I do not own anything, just my ideas!

Chapter 29

TRIS

The air is cold. Frigid.

I can't feel my nose, but I tell it has changed to a light pink color. My throat is dry, the freezing air passing in and out with every breath. Chicago is not called the windy city for nothing. I shouldn't be up on the roof, but I can't bring myself to any other place. The hallowing wind roars across the roof tops. It masks the screams escaping my lips.

What have I done?

While a weight has lifted off my shoulders, a lump has formed in my throat. I should be feeling satisfied; I'm finally standing up to him. But fear pulses through me. I know it doesn't originate from regret, because that isn't what scares me. Relieving it all, that is what scares me.

Not just the attack, but what happened after when no one believed me. How do I know it won't happen again? I know because every day she reminds me of my strength.

I've been skyping with Marissa and the other officer every day, reliving every second of that night and every day since then. I surprise myself, opening up to her. It's like getting stripped down, bare for everyone to see. Digging down, peeling back the surface, and seeing the darkness that's been hidden for so long. But there is something about her that makes me feel like I can open up. She reminds me of my mom. Warm and understanding, yet constructive.

She says the case is a good one. One that has a really good chance. I've sent copies of all my drawings, which according to Marissa, really help my case. She says they have multiple statements from the doctors I saw for the baby; they all testify that there were signs of abuse. It's all coming together, and I am due to fly in during the trial.

Yet why do I still scream?

Because the one person, the only person I want to believe me doesn't. Caleb. He still doesn't believe me. I don't know what else I can do to make him see the truth. I'm beginning to lose hope that I will ever get him back. All I wanted was for him to be there for me. And thinking about it, I want things back how they used to be. But there's no way around it; nothing good comes easily.

Because that innocent boy, the one who loved science and whose face lit up from the words on a page, is gone. He's been gone for a while now. I am beginning to think that boy never existed. There's a feeling inside, and as hard as I try, it just won't go away. Because knowing he is the love that I've always needed. I miss the old him even more.

As the wind carries my screams, I don't hear the footsteps approaching from behind me. But I do notice them. I've trained myself to pick up on anything and everything around me.

"Tris," Tori says.

"What are you doing?"

"Thinking." I say, soft, but the wind takes it and makes it grow.

"You've been up here for over an hour. Aren't you freezing?"

"I don't mind."

"You may say that, but your red nose begs to differ. Come down, there are people here."

"Even more reason to stay up here." I turn to her for the first time, and I am familiar with the look she gives me. My mom gave it to me when I didn't have a choice.

"They're here for you."

"They?" I ask, and she gives me a warm smile. A sharp wind whips around the block, sending the blanket that was once nicely wrapped around my shoulders into a flapping mess. The cold bites my body and I decide I should go inside.

When we reach the kitchen, she hands me a hot chocolate. A smile creeps along my face, but it disappears when I walk into the living room. Every seat, on a couch and on the floor, is taken by my friends.

"What are you guys doing here?"

"We came to see you," Christina says as she walks up next to me.

"Why?"

"We... we heard about what happened when you were at that trial."

I look at Tobias. "Did you tell them?"

"Tris, I didn't have to; it's on the news."

I sigh. "So you guys... came here?"

"Yes," Shauna says, "we're your friends. We want to be there for you through this. Whatever this is."

I turn to Tobias. "You didn't tell them?"

"It's not for me to tell. And there hasn't been much released on the news."

Marlene straightens in her seat. "You don't have to tell us if you don't want to. We are just here to support you."

I take a deep breathe, and Tori walks up behind me and places a hand on my shoulder. A seat clears for me on the couch, and I take it. These are my friends; they should know. I'd rather tell them myself than have a reporter with a possible opinionated reporter tell them.

"You all know that I lived in New York before I came here, and bad stuff happened there." I take a deep breath. "Two years ago, when I was 15, my brother's friend raped me." My voice is small, but the room is silent. My words travel through the empty air slowly and delicately. A deadly sound.

"I tried to keep it a secret, tried to forget it happened. But it did happen. Somehow, word got out, and no one believed my side of the story... Not even my brother." I can feel tears forming, but I pull them back in. "I was in a really bad place."

No one interrupts me, but there faces hold everything from shock to pity to anger. "I started to drink a lot to bury my sorrows, and thing just went downhill from there." This time I turn to Tobias. "My father sent me to this place, and it made things worse."

"A place?"

"My dad's friend, she's a neuroscientist. I was there for a few weeks, but it... it..."

I feel myself shake. I grip the pillow that is in my hands. I want to tell them about the place, but the words don't come out.

"It's okay," he whispers into my ear.

"After that, at the end of last spring, I was sent to a camp. That really helped. And at the end of the summer, when I was officially released, I came here, thanks to Tori."

The room holds its silence, and I'm considering telling them about Rose. But I can't. I should, but I can't bring myself to do it. I know it's best for them to know now because the trial will exploit it. But I can't stomach the looks on their faces when they find out. I guess the trust and love I have for these people isn't good enough.

I break the silence, "I guess you're all thinking, it all makes sense now!"

"It's not like that," Christina says, "it's just, we're all a little shocked."

"Huh, yeah. I've been through a lot, and all I wanted was a new start. And you guys gave it to me. Things will never be the same... I'll never be the same, but... it can get better." I sigh, "It may not seem right, but I can try."

Uriah jumps out of his seat, which he, surprisingly, has been quiet in. "Okay, this is getting a little too deep for me." He walks over to me. "Just come here and give me a hug."

"A hug?"

"Hey, don't underestimate the power of a good hug. Now, come here!"

He reaches for my hands, pulling me up to his embrace. He whispers into my ear, "We're your friends; we'll always be there for you."

I feel another pair of arms make their way around. And another. And another. Before I know it, I am at the eye of a hurricane of a group hug. The lack of space doesn't bother me, but being trapped in a tangle of arms sends my heart racing. I ignore it, though, taking in the warmth of my friends.

Today is the last day of the semester, and my last day of music. The new art studio is ready, and starting Monday, that is where I will be spending my 5th period every day. I walk into class, everyone else running around getting ready for the exam.

Since it's the conclusion of the semester, we have to do a final performance. It is supposed to be a semester class, but almost everyone stays the whole year. As much as it hurts to leave my favorite class, I want to be in the art one so bad.

As everyone is going and Ms. Reyes makes our final grades, I dig for my sheet music. Suddenly, I hear my name called, and I walk to the piano in the front of the class. I am the last to go.

"Hey guys," I say after I place my music down. "This will be my last performance for you guys in this class. I'm going to art starting at the beginning of the next semester, which is next week."

"What?!"

"It's not like I am never going to see you again. But my first love is drawing." I say, but a silence follows. I look down, "I want to thank you all. When my mom died, the music died with her. But now, it's waking up now-slowly and steadily. With your help."

The song I chose has nothing to do with my friends. It's about me. Because it's okay to think of yourself, but only for a moment. And this moment is about me and my brother, who has to be there somewhere. These are the words I had for him, and still do.

The introduction isn't loud, but soft and steady. The cords are easy and simple, because the most beautiful things are simple.

Say something, I'm giving up on you

I'll be the one, if you want me to

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I am feeling so small

It was over my head

I know nothing at all

Say something, I'm giving up on you

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride

You're the one that I love

And I'm saying goodbye

Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

And anywhere, I would've followed you.

Say something I'm giving up on you

Say something...

A single tear breaks from my eye, but no more than that. When I finish, the applause isn't loud. It is soft, and it is simple. Beautiful. I catch some phones pulled down, and the sound of a video camera concluding its film. I stand and make my way to my seat.

Christina is the first person to speak. "That was really something," her voice lowers, "your brother?"

I nod my head, but my chin stays up. High. "I'll always love him, even if the person that I love is gone."

"I'm sorry."

"I said goodbye to the old him a long time ago."

"That doesn't sound like a good thing, or one that you're happy with."

"It hurts, but I've learned to deal with pain."

I'm not looking at her, so when she reaches and gives me a hug, I jump a little. "What's with the hugs?"

"You're my friend, and you've gone through all this..." Her face has hurt on it.

"Listen, if you're upset that I didn't tell you..."

"No, it's not that; I understand why, it's just... All that happened, and now... I wish I would've known so I could've been a better friend for you. Not pushed you as much."

"Don't feel that way. I'm thankful for you, I needed you to help rip me out of my empty state. Sometimes it's good to have a little bit of a push."

A wicked grin forms, "Well, in that case..."

I hold up a hand, "I said a little push."

We both laugh. And the bell rings. I walk out, and say goodbye. It's not a sad goodbye, one that says we'll never see each other again. It is one that says thank you. Thank you for helping me... I'll see you soon.


Author's Note

I want to do some S/Os that I didn't do last chapter, but I am doing now! S/O to divergentlover56 who got a character name in the story. (Kylie!) And S/O to DauntlessFlames46 for helping me make a pretty big decision, and for being such an awesome, loyal fan.

The song in this chapter was "Say Something" by A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera. I lied about the update! (I know, you're all screaming in anger!) Spending 16 hours in a car and two unexpected snow days can give you a lot of time to think, and I've planned the next several chapters. The speed that they will get written is undetermined, but they are planned out. And let me tell you, I have some good stuff coming your way! Like I said, please be patient! Hopefully the trend of every weekend continues! Please review!

Be brave, everyone!


QUOTES

1). Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in a drought. Hopeless and disappointing. –A Cinderella Story, movie

Congratulations to: Livermore12, Sodapop23, Guest, Guest, faithifer20, Bailey, and Guest.

There is one (song) quote in this chapter.