CHAPTER TWO - INJURED

Nikita stared at the man she just killed with her bare hands in cold blood. Was it in cold blood? He did try to kill her first after all. She gave him the option to surrender and he chose to fight her instead. It was his own fault that he's dead. Something echoed at the back of her mind, telling her that reasoning was wrong but she does not care. She chose not to care.

"Get the team to clean this up", she uttered coldly and walked away.

The closer she gets to the van the more she feels her body dragging down. She must have taken more blows than she initially thought. The adrenaline has run its course and she now is starting to feel everything. She managed to grab the door before she falls to the ground. Her muscles are protesting and she thinks she's hit somewhere because she can feel that familiar sting, that burning sensation. She used to be better in self-diagnosing but her brain is getting fuzzy. Soon, she knows she will be passing out. Better do it inside the van.

"I got you. I got you", she heard Owen behind her as he helped her get inside the vehicle.

She has no time to swat him off because as soon as the door closed, everything went black.


The next time she opened her eyes, she found herself at medical inside Division. Great, she thought. Now, everyone is going to make a fuss about the mission. It's the last thing she needs. Ryan will be extra careful about sending her out on the field and the rest will do their best to keep her inside Division.

"You're awake. Wasn't sure when you're going to wake up", Michael said.

He's sitting next to the bed. He looked bad, she noted. It's the first time she actually looked at him after the shooting range. The stubble is threatening to grow into a beard and his hair is longer.

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

She's just taken a few hits and blows. She passed out. It's not like she's been in a coma.

"You've been out for two days, Nikita. The doctor found a blood clot in your brain after getting heavily concussed. You're also shot on your left torso and a stab wound on your shoulder", he answered.

A blood clot…two days…she tried to process everything but it's only giving her a headache.

"Please tell me they did not give me anything strong", she muttered.

That's not going to end well if they did.

"I stopped them before they can give you anything. It's fine", he said.

She sighed in relief. That's not something she's prepared to deal with in the near future. "I did not feel any of it",

He listed a lot of injuries for one fight. At the time, she's too into it to even bother check if she's hurt or not. All that matters to her was killing the bastard.

"Owen was hysterical when he brought you back. He also said how you…dealt with the target", Michael slipped in gently.

Nikita failed to stop the urge in rolling her eyes around. Of course, why would he be there with her if not for that? It's always about the job, the mission. He is talking to her because of what she did. It's a debriefing, nothing more.

"He came at me. I tried talking to him and he wouldn't listen. You can't really expect me to just let him kill me", she said.

"You were also hoping he would decline your offer. You want him to fight you", he pointed out.

She stared at him before frowning. The comms…of course, how can she forgot about the stupid comms? He had heard it.

"That does not change anything. He made a choice. I simply responded", she muttered.

Michael shook his head. "He was down and you didn't stop even when Owen was telling you to stop",

She clenched her fists and looked away. That is true. She did not want to stop. If she could do it again, she would. Owen was wrong. It did help. She felt alive while doing it. She felt powerful, in control. She felt like she can do anything. She felt as if she's finally doing something right for once in her life.

"Well, what do you want me to say, Michael? What do you want from me?" she spat.

She saw the way he flinched. He had never flinched, not from her. Even when she said horrible things to him when Brandt captured the two of them. He never flinched.

"I want you to stop. You can't go down this road, Nikita. We're here to bring back the rogue agents, not kill them", he answered.

Oh…

For a moment there, she thought he would finally see her, see what she's going through, see that she's hurting too. He didn't. She's ruining the missions. That's what he's trying to tell her.

"Alright", she simply said.

"Alright?"

"Alright…you win. I'll stop. You and the others can take over from now on", she clarified.

He frowned. "Nikita, we're not benching you—"

"I get it, Michael. I can't seem to do things right these days so I am taking a step back. You do what you do and I'll stay put", she cut him off.

There is a moment of silence after that. She is now itching at getting out of Division. Why the hell did Owen bring her there?

"We'll talk…at home. We'll talk", Michael said.

She bristled before forcing herself up and ripping whatever it is that they've attached to her.

"Nikita…"

"I'll wait there then…if you ever bother to come home while I'm still awake", she snapped before walking out of the room.

Walking is painful but it helps in grounding her. The pain helps. It always does. It takes her mind off what really hurts the most…her heart.

"What are you doing out of bed? You should be resting. Do you know what happened to you after the mission?" Birkhoff said when he saw her down the hall.

"I'm fine, Nerd. Just on my way out of here. I'm going home", she replied.

Her dear friend is not convinced.

"Where's Michael? You can't be driving like this", he asked.

"I'm not an invalid, Birkhoff. I can still drive. He'll come home when he wants to", she answered

Something flashed on his face that she couldn't put her finger on. He looks hurt.

"Nikki…stop punishing yourself. Mikey is a fool, alright? He already got pieces of our minds and he's trying. I know he is trying. It hurts him to see you this way. It hurts me to see you this way", he said.

Well, another fault on her part. She is hurting Michael once again and she's hurting all of them too. Why can't she do anything right?

"I'm benched, Birkhoff. You can all stop worrying now. I am going home", she muttered coldly before walking past him.

She should know that they're not going to stop at that. When she reached the garage, Alex is waiting for her there. Nikita sighed in exasperation.

"Can't you all just leave me be?"

"You wouldn't. If it's any of us, you wouldn't. Why would we?" Alex asked.

"Stop with the intervention. I am not going anywhere. I am just going home", she replied and tried to make her way to the car but Alex blocked her. "Alex, get out of the way",

"Nikita, stop pushing us away",

She thought about knocking her down so she can leave in peace but with the state she's in, she doubts she will succeed.

"Fine. Drive the car then", she decided.


Alex talked the entire drive. She filled him in with what's going on with Michael. Apparently, he's working on making a fist. He's relearning how to shoot with his mechanical hand and he's getting better in perfecting his moves in hand-to-hand combat. Sean was helping him, Alex said.

Nikita could not help but felt a pang jealousy. It's what she wants to do for him. She wants to help him get through all of it but he wouldn't let her. He does not want her. He would rather ask for help to other people than to let her in.

She kept quiet and just listened. It's doing him good her being away. If she just keeps on hovering, he wouldn't make any progress. Well, it turns out she has finally done something right. Staying out of the way is something right.

When they stopped outside of the house, Alex stopped her from leaving the car.

"He needs you too", the girl said.

"I highly doubt that, Alex", she whispered.

"No, you're wrong. He does. He's just not good at showing it. It's…it's a Michael thing. He wants to be the strong one. You know that. He wants to be the one to protect you but ever since he lost his hand, when Liam got away because he couldn't shoot, he felt that he couldn't do that anymore for you. He does not want to show you how weak he is no matter how stupid that notion is. He's trying to work through the whole machine hand thing so he can be that again for you. I agree his method in dealing is crap and the way he's treating you is also another crap but he does need you, Nikita. He just does not know how to express it without seeing pity from you", Alex explained.

I don't want your help…

You've helped enough…

Thank you for saving my life. Is that what you want to hear?

Nikita shook her head. "I guess you know more about him now than I do", she responded before succeeding in getting out of the car.


Showering is torture. She's careful in moving but she's beaten up all over. As much as she wants to stay longer under the water, she forced herself out of the bathroom before proceeding in taking care of her bandages. There is no one else to do it for her other than herself. It's like the time when she had escaped Division. There's no one else but herself. She's all alone and she managed back then. She can manage now too.

With her teeth digging on her lower lip, she resisted and continued with her task. She succeeded, of course, but by the time that she's done, she's all spent.

That's how Michael had found her, on the bedroom floor surrounded by first aid kit and bandages.

"You could have asked Alex to do this for you or waited for me", he sighed before proceeding in cleaning up the floor.

"Wouldn't know when you're coming back…it's usually in the middle of the night", she uttered.

He helped her up and got her to bed. Her legs now feel like Jell-O. She wanted to appear fine in front of him, but her body is betraying her.

"Nikita, I'm sorry—"

"Don't be. It was not your fault", she stopped him.

"It was not yours either and I've taken it out on you instead", he said.

She closed her eyes and shook her head. "You're wrong. It's my fault. It's always my fault. That's just me. I destroy everything I touch. That's my curse",

"That's not true, Nikita", he fought but she's already drifting away.

"That's okay, Michael. I've already accepted it. Finally done something right this time. You'll all be fine as long as I stay out of the way. You're all going to be just fine", she mumbled before sleep finally claims her.