Orientation Week is everything Anna dreamed of and more. Everywhere she rests her eyes, there's something exciting and colourful to discover. Games, activities, prizes, costumes! There's a live band on a little stage playing some indie rock tunes. Anna spins a wheel and wins a drink-bottle with a bank logo on it. The first of plenty of corporate sponsored junk to fill up her tote bag. Stickers, badges, pens, notepads, sunglasses. All these things she never knew she needed, and now doesn't know how she ever lived without.
A series of postcards are stuck up on one wall, with students periodically sticking new ones up. In the middle of the board, "hopes and dreams".
In an uncharacteristic display of hesitation, Anna's pen hovers over the colourful rectangle, unsure what to write. For the past few years, her primary goal was just to get here. To the city, where Elsa is, away from her parents. She'd figured it would all fall into place from here. She would just become whatever she's supposed to be.
She crosses out to be my true self. Too cliche. Takes another sheet and writes, to meet a cute girl. But that's aiming kind of low. What is she, thirteen? To find true love… Kind of ridiculous - also kind of ambiguous - but she's distracted by a robot fight happening in a little ring up ahead, so it'll have to do.
The remote control is complex, with too many buttons and switches, and Anna's robot loses dismally, but she suddenly wonders if she should have studied harder and gone into engineering.
Anna bounces from tent to tent, charmed by the friendly representatives, how delighted they seem by her, and the possibility all of these undiscovered hobbies and interests present to her budding new identity as a worldly, independent city-girl. Interpretive dance club. Galleries and museums society. Greens club. Students for Sensible Drug Policy, whatever that is. Anna doesn't know. But is she interested? Sure! Students for Refugees? Well of course Anna cares about refugees. Amnesty International? Save the Trees? Fire twirling? Mindfulness and Meditation? Mediaeval re-enactment? Anna loses track of how many times she has signed her name and collected a free pen or badge or sticker.
There is one club, however, that she is most excited for. Even though no one is around to witness, she has tried to be cool about it. To wander casually, not beelining, just waiting for that rainbow tent to make its appearance as though by pure coincidence. When she finally finds it, though, it's hard to contain herself. It feels like her real life is about to begin. It's ridiculous, but part of her hopes she will walk up there and meet her future girlfriend straight away, so she is sure to adjust her snapback hat, smooth down her hair, and make sure her shirt is hanging nicely. She may have tried to dress extra gay today, in one of those sleeveless men's T-shirts, baggy and mottled purple with huge arm-holes and her sports-bra underneath, with her green flannel tied around her waist. She low-key regrets the sleeveless decision now, as she feels her fair shoulders burning already.
It's been so hard, feeling left out all these years while her friends wWere all dating, going through all the drama of relationships. Falling in love. Having sex. Who doesn't want to have sex, right? Anna does! But it's hard, being gay in a small down, with deeply religious parents who constantly bang on about how the destruction of the traditional family unit is bringing on the end of days, so she has had to wait.
Even writing her name on the sign up form, she feels conspicuous, as though someone might see. Someone might whisper, and she might have to face the disgust on her parents' faces, disappointment in their eyes. She pushes the thought from her mind for the moment and makes her way to the tent where a tall man with curly hair and a sing-song voice greets her immediately.
'Hi! Would you like to sign up to the Queer Club?'
'You bet I would!'
'Great!' The guy's eyebrows rise as he hands over a clipboard and pen. Maybe Anna's response was a little over-enthusiastic. Hopefully, over time, her new housemates' effortlessly cool demeanours will rub off on her. They're so cool they don't even go to O Week. Anna asked them, and they were all nonchalant about it. Kristoff said he'd go, but then he got way too stoned and started playing a video game. But it's okay, being here alone is fine. Especially fine when Anna reaches for the clipboard and her hand bumps into another. A brown hand with dangly gold bracelets, attached to a very pretty girl, with big brown eyes and dark olive skin. Black hair cut straight across her forehead and open, friendly features. She's leaning on one hip, wearing a pale tie-dye T-shirt and a bunch of leather string necklaces that make Anna think of the beach.
'Oops, sorry.'
'No, I'm- It was my-' Their hands crash again as they both go to pick up the clipboard off the ground. The other girl chuckles, and Anna takes a deep breath and tries again, 'Sorry, this is awkward. Not you- I'm awkward! You're, um, you're very pretty.'
Well, shit, where did that come from? Anna's done it this time. The girl probably won't appreciate that. It's probably not the right way to flirt. Anna doesn't exactly have much practice. She's more practised in biting her lip and pretending not to have butterflies when pretty girls give her their undivided attention.
'Oh!' The girl looks at her very intently, then looks away shyly. 'So are you.'
She's just being polite or course. Anna is nothing special. Bit of a plain-jane, if she's honest. Elsa got all the stunner genes. Nonetheless, Anna lets out a big, weird laugh, and starts writing. 'So I'm going to write my name down, and pass this to you.'
The girl hasn't stopped smiling, and speaks as she takes the clipboard, 'Did you come here by yourself?'
'Nah, my best friend moved with me, but he's- oh, wait, you mean like right here, to O week?'
The girl nods.
'Yeah. Yeah, I did. Did you?'
'No, my brother's here somewhere. But he always wanders off.'
Before Anna can reply, the guy manning the tent clears his throat loudly, 'Hey, I'm really happy for you guys, but we have a bit of a line forming, so…'
A small crowd has formed - within the larger crowd that swarms the whole campus - with polite smiles hiding annoyance. Anna apologises and turns to the girl with her mouth open dumbly, wondering why the guy is so "happy for them".
'I'm keen for a snow cone,' The girl motions to the cart a short distance away, shrouded in balloons where a guy in roller skates, mini-shorts and an umbrella hat is handing out colourful cones, 'would you like to come with me?'
Anna nods and allows the girl to lead her by the hand into the fray, already feeling a bubbling in her stomach. She tries not to get carried away too quickly, but she never dreamed things would go this well. She's already picturing the two of them having romantic picnics, frolicking through fields, sharing a plate of spaghetti by candlelight while accordion music plays in the background, and both realising they're eating the same strand until they accidentally kiss, adopting a cat-
'I'm Honeymaren, by the way. But people call me Mazza.'
Oh, right. Exchanging names is a good start.
'I'm Anna.'
'So where did you move here from, Anna?'
The day continues under the blazing sun, and Anna shares small, safe details about her life, while learning safe, small details about Mazza's. Anna learns that she is studying urban planning, has four younger siblings, and moved here from Bendigo with her twin brother, the joint-eldest in the family. They talk about school subjects, favourite foods, how confusing the tram system is - there is a route 102, but there can't be one hundred and two separate tram routes, right? How does it work?
Anna didn't mind wandering around alone, but this is so much nicer. There's so much to do and see, tiny little pancakes to eat, Copic markers to win, novelty clubs to sign up to. It's broken up, unfortunately, by a text from Bonnie.
Hey Anna, it's nearly time for the first house meeting. R u far away?
Four hours have got away from her! 'Shit! I have to go, sorry!'
Anna manages to find her way home, retracing her steps to the tram stop, getting on the same tram she rode in. The number 11. The scenery out the window looks vaguely familiar.
Kristoff asks how far away she is, and Mazza texts her at the same time.
Hey, it was great to meet you today! Are you coming to uni again this week? I gotta buy my textbooks and could use some emotional support when I part with all my money lol.
The text is accompanied by an upside down smiley face, and will require a thoughtful response, so she replies to Kristoff first.
Sorry I'm late! I met a girl!
It's only after she hits send that she realises she's sent the text to the wrong person. It's gone to Mazza, because of course it has. Well that's only slightly mortifying. It's still not too late to change her name and apply to a different university, is it?
Anna types and deletes, types and deletes. Saying something like "Sorry, that was meant for someone else" seems hard to believe and kinda juvenile. I mean, what are they, twelve? "Oops, wrong person?" Yeah right.
Mazza texts back first, including the tongue-poking-out smiley emoji to reassure Anna that she isn't horrified. Whew. Congratulations.
There is nothing to do but swallow her pride and respond. Haha sorry… I would love to buy books with you. Anna truly has nothing planned for any day of the week, so far. But she doesn't want to seem desperate, so she doesn't suggest tomorrow. How about Wednesday midday?
The house meeting is a casual affair, held in the garden over a couple of cold beers. Everything seems to happen with a couple of cold beers, in this house. Anna's never been particularly fond of the taste, but the sense of inclusion is priceless. She sits next to Kristoff on the squishy couch on the outdoor patio, breaking up the bitter taste with strawberries in a punnet on the table. Bonnie rolls a cigarette, while Joel, a tall, thin guy with thick-rimmed glasses, a fat moustache, and a bunch of mismatched single-line tattoos on his arms pulls out a whiteboard.
The rules, written in multicoloured markers, are mostly straight-forward. Label any food that isn't for sharing. Don't eat food that's labelled. Everybody gets one cupboard in the kitchen, but most things are communal. There's a rotating roster dictating whose turn it is to buy things like toilet paper, cleaning products and so on. No parties on weeknights - a party being defined as five or more people with music and alcohol past 9pm. Cigarettes are to be smoked outside only, but weed and DMT are okay in the bedrooms. And then, of course, they move on to partners.
'So what we've agreed on in the past is that if you have any romantic or sexual partner who stays for more than half the week, for three weeks in a row, you have to pay extra utilities.' Joel looks expectantly at Anna and Kristoff, like he does after every rule.
'Uh, um, yep! Good.'
'Sounds good.'
'Reasonable.'
'Very fair.'
Bonnie ashes her cigarette into brightly coloured ash tray on the table, and leans forward, 'You know, we're all equal members of the household, so if there's anything you think should be different, or needs to be addressed, feel free to speak up.'
'I'm easy.' Kristoff interlaces his hands behind his head and puts his feet up on the coffee table. 'As long as I can smoke up and have a guy over now and then.'
'Yeah, no,' Anna tries to sound as casual as Kristoff does, 'For sure. It's just a bit of an adjustment. I mean, a few days ago, I was living at home with my parents where you get told the rules and god help you if you break them. Right?'
Anna's laugh quickly dies as the rest of the group clear their throats and raise their eyebrows awkwardly.
'Pretty strict parentals, huh?' Joel has put the whiteboard away. Evidently, the house meeting is over.
Anna shrugs, feeling a little embarrassed, and holds back a tsunami of questions about whether it's normal for your parents to toss your room like a jail cell because they found a lighter in your pocket, frequently go through your phone and make sure every single person you talk to is, in fact, enrolled at your school or a member of your church, or not let you have sleepovers, ever, even with families from church that they've known since forever. 'Yeah,' She laughs, 'strict bordering on paranoid.'
'Oh, tell me about it.' Jamin says slowly, twirling his man-bun, 'My parents always made me have the door open when I had a girl over. Joke's on them, right?'
Well that's her answer.
As soon as she sees Mazza standing there by the taco bar, Anna feels herself turning beet-red, thinking about that dorky text. Mazza senses it and grins from ear to ear, 'So tell me about this girl you met?'
'Oh my god!' Anna holds her face in her hands, still slightly mortified. 'I'm so sorry! I promise I'm not a total obsessional weirdo or anything. And I'm not here with any crazy expectations, either. It's just exciting to meet other…'
Shit, she can't even say the word. Gay. Lesbian. Homosexual. There's just too much shame deep down inside. 'People like me.'
'Really?' Mazza asks brightly, sipping on a green smoothie. They begin to walk together in no particular direction, through the buzzing crowds and colours and millions of tents. 'I heard there was a pretty decent scene down in Tassie.'
'Yeah, there is, but I wasn't out. My family is, um, quite religious.'
'Yeah? Like, Catholic or something?'
'Nah, fundamentalists.' Here comes the difficult part. The part where she has to explain that she's actually a Certified Freak. 'Think, like, speaking in tongues, falling down on the floor, believing dinosaurs are a hoax.'
'Oh.' Honey's eyes go wide. Anna knows this look, she's seen it before. It's morbid curiosity. 'I didn't know that kind of thing only happened in America. What was that like for you?'
'Terrifying, mostly,' Anna is sure to laugh a lot as she talks about how every time her parents were a little late from work, she thought the rapture had happened and she'd been left behind to face the reign of the antichrist. She knows it's unbecoming to overshare, when you first meet someone, so she refrains from going too far down the rabbit-hole. But she doesn't have that much that makes her interesting. This is kind of her party trick.
'That is fascinating. Truly.' As it turns out, Mazza's parents are not the religious type. Quite the opposite, in fact. 'I think my dad would throw a fit if someone brought the Bible into our house. He can't stand the church. His parents were both, you know, taken from their parents and raised in religious institutions and it kinda messed them up.'
Well that got dark, quick. Anna is familiar, of course, with some of the government's atrocious treatments of certain demographics, but she's never met someone actually affected by it. She kind of grew up in a bubble.
'Anyhooo,' Mazza looks down at her phone and back to Anna, apparently keen to move onto lighter topics as well. 'My brother's somehow ended up at a rooftop party nearby. I feel like I should go and make sure he doesn't get eaten alive by strippers.'
'Oh, yeah, we'd better go and uh, make sure he's okay.' Anna could think of worse fates, that's for sure.
After entering a doorway in an alleyway behind McDonald's and climbing up about a hundred flights of concrete stairs, Anna's lungs are about ready to give up. It's only the beat of electronic music vibrating through her spine and ribcage that gives her the strength to journey on. To see what wonders lie ahead.
Even up in the open air, there's heat swelling from so many bodies writhing to the music. An overpowering smell of perfume and body spray. It's too loud to really speak to each other, so she and Mazza rely on hand gestures and facial expressions to communicate, which is surprisingly fun. Kind of like charades.
Her brother is indeed surrounded by a gaggle of beautiful girls in tight, short dresses, smooth fabric snug against the curves of their bodies. Beautiful, cascading hair, perfect makeup, strappy heels without any scuffs. Real girls that would make Anna feel like a sloppy imitation if she wasn't so awestruck. One of them has bent over, trying to initiate a humping-type of dance move with the poor guy who is looking quite unsure how he got into this situation, and what he's supposed to do. His hands are bunched into fists by his chest, unsure if he is allowed to touch. Or if he wants to.
They are friendly, too! Between bouts of dancing and sipping on sugary mixed drinks, Anna finds herself drawn into conversations, with a gentle touch of the forearm and genuine smiles, on the edges of the rooftop where the music fades a little. Acrid cigarette smoke mixes with the sweet aroma of vape clouds in the warm summer breeze.
Conversations start out shallow. Where are you from? What do you study? That kind of thing. But as the sun dips toward the horizon, taking its light with it, blood-alcohol levels rise and more dances are shared, they turn more serious. 'Have you ever been in love?' A beautiful brunette in a red dress asks Anna with a sigh, leaning over the railing and gazing down at the city below. The same one who tried on her hat earlier, and kissed her on the cheek.
'I don't know.' Anna half-shouts over the music with a shrug. She feels something every time Elsa hugs her, when she looks at her with soft eyes like she's the most important person in the world. Something overwhelming, a supernova of need and desire in her chest, burning in billions of desperately bright colours. But she also feels something sharp and cold whenever Elsa says goodbye. But that's ridiculous. There's no way she's in love with her sister. Who even heard of such a thing? She's just confused. And kind of needy - she's gonna work on that.
She feels something around Mazza, too, but it's softer. Fluttery. Butterflies in her tummy. Tingling in her fingers. Much more normal, acceptable crush feelings.
'What does it feel like?'
Strangers have been telling Anna their life stories. Their relationship woes, their hopes and dreams. She feels her guard dropping. A combination of the cocktails in her veins, the anonymity of the faceless expanse of city and the sweet, friendliness of these strangers creates a sense of freedom. Maybe this is why people come to parties. Anna could get used to this. The girl in the red dress squeezes her upper arm and half-shouts, 'It hurts, you know?'
A/N: sorry for this whole chapter without any Elsa hehe. Next chapter we will finally learn her big secret :P If you can't wait that long then feel free to join us on the elsanna shenanigans discord server and I'll tell you. discord (dot gg) /TU9NpnH
