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Chapter 23

TRIS

Horns honk to my left, blaring lights blind my eyes, and drunken yells are shot my way.

At some point, I slow my pace down to a walk. My shoes are in my fist, and my bare feet scrape along the pavement. I know that there are cuts all over the bottoms of my feet from running over the rough pavement and bits of glass. Every step stings. I focus on that instead of the place I am coming from. I wouldn't expect a New York sidewalk to be perfectly clean, anyway.

I can still hear the laughter ringing through my ears. The loud cars and trucks steaming down the rode to my side do not drain that laughter; I still hear the taunting. I hold on to the hope that my house is empty so I can be there alone. I know it won't be, but I still wish for it to be only me tonight. I need to get away from the world.

I can hear it before I see it. I turn the corner and see that my house is lit up like a Christmas tree. All the lights are turned on and distinctive voices stick out of the small crowd that is gathered inside. Small crowd, big crowd, it doesn't matter; it's still a crowd. I walk up the steps to the double door entrance. My hand lingers at the knob, but I quickly retrieve it. I do not want to walk in and see the people on the other side of the door.

I back away from the heavy doors and walk around to the back of the house. I ease the backdoor open, careful to make sure no one knows of my presence, and walk towards my room. Along the way, I hear the small house party my father told me not to attend. I am a disgrace to our family name.

It is Fall Break for the beloved college boys, and my father is hosting a little reunion dinner of the state champions. It makes me feel sick that he is here; the place where it all began. I scramble to my room and quickly change. I am about to leave my room when I see it on my dresser.

Normally, Rose's picture hangs hidden in the corner of my mirror. But now it lays in ripped up pieces. That ass-hole. I know he's here because I can hear his voice; the voice that I will never forget. I know it's him because no else would come up here and do that. I walk out with the liquor cabinet in my mind.

I try to sneak away without notice, but I hear footsteps behind me.

As I leave my room, a pair of hands grab my arms and pull me into the bathroom. I can feel the handprints forming bruises. A hand clamps over my mouth as the other slaps me across the face.

"What are you doing here?" Peter snarls at me. I try to speak, but his hand blocks the words from leaving my mouth. His hand, or maybe it's my fear.

"I saw the picture. You really are pathetic." He punches me in the jaw, and leaves me in my broken state.

Somehow, I find my way to the liquor and grab the closest bottle and run out. I run and run, my feet still hurting. I run till I think I am far enough to take a gasp of air. The cold night air burns my throat, but I've dealt with worse pain. My face hurts, and I lift the cool bottle up to help lessen it.

It works itself out, really. I focus on the throbbing pain his fist left on my body, making me forget about the hurt I feel on the inside when I think about the night's events. When the bruising pain becomes too much, I switch and focus on the pain I feel as I think about every horrible thing said to me tonight-to me every night.

I don't remember getting to this place, but I'm here now. And all I have to keep me company is the shining moon and a clear bottle of misery.

It stings as it flows down my throat, but I like it that way.

It reminds me that I'm here, in the hell they call life, and only when that sting dies down is when I will lose my grip with reality. Soon, the world around me become blurry, and the throbbing pain I was feeling only moments ago subdues to a simple buzz.

It only takes a minute for my world to change around me. The ground moves under me, the leaves fly faster, and the moon shines brighter...

"It was a bad time." I say, breaking from my trance. The memory floods back to me in a second, yet it floods right back out. I use every ounce of strength I have and force it out, but it doesn't fully happen in a second.

His voice breaks through the brisk air, pulling me back more. "It's your turn."

Great, a chance to move on from that memory. "Do you regret not going to the dance?"

He takes a deep breath and looks me straight in the eye. "I don't regret a thing. I love being with you, spending time with you." I can't look at him; I'm trying to hide the blush. He really likes spending time with me? I feel his strong hand touch my face and pull me up. His eyes trap me. "You're not like anybody else. You get me in a way that no one has understood, and I feel so free when I am with you; like I don't need to put on my 'Four' mask... I can be myself."

I feel the butterflies rushing in and out of me. Does he really care about me? No one ever has; no one has ever said words like this to me. I see something in his eyes I've really only seen once before; something I haven't seen in years. In his eyes is the warmth and care my mother's held.

And it scares me. The last time I had someone who cared like this, I lost her. I put up these walls because I can't handle having someone like this and losing them. He leans in closer to me, but I pull away. "It's, uhh, getting late, and I didn't tell Tori where I was going. She's probably wondering where I am."

"Ohh, well we can head back."

I quickly grab his arm with my hand and my grip is tight. "I didn't mean it like that. Tori knows that if I do anything I tell her. And because I didn't say anything to her, there is a pretty good chance she is thinking the worst. Also, I didn't bring my phone."

It's true. I hardly go out, and when I do, I tell Tori every detail about it. I didn't even say I was going out.

"I don't want her to worry, or to be mad at us." He says rubbing his neck, his powerful arms showing their strength through his shirt.

"Us?" I laugh, "This was your idea, I remind you."

"You seem to be going along with it just fine."

"Okay... You're right."

"What was that? I don't think I heard you." I elbow him, sending him into an off balance fall. He reaches out and grabs on to me to keep him from completely wiping out. His touch sets my body into sparks. I look him in his wonderful eyes.

"Come on," I say as she grips her hands on my arm, pulling upward, "we can take the long way back."

I stand and he holds on to my arm as we walk back to the surface. He takes my hand in his, and the space between us is nonexistence. We walk down the path, but instead of going to the clear walkway, we take the path through the thin woods.

He is silent, but I can hear his busy mind turning and rotating. After a little bit, he speaks up. "Can I ask you something? Or is the question thing over?"

"What's the question?"

"What did you mean by, 'the bottle'?"

"What?"

"You said you grabbed the nearest bottle and left." Shit.

"I... I..."

"I know you don't drink... now."

"I was in a dark place. I was lost... sinking with nowhere to go but down. I jumped off the deep end and nearly drowned."

"Was this because of..."

"I couldn't face any of it, especially the night of that dance. It was an escape, a bad one at that, but still a way to forget it all-if only for a few moments."

There's a silence that falls over us. I know he wants to know more, but he doesn't ask, and I'd rather not bring it up. Everything about this day has been perfect and amazing. I'm tired of my past getting in the way and weighing me down.

"I'm better now, obviously." I say, "I've been sober for a few months, but it wasn't an easy road. May-" I hesitate, "maybe someday I'll tell you about it."

It's hard to talk about it, especially because I am so ashamed of what happened. Of how weak I was. "Will you think of me lower now that you know about my drinking problem?" I ask so softly, it's barely audible.

"Never. I know you've been through a lot, and whether you tell me the entirety of them, well that's up to you. I hope you find it in yourself to trust me, but that is all on you and what you want. I think you're one of the bravest persons I've met. Other people wouldn't be able to try to move forward like you."

"Don't say that... It isn't true. Bad stuff, really bad stuff happened and I broke under the pressure of it all. The initial 'help' I got broke me even more and... and..." My focus on this world weakens. I see the metal table, the needles that pierced my skin, and the monitor that said things about me that I didn't know.

"Look at yourself now. Forget about the past because it's just a bunch of stuff that's happened, not stuff that can happen. You can't change your past, but you can do something about your future. We've all had shit happen to us, and don't think for a second that any of us, your friends, will abandon you... because we all care about you."

"Everyone keeps saying that, yet it's having a hard time sinking down into me."

"Maybe you don't want to believe it."

"You know what," I say as a coughed laugh breaks through from my throat, "I think you're right... again. Every time I trust a friend with something, it's proved me to be a fool. It's hard to get near the fire again after being burned."

"Just because you've burned doesn't mean you're going to die. You can't let that tear you down because I know that you are strong enough to stand." He pauses, "I'm sorry to bring this up, especially after such a good night."

"It's okay... I mean, it's not 'okay', but it's fine. I don't mind you knowing... I don't know why that is, but it is that way. But I'd rather stop talking about it." And I'm not lying. I kind of like that I can trust him with something; trust anyone with something personal. It almost lifts part of it off my shoulders.

"I understand." He says and we continue to walk. He holds onto me with force, yet it feels so gentle.

As we make our way to the outskirts of the park, less than a block away from her house, I speak. "I think there's time for one more question, and it's your turn."

He stops and stares not down at me, but directly into my eyes. Through his eyes, I see his mind struggling with something. I try to think of what he'll ask, so I can think of the answer.

"... Can I kiss you?"

I did not guess that.

At first, I'm a little shocked because I would never think he would ask me that. He wants to kiss me? Me? In a familiar part of my brain, I think that I am not good enough for him. There are a bunch of other girls who are prettier and less damaged than I am.

But he is here with me; he left the dance and all the others to be with me. He is like me in so many ways, and I care about him as much as I think he cares about me. The thing is... I want to kiss him too. I move in closer, leaving as little space as I will allow myself and answer, "Yes."

He leans into me, his hand coming up to my face. At first, he swiftly brushes his lips on mine, a grin forming on his face. A part of me that holds fear makes my body tense. But his dark eyes don't look away. He pushes a stray hair out of my face and as he tucks it behind my ear, he softly wraps his hand around my neck, pulling me forward to him. This kiss is more firm and certain.

I place one hand on his back between his shoulder blades and the other on his side. We stand there for a few minutes, the stars being the only witness. He pulls me into a hug and I take a deep breath, taking in his scent. I love standing here in his arms; I feel a weight lifting from me as we stand together.

I try to rack around in my brain to the last time I felt this happy and safe. Instead of trying to think of a memory that is too far away to remember, I melt into this new one that is all around me. I remember how Christina told me to make new, better memories to replace the old, bad ones. I laugh to myself, thinking back and deciding she's right.

My small chuckle makes Tobias look down at me with a weird look on his face. He doesn't loosen his grip around me, and neither do I.

"What's so funny?" He asks.

"It's nothing. I'm just thinking about how incredibly amazing this day and night have been... I kind of don't want it to end. And that's funny because I was actually not looking forward to this day." I take a pause as Tobias leans down to kiss my cheek, "Christina, actually, was the one who told me to replace the bad memories with good ones. Don't tell her I'm admitting she's right."

"That's a promise; you'd never live it down." He kisses my nose, then leans down to me. He connects his forehead with mine, our mouths inches apart.

He speaks softly, "Are you okay with this?"

"Yeah."

"I mean it. I really... really like you. I don't want anything between us..."

I surprise myself as I kiss him, stopping his words. We stand there in each other's arms for an amount of time that I do not bother taking note of. Finally, I speak the words deep inside of me, "It's hard. It's hard to open up and let others in because... huh, and... I like you. I care about you and when I'm with you, I'm okay. For me, it doesn't make sense because I don't know anything different."

"That's okay. I know I have trouble with letting others in; I have weight too."

"So what happens now?"

"Now?" He smiles, "Now, I walk you home on this wonderful night and I give you a goodnight kiss. This great day will end as you fall asleep in your warm bed. And tonight, your dreams will be mystical and happy because you will have no reason to have a nightmare. Because you have a new, better memory to live in forever."

"A happy one." And we walk home hand in hand. It doesn't surprise me when I come to realize he's right. No nightmares consume my dreams. It is one of the most peaceful nights in a long time, and he is one of the reasons why.

Okay, he is the reason why.


Author's Note

I've haven't done a chapter like this where I have the same event told in both perspectives, so I hope it went well. It has been a while since I did a flashback, too. By the way, if you were confused, her memory was the previous year's Homecoming night. I told you I'd go back to it. Speaking of going back to stuff, they will go on the New York trip, but there are still a few things that need to happen still. I have the rivalry game and post-season to get through. I'll probably brush by Thanksgiving in this story and go straight to the Christmas festival in NYC. This plan may change, but it is the track things are going for now.

Be brave, everyone!


QUOTES

1). Just because you've burned doesn't mean you're going to die. –Try, P!nk, song

Congratulations to: AwesomeTooAwesome, DauntlessFlames46, TheMortalDivergent, Guest, ValeriaAmity, Guest.

There is one (book) quote in this chapter.