Part I
You will never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. Because strength doesn't come from what you can do, but from the things you once thought you couldn't.
Chapter 1
TRIS
~TWO YEARS LATER~
I wish I wasn't afraid all the time.
But I am.
I am flying high above the clouds. I am trying to escape the horrors that haunt me. Some may call me a coward, but I know what I've been through. And how horrible it is to live through. The will to live is so hard, but I look down at my necklace, and it brings me back to reality. Living is a precious privilege and can get taken away at any second. Death is easy, life is what's hard.
It is only an hour and a half flight to Chicago, but it feels like a lifetime. The sooner I get away, the better. Tori saved me, and I am going to go live with her now.
I have two scars imprinted on my body. I look down at the one on my chest, the one Peter gave me. He didn't cut me deep, just tipped the skin to leave a faint scar. (A scar that, even after nearly two years, has not faded.)
I was lucky, though, because the cut was not deep. When I came to, Peter was gone and I was laying there with sticky blood on my legs, chest, and arms. With the little strength I had, I put pressure on the cut on my chest as streams of silent tears fell. Somehow, I fell asleep. By morning, the blood had clotted and realization had sunk in. I cleaned myself just to find the mark of a blade on my chest.
Little things like scarves and the right shirt cover it up. No one ever sees it.
It did not surprise me that Peter threatened me to stay quiet. To be honest, I did not want anyone to know it happened. I did not want to believe it happened. His words still haunt me.
No one will believe you.
And the worst part was... He was right. Because people found out. Something like that doesn't stay hidden forever.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Chicago! I hope you had a pleasant ride. Please stay seated for a few more moments..." says the attendant. I don't really pay attention, because I flip my phone open and text Tori that my plane has landed. When I talked to her before I boarded, she asked me to text her as soon as possible. Because I can't ride in a taxi, she has to pick me up, but she needs to be at her bars most of the day.
Me: Just landed... but I don't know how long it will take to actually get off.
I get a response right away.
Tori: Okay, glad you're here. I'll be there as soon as I can but the place is pretty busy today. The team had their first scrimmage today and lots of sweaty boys.
That's understandable. School starts in a few days and I'm sure people are squeezing every last moment of summer out. And Tori's place is pretty popular with the people who go to the high school… sadly, my high school.
I begged to be homeschooled. I hate high school. What if they find out my secret? What if they will treat me like the people at my old school? I just want to get these last two years over with. I can't do it again. The only option I have is to stay to myself. I refuse to get close to anyone. I cannot go through it all again. I can't.
People do not understand what it is like to live in a depression.
People do not understand what it is like to go to bed, hoping to wake up in the Emergency Room hearing the words "She's not going to make it." People do not understand what it is like to put in the energy to run a mile, only to see that you've taken just one step. People do not understand what it is like to be drowning, except you can see everyone else around you breathing.
TORI
"So, when do you want to come visit? July?" Then a thought comes to me. "You can come for the Fourth of July. You would love it. We can go to Navy Pier and—"
"I'm not coming," Tris says softly, cutting me off.
"What?" I say looking out at window at the rain stricken streets. Hopefully these April showers bring May flowers. "Why not? You always come to visit, especially in the summer."
"I—I'm not… It's just not a good time."
"Tris what is going on?"
Silence.
"Beatrice Prior there is something going on. I am your Godmother, you can tell me anything."
"No."
"What are you hiding?"
"It won't matter in a month."
"Tris, please talk to me. You can trust me."
"No, Caleb tells me I am wrong and dad tells me it is a problem."
"Don't you dare believe what your father tells you."
"I can't," she whispers, choking a cry. "There's no one."
It breaks my heart. Something has happened. Something terrible has happened to my girl and she can't even tell me. There is only one thing I can think of doing.
I think of Natalie as I start singing through the telephone. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey."
"Don't."
I continue until I hear Tris say, "Stop. I…"
I am peacefully waiting at the counter for the place to erupt with teenagers, thinking back to when it all started. I wanted her to come live with me the day I found out, but Andrew, her father, barely did anything to help her. I convinced him to help Tris, but all he did was send her to a special camp. I asked to have her stay with me multiple times, and it was not until recently that he finally complied like she was extra weight.
I like what I do. Managing a bunch of different restaurants and bars is fun, but this one is one of my favorite. I like giving the kids a fun place to hang out, especially one where alcohol is not served. Looking around, I see different groups of kids at tables doing everything from socializing to sharing school schedules.
After what happened to Tris, I cannot imagine another kid jumping off the deep end. Her mother's death was so hard on her. I know; Natalie was my best friend. But after the rape, she really broke. I was the only one who really believed her, and I tried so hard to push her to press charges, but all she pursued was drinking into a depression. I didn't even know about the alcohol until a few months ago.
That girl deserves a new start, and someone to love her. And I believe this is the best place to do it. I've seen most of these kids grow up, and I know that Tris can find a home here. If she lets herself. Just making one friend would be fine.
The doors burst open and in comes a bunch of sweaty football players and fans.
"Hey Tori, we won!" says Uriah, a sophomore who has made varsity along with one year older brother, Zeke.
"It was only a scrimmage you realize," says his girlfriend, Marlene.
Zeke pipes in, "Hey don't be hating! It is a good look at what's to come and my man Four is going to kill it at quarterback. We are so winning a city title this year!" As he says this, he slaps Four on the back.
"And go undefeated! This year is going to be awesome," says Will who makes his way to Christina behind the bar. She is his girlfriend, and she works here at the bar for me. They start ordering some smoothies from her as I help some of the workers and my assistant manager start the orders.
My phone buzzes with a text from Tris, and I respond right away.
"Hey," I say. "Sorry I can't stay for the celebration, but I have to go." I get a few 'awws' and 'boos'.
"Where you got to go?" asks Uriah after he orders some wings.
"I have to pick my goddaughter up from the airport."
"I didn't know you had a goddaughter. Is she visiting?"
Christina cuts in, "Oh yah, you told me about her. What was her name..."
"Tris. And she is going to be living with me. She is going to go to school with you guys this year. She will be a junior and she's really shy. I was going to ask you guys to look out for her, but I don't want you to scare her, too... Zeke, Uriah..."
They both manage a playful "Hey!"
I laugh, but turn serious, "But really, she's... she's been through a lot."
"What happened?"
"That's her business, and I can't talk any longer. I have to go, and don't burn the place down. I'll be back in a little bit."
I do not own anything, just my ideas!
