I don't even know how I can talk to her now, is what Childe thought after seeing her for the second time this week. She's still wearing the same face, the same eyes that once gave him butterflies, those golden eyes that gave him the same reason to go to each morning class that they used to have. The same cheeks that he would either pinch or pepper with kisses, the same lips that he would kiss multiple times a day, and would sometimes travel to places he loves.
They talked during the circumstances that they have seen each other, but the girl he used to know and love was long gone. He wanted to tell her that it's not even you anymore while looking at her talking to her friends with her usual happy self.
How can she be so happy? While I've been crying my eyes out for the past two weeks after we broke up? He thought.
Childe curses himself for the eleventh time today, thinking how dumb he was for even thinking that Lumine would be her usual self when he broke up with her. He's so stupid that he thought that they'll still be the same old friends when he ended things.
Wait, I'm not the only one who agreed to break up! He thought. Lumine didn't chase him, she didn't even try to patch things up with him, why should he be the only one to apologize? Childe knows Lumine can also be as stubborn as him, but after three years, those three years…
Tears fell down again from his already puffy eyes "all that we had, why did you give it up, Lumine…" he mumbled as he gulped a huge amount of wine that his jerk of a friend Kaeya gave to him.
"This wine!" he sniffed, "I don't even like this shit!" he threw the half-empty bottle on the other side of the room making a noise and he was even surprised that the wine bottle still managed to stand up.
"What the hell?!" he stood up, he stumbled but still continued to go to the other side of the room and grabbed the bottle and held it face to face, "whenever I do that fucking challenge the bottle won't stand up straight, but why did you stand up straight?! Huh? Do you want to fight?!" he yelled at the inanimate object.
Childe didn't even know why he is even drinking this crap, even though he knows that it was from that bastard's winery who has been making his Lumine smile weeks after they have broken up.
He tried to recount the times why he broke up with her, and why she didn't go back to him. He doesn't understand why he broke up with her, is it because she grew cold to him? Is it because he doesn't know why she grew apart from him?
Childe has been waiting for her to just break up with him, he was waiting for her to call it quits. He was waiting to get out of this relationship that he knows he can never mend even if he tries to.
The dreaded day came when she asked him to talk. She immediately went straight to the point, which he hoped that she wouldn't, "are we still okay?"
His chest almost fell down. If his heart could stop beating, he thinks that maybe that time would be that time.
Childe didn't hesitate, he did not even think things through, before answering.
"I don't think we're okay anymore." He said not leaving any trace of emotion that he's trying to hold back, even if he's about to end this three-year relationship that they have.
"Don't you want to talk about it?" Lumine asked, looking straight at his eyes. He can see on her face that she's trying to hide what she's feeling, trying to keep herself calm, trying to plead to him that they should talk. But Childe has already made up his mind, there's no turning back.
"No, I don't think so." he immediately looked away trying to distract himself from the passing cars outside the cafe.
She grew quiet and is now doing the same thing Childe was doing. There was a brief silence before Childe opened his mouth to talk.
"It's getting toxic for the two of us," he said, and in the corner of his eye, he saw Lumine sigh heavily and nodded hesitantly.
"I think we're on our dead-end," he managed to say without choking out the words from his mouth from what he was about to do. "I think we should end things."
Childe can feel her eyes on him, he doesn't want to look at her. He doesn't want to withdraw his words, he wants to stand by it because he believes that what's done is done.
"I…" Lumine started, "I loved you." He clenched his jaw, he wanted to go back to her, to grab her and hug her and say that it's all a joke and retake her again, but with his goddamn pride, he couldn't. Childe knows, and he is sure of it! That Lumine's been waiting to break up with him, she's been waiting for him to end things with her. Lumine just doesn't have the guts to end things with him.
"I know, and I loved you too."
Loved. He can't even believe that he said that in past tense. He never thought that it would be hurtful just to let go of one single word.
Silence enveloped them once again, only hearing the chatter of other customers of the cafe, and the occasional welcome greeting of the cafe staff.
"So, this is the end, huh?" he said, trying to focus his attention on the coffee that was now cold.
Childe heard Lumine take a breath deeply, and saw her nod. She looked at him and saw her eyes with deep sadness, and she even faked a smile. Why are you even sad, when you've been waiting for this? He thought.
She ran her hands on her hair, which he will miss seeing when they will not see each other again.
"Good luck in life!" she tried to compose herself and looked away from him once again. "It has been a great three years, right?"
No tears? That means she accepted what happened. You do really want to let me go, Lumine? He bitterly thought.
"Good luck, this semester. Also, good luck with your studies, okay? I know you can do it." He looked away because he knew that if he continued looking at her he might break and would want to get back at her.
Lumine then stood up, put her bag on her shoulder, and said, "good luck with life, and thank you for those three wonderful years that I'm with you. I had fun, and all of that was filled with love. Thank you for being there." she gave him another fake smile, and walked away.
Childe watched her walk out of the door and just stared at her figure until she disappeared. Childe wanted to vomit, he wanted to scream, he wanted to break things, he wanted to berserk, he wanted to punch that one innocent bystander who's just taking his coffee quietly, and he wanted to explode into tiny million pieces until the pain is all gone.
He inhaled deeply and said "no, I don't need her." and left the cafe.
Remembering the time that they ended things made Childe realize that he needs her, he wants her, he wants to just grab her when he sees her and call their break up off if that's a thing. He wants to break things to get her back if she'll be impressed with how he can break multiple things in a span of a minute.
He started bawling again and laid down on his side hugging the half-empty bottle of wine even though it was spilling and now it soaked his face and his hair, he still continued crying loudly like a toddler who has been deprived of their candy.
Childe didn't notice the door opened, he only noticed that someone was with him when they looked down on him.
"We thought that was your dying cry." Childe frowned even more and glared at the source of that voice.
Scaramouche was just staring at him with a hint of both annoyance and amusement. Childe was then almost blinded by a camera flash, he winced and covered his wet face.
"Stop! Laugh all you want, I hope you two will be dumped by your future partner in a stupid and pathetic way," he said while keeping the wine bottle close to him.
He heard his bitch of a roommate Signora laughing hysterically, "I'll dump them first, sweetie!"
"You're so stupid, Childe. You're here crying your eyes out–I mean it would be fun to see your eyeballs out because you've been crying for a week now, but if it hurts that much why won't you go back to her?" he felt Scaramouche sat down near him.
He just finds it annoying whenever people would tell him, why won't he go back to Lumine? Why won't he be the one to apologize and try to win her back again? Childe thinks that his decision is final, he made a choice, and Lumine also made a choice. Lumine didn't even try to talk to him only on some occasions but it was in a formal way.
"No, what's final is final." he stubbornly said.
"Dumbass," Signora said as she tried to angle her phone to Childe's puffy face, he then grabbed Signora's phone and threw it elsewhere.
"Idiot! Why did you throw it? I haven't paid fully for that phone!" Childe's sniffs are the only ones they can hear while Signora is trying to find her phone.
After a moment, Signora spoke, "you sad excuse for a human," Childe only rolled his eyes and didn't move an inch. "If you still want that girl back you better keep up your pace, I heard that winery boy is now making moves on her."
Childe knows, but he still remains stubborn and egoistic, "then so be it."
As if practiced by both of his so-called friends they both sighed, "just don't blast sad music in our common area let alone in your room, because that shit is annoying."
"Yeah, and also don't forget to clean that up," Scaramouche motioned to the spilled wine, "we don't want anyone to misunderstand that we killed you or something, and that red wine will start to stain the floor."
The two then left, but Childe's tears won't stop pouring but he remained motionless staring at nothing, almost thinking of nothing except Lumine. He realized how ironic it is when a person starts to like someone; that person they like won't stop invading their mind. When they break up, one of the parties keeps on thinking of their past lover, trying to relive the memories and relationship they once had. Lumine consumes his mind just like before, but the sweet feeling of slowly falling in love, the excitement of seeing her every day was all gone, instead, it was replaced with melancholy and regret.
Childe fell asleep like that and slightly had a premonition that he was about to do something stupid tomorrow.
He gripped the doorknob of the lecture hall, he expected her to be in there that early. Childe wanted to talk to her again, not formally, not thinking of an excuse, but to talk to her about the two of them.
Childe turned the knob and he was welcomed by the sight of Lumine laughing. He tried to find any traces of fake emotions. He wanted to believe that she was just faking it, just like him. That laugh, the laugh that he would often join in, the laugh that sounds good to him, and the laugh that made him fall for her. How dare she use it in front of another man? How dare she be happy in just a small amount of time? How? How…
He let go of the door and ran until he couldn't see any living being, he ran until he could feel that he was alone. He didn't know where his feet took him, but just leaned on a wall and slumped down on the floor. He didn't even shed a tear even though he was torn from the inside. He didn't understand how fast it was, how she just threw their relationship away. She couldn't even wait two months, or even three!
Wow, he thought. Childe wanted to punch the wall, he even wanted to break everything that he sees, but concluded not to, because he knew he would probably break a bone or two.
He just couldn't believe that while he was suffering, she was having fun.
"Is she that impatient? Were those three years nothing?" he mumbled.
Childe wanted to get mad, but he couldn't. He doesn't know why, but he just feels tired. He got up with a blank and exhausted expression on his face.
He realized that there was no chance at all, she was already happy.
It may or may not be based on a true story hehe. Just guess haha.
Hello! It's been almost two years since I wrote fanfic and this is my first Chilumi fic ever! I hope I did well. I'm still improving, so please bear with me haha. You may have read in the summary that this fanfic is inspired by Day6's Congratulations (this song broke my heart! But I still love it!), I'm not a My Day (Day6's fan name), but I occasionally listen to their songs. Their songs are great!
If there's a story similar to this, note that it's only similar and it is never my intention to copy anyone's work.
Thank you for reading! Please leave a review! Have a nice day!
If you're on Twitter, you can follow me! I will follow you back! Pls be nice to me
/ShelteredHime
P.s. to those who have read my NaLu fanfic "This is My Place and This is Your Place" I don't know how to end that fanfic because I haven't been following or reading the manga Fairy Tail 100 Year Quest, and I haven't visited any fansites or fan pages of FT for a year now, but I hope I'll figure out how.
