. And I believe my alternate falls under the Post-Merge Relief Fund category."
"Absolutely fan-fricken-tastic. I'll draw up the paperwork with Tseng after I see Uncle. Okay, love ya Father, bye!"
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do. And even so, get another's opinion."
The woman pressed the red icon, plopping down her PHS.
"So, as long as Uncle Cloud says you can stay with them, then it's settled."
Ariana dumped the containers in the trash, washing her hands and waiting for Sephiroth to clean up.
Floor 86
The two were walking towards the Weapon's Development floor, some Shinra employees greeting Ariana while giving curious glances towards Sephiroth.
"I hope Dad isn't torturing my Squad too badly, because Second Class Parker could barely look at him after the first time around. And the other six, whew, it was like they had seen the devil or something," Ariana continued on, before a SOLDIER passing by recognized her.
"Commander Crescent! We were all worried!" the SOLDIER saluted, "You didn't hear it from me, but Miyagawa started crying when he heard the news."
"Lieutenant Miller, at ease. Yes, I'm alright," Ariana grinned when Miller put down his arm quickly, "I heard from Director Hewley that Director Rhapsodos opted to teach my Materia class. How was it?"
Miller stiffened, flashbacks already starting up behind his helmet.
"Um, Commander, with all due respect, your dad's insane," he blurted out, and the woman had to restrain herself from laughing in his face.
"He is," she agreed openly, "I wonder how he can be so frightening, sometimes."
"Director Rhapsodos set Nikkos on fire, and he had to be hit with a few aquas to stop it from spreading. And he made Zheng cry," Miller's helmet moved side to side, as if he was expecting Genesis to pounce on him for snitching to his daughter.
"Uh huh. And let me guess, Nikkos lost his eyebrows again?"
"Y-yes mam. Please, never let Director Rhapsodos near me or Parker ever again in a teaching capacity, I think we've been traumatized enough, Commander."
"Noted. I will have a…chat with Genesis, okay? I already yelled at him the first time he covered my class."
"I—uh, I have to go now," Miller stuttered when he noticed Sephiroth-who-was-most-likely-a-double was staring at him, "Feel better, Commander Crescent, and uh, bye! Remember, I didn't say anything about Miyagawa crying!"
Miller hurried off, leaving Ariana with a confused expression.
"That was…weird. He's usually a lot more confident," she said, her eyebrows raised, "Though, I think you scared him off, Sephiroth."
"…" the man looked at least a little confused.
"That was Second Class Victor Miller, by the way," Ariana continued on walking, as if the encounter never happened, "He's been a Second for about three years by now. Usually I command Seconds, because of one year where I was saddled with a group of no brains just brawn Thirds, I broke nearly all their bones after they started acting like misogynistic rats. I think all three of my parents were ready to murder them in my stead when the expulsions came. On second thought, Dad immolated one. "
She raised her hands up in a shrug.
After a few more minutes of walking, Ariana stopped before knocking on a door.
"I swear to the Gods of Nibel, if you—oh hello, Ana," Cloud was behind the door, looking surprised to see who it was. There was a mountain of paperwork sitting on his desk, the man twirling a pen in his hand absentmindedly.
"What's up, kiddo?" he asked, before flinging the pen behind him and into a pen cup that sat on the left edge of his desk.
"Hey Uncle Clouuuuddddd," Ariana drew out the blonde's name, barging into the room past him, and making her way towards a rolling chair that was sitting in front of his desk, "So, I need to ask you something. And I'm not a kiddo, I'm physically older than you!"
The woman spun around in the chair, giving a quiet "Whee!" while her bangs fluttering in her face. She grinned when she put her foot down, stopping the chair mid spin.
At the childish action, the blonde raised an eyebrow at her.
"Well, you're also mentally younger than me by two years. And, if this favor has anything to do with breaking your Squad's weapons again, no," Cloud shot her down before she could even explain, "Oh, and you brought Seph's alternate with you."
"Hello, Cloud," the silver haired man greeted, making the blonde tilt his head slightly.
"Sephiroth. I dunno if Ariana told you, but I should probably introduce myself properly," the blonde offered a hand for Sephiroth to shake, "Director Cloud Strife of the Weapons Development Department. I have a Doctorate in Mechanical Engineering, and a Masters in Electrical. My stepdaughter hasn't been too much of an annoying brat, has she?"
"Uncle!" the mentioned woman complained, "I am appalled you'd immediately think of such baseless accusations! My friend, there are no dreams, no honor remains!"
Ariana melodramatically tossed her head back, hand to her forehead, and silver/red hair spilled over the chair's backrest as she sprawled on it.
"You were just bursting with Loveless quotes, ain't ya?" Cloud accused with no heat, "The arrow has left the bow of the Goddess, I know, I know."
"Anyway, before you so rudely interrupted," Ariana then carried on, "I have something to ask you!"
"Well? Hit me with it, I can handle it."
"Can Sephiroth stay with you and Father in the meantime? My apartment is barely enough for me and my twin half the time. Plus, he's going to need to borrow some clothes, since he and Father are the same person and with the same height. Plus, you still have that guest room."
"And you barged in here…why?"
"Because I already asked Father, and he told me to ask you. And since I still need to file this guy's paperwork to Tseng, coming here was just a slight detour." Ariana lounged on the chair, looking at Cloud expectantly.
"…Why are you looking at me like that?" Cloud nervously swallowed when the woman started using kitten eyes, her pupils widening into circles with a thin strip of green of her irises. Ariana then pouted at him, exaggerating her efforts.
"So, can Sephiroth stay with you guys? I'm very sure most of Alpha-1's people probably want to kill him, and since you already said you'd throw hands with those who have a problem with Father, they'd never expect him to live with you guys!"
"You know Sephiroth is standing right here, right? And he can speak for himself?" Cloud's eyebrows raised, "I'm giving the benefit of the doubt to the other me that he won't try anything against you."
"Come on, Cloud, if I can beat you, I can beat him. And I always carry my weapons with me, so even if I'm ambushed, I can take nearly anything or anyone on. Plus, he'd be safer with you guys! Pleeeeasseeee!"
"Eh-em don't put me on the spot like this," Cloud said, crossing his arms with an uncomfortable air.
"Cloud, as your bestest, firstest friend, plus your stepdaughter, this would make me very happy—you won't even have to deal with my, or my twin's pranks for a week."
There's no way Aridai would give up pranks, but that was beside the point.
"I don't believe you at all. I've known both of you for nearly a decade and a half. My Disaster stepchildren never back down from a prank war."
Drat.
"Okay, fine, I won't bug you about my squad's funding for a month, and that's my final offer."
"I would love to hear from Second Class Miller that you haven't accidentally broken your squad's swords in a friendly spar for the fifth time this year. You need to control your strength, especially when you spar with the Third Battalion at the same time."
"I can always go to Dad's preferred choice and set a Firaga on everyone's asses instead."
"Ariana, I know chaos is basically in your blood, what with being related to Vincent and all, but can you not? I need my sanity."
"Sanity is for the weak. Cloud, please?" Ariana continued pleading.
"Alright, fine, but you keep your ridiculousness outside of my office," Cloud rolled his eyes, "And you're right, it would be better off for both Sephiroths if we were in the same house. Though, at some point, he's going to need to meet your grandparents."
"I know, Grandma Lu will probably want to know if my wing was affected by using Fade, anyway, and Vincent will probably skedaddle once he's finished talking with the other him," Ariana sighed, before she began staring over at the First Tsurugi.
"And the triplets? Yazoo is basically a mini Seph."
"Well, Father did mentor him after we got them out of Hollander's lab. Hey, can I play with the Tsurugi for a bit before we have to see Tseng?" Ariana sprung out of the chair, making her way to the Fusion Sword.
"If you take it apart you better put it back together," Cloud reminded her.
"I'm not an idiot when it comes to beautiful weapons like Tsurugi, Cloud," the woman rolled her eyes, "I mean, I did model the Orion's release mechanism after your Fusion Sword's trigger."
"Yup, I remember that. Speaking of which, you need to make sure the trigger is fully functional every few weeks. Wouldn't want it to jam when you use your Limit Break."
"Cloud, I love my Orion and Sirius just as much as Father loves his Masamune. You think I'd let my swords get to that state?!"
"No? You'd cut my head off if I said yes."
"Yes to both, although I would just stab you lightly because I like you and you're less funny when you're dead."
Cloud groaned, "Ariana, do you ever just not sound threatening for one second?"
"Who do you think I am? A morally upstanding, well adjusted person? No," the woman stuck her tongue out at him.
Ariana glanced over at where she'd last seen Sephiroth, spotting the man standing in a very awkward, confused stance.
"Hey, Sephiroth, you can sit, you know. I'm planning on pouncing on Tseng the moment he least expects, so…" the woman triggered the Tsurugi's separation, catching the sword's various components. She laid the pieces out on the floor, before focusing on the Hollow Blade.
"Can you come over here for a little bit, Sephiroth?" Cloud asked, "Ana, I'm going to be talking about your...other status."
"Hm? Make a barrier around you two so Tseng doesn't know what we're talking about," Ariana said absently, "As much as I like the Turk Bossman, he's still Rufus' man, you know?"
"Ana, I'm not an idiot," Cloud rolled his eyes, before glancing back at Sephiroth. He snapped his fingers, a Barrier setting itself up around the blonde and the other man.
Sephiroth looked at this Cloud, comparing him mentally to the Cloud of his world.
This Cloud was taller, for one, and bulkier than the Cloud he knew. Self assured, and confident, who had met his gaze without fear, and frankly, this Cloud looked brighter, in a way. Happier.
Sephiroth didn't know exactly how he felt now, about his past, about finding himself in this world giving him a chance.
That woman, Ariana Crescent, a Calamity, was offering him something that no one else he'd ever known had.
From the moment he could remember, from his years at Shinra Manor, to the years of the Wutai War, he'd never had a choice.
Barely any choice in what he wanted to eat, forced to abide by Hojo's rules and punishments.
Nights where he would go to sleep, only to wake up after an operation, where he didn't even know what had happened between sleep and wakefulness.
And then, the anger of betrayals, one after another, of those he had trusted, had known for more than half of his life, being thrown away, manipulated, and then controlled even further.
JENOVA, the Calamity from the Skies, whispering sweet lies into his mind, twisting who he was, and only leaving behind a husk that only contained hatred and the wish for consuming everything.
And then dying the first time at Cloud's hand, the Reunion and his return, stealing the power of the Calamity, the attempt to destroy Gaia with Meteor, dying once more, and then briefly manifesting in the body of his Remnant.
Damaged to an extent where he faded back into the Lifestream, promising to never be a memory.
And then waking up in a pool of water, an offer of being free for the first time he could remember, and then a battle where he lost to the second person in his life.
For the first time in what felt like forever, the Calamity of this world offered one of the first choices he'd ever been given.
"Ariana's putting a lot of trust in you, Sephiroth," Cloud started, breaking Sephiroth out of his thoughts, "But, if she's giving you a chance, I will too."
"Why? She..." Sephiroth trailed off. Ever since he'd appeared here, after being affected by the silver and red haired SOLDIER's Fade, his thoughts felt muddled, memories scattered. As if his soul had to figure out how to put him back together.
"She told you that she's the Calamity, right?" Cloud asked, a knowing inflection to his voice, "Ariana...no one really knows what goes through her head. Even her brother doesn't have any idea how she operates."
The blonde shrugged, leaning back in his chair, and swinging his arms to rest his hands behind his head.
"I'll tell you what I told my counterpart. Ariana might be the Calamity, but she loves humanity. She's also very possessive over her family too. That includes me, all her brothers, Seph, Genesis, Angeal, Zack, Aerith, half of the Turks, and my older brothers."
Surprise flicked briefly in Sephiroth's eyes, drawing Cloud's attention.
"Half-brothers?" the green eyed man questioned, "The Cloud I know is an only child."
Cloud grimaced briefly, "Huh. That was true for one other alternate Cloud we met..."
Sephiroth blinked at the change in topic. "Other Alternate?"
"Oh, last year, some other me appeared in my and Seph's apartment, the twins found him, and he left like three hours later," the Director shrugged, "I think I can probably steal it from the Turks if you wanna see the report Ana wrote up."
"…I see."
Cloud continued, "Anyway, I have at least three half-brothers that I know of. Rufus, Lazard, and Evan Townsend," he counted on his fingers, "The old President was basically a real horn-dog when it came to blonde women. Er, anyway, what was I saying? Oh, right, basically, Ariana's over protective over her whole family, really."
"Hm…is that why she offered me a choice?"
Doubt had crept its way into the silver haired man's voice, before Cloud shook his head.
"No. As a principle, as a rule, she swore not to infringe on free will. Your circumstance was much like my husband's, back then. Ariana broke that cycle when she killed Hojo. According to her twin, she always knew that she could be more than just an experiment. More than just being known as 'Subject A1'. She gives everyone one chance to prove themselves. You've already done so by fighting her."
Cloud ruffled his own hair, scratching at his scalp.
"Even when I first met her, she was always the one who tried accommodating everyone. Even now, with her Squad, even though she pushes them harshly in training, she's aware of what their limits are, and won't force them to do certain things if it would harm them either physically or mentally."
"Ariana mentioned you were a SOLDIER before becoming a Director," Sephiroth pointed out, relaxing once it was affirmed that the woman hadn't just taken mercy on him merely because of his identity.
"Yup. See, she bumped into me on purpose back in '97, when I was trying the SOLDIER qualification exams the second time. After putting me on surveillance for a year, she convinced Seph to take me on as a mentee," Cloud recounted, "Ana can tell you more, but that's the gist of it. Anyway, while Ariana claimed the title as the Calamity, technically both she and her brother are the Calamity. Back then, she shared her power with Ari."
The man then stood up, increasing the Barrier's area so Ariana was included.
"Uncle? What's up?" she noticed the change in surrounding, a questioning look on her face.
"Did you show him your true form?" Cloud asked, "I was explaining how you and your twin are both the Calamity.
An expression of understanding flashed over Ariana's face, nodding, and standing up, putting the Hollow Blade down on the floor gently with a departing pat, before wandering over to join Cloud.
"I did," the woman glanced back at Sephiroth, "He took it well, I think."
"You had three wings," the silver haired man recounted, "Instead of six."
Ariana's mouth opened slightly, before shrugging, "You noticed that, huh. Well, me and my twin both share nearly half of the power I stole from Jenova back then. I think that if I took all the power for myself, I'd have six wings total, but since I shared, Ari has the other three."
She let her wings manifest themselves, wrapping them around her body and idly playing with one's primaries. The woman's hair brightened and lengthened, eyes also turning silver.
"Originally, I had one, but these extra two appeared out of nowhere," she half mumbled into her wing, which whapped her in the face, "They live on their own plane of existence, as far as I know."
"Ana just uses one if she's not being super serious," Cloud added, and Ariana returned to her usual appearance, "That's when her full abilities as the Calamity is drawn out."
"That is enough, Uncle," Ariana ordered softly, "I believe I need some semblance of mystery, don't you think?"
Sephiroth straightened, interest coming back to the forefront after seeing the woman's winged form again.
Cloud laughed, "Yeah, you're right. But either way, Ariana's not doing this out of pity, or anything. She already outlined the rules. As long as you don't try to harm this Planet, as long as you do not raise your blade against us outside of self-defense, you can live however you want."
The barrier shattered, the immaterial shield falling apart at the blonde's command, and signalling the end of the conversation.
End Note: Seph is totally a bottom, ngl.
Also, I couldn't quite figure out what credentials directors need, so Cloud's a special case.
The 'alternate Cloud' mentioned refers to AimeeLouWrites' Cursed to Strife!Cloud, which appeared in my work "A Brief Reprieve For the Cursed Wanderer's Soul, if you haven't read it.
