I do not own anything, just my ideas!
Chapter 18
TRIS
"I'm proud of you. You know that?" Tori says as we drive down the open road.
I don't catch what she is saying at first because I am focusing on keeping myself calm. I shouldn't be nervous, because where I'm going isn't that big of a deal. But why do I find myself noting my breaths?
"Umm, I guess."
"I mean it. If we look back a mere few months..."
"I know." I say, cutting her off. I try to forget those times. It's not camp that I try to forget; it helped me when I was nothing. It's the place my father made me go to before the camp. The place his old family friend, J. Matthews, suggested to him. I shudder at the thought, thinking back to sitting in that chair, wires attaching me to that horrible machine.
"Are sure you don't need me to pick you up?"
"No, I'm sure someone will be willing to bring me home."
"Okay, but if you need anything or you want to come home early... just, let me know."
"I'll be fine; I'm a big girl."
"I know that, I just wish you could see that you are still only a girl and you're allowed to have fun. Promise me you'll try to have fun."
"That's why I'm going, isn't it?"
"I guess you have a point." She says with a light laugh and it dawns on me that I need to get rid of the scowl on my face. I take my hands up to my eyes and rub feeling back into them. I bring my attention back to the scenery out the window. The leaves' new colors are peaking through the green exterior they've hidden behind for months. The air is getting crisper as the sun begins its decent away from this part of the world. My eye lids slowly fall, making everything around me blurry.
I feel Tori pull into the driveway with the house number that is sketched on the piece of paper I'd received at the game last night. They won, again, and this time it wasn't very close. After everything that happened at the away game the week before, I don't blame the guys for wanting to make it an uneven battle.
I get out of the car, and that is when I notice the huge house standing in front of me. It's large, but not big enough to be obnoxious. It says, I'm important, but without rubbing it into your face. I walk up to the front porch and I barely put my knuckles to the door when it flies open. Christina throws herself in my direction without stretched arms while Marlene stands behind her, yelling something into the house.
"It's about time! I was beginning to think you weren't going to come." Christina chirps into my ear.
"Well I'm here now."
"And the games about to start, so come on in!" I make my way into the beautiful house and I can hear the guys yelling in what I assume is the living room. I turn the corner and I'm met with the blaring TV while everyone from the lunch table is claiming their place on the couch.
I make a U-turn and head to the adjacent kitchen which holds enough food for even these guys. Everyone else is in the living room. All of them, except one... The host of this little party.
"Hey," Tobias says as he looks up, "I'm glad you made it."
"Thanks for inviting me. Your house is... big." I say, and I try not to make it sound strained, but I'm afraid it does.
"He's not here, you know. He's out of town on business." He tells me and I feel a bit of weight lifted off my shoulders. I don't know what I would do if I'd come face-to-face with that man. Part of me feels impossible anger for the man who has left tangible hate on my friend. But another part of me feels fear from the person who can be so deceitful as to hurt his own son.
"I didn't mean to..."
"It's okay. I wouldn't have invited everyone over to watch the game if he'd been home." We hear a marching band blast from the TV in the other room. We grab a bowl of popcorn and walk into the living room. I walk over and sit next to Marlene, who is in front of Christina while Tobias places himself next to Zeke.
At first when they asked me to come over to watch the game, I wasn't much in the mood. But, they convinced me. I cave so easily, and I thought I was tougher than that. They found my weakness, though. Football, and not just any football. College Football. The team playing today is decked in red and silver, and their band places themselves on the field spelling out Ohio, with that one little guy dancing around to be the dot on the i.
They're having a good year, and that is not the only reason I like them. My mom's parents went to Ohio State, and they met there. They wanted my mom to go there, but she wanted something simpler and smaller. Buckeye blood runs through this family's veins. Well, almost all of this family's veins. While some of us bleed red, others bleed blue.
The games begins, and I don't participate in the conversation Christina and Marlene are in because I am too focused on the game. As expected, the buckeyes get ahead early and they keep the lead throughout the first half. At times, I find myself yelling at the television, thinking the players can hear me all these miles away. Halftime comes upon us, and almost everyone moves to the kitchen to savor in the food that is on the table.
I walk out the backdoor and onto the patio in the back. The sun is all but gone behind the trees, and I hear someone open and close the door. The footsteps echo as they approach where I am standing.
"You're quite the buckeye fan."
"My grandparents on my mom's side went there. I've been raised to cheer for them, for the most part. In fact, it wasn't until recently that I've developed a true appreciation for them." I regret saying it the moment it leaves my lips. I normally keep my tongue in check, but when I'm with him, it just flows out.
"Oh yeah? Why's that?"
"Umm... It's a long story." My heart begins to ache and fill with rage all at the same time as I remember it all.
His choices. That's what it boils down to, and they've always been selfish. He made another choice that fall day, one that still burns into my soul like all the other choices he's made. A choice that pangs with betrayal and adds fuel to the fire of hate I hold with my brother. The day he chose Michigan was the day he showed he doesn't care and he never will.
"I can understand a long story. I mean, halftime is not going to last forever." He says, and it snaps me back to reality. I laugh because the time it would take to tell him doesn't matter, and he knows that. He knows some things aren't easy to talk about. He hasn't talked about the away game since that night. I know he was hit a lot, but there was something more. The way he carried himself, or at least tried to, after each sack. All he said was that his dad beat him again, but nothing more. I don't blame him... I'm not an open book either. That wasn't the only thing, though. He feels ashamed of the way his father takes advantage of him. I know the feeling.
His tone gets more serious as he adds, "It's about making it better... remember?"
"Even when nothing is right." I don't know how to make this issue better; I've struggled with it for so long, it seems like a part of me that will never go away.
"It can get better, you'll see. We should get back inside, the second half should be starting any second."
We both walk back into the house, and when Tobias finds a place on the ground in front of the couch, I join beside him. The game continues just as it did during the first half, but I enjoy it more. I block out the others and it is us too, praising and critiquing the different plays as they unfold on the screen.
Ohio State wins, as expected, and we all group around in the kitchen. A few beers are passed around, and I focus on my breaths and ignore the gateway I've tried to avoid. Either Tobias isn't a drinker, or his isn't very appealing, because he places the bottle in his hand back into the fridge. Only after giving me a hard stare.
I don't notice the time ticking away, that is until people begin to migrate towards the door. I offer to help Tobias clean up, and it's almost just the two of us left. Christina lingers, but Tobias reassures her that he will make sure I get home safe. At first, the only conversation that exist is the silent one; the one that involves eye contact, and the shuffling of feet as we move around. After a few minutes, he speaks up.
"So, what makes you such a big Ohio State fan?"
"I told you, I have family whose alumni."
"That's not all of it. There is more behind it, because there was an edge of anger behind your criticism during the game."
"I'll admit I have a strong hatred for Michigan; cheering for OSU comes with it."
"What's so bad about Michigan? You know, I've been there once for a visit a while ago because they were looking at me..."
"What?!" I scream out.
"No worries, it isn't much of a contender. I wasn't a fan of the coaches, or a lot of guys. I guess we didn't click. And besides, they already have a starter and a sophomore who is behind him, ready to take the spot." I cringe at his words, because I know that sophomore, but I push him out of my mind. "What makes you hate it so much?"
I don't know how to answer his question, so I decide it's best not to. I would rather not indulge into that part of my life, considering I've tried to submerge so deep down it will never resurface, because it is so painful. "I told you, it's a long story."
"I'd like to hear it."
"I don't like to tell it." I look up at him and look him in the eyes. "You're pretty nosey for someone who normally keeps to himself."
"Where have you heard that?"
"I have ears, you know." I don't know why it bothered me when that girl approached me earlier this week. She wanted to know what I 'was doing' with Four, and I told her the truth: We're friends, that all. But she wasn't convinced. She told me that he never gets close to anyone and doesn't care for girls... like me. I don't deal with girl drama like that, so I don't know what to make of it. I just try to ignore it, but the curiosity in me, the part that strives to understand and know different answers, wants to know.
"Then ask any question you want." I don't have to think hard. At first, I keep my curiosity in check, because that is how I was raised. But I realize I am a new person in a new place, and I have stepped out of the old life forever.
"Why don't you have people call you by your real name?"
"It's easier that way."
"Why?"
"You ask a lot of question yourself."
"No I don't."
"You just asked two in time frame of less than ten seconds."
"You're right... I don't care." I say with a small grin reaching my lips. "I'm just making conversation while we clean up." Normally, I would work in silence, and silence has been... fine with me for a while now. But I feel comfortable around him.
"How about this? I ask a question, then you ask one. It's a game."
I look at my watch. "I have to get home. Maybe another time."
"I'll hold you to that."
"Of course you will." I say with a small laugh. We put the last thing away and then he takes me to his car. We're driving down the road and I'm having a battle with myself. Part of me wants to open up to him and talk about it with him, but the part of me that has been holding back all these years, squishes that voice. I've always kept to myself because it was easier. I've never once felt compelled to open up to anyone, let alone a guy. He pulls up to my drive, and I begin to get out of the car.
I am about to close the door when I look at him and say, "I'm glad you're not going there. I wouldn't want you anywhere near someone as horrible as my brother."
Before he can respond, I close the door and walk into my house.
Author's Note
I want to apologize in advance for the next few weeks. I know I promised every week would bring an update, but these next two(ish) weeks are INSANE and I don't know if I'll be able to update as adamantly. I have my own Homecoming, mid-term exams, ACT, and on top of all of that, I'm having surgery! Crazy.
Be brave, everyone!
QUOTES
1). Fear is a fire that burns from inside and even in the coldest of hearts. It motivates and paralyzes the best of us. Or, it is used as a weapon by the worst. –Revenge, television show
2). You make me believe in myself when nobody else can help. –Because You Live, Jesse McCartney, song
There is one (movie) quote in this chapter.
