Part IV
There are two truths about forever, and that is this. Forever is happening, now and every moment after. But forever is an awfully long time, and time has a way of changing things.
I do not own anything, just my ideas.
Chapter 55
TOBIAS
Like a normal person, I have to sleep under the sheets. Or some kind of blanket. I almost always have to have a window open, and I absolutely cannot wear socks to bed. It's not like I made up these rules on the spot one day—sat down and made a list of dos and don'ts. Just like that way the some trees grow bigger than others, it just happens.
Rarely do I find myself in a situation where I break any of these unwritten rules. But, like so many things in life, written or not, rules were meant to be broken.
Figures, I think to myself as I toss and turn in bed. The minutes pass by almost agonizingly slow, deep into ungodly hours. The hottest night of the summer would be the last one.
It is a night wear I can't even where a t-shirt, and, unfortunately for me, I have to sleep on top of the sheets instead of under them. Although, trying to sleep is a more accurate description of what is happening. I can't even think a coherent thought to take my mind off of my uncomfortable state. At different points in the night, I think I doze out of consciousness, only to get snapped right back to beads of sweat lining my hairline and trailing up my back.
I swear the dawn is about to break when something peculiar happens.
The heat finally subsides. And the night turns cold.
The dozing stops, and I fall asleep. I have a strange feeling, and I don't fully acknowledge the new temperature in the room—almost cold.
And in my groggy, half-conscious state, I reach over and pull the sheet around me. Just that flimsy sheet makes it warm enough for me to drift and dive deep into sleep. As I lose myself to the dream world, I get lost in the thought of that reaching, that gesture, that reflex to pull what's warm towards me and it is more than a stupid unwritten rule. That feeling I get of bringing warmth closer, whether it is something or someone—that feeling of being safe in the world, ready for sleep. That is happiness.
And when I wake up, I might not completely remember the pull of my sheets or how close the temperature got to chilly. But I will remember the happiness.
An annoying alarm pulls me out of sleep. I could have sworn I had just fallen asleep, but the rising sun through the window and the time on my phone prove me wrong. I flip onto my stomach and slam my face into my pillow. I allow my reprieve to last just a moment longer before I drag myself out of bed and towards my dresser. I pass the nightstand with the blue statue my mother got me. My instincts step in, and I rub my hand over the bracelet on my wrist.
First day of school—I can do this.
The team decided to wear our new football jerseys on the first day. I pull mine on along with a pair of jeans and a belt. I couple of practices ago, coach told all of us whenever we wear anything related to football, that we also need to wear a belt so our pants can't hang lower than our hips. If he or any other coach catches us "looking like a fool," then we will be benched. Being captain of the team, I need to set an example.
I walk into the bathroom, comb my hair, apply the necessary hygiene products, and walk out. I add the tiniest spritz of cologne because Tris likes it, but only when the scent is faint. I check the mirror one last time and walk downstairs.
I don't expect Marcus to be downstairs because he has usually gone to work by now, but I nearly jump in my shoes when I see him sitting at the counter reading the newspaper.
I don't need breakfast, I think as I try to back up and make my way towards the door. But he catches my movement out of the corner of his eye.
"Tobias," my name slips off his tongue. "Why don't you join me?"
He taps the bar stool next to him. I grab a bowl as well as cereal from the cabinet and milk from the fridge. I slide into the chair slowly, but he seems in one of his good moods. His demeanor is dark, but he shows no signs of anger towards me. Yet.
"I'll be leaving this weekend for a trip, but I will be able to make your football game this Friday."
Great.
"That sounds great." I strain to say it, but I avoid the attitude. He seems in almost a good mood, like the monster inside him has tagged out for the moment. I would be wise to avoid tagging him in.
"I spoke with an old friend from my days at Notre Dame, and I have arranged for the head coach himself to come to our house for dinner."
I glance down at my watch and the food that I have barely consumed. "I look forward to it, but I need to head to school before I'm late."
Faster than I can react, he grabs my hand in a vice-like grip and pulls me off the chair. He stares at me for an inexplicable amount of time.
"Have a good first day," he says, but for some reason it sounds like a threat.
I use it as means to leave and hurry out. I make my way to school later than I would prefer, but I am not pressed for time.
I walk inside the school—my last first time walking in—and make my way to my locker. I go through the normal routine of changing books out of my bag and grabbing the necessary notebooks and folders.
I catch a laugh from down the hall and know who it is before I turn.
Tris walks towards my direction with Christina on her side. She wears a simple smile, dark jeans, and a white blouse. Her hair reaches her shoulders, and it bounces when she walks. I can see something silver wrapped around her neck and I smile to myself. 4. She's glowing; she's the only one worth looking at.
It isn't until she gets closer that I notice her glow seems dull. Her eyes are bright, but they look around as if searching for something.
As she and Christina walk closer, Zeke runs up behind me and slams my locker shut.
"You're lucky I was done in there," I say.
"Or what," he teases.
I take a step forward, and he takes a step back.
"Forget it. I was dumb. You are supreme captain." He jokingly raises his hands in defense.
"Thought so," I smile. I slap him on the back and turn to see Tris and Christina huddled off to the side. Their conversation seems intense, so I turn back to Zeke. We are in the middle of talking about practice today when Tris comes up behind me and pokes my side.
"Hey, you," she says, and I bend down to kiss her. The warning bell rings.
"We should go to class. It would be bad if we were late to class on the first day."
We all walk down the hall to our separate classes. Luckily, my first class is across the hall from Tris' and we make the trip together. On the way, I notice her take a sharp intake of air.
"You okay?"
"I'm fine," she says with a smile. "First day back… Nervous. I just need to get to class. I'll see you after?"
"Yup."
We separate, and I go to class. It is relatively boring, especially since we only read the syllabus. But after, I walk Tris to her next class.
"I don't believe you," I say to her.
"What?"
"I know there's something on your mind."
She slows her pace and looks around. She heaves a sigh and continues to walk with me. She mutters something about Christina under her breath and says, "It's hard being back after…"
She does not have to continue for me to know what is wrong—the school shooting. I don't blame her for feeling uneasy.
"I understand," I tell her. "It is going to be all right, I promise. This is a safe place, but I'm here for you when you need me."
"Thanks. Christina has been convincing me stop burying things down. It's not exactly easy, and I don't quite understand it. I am both happy and sad and I am still trying to figure how that could be."
"It's not going to be easy, but it will be alright." I pull her in for a hug. "I will see you later at lunch. Okay?"
She nods her head and walks away with a small smile. Whatever Christina said, and whatever was happening in her head while she was admitting to me her fear, lifted a small weight off of her.
Lunch comes after a few more classes. We are lucky. Most of our group has lunch together, and I sit down next to Uriah.
"Zeke and I have already talked to our mom, and she's cool with everyone coming over after the game tomorrow."
Tris sits down next to me. "You sure losing won't kill your vibe?"
"We aren't going to lose," I say to her.
"So you say." She smiles wide. Her moods seems to have improved a lot since I last saw her. I look at her hands and see paint marks on them. Of course, her last class before lunch was art. Our school is large that the lunches are broken up into thirds during fourth period. All of us in here have class during the first two lunches then eat during the last one.
"Who's that?" Tris says, her eyes pointing in the direction of a girl sitting alone at a table.
"That's Nita," Christina says. "She went to middle school with all of us, but when high school it, she went to some private, all-girls school. But I heard she got kicked out after vandalizing a statue on school grounds. Now she's back here."
"She looks lonely. Does she have any friends? Anyone to sit with?"
"Not really. She never really talked to anyone after she left."
"I'll talk to her." Tris begins to stand up. None of the others are exactly thrilled by the idea of Tris going over to Nita, mostly because we all know Tris is going to invite her over to sit with us.
They talk briefly, but after a minute or two, Tris comes walking back and Nita stays at her table.
"I asked her if she wanted to sit with us, but she didn't want to." Tris gives a weary look.
"Tris, I think it's for the best. She's never been the most… stable person."
"What's that supposed to me?"
I have to be careful with what I would say.
"Nothing. She did have some friends before she left, but they must be in a different lunch."
"Okay." But she does not sound convinced.
"Tris, you can't help everyone."
"Yeah, but everyone can help someone… I know what it's like to sit alone. I just wanted to lend a hand if she was willing to take it."
"Of course," I say as I grab her hand. "That's my girl."
Author's Note
I'm back… Sort of. Shout-out to Eunice339 for helping me out with this update. I said this in a one-shot I recently published, but I have big news… I am the new President of my sorority. It is a huge honor, but sadly it is a busy job, so I unfortunately will be consumed with my presidential duties. I hope to update as soon as I can, but until then... Please review!
Be brave, everyone.
QUOTES
1). Dead people can be our heroes because they can't disappoint us later; they only improve over time, as we forget more and more about them. –Four: A Divergent Collection, book
2). Fire burns brighter in the darkness. –Mockingjay, book
3). Truth only means something when it is hard to admit. –John Green, person
4). Maybe everyone is wired that way. Because without it [pain], I don't know. Maybe we just would not feel real. –Grey's Anatomy, television show
5). Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. And I have gotten used to the weight, how it holds me in place. –The Truth About Forever, book
Congratulations to: No one guessed!
There is 1 (book) quote in this chapter.
