Part III


We keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things. It's because we're curious, and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths, leading us to the truth. But sometimes the truth isn't good enough, sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.


Chapter 42

TOBIAS

A second group of people walk out of the school, and I desperately search for blond hair and blue eyes. But she isn't with them. Tris isn't there. She's still in the school. Why is she still in there?!

I see Edward is walking out and rush over to him. "Where is she?"

"She..." He doesn't look me in the eyes.

"You left her in there? Alone with that maniac?!"

"I didn't have a choice."

"Everyone has a choice!"

"Not when you're at gun point, Four!" He yells.

"Stop it! All of you," Tori yells. "Arguing will not help my Goddaughter out of this."

I can see that, she too, is holding back tears.

Edward says, "Look man, I'm sorry. I'm sorry she's in there alone. She asked to stay. It was her for everyone else."

"Why?"

But I know why. Because it's Tris. Because no one else is selfless enough or stupid enough to stay while everyone else leaves.

"Four," Edward says. "She told me to tell you that she loves you."

And with that, he walks to the emergency truck to get checked by the doctors. I go to the very front and stare at the doors, waiting for the moment when Tris will come running out. She had her hair down, but it may be up by now. And she had on her black converse that she kept unusually clean. And a Cubs t-shirt because she wanted to see a game soon.

I come to find that the more I look at my watch, the slower time moves. And it's moving glacier slow. And hour drains by and it takes everything in me to not storm pass the barriers, go to that physics classroom, and save Tris from Al with the gun.

Another hour passes. Two hours. She's been alone in that room with him for two hours. Zeke occasionally comes up and tries to help keep me calm, but it doesn't help. Christina even holds my hand despite the hard looks I give her.

Then, the doors open and a man in black armor and a girl with blond hair come walking out.

Tris.

I immediately try to push past the barrier, and Tori next to me does the same. Tris' eyes focus on the ripple of movement, and they light up when she sees us. She starts to run right as I break free.

When we reach each other, I wrap my arms tight around her and hold her as if I will never let go.

"I love you. I love you. You're so stupid! I love you. I love you," I say into her hair. "You're so stupid! I love you."

She breaks down and sobs into my chest. I can feel the exhaustion in her slumped shoulders, and she gasps for air as if she was holding her breath the whole time.

Tori runs up to us and joins our embrace. Her tear drops shine on Tris' hair. Her lips touch Tris' head. Out of the corner if my eye, I see officers walk Al out with handcuffs.

An officer comes up and breaks our reunion. He instructs us to the EMT truck. Tris nearly falls and I half hold her half carry her over to the truck. Eventually, I pick her up and hold her tight as I carry her there.

The second she lays down, her eyes fall. She looks so peaceful in sleep. The years of trauma that make her look older in consciousness disappear in slumber. It's beautiful. Innocent. Tranquil.


I pick Tris up from counseling. We call it that rather than therapy.

I know she does not like it, but Tori, as Tris' legal guardian (and per the doctor's instructions), is making her go. It's been about two weeks since the shooting, but she still jumps whenever there is a loud pop or if something slams. It has gotten better, but there's still something there.

I see the front door to the building open and Tris materializes. Even with the dark clouds and forecast of rain, her light hair shines in the minimum light. She wears a frown on her face, which is what she normally does when she leaves the place. But it's not an upset frown. It's more like a line she has when she's thinking hard about something.

The second she gets into the car, Tris says, "I finally got over what happened in New York, now this..."

"Life has many ways of testing us. Either by having nothing happen, or by having everything happen at once."

"I'd rather the former." The dark skies begins to let water fall.

"Our actions shape us, and our reactions show us who we are. If nothing happened, who would you be?"

"... I hate when you do that."

"Do what?"

"Go all philosophical and all. Tell me just what I need to hear, but don't want to hear."

I laugh. Then she laughs. The rain falls harder outside.

Tris turns her head to face the window and rests her forehead on it.

"You know," I say. "Thinking too much will make your head hurt."

"It already does hurt. I did my fair share of thinking at counseling."

"About?"

"If I wanted you to know I would have told you already," she snaps, but the recoils. "Sorry, you'd understand if you had to be in there."

"Umm."

"Really. It sucks because I have to tell this person how I'm feeling when they have no idea what it's like and they've never been through what I've been through... But, you know, the funny thing is... Being in that room, terrifying as it was, it helped me."

"How?"

"I guess when you're facing death, all the crazy shit doesn't matter. You begin to see things the way they are, or at least the way they should be."

There is something behind her words. We don't really talk about that day, even though she's going to counseling. But there's so much she has yet to say. Where do those words go when they are not spoken? Are they hiding, shy or frightened, crying or smiling? I wish I knew.

"I'm ready to do it. I'm ready to forgive them."

"Is that why you're going? Is that why you're leaving?"

"There are a lot of reasons I'm going, Tobias, and none of them have to do with leaving you."

"But that is what you're essentially doing."

"It's hard enough, but I have to do this."

"Why? Why must you go all the way to New York to just forgive them?"

"Because there still so much about her I don't know!"

"Your mom? Tris, it was an accident."

"There's more, I know it," she takes a deep breath. "I'm not sure where the swell of desperation comes from, but now that I've acknowledged it, it's impossible to ignore, like a living thing has awakened from a long sleep inside me. It writhes in my stomach and throat. I need to leave. I need the truth."

"What if the price for that truth is too great? What if you can't even find it?"

"I have to. I know it's there. Something's there. What are you so afraid of?"

"I can't lose you, Tris!"

"I'm not going anywhere."

"You've had a couple of close calls," I say softly. I feel her hand on my shoulder.

She says slowly, "I'm not going anywhere. No matter what happens I will find a way to come back to you."

"And if you can't?"

"Tobias, where am I gonna go where you won't find me? Where you won't come and save me?"

I pull into the drive to her place, and we walk to the door. She pecks my cheek with a kiss and says she loves me. While I may be mad at her, I will always love her. And she knows that.


Because the rain is continuing to fall, like it has the past few days, we decide to watch some movies. We are not even halfway through Remember the Titans when there is a knock on the door. Before Tori opens it, I know who's on the other side.

"I love this movie!" Marlene yells as she turns the corner, the others right behind her.

"Come on, mopey!" Christina says. "It's a beautiful day you're wasting."

"It's raining."

"That didn't stop Gene Kelly from singing in the rain. Now, get your butt up and quite being depressed and scared. We are doing something today."

"I'm fine, really, I just prefer to stay inside," Tris says.

"Well, good news you, it's been pouring the past two days," Shauna says. "It looks like it is a movie marathon kind of day."

"Seriously, people? We can better than that," Christina protests.

Uriah jumps up, both of his hands in the air. "Whoa, whoa. Christina is right. The girl's been watching movies for the past two days. She's leaving soon. We are not going to send Tris off to New York with a marathon of movies."

"What would you suggest? The girl does not want to go anywhere."

"Anywhere?" He asks with a twitch of his eyebrow. We all give him looks. "Come on guys! Give me some credit. What's the best cure to a depressed mood? A fun activity to distract you."

"I don't know Uriah," I say.

"Guys," Tris says. "You are the ones who tell me to stay strong, to push on. Well, I survived the shooting. I'm fine. Maybe... Maybe whatever Uriah has in mind won't hurt."

"See..." Uriah says. We all nod are heads with hesitation. "Great! Everyone meet in the park in 30 minutes. And wear clothes that can get dirty!


Over spring break, I helped Tris and Tori paint Tris' bedroom. Her room sits on the side of the house that catches the evening light. Tori let her pick out any paint she wanted, and Tris settled on a yellow that could easily be mistaken for gold.

At first, it was the three of us that painted the room. But after a day, Tori had to go to her work. About half way through the second day, I let Tris take the project. She did this thing with her brush where she would swirl the paint on the wall. At first, it looked crazy. But at the end of that second day, she did it to an entire wall, and when the evening light hit it, the wall sparked to life with fire.

The next day, we worked out a compromise. I would put on the bottom coat, and Tris would add the swirls on top. When three of the four walls were done, Tris went to the closet and grabbed a separate can of paint.

"I saw this a little while ago, and I figured this would be a good time to try it out," she said.

She opened the can and it revealed black. She began to put the black on the wall, and I helped with the higher parts of the wall. When it eventually dried, it revealed to be a chalk board. Tris immediately took various colors of chalk and began to draw different things on her wall.

I spent practically the whole week at their house, and I kept the clothes there. Even the ones I used to paint. So when Uriah said to meet in the park wearing old clothes, I changed at Tris' house.

We walk together to the park to meet up with the others. The rain continues to fall, but it is a simple sprinkle, little drops pecking the earth. The big storm has passed, but the last bit of water continues to fall in a last ditch effort to be as powerful as it was.

We both sport basketball shorts and cut offs. We are the last ones to get to the park, and as soon as we do, we all begin to walk down the path into the woods. We reach a clearing with a pond. On the right side of the pond, there is a small hill. Uriah begins to run towards it.

We chase after him, and when he's in the top, he says, "Here's all you need to know: The person that's the cleanest, loses."

He dives forward down the hill, mud flying everywhere. When he reaches the little creek at the bottom that leads to the pond, he stands up and the front of his body is covered with mud.

Lynn is next to go down the hill, following the muddy streak Uriah left. She turns a little at the last second so all of her body, front and back, is covered in mud. I run up and wait my turn to go down the hill while Tris stays at the bottom.

Once I'm up, I get a running start and at the last second, I dive forward into the air. Instead of catching myself, I let my body fall onto the warm earth. The second my resistance is in the hands of the mud on the hill, I take off. I slide down the hill, face first, with mud splattering in my cheeks and forehead.

The mud is warm, the ground still heated from being grazed with the sun's rays. The mud would be super-hot, but the cool rain makes it a comfortable warm. The trip down the hill lasts only a few seconds, but I absorb every moment and store in my mind.

When I get up, mud coats the front of my body and along my arms. I feel the specks of mud on my face, and when I turn around, I get a face full of mud. I wipe the muck from my eyes and look to see Tris clean as she was before, but her hands are muddy.

"You're coming with me," I say as I pick her up and begin to carry her up the hill. She kicks at me the whole way up.

"Tobias!" She screams, but it is too late. I sit her on her butt and push her down the hill. At first she covers her eyes, the mud splashing her hands and body, but she throws them in the air as she gets closer to the bottom.

Once she is at the bottom, she gets up and begins to charge back up to get me. I just dive into the mud and make my way back down. Now that enough people have slid down the hill, there is a distinctive path of mud imprinted on the ground. At the bottom, there is a pit of disturbed mud that goes to my ankles.

I wait at the bottom in the pit of mud as she comes tumbling down, this time head first. Tris crashes into me and we roll even deeper into the mud. I put a muddy hand on her face, and it leaves an imprint on her cheek. She uses her sleeve, the only thing not dirty, and wipes away the dirt on my mouth. She puts a kiss on my lips, but it doesn't last long because Zeke crashes into us, head first.

"Zeke!"

"What? You picked the wrong place to sit and make-out. Some of us want to play in the mud."

"Come on guys," Shauna yells. "There's a better hill on the other side of the pond."

Everyone gets up and starts to walk (it's more like a waddle, with us all covered in mud). Even though there is a slight sprinkle, I can feel the mud beginning to dry on my arms and face. As we walk, we pass a small patch of flowers. I grip one that seems a too red compared to the other flowers around it. Anyone can see that it belongs in that specific patch of flowers, but it is different from the others.

It is not the only flower that is like that: different. There are some that are bigger than the norm or smaller. But this one in my hands is too bright with color to match the majority. But that's the thing about flowers. We don't shame them for being too big or too little, too short or too tall, too pink or too blue. We just embrace them for their unique beauty.

So why is it that we treat flowers that way, but not each other?

I take the flower that is too red compared to the others and place it in Tris' hair. It seems out of place, surrounded by dark mud, but her bright eyes become contrast to the flower. The blue and red fight for attention on her face. The battle is beautiful.

"What?" She says, and I realize I've been staring for a while. "Is there a lot of mud on my face?"

"Actually, there's not enough."

She picks up her pace. "There's enough."

Tris breaks into a run and I chase after her. Normally when she runs, her long hair bounces with each step. But the mud in her hair keeps it next to her head.

"Tris!" I yell, and it's enough to break her concentration and she slips and falls in mud. She breaks into a fit of laughter and Uriah jumps towards her. But instead of landing on her, he slides past her and down another hill to make another path.

And I realize it. The price she will pay for the truth. Part of it will be sacrificing this. She will miss out on half a summer of late nights and crazy adventures. I wish she could see it, though. The happiness that radiates off her; she literally glows.

I just hope there isn't another price to pay.


Author's Note

I am sorry for this long break between this chapter and the last, but I have been very busy. I hope everyone had a good Fourth of July. (And if you aren't American I hope that July 4th was good for you, too.) I think I am going to do long chapter/not much update for the next few chapters, but I keep polls up in case I'm being bad and not updating.

By the way, a little while back I added little quotes to the beginning of each "part". In this one, I used a combo of a Walt Disney quote and one from The Dark Knight. Please review!

Be brave, everyone!


QUOTES

1). To me, when someone wrongs you, you both share the burden of that wrongdoing-the pain of it weighs on both of you. Forgiveness, then, means choosing to bear the weight all by yourself... Caleb's betrayal is something we both carry. And since he did it, all I've wanted was for him to take the weight away from me. I am not sure I am capable of shouldering it all myself. –Allegiant, book

2). My world has changed... I have learned to choose and I have learned to say goodbye. I chose to say goodbye. –Pocahontas II, movie

3). To forgive is to set a prisoner free. Only to realize the prisoner is you. –Lewis B. Smedes, person

4). There's just too much that time cannot erase. –My Immortal, song

Congratulations to: javmedic, Lucy (Guest), yesfangirlingismylife, and Guest.

There are three (Disney character, book, person) quotes in this chapter.