We can assimilate it, accept fate and say we are prepared, but the truth is that no one is really ready to face the arrival of that day.
He died of old age and it is impossible for me not to miss him... The first time we saw him we were playing in the park with our beys, as most of the times, my brothim won and I asked him to play again and again until it was getting late. On one of those evenings that cat came up to us. He was white with black spots and his eyes were brown.
"How cute he is!" I exclaimed and immediately wanted to pet him when Daigo stopped me with his arm.
"That's how you're going to scare him, watch this."
For some reason he always had an affinity for cats. He crouched down in front of him and held out his hand. The cat walked over to him, sniffed his hand and... by the time I realized it was rubbing its head against Daigo's hand in search of petting, which my brothim was giving it...
"Try it" he invited me to come closer.
I did the same as him and soon I had the cat's affection, this one even snuggled between my legs.
"Can we adopt it?" I asked as I petted him.
"I don't know if in the department accept pets" He looked towards the said building, it was visible from the park.
I grimaced.
Daigo walked a few streets until I lost sight of him, on his return he brought a collar with a rattle.
"With this we'll be able to recognize him instantly."
"Aren't rattles bad for its ears?"
"They are" He acknowledged "but this rattle doesn't make noise" He shook it and it didn't ring "It doesn't bring the scrupulillo."
"Scru..." I tried to repeat without success "What thing?" I arched an eyebrow.
"Scrupulillo" he repeated more slowly "It's the metal sphime that makes the bell ring" he explained to me as he put the collar on the cat "Now every time we meet him we'll know it's him."
"Do you think we'll see him again?"
"Yes" he nodded.
I suspected he didn't really know 'How likely is it to meet the same cat twice' I wondered. Daigo must have realized my doubts because he said:
"You'll see we'll see it again."
A few days later we found him again in the park. This time instead of playing beyblade we started playing with the cat, with twigs or whatever we could get our hands on? We didn't buy toys because we didn't know if he would keep coming back. On one of those occasions we brought him some food and a ball of yarn. That day I insisted Daigo to ask if they accepted pets in the building, to my luck they said yes; of course we took him to the vet before adopting him. A few months went by and we noticed that he was a little fatter and had some white spots whime his black fur used to be. Daigo explained to me that he was probably getting old.
"Well, the vet estimated him to be seven or eight years old... At cat age that's about forty-five years old."
At that age I didn't understand equivalencies but something about it all didn't sit right with me.
"You mean he's going to die soon?"
Daigo was silent, he looked at the cat and then back at me.
"I don't know, maybe in a few years... it depends on how well we take care of him."
"Then I'll make sure he lacks nothing so he lives as long as he can."
In retrospect, I know I was just a kid and didn't understand a lot of things, but now I find that idea a little unsettling. Sure, anyone would want their beloved pet to live by their side for as long as possible and it's important to take care of them and give them a good quality of life but what if by wanting more years by their side they suffer more in the process, from what they may suffer? Is it really worth extending their life? As time went by (a few years) he became less groomed, we often found him in hidden places in the apartment and he ate less and less. In my childish innocence I thought he was sick and only played when it came to hiding. Daigo tried to explain to me that the cat was very old and probably had little time left.
And so it was, we got to the day when I served him his food and he didn't show up, never on the whole day in fact. It took us all day to find... his body... stiff to the touch, and I who thought he would be limp being... dead... I remember crying hugging my brothim and him with me... Daigo asked to take charge of the crematorium and for me to take care of gathiming his things and the toys we had gotten for him: the worsted; which was frayed, the worn out feathim, a toy mouse with some breaks, his necklace, his pillow... and his food dihes after washing them. As I did so I had several emotions running high. I remembered how I played with the cat, the times I fed him, when he asked me for caresses, gave me his paw or found him sleeping with me in bed... It was practically like reviewing his life since we adopted him. I couldn't help hedding a few tears when I thought that I wouldn't see that little boy anymore, or any of them... those moments would come back... Those tears turned into uncontrolled crying very soon, I was hiccuping and whimpering at the memories those things brought back to me added to what had just happened. I closed the box and, far from calming down, I was tempted to take his pillow or any of his belongings and hug them while crying... Then I imagined my brothim who I can bet took the worst part: having to wrap the body of our pet, asking a neighbor to take him to the crematorium, carrying the... body all the time and the whole process to cremate the body while holding back the urge to cry as I was doing... An experience I don't wish on anyone. I don't know how long I stayed crying, I only know that the emotions were so many and so intense that my body resented it and I was exhausted. I let myself fall on my bed still whimpering until I fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning, and out of habit I checked to see if the cat was asleep with me, about that I said it wasn't... When I left my room and went to prepare my breakfast I looked over to whime the box was with the things put away.
"Relax" Daigo spoke to me from the table in the kitchen "I..." He looked down "I was hoping to see him there too..." He took a sip of his latte.
"It's going to be really hard to top Kuroshiro" I sighed as I reached for the chocolate milk and a cup.
On my trek to the fridge and cupboard I came close to pulling out what was left of the cat food, since we used to feed him at that time of day. I swear sometimes the idea that Kuroshiro was gone seemed like a bad dream, until it was my turn to come back to reality.
"Yes... If you want to cry or talk" he paused "you know I'm here, Ryota."
I poured my milk and took a seat as I listened to him. I tried to ignore the scratch marks on one of the table legs.
"Yes, brother..."
"Just think... Kuroshiro had a good life... much better than when he was on the streets, he was happy and had a family that loved him dearly" he paused with a whimper that he endured "and we made sure he didn't suffer..."
I looked at my brother with pity. For as long as I could remember he always tried to appear strong to make me feel safe. I walked over to him and opened my arms to him. He sobbed just before hugging me and, well, we both ended up crying once again...
