I do not own anything!

Chapter 22

TOBIAS

"It's a surprise." I tell her, and I can't break the smile that is plastered across my face.

I don't lose contact with her, not for a second. I can feel the hesitation in her grip of my hand, but I smoothly massage circles and gently tighten my grip. I can't ignore the warmth and buzz rushing through my skin as we touch. I'm sure she could hear my heartbeat banging out of my chest when she let her head fall on me.

That moment, that moment in time when she let down her walls, for me; I don't think anything can compare to this feeling that pulses through me. I know the significance of that simple gesture, and it sends chills, good chills, down my spine. I couldn't help myself when I leaned down to her forehead. I wanted so badly to be as close as I could to her, but I know not to intrude. Being that close to her melts my soul; ever since that moment, I refuse to let her go.

It only takes a few minutes to get to our destination. I turn around to see if she's okay, but then I remember the countless mornings she has spent on the treadmill running. Her stamina is just as good as mine, if not better.

The park is pretty much deserted at this time at night. When I was younger, I would spend a lot of time here. A lot of my time spent here was when fresh markings made their way to my back. I had no place to hide, until I found my secret spot near the waterfall. I slow down my pace as we near its entrance.

Still, I don't want to waste such a beautiful night hiding out under some rock. As we pass the swings, I slow my pace.

"What are we doing?" Tris asks, her eyes full of curiosity.

"Taking a small break."

"What? Warring you out?" She asks with one side of her mouth pulling up.

"No, I figured there aren't going to be many more nights as beautiful as this one, and I don't know about you, but I want to spend a second living in it."

"Okay?"

"Come on." I say, nodding my head to the swings. We both sit and I can't help but stare at her, like somehow she has changed since the previously time I looked. I remember when I first laid my eyes on her earlier this evening, I couldn't keep my beating heart at bay. The urge inside of me that craves to be near her is almost uncontrollable. I want to run my fingers through her smooth hair, stare deep into her eyes and never break, hold her in my arms and feed her the strength through our touch.

"So," she begins, "am I ever going to find out what this special place is?"

"You will."

She sighs, "Gosh... You know, the last time I was on these swings was probably when I was 10. It's weird being back, considering all that's happened since then."

She closes her eyes and slowly sways on her toes. I let her words sink down into me. I stand and walk around to stand behind her; I carefully take the chains and begin to push. She turns her head and gives me a look, but it's soft.

"Sorry if I scared you." I tell her.

"You didn't." I can hear the smile in her voice. After a few minutes, I walk in front of her and reach out my hand. She takes it in her own, and we go back on our way.

"Can I at least get a hint?" She asks.

"You showed me your secret place, now it's time to show you mine."

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, I'll show you." I take a firmer grip on her arm to make sure she doesn't slip, and I take us down to the little cavern I found all those years ago. I've never shown it to anyone else, but I don't feel bad showing Tris. She looks around the little space with amazement, her eyes taking in every rock, corner, and drop of water.

A silence takes over the air. She is sitting down with her legs tight in front of her as her hands lay next to her, keeping her balanced. I resist the urge to take her hand in my own, yet I find a way to scoot closer to her. Our fingers are only inches apart.

"How did you find this place?" Tris asks.

"A few years ago, after one of the... you know... anyway, I had to get away from the house, but I didn't really have anywhere to go. This park isn't too far away from my house, so I came here. I was exploring for a place to stay hidden away, and I stumbled across this little cavern."

"I like it. It's peaceful." She closes her eyes, "I love the sound of the falling water. It's beautiful." Your beautiful.

She stretches out her legs, and the slight sliver of moonlight catches the reflection of a piece of metal along her ankle. I point to it, "What's that?"

Tris looks down but instead of hiding it away or trying to change the subject, she admires the chain wrapped around her skin. She pulls her leg back towards her and takes the anklet off. She holds it up so I can see it clearer. A silver rose dangles from a shining chain. Inside the rose is a small, simple pink gem.

"What's it for?" I ask.

"You ask a lot of questions."

"You can ask questions, yourself... if you want."

"Like a game?"

"Yeah, the game you said you'd play sometime... When you were at my house the other day; the question game." I say sheeply; it's a stupid game, but I want to talk with her and know more about her.

"Ohh, I didn't think you were serious about holding me to that."

"Why not?"

She sighs, and I feel another wall tumble down around her. "I guess, since we're both here..."

My smile, which I can't manage to get away, spreads more. "So, where did you get that anklet?"

"Tori gave it to me for my 16th birthday. One of the only presents I got that year."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Don't be... I'd rather have one meaningful gift than dozens of pointless ones. I don't see the meaning in over-extravagance when it's much more special to do something small."

I can't stop the words from falling out of my mouth. "You're amazing." She blushes and shakes her head. I nod my head to her, "Your turn."

"Okay... What's your favorite color?"

"Really?"

"Got to start simple, and I kind of want to know; I mean, we're friends and I don't even know what your favorite color is."

"Alright, I guess I've always liked black."

"See, that wasn't too hard." She says with a smile, "Now your turn."

"Why didn't you go to Homecoming?"

"I just didn't want to go. The crowd, the people, the dark, the noise..."

"There's more. Please tell me." She takes a deep breath.

"I have bad experiences at school dances, and Homecoming has... unpleasant memories associated with it."

"That's it?"

"I told you, I don't like everything to do with that dance, so I don't go."

"You make it sound like there's more to the story... What happened?"

"Hold on, don't get ahead of yourself. You've asked your question, now it's my turn."

"Go on ahead then" I reply with a smirk.

"Why don't you have people call you by your real name?"

"It's complicated."

"I'm sure I can keep up. And don't try to avoid the question."

"Okay, I guess I've never had a reason for people to call me by my real name. When I'm Four, I'm the strongest, bravest person. I'm that guy that people look up to. When I'm Four, there's less room to be personal with others. If you haven't noticed, I'm not much of a social butterfly."

"Really? You had me fooled." She laughs.

"What happened at Homecoming?" I ask her, going back a moment.

"I was hoping you wouldn't ask."

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to... But I was hoping you'd be willing to..." She breaks eye contact and looks down at her feet, contemplating on what to do. She lets out a sigh and speaks.

"It was one year ago. Someone who I thought was my friend convinced me to go to that stupid dance at my old school... and it wasn't pretty. Long story short, I was chased out of the gym by mocking laughter and criticism. I went home and there were people at my house that I didn't want to see. So, I grabbed the nearest bottle and walked to the park."

"Bottle?"

She opens her mouth, but doesn't say anything. Whatever she wanted to say, she pulled back inside of her. Just when I think her walls are building up again, she speaks softly, "It was a bad time."

I can feel myself shattering inside as her words break through the air. The way she speaks, defeated, tares me apart. This time, as I look into her eyes, I do not hesitate as I take her hand in my own to comfort her.

"It's your turn." She breaks out of her trance, but her eyes are still full of gloom.

"Do you regret not going to the dance?" Yes, I think, I know I can make her feel better.

"I don't regret a thing. I love being with you, spending time with you." She still doesn't look at me. I touch her face with my free hand and make her hear my words. "You're not like anybody else. You get me in a way that no one has understood, and I feel so free when I am with you; like I don't need to put on my 'Four' mask... I can be myself."

Her beautiful eyes look deep into mine, and I try to speak the words with my eyes. Please hear me, please hear me! I pull in closer to her; we are breathing the same air. Every urge inside me wants to be with her... Protect her, comfort her, love her. I've never felt this before, and it actually kind of scares me, but I ignore that fear because I know the risk will be worth it.

Right as I lean in closer, she pulls back. "It's, uhh, getting late, and I didn't tell Tori where I was going. She's probably wondering where I am."

"Ohh, well we can head back."

Her hand grabs my arm and her grip is tight. "I didn't mean it like that. Tori knows that if I do anything I tell her. And because I didn't say anything to her, there is a pretty good chance she is thinking the worst. Also, I didn't bring my phone."

"I don't want her to worry, or to be mad at us."

"Us?" She laughs, "This was your idea, I remind you."

"You seem to be going along with it just fine."

"Okay... You're right."

"What was that? I don't think I heard you." I feel her elbow knock into me, sending me off balance. I reach out and grab onto her to hold myself up. She places her eyes on my own.

"Come on," she says as she grips her hands on my arm, pulling upward, "we can take the long way back."

I stand and hold her arm as we walk back to the surface. I take her hand in mine, and the space between us is nonexistence. We walk down the path, but instead of going to the clear walkway, we take the path through the thin woods.

As we walk in silence, I can't fight the nagging voice in the back of my head. I try to not push Tris when it comes to her past and her hardships, but it's been bugging me. What did she mean about the 'bottle'? Was she a drinker? She's not even 18... It's all a mess in my head and I need to know. I remember she wouldn't drink at my house. "Can I ask you something? Or is the question thing over?"

"What the question?"

"What did you mean by, 'the bottle'?"

"What?"

"You said you grabbed the nearest bottle and left."

"I... I..."

"I know you don't drink... now."

"I was in a dark place. I was lost... sinking with nowhere to go but down. I jumped off the deep end and nearly drowned."

"Was this because of..."

"I couldn't face any of it, especially the night of that dance. It was an escape, a bad one at that, but still a way to forget it all-if only for a few moments."

There's a silence that falls over us. I want to ask her more, but I'm afraid I will make her shut down and not tell me anything. This night has been amazing and I don't want it ruined by talking about a bad time in her past.

She speaks up, "I'm better now, obviously. I've been sober for a few months, but it wasn't an easy road. May-" She hesitates, "maybe someday I'll tell you about it."

Someday? My heart skips at the single word. It's simple, but it's meaning is bigger. It is a piece of the future. A future with the two of us... together.

"Will you think of me lower now that you know about my drinking problem?" She asks so softly, it's barely audible.

"Never. I know you've been through a lot, and whether you tell me the entirety of them, well that's up to you. I hope you find it in yourself to trust me, but that is all on you and what you want. I think you're one of the bravest persons I've met. Other people wouldn't be able to try to move forward like you."

"Don't say that... It isn't true. Bad stuff, really bad stuff happened and I broke under the pressure of it all. The initial 'help' I got broke me even more and... and..." Her eyes lose focus as they flash back to another time.

"Look at yourself now. Forget about the past because it's just a bunch of stuff that's happened, not stuff that can happen. You can't change your past, but you can do something about your future. We've all had shit happen to us, and don't think for a second that any of us, your friends, will abandon you... because we all care about you."

"Everyone keeps saying that, yet it's having a hard time sinking down into me."

"Maybe you don't want to believe it."

"You know what," she says with a coughed laugh breaking through from her throat, "I think you're right... again. Every time I trust a friend with something, it's proved me to be a fool. It's hard to get near the fire again after being burned."

"Just because you've burned doesn't mean you're going to die. You can't let that tear you down because I know that you are strong enough to stand." I take a pause, "I'm sorry to bring this up, especially after such a good night."

"It's okay... I mean, it's not 'okay', but it's fine. I don't mind you knowing... I don't know why that is, but it is that way. But I'd rather stop talking about it."

"I understand." We continue to walk, and I hold onto her with every ounce of strength inside of me.

She speaks up as we are outside of the park, less than a block away from her house. "I think there's time for one more question, and it's your turn."

I decide if I don't try to move forward now, I'll lose my chance. I like her so much, and I want to say she likes me back. Everything about tonight has been perfect, and I want to end it just like that. I push away all the fear, hesitation, and distance, while I ball up every ounce of courage in me, and I ask her, "... Can I kiss you?"

Her face holds shock, but not as much as I thought it would. For a second, just a second, I see... desire in her eyes and I know taking this risk wasn't a mistake.

She takes a step closer to me, leaving just a breath of air between us and replies, "Yes."


Author's Note

A lot of personal goals have been met in the past week (with this story and in my life) and I couldn't be happier. It's been ruff, let me tell you, but I feel so satisfied. Because of the stress I was feeling, and the fact that it's over, I am counting all my blessings. And I've decided that this story truly is a blessing. I never really thought of myself as a writer (I want to be an engineer), so to this point, it's been a really good time.

Be brave, everyone!


QUOTES

1). Look, I appreciate the effort, but I don't think there's a lot to work with. –Ice Princess, movie

2). "Do you trust me?" / "What?" /"Do you trust me?" –Aladdin, movie

There is one (song) quote in this chapter.