I do not own anything, just my ideas!
Chapter 16
TRIS
"No." I say, and I can feel the air get less dense.
I can see the disappointment on his face, but I'm not going to let someone asking me change my mind. And I made up my mind a while ago. "It's not that I don't want to go with you... I'm just not going, at all."
"What do you mean you're not going?"
"That's it, I'm not going."
"Why not?"
"I don't want to go and I don't have to go. Why should I go to something I won't have fun at?"
"Whose says you won't have fun? Come on, I'll show you a good time."
"Tempting, but I'll pass. Homecoming... It's not really my thing and I'd just rather not deal with it all." I say as politely as I can. I have my reasons and he doesn't need to know them. "Now, if you don't mind, I have costumers to serve."
I feel like there are a million eyes drilling through me. It isn't the first rejection this place has seen, and I'm sure it isn't the last. It's not something I want to publicize, but I'm not going to the dance. And I made this choice a few weeks ago. If Homecoming at my old school is anything like the one here, I do not want to get anywhere near it. Dances like that, they're loud and dark and crowded and... and... it's a nightmare just waiting to happen.
I don't have to go, and I don't feel obligated to go. I've been going to this school for only a few weeks and I don't know that many people. And the way people dance at Homecoming-it's not really my thing. And my past with Homecoming is not good. The last time I went was back in New York and, well, it wasn't pretty. Not pretty at all.
Even though I am not going to the dance, I am still a friend. As much as I am willing to deny I have anything close to a friend, I can't. As small as this friendship might feel, I am Christina's friend, and that implies me to go to the mall with her and help her pick out a dress. We walk into the department store and her face immediately lights up.
"Huh," she sighs, "don't you just love shopping. Finding something amazing, and finding it on sale, well, it is just the best feeling."
"Yeah, it's fun. Can we just get in and get out?"
"Come on, at least pretend to have some fun."
"I'm trying."
"I think you'd have more fun if you were trying these on with me. I know you for some reason are not planning on going, but you may change your mind. And I want you to have a back up plan in case that happens."
"Well it won't. I'm perfectly fine helping you find your dress."
"At least try some on. You could work any of these dresses easily; if you're so against it, prove me wrong."
"I know what you are trying to do, and it won't work."
"Can't blame a girl for trying."
We walk to the dress section and I have to admit, some of them are really, really pretty. Christina manages to work miracles and find the most gorgeous things. She groups up a couple good potential ones, and I give her one or two nice ones I see. We walk to the dressing rooms and she disappears into one of them to change. I sit in one of the chairs just outside of the her room, and I can't help myself. I imagine a scenario of me actually going to Homecoming. Actually, something better than a silly dance.
I imagine myself without the marks I've developed over the years. I see myself wearing a dress that is not too flashy... Well, not flashy at all, and where I am is not some ridiculous, cliche dance. I'm in the park, wearing that simple, beautiful dress, and there is someone there with me. He is standing there right next to me, and everything about him makes me want to be closer. Being next to him brings butterflies to my stomach and makes my entire body feel like it's melting. These feelings are different, but a good different.
My daydream breaks as Christina comes out of the dressing room looking amazing; she is so tall, she looks like a model in each dress. Each one she tries on looks better than the last one. After a couple, I roam around and find myself looking at a rack of dresses in my size. I shift through a couple and my eyes fall on some good ones. Well, they would look nice on others; not me. One in particular has a sweetheart neckline that would show my scar. I don't notice Christina walking up to me, an evil look on her face.
"I knew you wouldn't be able to resist!" She yelps.
"I could never wear half of these."
"What about this one?" She pulls out a tight black dress. It has a lose skirt to it, but the top is tight and strapless. I give my head a shake and she shrugs her shoulders and continues to look for something. I guess I have fallen, because I find myself looking for something for me. I can't even remember the last time I have gotten something for myself.
We somehow find a few for me to try on, and I can't believe I am doing this. I guess it would be nice to do something self-indulgent just once. I walk into the changing room and I don't bother to look at the mirror while I strip down and put the first dress on. I check just once to make sure everything is covered and I walk out.
"It's a nice dress, but it isn't good for you. It grabs you in the wrong places. Try the one shoulder on, that one looks like it would work." She tells me.
I walk back in and take the dress off. I take a small glance at my reflection, and I can't help but feel a little surprised. My two scars are where I left them, staining my skin. But I've filled in a little bit. My body doesn't look as weak as it did at the beginning of the summer, at the beginning of camp. The alcohol had a really bad effect on my body, on top of not eating. When I had my baby, I gained some weight, and I was so desperate to lose it. I guess I thought if I went back to the way I was before, people would forget easier; I would forget. But it didn't work, and after not eating a lot for a few months, it kind of stuck.
But at camp, they taught me ways to channel my energy, my anger, my grief. That was where the boxing came from and the drawing. I remember staying in a room all day, and just poring every emotion in my body into a painting. Then doing the same thing the next day in a sketch book. My sketch book is like my own personal memory bank, filled with every detail of how I see the world and what I've experienced in my life.
"You okay in there?" Christina asks.
"Yeah, sorry-Daydreaming, I guess."
I pull the one shoulder dress off the hanger and put it on. It falls just above my knees and the black skirt is not extremely tight, but just lose enough. There is a dark grey strip that ties in the back that divides the dress; the top part of the dress is cream colored and tight. It wraps up along my shoulder on the same side of my scar, so it hides my scar perfectly. The top of the strap of the one-shoulder is bejeweled with white, black, and grey gems. I walk out and Christina gasps.
"That looks amazing on you! You look so pretty, and I don't care if you are not going to Homecoming, you are getting that dress. And who knows, you may change your mind; besides, you never know when you'll need a dress." She says really fast and on the verge of a squeal and we go pay for our dresses and go home. She decided on a tight black strapless dress that looks really good on her.
I'm not surprised that the car ride home is not silent. I'm with Christina, I might add.
"So are we going to talk about the fact that you are not going. I'm your friend, and you're not going to tell me the reason why?"
"I'm not going because I don't want to. Why should I do something that I won't have fun at?"
"Won't have fun? I can solve that problem. I'll ditch Will and we can go together."
"Really? Ditch Will? I'm not going to do that to you two. Besides, Homecoming brings... bad memories."
"And I'm guessing these bad memories will not be spoken of."
"You're guess is correct."
"You know what? I have the perfect way to fix that problem, make new memories. If all you can do is think about bad things when you think about Homecoming, then we need to replace them with good ones."
"Nice try. It's more complicated than that."
"Then talk to me. I hate seeing you unhappy and I want to change that. If talking about this bad memory will make you feel better-"
"No!" I yelp, "Sorry, you know I'm not much of a talker."
"Yeah, I've noticed." She says with a slight grin, "If I'm willing to meet you half-way, will you comply to do the same?"
"Depends... What were you thinking?"
"Okay, stay with me." She begins, "I know you don't want to go to the dance, but what about before. The best part of it all is getting ready, anyway. Join us when we do hair, makeup, nails, the whole lot. And you can wear your new dress! Or you can borrow one of my more casual dresses. You shouldn't be cooped up by yourself at home the entire night. Pleeeease?"
"Okay."
"Wait, what was that? I didn't hear you."
"Watch it, I can always change my mind."
"But you won't; no one turns down a makeover from Christina." And we both laugh. She pulls up to my house and we give our goodbyes and part ways. Once I'm inside, I go straight to my room and put the dress in the back of the closet. I don't regret getting the dress, I really don't. Maybe I will find an excuse to wear one day. But, for now, I'm wearing sweatpants.
Friday rolls in faster than usual this week. This Friday is different, though; there is a football game, like always, but this one is really far. It's the away game of all away games. The school is arranging a 'spirit bus' to transport a group of students to the game and back. You can bet your bottom I will not be on the bus. Tori though, she is an avid fan of the team and she knows about the deal I have with Tobias. She is set with driving me to the game and we will sit together like every other Friday.
The drive over has its natural silence, mostly because we both want to dissolve into the music that's playing. When it's just the two of us, especially with a long drive, we like to listen to music; music that reminds us of her. The windows are down, and the fall air is whistling through the car and mixing with the music. Right now, we have Shania Twain's Greatest Hits playing again. It was my mom's favorite. In fact, she had to buy another CD because she used the first one so much it got scratched to a point where it couldn't be used.
I don't sing much, but I am singing now. It's just the two of us here and it feels like home. "That Don't Impress Me Much" rings as we drive along the pale road. We listen to it all the time, more than the others, but that is fine with me. Music has this magical quality about it in a way that it can transport you back in time and you are filled with those good memories.
We pull into the parking lot right when "Love Gets Me Every Time" finishes. It doesn't surprise me that there is a mass of blue and white swarming the gate to get into the field, after all, it is their home turf. I can feel myself tense up, but not because of the crowd. Their side will be full, but ours will be more scarce. I will be with Tori, and we will sit at the 50 yard line, just like every other time. All the people, they don't get to me, but something else does. I feel my heart drop because blue and white were my old high school's colors.
Tori grabs my shoulders and gives them a squeeze, then follows with a hug. She comes to my ear and says, "It's okay. You're here for our guys. I know a certain person waiting to see that you're here."
"Right, so I won't be skipping out on the bet. He knows I stay true to my word."
"Yeah, because the deal is on his mind, because that is what he cares about."
I don't respond because I don't know how to. I came because of the deal. Didn't I? Would I have come if I weren't chained to a deal? I don't know, I guess we'll see if they lose tonight. But they won't lose, because I was working with Tobias this week-preparing him for tonight, and he is ready. During a free period, we watched film-We talked about strategy and I taught him a new trick play. A few times before school, we worked together on our workouts.
Tori and I walk into the gate and make way to the Visitor's Side. We pass a lot of people, and all their faces are unknown. I try to take mental pictures, because I've learned to always be on the look out, to read people because you never know what could happen and when something as simple as remembering a face will come in handy. And I guess with me, I blend easy, or at least I try to. Part of blending in is seeing what's around me.
A loud horn pulls me back from my concentration, and our guys are charging the field and beginning the pre-game warm up. I pull Tori's arm and we slow down so I can read the field. I see Uriah and Will next to each other as they do their high knees. Our slow pace brings us to our set of stairs, right in front of where we will sit. I stay at the fence, between our seats and the 50 yard line, and I look for one person in particular.
I want to make sure he knows I'm here; you know, for the deal. I'll have to wait a second, because the team is in their circle. All the guys are in a big circle, while Tobias and Zeke, the captains, run around in the middle pumping the guys up. They swarm in the middle and give one final holler, then they come to the side lines. I avert my eyes down and fidget with my hands. I give it a second, then I look up and look for a jersey with a four on it.
My eyes dart until they find a pair of dark blues looking my way. He gives me a happy grin and I return it with a half smile and a wave. I mouth, Good Luck, and he mouths back, Thanks. It's not much, but there was more said in our locked eyes. I give a whole smile, but not too big, and I climb the stairs to my seat. I look down and see our student section is actually bigger than I thought it would be, but that's okay. No one will try to drag me down there because there aren't that many. Because there is enough.
The ball is kicked off, and the game begins. Tobias and the offense take the field and begin their drive. Just like we saw in film, the other team's defense is solid. This is proven when Tobias gets sacked on the first down, and looks like it hurt. But Tobias, being as tough as he is, gets up as if nothing happened. I see that small strain, however; he can hide from others, but my eyes catch it because I've hidden pain like that.
Our guys fight back the next down as Tobias throws to Zeke on the outside for the first down. The guys move down the field at a steady pace without our running game, because their defense stops us every time. The guys make it to the 23 yard line, and it's 3rd and long. The guys break from their huddle and they square up at the line. The ball is snapped and Tobias shuffles on his feet, looking for an open man. He scans, but can't see anything and neither can I. He's getting charged at, and he is forced out of the pocket. He gets tackled hard and falls to the ground along with a few other guys on the other team.
Tobias makes his way to the sidelines and takes his helmet off. You can see the frustration on his face, but he hides the hurt from the hits because that is who he is. The specialty team comes out onto the field, led by Will. The ball is snapped and Will kicks it in between the two yellow poles. 3-0.
Both teams regroup and prepare for another kick-off. The little guy in blue catches the ball and spins past the tackle and lets his fast feet carry him all the way to our 37 yard line. I hear Tori groan next to me, but she replaces it with an encouraging clap. Our defense takes the field, and just like the other team, our defense is solid tonight, too. They progress closer and closer to the end zone, but at a slow pace. Uriah is a defensive-back, and his man is real quick. Uriah can't keep up with him, and they score a touchdown. The score is 7-3 at the end of the first quarter.
The second quarter is back and forth banter with no scoring. Our guys are approaching the 10 yard line with less than one minute left in the half, and they probably have one play left. It's 3rd and six, and the ball is snapped to Tobias with the clock ticking away. He can't find anybody open, but he sees one opening. He runs past the line of scrimmage and is about to enter the end zone when he gets nailed to the ground. I see the ball fly out and a pile-up begins. The refs run up and I see their hands pointing in the direction of the end zone. It doesn't matter because the clock says 0:00. Halftime.
The crowd of players thins as they walk away from the tackle; all the players, except one. My heart drops to my stomach because his jersey has a four on it, and he isn't moving.
Author's Note
This is longer than I originally planned it to be, but I think it turned out good in the end. (I'm digging these cliff-hangers at the end of the chapter, even if the rest of you are not. Sorry.) And I promise you will find out the "bad memory" Tris has from Homecoming soon, just not yet.
A few housekeeping things, please vote for the poll that is up on my profile please! In an upcoming chapter, the topic the poll is about will come up. Next, to the guest who asked when Tobias will find out about Rose, the answer is not for a while. I have other things planned before that comes up. Lastly, please review, or if you have a question, PM!
Be brave, everyone!
