Chapter Four
The stagnant silence filling the hospital room was torn apart by a shuddering gasp that brought Hermione's head up in a flash. Professor Snape, eyes wide in terror and rapid breaths shaking through his chest, was finally and suddenly awake- and struggling to rise. Jumping out of her chair, she put herself in his line of sight and placed a shaking hand solidly against his shoulder. "Professor! Professor Snape!" She called to him. His eyes locked onto hers and his eyebrows furrowed, confusion evident in his frightened gaze. He raised a pale hand and grasped her arm tightly, as if rooting himself. "You're safe, Professor," she spoke to him as the door opened behind her and Healers flew around the bed. She was pushed roughly aside, and his hand seemed reluctant to release her arm- in continued to reach for her moments after their connection was lost. As she backed away she could see her professor fighting to see past the healers, desperate to find her face once more. He called out to her as she fought for a better line of sight.
"Granger!" His face- drawn tight in pain and worry and in dire need of news- found hers, and the room seemed to still. The Healers all paused as Professor Snape leaned closer and whispered hoarsely, "Please."
Hermione knew what he was asking. It was clear what he had to know now, before anything else. With a confident smile, she said the few words he needed to hear. "We did it, Professor," she said. "We won."
His features relaxed with her words and in an instant he slumped back onto his pillows. A Healer took her gently by the shoulders and escorted her through the door, but Hermione stole one last glance behind her as she was dismissed. Amidst the lime-green robes she caught a glimpse of her professor, and smiled. Professor Snape was finally awake.
As the door closed in front of her with a soft click, Hermione found she couldn't hold the gleeful laugh that escaped her lips. He was awake! He was awake! She spun in place, hands running through her hair, and her cheeks began to tire from the enormous grin on her face.
"He's awake," she whispered to herself excitedly as she began pacing the hall. "I can't believe it! I should tell someone. Professor McGonagall should know, and Harry and Ron- oh thank the stars he's awake!"
Her pacing ceased as she stood in front of the door once more, staring at the wood as though trying to see through it. She really should write to someone, she thought absently, but couldn't tear herself from the hall. Behind her was a short bench and she sat down, eyes fixed on room 309. Her legs bounced up and down in anticipation. Her mind began to drift as the minutes ticked by. She wondered, how much did he remember? He seemed to be aware of the final battle, at least, judging from his reaction when he first woke up.
And what a reaction that was! Hermione absentmindedly rubbed her arm where Professor Snape had grabbed her. Such desperation in his eyes, and fear. She didn't think she had ever seen that expression so severely on someone before. And he seemed so confused to see her, of all people. Which, if she was being honest, is not something that should surprise her in the least bit. Soon he would know the whole story. Soon...
With a start Hermione realized something that should have been quite obvious. She had been expecting to see him again, talk with him. But Professor Snape had never been one to make friends, especially with a student. Why would he welcome her back to his bedside? Why wouldn't he be furious with her for being there in the first place? Biting her bottom lip, she felt a nervousness flutter through her body. What if he turned her away?
She began to feel quite foolish. "Why am I waiting here still?" she muttered, and stood. "I shouldn't be here, what right do I have? I should have gone straight to Professor McGonagall."
Embarrassed, she turned down the hall, but before she made three steps in the direction of the exit, the door opened and healers started to exit the room.
"Miss Granger?" The healer that had escorted her into the hall earlier gestured her forward. "He wants to talk to you."
"Wha- Really?" Hermione blurted out, shocked. Her heart skipped a beat as she turned back towards the room. The healer smiled kindly at her and stepped out of the way of the door. He wants to see me? Me?! Don't get excited, Granger, he's probably livid. Taking a deep breath to collect her racing thoughts, she stepped forward and into the room.
The door clicked softly shut behind her, and she found herself very alone with a very awake Professor Snape.
Propped up on pillows, his hands in his lap, he looked much more like the professor she remembered. His panicked expression from before had been replaced by the usual stern neutrality and as he looked down his nose at her she self-consciously fidgeted. She opened her mouth to say- well, something- when he ordered "Sit down," and she scurried over to her chair instead.
Once she was seated, he looked her over before saying, "I have been informed that you have been by my side quite often since I've been hospitalized. I'd like to know why."
"Oh," she whispered. "O-Oh." I don't know how to answer this. Professor Snape was looking at her expectantly, showing no telling signs of any emotion except to show that the longer she waited to answer the more annoyed he grew. She raced to think of a way to explain it.
"It all started because I wasn't sleeping," she blurted out. His eyebrow raised, a sign that he was at least curious. "That first night, after the battle, I couldn't sleep. I needed to keep busy, so I went to the one place I knew would need help."
"And... sitting by my bed was helpful."
"It was, sir," she nodded. "You were in critical condition and needed to be monitored constantly. There were only so many nurses and there were so many patients..." Her words drifted off as she began to recall that first night, witnessing countless injuries, a few deaths. Her breath hitching, she continued, "I was there in between mediwitches to make sure your vitals stayed in a safe range. I assisted in your care while they couldn't."
"And you came back the next night."
"I did, yes. I came by whenever I could. Like I said, sir... I wasn't sleeping. I needed to keep busy."
Professor Snape shifted in bed. "And yet you're here today. Did your work on my behalf give you enough experience to assist the Healers at St Mungo's?"
Hermione blinked in confusion. "Sir?"
"Why are you here, girl?" Snape growled, growing irritated. "Today, at St Mungo's, why were you sitting here when I woke up? There couldn't possibly be anything to do here to keep you preoccupied. Why. Are. You. Here?"
Her face had become so warm she was sure she was scarlet. Her head told her she couldn't possibly tell him that she found peace at his side, that she often sought him out when she was feeling the most desperate for calm. But what else could she tell him?
"Miss Granger!" he snapped.
"I worry about you!" she yelled out.
At that, Professor Snape blinked. It was a few moments before he said anything. "You are a foolish girl for doing so," he finally replied, the usual anger in his voice muted.
"I don't think I'm foolish," she replied quietly. "And I'm not the only one who worries. Harry-"
"Tell me how Potter defeated him," he interrupted.
She told him, in no great detail, how Harry had learned of his fate from his memories (he was particularly annoyed to learn exactly how many memories he had passed on to the young man), how Harry had met with Voldemort in the Forbidden Forest, how Voldemort killed the horcrux inside of him, how Narcissa had lied to protect her son, and how Harry had finally defeated Voldemort with the Elder Wand, of which he was the rightful owner. And after she was finished, Professor Snape closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the pillows in silent contemplation for many minutes before asking, "Casualties?"
"Many," she replied, so quietly he opened his eyes and looked at her somberly.
"Who?"
"I don't know them all..." Her arms crossed, she ran her hand up against her shoulder. "Fred Weasley."
"How tragic for Molly and Arthur," he said softly, and she could see that he was genuine. "Please pass on my condolences."
She nodded and continued. "Remus and Tonks." Glancing up, she saw a hint of regret flash across his features before he schooled his expression. "Lavender Brown. Colin Creevey. Crabbe." She met his eyes uneasily as she added, "Bellatrix Lestrange, and many others on both sides."
Professor Snape looked away and was silent for quite some time. Hermione, left to wringing her hands, opened her mouth many times but couldn't think of a thing to say. Finally, he said softly, "You may go, Miss Granger. I find myself to be quite tired."
"Of course," she said, startled at the sudden dismissal, and reached down for her bag.
"Miss Granger," he called to her as she walked towards the door. She turned and he paused carefully before saying, "Understand I do not ask this of you out of some fondness or kindness. I need information, specifically from someone closely involved with Harry Potter and who will not lie out of kindness or concern. If you can, I would appreciate it if you would return tomorrow morning."
"Of course, sir!" Hermione could feel her eyes open wide as her excitement returned to her. "I'll be back shortly after breakfast. I'll answer anything I can."
"And bring the paper," he added, as she opened the door and stepped out into the hall.
The door closed, and Severus Snape seemed to collapse. His head fell back, his body limp, and his breathing grew harsh. It hurt to be alive.
He clutched his chest with one shaking hand, as if it were possible to massage the tightness from his lungs, to calm the frantic beating of his heart. Maintaining composure in front of Miss Granger had been incredibly taxing. The healers had been right to argue with him. He should have waited.
Should have, maybe. Could have? Not on his life.
He had woken up in such a confusion, his last thoughts still so fresh in his mind. As his eyes had closed in death, the imprint of Lily's gaze seared into his soul, he had been filled with an overwhelming feeling of tranquility. He had done all he could do, in this life. He may have been dying alone, an enemy, no loved ones to mourn for him, but he had made peace with that ages ago. The best he could have hoped for was that the memories he imparted to Potter would tell his side for him. At last, there was nothing more for him to do.
And then his eyes had opened, and nothing made sense. No longer were the walls decrepit and grey, the air thick with dust- instead his eyes were blinded by white and his lungs ached from the cool, thin air with each inhale. The shock that had so thoroughly blanketed his body in the moments before death had been torn from him, exposing his body to the harsh reality of pain.
Following shortly behind was the panic of not knowing. Where was he? Who was he with? Was he in danger? Were they all in danger? What had happened?!
To say he had been surprised to see Miss Granger would have been an understatement. He still could not understand what would bring her to his bedside. He supposed he was thankful- a young mind was easier to pry information out of, and he was much too weak to use Legilimency at the moment. It was why he had asked her to return. So her being there was as much a benefit as it was a curiosity.
What had she said? "We did it, Professor. We won." Those simple words had calmed him from his panic. That knowledge was enough to sustain him through long minutes of poking and prodding and questions he soon grew tired of. "'The last thing I remember' is shoving my wand up your nose, yelling 'Accio Brain' and coming up empty," he snapped at a particularly babbly healer. "Now, I have told no prophesies to date but I have a feeling that this might be the one."
"Then it's a good thing the ministry still has your wand, Mister Snape," an elderly Healer snipped, straight faced. "Lift your arm for me." He cut her with a sharp glare before doing so.
So the ministry had his wand. He hadn't been able to get any information out of the healers beyond that, but he was smart enough to know what that meant. He may have woken up in a hospital bed and not a cell, which could only mean Potter had used his memories to explain his actions, but that didn't mean the ministry was going to ignore all that had happened. He would most certainly have a hearing to deal with once he healed. All considering, he should consider himself lucky. He was alive, after all.
That fact alone surprised him more than anything. He of course had taken precautions before the attack but he never imagined they would actually pay off. Ever since Arthur Weasley was attacked by Nagini years ago he had been working on an anti-venom potion. Adding it to his daily regiment had seemed to pay off. He was amazed that the blood loss hadn't killed him. Had his head fallen in a way that pinched the blood flow? Had one of the children- Miss Granger, even?- taken care to his wounds after he had passed out? He had, of course, taken other potions alongside his antivenom, but such a wound should surely have been fatal regardless.
His head hurt. This was a problem for later.
As he settled back into a more comfortable resting position, he was interrupted by a knock on the door. Glowering- how was he supposed to heal if they wouldn't let him rest?- he snapped, "What is it?!"
The door opened, and Severus tensed. Minerva McGonagall stepped into the hospital room, face solemn, and eyed him cautiously behind her usual square spectacles. He really wished he hadn't sunk so far into the pillows; he felt like a child looking up at her. "Minerva," he greeted quietly. "What a... surprise."
She nodded, and gestured to the chair recently vacated by Miss Granger. "May I?" she asked, and at his nod she gathered her robes about her and sat. For a moment she simply stared, a look of contemplation on her face, and Snape began to grow uneasy. "Severus," she sighed. "We have much to discuss."
With a bit of effort he managed to shimmy himself into more of a sitting position. There, he thought. Not quite so emasculating. "I believe we do, yes," he replied. "What shall we discuss first? Hogwarts? The war? My yet-possible incarceration?"
"I thought we'd start with your sacrifices and loyalties."
"Oh for Merlin's sake." He rolled his eyes. "My sacrifices and loyalties? Go waste your sentiments on some other poor man, this one is tired and has no need of your words."
Minerva's eyes were daggers as she glared at Severus. "You know perfectly well what you've done," she snapped. "Don't be so self-deprecating."
"My loyalties were to a dead woman," he growled, "and a promise made long ago."
"Be that as it may, Severus, the sacrifices you made cost you more than any of us. It almost cost you your life." Minerva leaned forward. "I will not believe for a second that you felt nothing for the Order and the side of the light. You forget I have known you nearly your entire life, longer than Voldemort ever knew you. I can read you better than he ever could, and I don't need Legilimency to do so- which makes me furious knowing what I know now. I thought," she paused. Her words had grown harsh, tense with emotion, but she softened them now as she added, "I thought we had truly lost you to him, Severus."
"Did you just come here to tell me off, or did you have other things to discuss with me?" Severus asked quietly. He had already been tired. Now he was tired and uncomfortable.
Minerva sat back once more and sighed. "Severus Snape, you are an infuriating man. When I learned about who you really were-"
"When Potter shouted my deepest, most private moments to the whole of Hogwarts, you mean."
"He brought to light a different side of you I never imagined." She waved her wand, and the water pitcher filled two glasses of water and drifted towards each of them.
Severus decided not to admit how grateful he was as the first sip slid down his aching throat. It would be rude to interrupt, after all.
"I had always assumed," she continued, "that your joining the Order was borne out of regret for making an adolescent decision and taking the Mark." You aren't entirely wrong. "To learn it was out of love-"
"It was out of a desperation to fix what I had put in motion," he finally interrupted. For goodness sake, this woman has never had this much sap in her in all the years he knew her. "When that failed, I stayed out of remorse. I promised Albus that I would protect the only bit of her left, to keep her memory alive."
"Hogwash," she muttered into her glass. After she took a drink, she added, "It may have begun that way, Master Spy, but it changed. I don't know when, but despite everything, you started to change."
"I don't know what kind of impression I gave off in the past," he said, "but you'll find I don't particularly enjoy talking about myself all that much." He coughed lightly, and continued, "Was there anything else?"
"Yes, actually." She reached into her sleeve and pulled out a rolled parchment. "Mister Potter's account of your memories have given many people the assurance that they need as to your innocence. However, a formal trial is necessary for protocol. The Ministry has arranged your trial to be one month from now. Should you sign this document, I am allowed to return your wand to you until the trial date listed." She handed over the parchment and a quill.
Severus read over the document with a scowl. "'I, Severus Snape, swear on my life that I shall use no dangerous nor harmful magics which will be recorded via magical trace until the date of my trial listed below, of which I agree to attend under penalty of immediate imprisonment to Azkaban Prison.' They certainly love their theatrics."
"Under normal circumstances you would wait your trial out in a cell. You are very fortunate Mister Potter has been so adamant about your safety."
"Yes, hmm..." He signed his name with a flourish and handed the parchment back to Minerva. "Why, though? Why does he care?"
As she pocketed the parchment up her sleeve once more she replied, "I cannot be certain, but the battle... this war... was messy. Harry feels responsible for so much." She pulled out his wand, but hesitated in handing it over to its' owner, lost in thought as she was. "You gave him your memories, shared with him your deepest secrets, in order to explain what needed to be done. He knows you intimately, now. To lose you might just be like losing family."
"That's preposterous," Severus snorted. "It's much more likely that Potter wants to keep me alive so that one less person died fighting his war. Now hand me my wand, woman, unless you plan to make a knitting needle out of it?"
"Severus Snape you are an infuriating man!" Minerva snapped once more, but Severus saw a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she shoved the wand out towards him.
His fingers tingled as they wrapped around the wood, the subtle spell of the document in place. He twirled the wand between his hands, eyeing the wood, and asked, "Tell me of Miss Granger."
Hermione arrived at The Burrow in high spirits. The sun had begun its descent and she squinted into the glare as she approached the home, so she was surprised to see Harry and Ron sitting on the steps waiting for her. They had been talking, and cut off their conversation as she approached. Ron took a few steps towards her.
"'Mione! What took you so long? What did Flitwick want? Is everything alright?"
"Everything is fine, Ron," she replied, nodding at Harry in greeting. "More than fine, actually! Professor Snape is awake!"
Both of their eyes opened wide. Ron took a step back and asked, "Didn't they just move him?"
"How do you know?" asked Harry before she could respond to Ron. "Did McGonagall tell you? Or that Healer from the tent?"
Hermione shook her head. "No, I went to see him."
"You what?" Ron's face seemed stuck in a state of utter confusion. "When? I thought you went to see Flitwick!"
"I did! And after I talked to him I went to see Professor Snape, and he woke up while I was there!"
Ron opened his mouth to reply, then quickly closed it. His face tight, he turned from her and stared at Harry, who- eyes wide- simply shrugged and shook his head. He started to say something, but stopped and fumbled, and rubbed his eyes.
"You were..." He rubbed his chin with a hand. "You knew we were here. Waiting for you. And you went to the hospital to visit Snape?"
Hermione's eyebrows pulled together in confusion and she reached to touch his shoulder. He pulled back and she huffed. "Ron, listen to what I have to say before you yell at me!"
"Why should I? You don't seem to care about how I feel, Hermione!" He gestured towards the house. "What about Mum and Dad? And George? They've been waiting for you too, you know! They wanted to talk to you, too!"
"I know that, Ron-"
"Then why weren't you here?!"
"Ron," interrupted Harry, "Let her answer you."
Harry was like a breath of fresh air to the conversation, one Hermione particularly appreciated. Ron stood straight, ears red, and crossed his arms over his chest. "Fine," he snapped. "Explain."
She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. "First of all," she began, "you know that I love your family. As much as they include me, and welcome me, they make me feel like one of them. But I'm still not a Weasley and it still feels like I'm intruding sometimes, and..." She rubbed her neck as she searched for the words. "Look, your family is going to get some version of Fred back as soon as the ward magic clears. I'm glad I was a part of figuring that out. I just thought you guys could use some time to be together as a family."
She watched as Ron sighed and scratched his head. He looked back at Harry, who nodded encouragingly. When he turned towards her again he groaned and put his face in his hand. "Hermione," he mumbled into his palm. He stepped forward and pulled her into a hug. She wasn't sure if it was for her comfort or his, but regardless she let out a tense breath. "I need you here with me. To me, you are family. You and Harry, we are our own family."
Gently she pulled back from his arms enough to look into his eyes. "I feel that way, too," she replied, "but lately it's been different. I feel different. And I guess I just need time to get used to it."
Ron nodded. "I understand. Just... we were worried, you know? We didn't know why you were gone for so long."
"I'll try to let you know what's going on," she promised, then hesitated before continuing, "I'm seeing him again, tomorrow morning. After breakfast. Will you two come with?"
Ron cringed. "I've seen enough of that man to last a lifetime, thanks." He looked over at Harry, who had stepped forwards now that the tone of conversation had calmed. "What about you, mate?"
"It might just be me, but I doubt I'd help him any by showing up," he answered. "Why are you going back up there, Hermione?"
"He wants information." She took a seat on the front steps and the boys followed suit. "He said he can't trust anyone to not lie to him or cover up the truth in an effort to be kind. He wants to talk to someone closely involved in the fight." Smiling, she added, "and he wants me to bring him the paper."
Ron rolled his eyes as Harry asked, "He can't trust McGonagall? She seems like she'd give it to him straight." Hermione shrugged.
"What did Flitwick want?" Ron interrupted, clearly done talking about the hated Potions Master.
"Oh, right!" Hermione proceeded to tell them about the Ward Task Force, and how Professor Flitwick had offered her a position within the group. She pulled out the book he had given her and lovingly stroked the cover. "Isn't it fascinating?" she gushed. "My magic will be a part of the school for ages! I wonder what kind of spellwork it entails..." She jumped up from her step. "You know, I should probably get started on this book. I didn't get much reading done with, well, all the excitement."
"Come with me to the garden," Ron said. "I'll nap in the sun and you can use me as a pillow." Waving goodbye to Harry, who was already headed inside, Ron took Hermione by the hand and led her around the house. She smiled. Today had its ups and downs, but overall it had been the nicest it had been in a long while, and she planned to soak up the rest of the day in peaceful tranquility.
A/N: -deep breath- Okay. So. Wow. That took a while. And I apologize. Things are HECTIC. Sadly, this fanfiction has to take a backburner over other priorities. So sorry. I will post when I can though! I have not given up! I still love you all and hope you enjoy this chapter. I wish I had had some more time to work out some things (What? MORE TIME?) but I wanted to get it to you before Christmas. Here's hoping for a speedier next chapter!
A/N 2: I'm having a bit of trouble with me scene breaks, it seems. Let's try this.
