Author's Note: This chapter is finally finished. Full disclosure, I am a male software engineer driven to fan fiction because my wife is addicted to 'Chuck' and there are certain parts of the show that I find unbearable, in particular the scene where Sarah is on her knees and Quinn separates their car from the train. I find Sarah's story much more interesting than Chuck's but given my actual life experience, I can understand readers who find parts of my Sarah annoying.
- Chapter 5 -
It was 3am and they were both wide awake. They wanted a break from passion and knew they wouldn't be able to keep their clothes on for long if they stayed in the apartment.
You know, normally if I wanted to get out at 3am, I'd find an after hours club," Sarah mused. "It feels strange to say it but that sounds like a horrible idea right now."
"Your friend Carina was appalled at how boring our life here is," Chuck acknowledged. "She was constantly offering to whisk you away to an exotic tropical resort."
"That WAS my life as a spy," Sarah acknowledged thoughtfully. "Constant excitement. I guess I never dared slow down or I'd have to face the big empty space where my soul was supposed to be." She shook her head in amazement, "What I'm in the mood for right now is just some hole in the wall all night diner."
"I know just the place," Chuck said. They got into his Tesla and soon pulled up to a weathered sign proclaiming, The Blackstone Grill. There were a few customers but plenty of open space. They found a quiet booth and had soon ordered coffee and comfort food.
"Do you know what I still can't figure out about you, Chuck?" Sarah asked as they settled in. "On one hand I see you as this freaky genius that can find a way to turn the tables on anyone. When I'm out of options, I feel like I can turn to you and you'll magically pull a winning strategy out of thin air. On the other hand, I see you as this naive child in a dangerous world who I'm desperate to protect. My gut tells me both are true but my head tells me that's impossible."
"I have to admit, I DO always try to see the best in people, whether they deserve it or not," Chuck smiled. "Your father's nickname for me is 'schnook'."
"Oh my God, you've met my father?" Sarah was mortified.
"Yeah, I know he's a con man who will never be able to resist working an angle," Chuck laughed. "I also know that in his own weird way he loves you and for that I'll always love him too, even if I can never trust him."
Sarah just stared at Chuck for a long moment, then scooted around to his side of the table and buried her face in his chest. Chuck hugged her and stroked her hair for a bit before he realized she was crying. He was about to ask what was wrong but stopped himself. "Yes, he CAN be taught," he told himself.
Eventually, Sarah sat up and took his face in her hands, staring straight into his eyes, saying quietly, "I was absolutely certain that no one else in my life could ever understand how I feel about my father. You have super powers, Chuck Bartowski."
Chuck took Sarah's face in his hands in turn and in a similar tone said, "You are the baddest, hardest, toughest, most dangerous woman in the history of the CIA. You were handed an asset so naive he might as well have had a 'burn me' tattoo on his forehead. Not only did you NOT burn him, you nurtured him into a spy without shattering his innocence. YOUR superpowers defy understanding, Sarah Walker."
As Sarah stared back into Chuck's eyes, she tried to understand what he saw. A sweet young nerd turned into the biggest prize in the nastiest, most dangerous game on earth. His odds of survival had to be nonexistent. A fierce protector, her soul deeply stained by a lifetime of lies and a career of assassinations turned away all threats to his life. The same fallen angel mentored him, molding him, building his strength while protecting his innocence to create a spy who would not kill but could not be stopped. How? What kind of alchemy allowed her to turn all the darkness within her into this shining miracle of light? A still small voice said, "The answer is you, Sarah, YOU did that."
Sarah remembered that it was in her teenage years she became aware that all the grifts and 'fun' she had with her father were hurting people, sometimes badly. Graham gave her the chance to change sides by using her lies on people who were even worse than her. She may have been a force for good but she lived in a world of darkness. That's why she couldn't be with Chuck, she didn't belong in the world of light. But that couldn't be true because she was his power source, she made him shine. Without her his light would dim and the world would be a darker place.
She thought back on all the amazing things Chuck Bartowski had done and realized these accomplishments didn't belong to Chuck. They belonged to TEAM Bartowski. She had been part of something bigger than her, something truly amazing. THAT was the alchemy that made the miracle. She smiled beatifically.
"It feels good to be back on Team Bartowski, Chuck."
Chuck took a deep breath and it looked like a great weight had been lifted from him, "Thank God you came back to me, Sarah." He stared straight into her eyes and spoke a truth she could tell came from the bottom of his heart, "Without you I'm just a nerd."
They drank coffee, laughed, and fed each other a full measure of comfort. The dawn was breaking as they made their way back to the apartment.
"So, what should we do next?" Sarah winked lasciviously. "And just to be clear, if your answer involves any form of video game, we're going to have YOUR head examined for traumatic brain injury."
"Tonight, we DANCE!" Chuck said in an outrageous Latin accent as he gestured theatrically.
Sarah winced as his words sparked something in her brain. When she caught her breath, Chuck was holding her, looking worried. She shook her head saying, "No, it's alright. I think I was remembering a mission in some tropical part of Latin America."
"Costa Gravis," Chuck acknowledged. "I'm sorry I ruined the moment. I can be SUCH a dork sometimes."
Sarah brought his forehead down against hers and said quietly, "Helping me remember is the most wonderful gift you can give me. Never apologize for it." After a moment she added, "You big dork."
Chuck laughed softly, then went to the console for their sound system and found a CD labeled 'Ballad Mix'. He brought Sarah into his arms and kissed her, swaying to the music. She kissed him back as her hands traced the length of his back before settling lower, kneading his glutes and pulling him close. Chuck's lips meandered down her neck and explored all the exposed skin as his fingers undid a button to widen the playing field. He explored its full length and breadth before he found the next button. The had all the time in the world and although the CD was fully packed, it cycled twice before they finally found their way back to the bed.
They cuddled and napped and explored until hunger finally drove them to the kitchen. As they made themselves something to eat, sans clothing, Sarah idly observed, "I have to say you move MUCH better on the dance floor and in the bedroom then you do in the training yard, Mr Bartowski."
Chuck laughed softly. "There's a reason for that, but it's part of a very long story. The full story will have to wait until we're back in the office."
"How mysterious," Sarah teased him.
"Hey, it's not easy keeping up with Sarah Walker, international woman of mystery," Chuck teased back. His eyes widened and he stared hard for the barest moment, then he kissed her. Sarah's old reflexes kicked in and she let the moment pass smoothly. Her man definitely had something on his mind and he didn't want to take any chances that it might be overheard.
By the time they had dressed, shuttled to Sarah's Lotus, dropped the Telsa at the apartment and pulled into Carmichael Industries the work day was ending. They exchanged pleasantries with staff and caught up on email. Eventually Sarah wandered over to Chuck's office.
Chuck unlocked his desk, and gestured at an empty drawer saying, "Last stop for all wireless and recording devices you don't want destroyed." They dropped off cell phones and a few more exotic devices, then Chuck locked his desk and handed Sarah the key. He led them down the hall to a room labeled AG2. Just past the door was a small vestibule where they underwent a scan before a second door opened and they were finally able to enter a lavishly furnished conference room. Chuck threw a switch to close the door and after a few moments a display screen said, "Air Gap Secure."
Sarah raised her eyebrows and asked, "So what is the mysterious secret you need to protect with the most advanced anti-surveillance technology known to man?".
Chuck closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then he began, "Welcome to the first meeting of the newly reformed Team Bartowski. The first item on the agenda is 'The Key'."
Sarah was surprised, "I thought the key was destroyed when you uploaded the intersect. We both saw the smoke pouring out of the ruined components after your upload, didn't we?"
Chuck nodded, "We did indeed. What was much less obvious was the fact that the key did not, as we expected, clean the intersect as it uploaded. It was actually a completely separate upload, carefully segregated from the intersect."
"So when the CIA suppressed the intersect, it didn't suppress the key?" Sarah guessed.
"Smart woman," Chuck acknowledged. "Do you remember my meltdown at Langley?"
"Vividly. It was awful," Sarah shuddered. She hadn't been in the room at the time, they were debriefed separately, but she was shown the tape and endured hours of questions about it. Chuck had just entered the room for his debriefing when he flashed on one of his interrogators. He accused the man of working for Decker, then flashed again. He started saying something that had been redacted from the video and when the lead interrogator got in his face Chuck flashed a third time. Chuck was restrained and beaten but continuing screaming until he lost consciousness.
After a moment she added, accusingly, "Wait a minute, are you telling me you FAKED a meltdown?"
Chuck shrugged apologetically, "Yes and no. The meltdown was real enough, but it wasn't a glitch accidentally caused by the key not being properly calibrated. I deliberately created the glitch with the key to force Langley to suppress the intersect as soon as possible."
"Hmmm," Sarah pursed her lips disapprovingly. "I guess you didn't want them to get a look at your intersect to analyze how the key affected it?"
Chuck nodded, "Right. Because if they realized there was an intact version of the key in my head, I would have spent the rest of my short and miserable life in a bunker strapped to an operating table."
Sarah was skeptical, "C'mon Chuck, the CIA didn't stuff you into a bunker when you were the only copy of the original intersect. What makes you think you'd be a full time lab rat if you had the only copy of the key?"
"Two things," Chuck replied. "First, the key is much more powerful than any version of the intersect. Second, I'm pretty sure some of the people conspiring with Decker and Shaw were never caught. Beckman let me take a good look at Quinn's file and it was obvious to me that he was getting high level help from within the CIA."
"What? Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?" Sarah demanded.
Chuck took a deep breath before admitting, "When you left Team Bartowski to find yourself, your most likely alternative to coming back to us was to rejoin the CIA. I'm sure Quinn's co-conspirators would have been eager to get their hands on you to wring out every drop of information related to the key. If I told you all this it would have seemed like I was trying to poison you against them. Instead I told Beckman my suspicions and convinced her to let you know the NSA would match any offer the CIA could make."
Sarah nodded, remembering that time, "You're right. The CIA did offer me my own team and a promotion. If the things I had done for Quinn when I THOUGHT he was CIA hadn't left such an vile taste in my mouth I would have been tempted."
After a moment she added, "You COULD have mentioned it when I returned to Carmichael Industries."
Chuck looked troubled but shook his head saying, "You were still finding your way, Sarah. You might have decided to join Verbanski as a field operative. You might have decided to go back to the CIA or NSA after all."
"Would you have just let me go?" Sarah was incredulous.
"Think about it, Sarah," Chuck said earnestly. "Telling you about the key would have bound you tightly to Carmichael Industries. Traveling light and wandering the globe as a free agent would no longer be an option."
Sarah remembered how good it felt to be back in the field with Casey. Letting go of all ties and all responsibilities and travelling light was definitely appealing. But she knew how empty that life was in the end. How could Chuck let her turn her back on everything that was real? She felt a bit of vertigo as she tried to see the situation from his point of view. Of course! That was why he moved into Maison 23, that's what she constantly felt hanging over her head. He wasn't trying to keep her close to HIM, he was trying to keep her close to everything real in her life. All this time she thought Chuck was begging her to choose him, he was only begging her to choose to be real. She felt like a complete idiot.
"OK, now that I'm all in, is there anything else you haven't told me about?" Sarah asked.
"Quite a bit, actually," Chuck said sheepishly. "The rogue CIA faction aren't completely convinced I'm not holding out on them. They hired a local PI to keep an eye on me. Fortunately this guy is old school and not too tech savvy. We caught him watching the training yard and were able to hack into his computer. His initial reports made it obvious he was looking for signs that I was flashing on kung fu. His analysis was inept, he seemed to have no martial arts knowledge himself so I had to make it painfully obvious I was hopeless."
"How?" Sarah asked skeptically. "I would have noticed if you were deliberately pulling your punches."
"I created an intersect program from video of some less than expert practitioners of Tae Kwon Do," Chuck admitted. "I WAS flashing but the result was so bad that even our clueless observer was sure I had no skill."
"So THAT'S why you stopped training with me," Sarah said as the pieces clicked in her mind. "I thought you were just too embarrassed."
Chuck sighed, looking melancholy, "Yeah, believe it or not I really miss you kicking my ass in training."
Sarah smiled reassuringly, "I guess we'll have to keep our training sessions confined to the bedroom for now. Don't worry, I'll be happy to give your ass the attention it deserves."
"Mmmmmm," Chuck's eyes sparkled. "What were we talking about?"
"Rogue CIA scumbags," Sarah said with distaste.
"Right," Chuck nodded sourly. "Well I don't have the kind of inside contacts you and Casey have. I also didn't want to try my hand at spying on my own government, for lots of reasons. Fortunately, a lot of Quinn's assets were drawn from a source that lives to spy on the CIA: North Korea. They have been the focus of a LOT of Carmichael's cyber resources."
"So you've been gathering intel on the CIA by stealing it from North Korea?" Sarah was impressed. "That's brilliant!"
Chuck beamed, looking every inch the lovable nerd she first met all those years ago. "What we found pointed to CIA's PsyOps division."
"Is that why you were so eager to hire Josie?" Sarah asked. "I guess we're lucky she turned out to be such a good fit here."
"Something I learned in Chess Club," Chuck said. "When you have a limited number of moves, make sure every move accomplishes multiple objectives. Josie was a single mother who had basically been reduced to an office girl at the CIA. Decker and Quinn were old school alpha dogs straight out of Mad Men. She was the least likely member of PsyOps to have been cultivated by the rogue faction. I had also seen some great qualities in her when I picked her as a candidate for intersect training."
Sarah nodded approvingly, "She's a formidable woman. I'm going to have to get to know her better. Are we going to recruit her into Team Bartowski?"
"Not just yet," Chuck sounded uncertain. "She knows I'm not telling her everything but I'm pretty far out of my depth in trying to understand her. Now that you know everything, I was hoping YOU could take the lead in handling her."
"Gee Chuck, thanks for throwing a girl in at the deep end," Sarah chuckled darkly.
"You're a hell of a lot more than just a girl," Chuck replied, levelly. "Besting a mere 'formidable woman' is a warm-up for the living maelstrom that is Sarah Walker."
Sarah opened her mouth to tell Chuck to stop laying it on so thick but something in his eyes stopped her. "You honestly believe that, don't you?" she said in awe.
"No, I am absolutely certain that it is a fact proven beyond the shadow of a doubt," Chuck replied with finality. "I mean I understand how hard it is to wrap your head around how much..." he searched for a word, then gave up, "THERE is in a full description of you. I can remember so much more than you can and what I can comprehend is a lot less than all there is."
"Believe me, Sarah," he smiled helplessly. "When you really get to know yourself, you're going to blow your own mind."
