AN/ the song that gave me inspiration for this chapter is Florence and the machine's - shake it out. This song really connects for the character i've created in Grace. The story is going to begin weaving into Grace's pov finally. It's hard to get in Grace's head space. Where Draco is quite apathetic, and just decides to roll with the punches to keep everyone alive. Grace fights against it all, she won't back down easily, she won't give up easily.

Grace POV

Chapter. 5 Secrets


My name is Grace Lordon, but for the first few years following my birth i was called something different. Many in the pureblood circles doubt my blood status. I hate to disappoint them but i am a pureblood at least by the sacred 28 standards. My father was John Abbott, he was a healer for St.Mungos. My mother Portia is from the Selwyn line. For all of the 5 years she spent married to my father she was called Portia Abbott.

I don't care about blood status. It's nothing, it means nothing. The people who cling to the old ways think themselves superiors in all ways. The dark lord is a fool. I'm 16, and in my time i've met both good and bad wizards. Some have been brilliant, some rather dim. The thing is blood status has never once made any of them superior. Hermione Granger is muggleborn, she's the brightest witch of our age, but i would argue that she is the brightest of any age. Draco Malfoy has come second to her in every class apart from divination, and yet he's pureblooded. People say i only feel this way because of my sister being a squib. I disagree, regardless of her i think i would still feel this way. Perhaps that makes me a blood traitor? More than once i've been told i belonged in Gryffindor house.

There are few memories i have of my dad. The strongest one being the day he taught me herbology. As a healer it was his job to know about plants, both magical, and non. One simple herb or flower could mean life or death in his work. I will say this in defense of John, he may not have stuck around terribly long but i will always be grateful to him for one thing. He encouraged and nurtured a love for herbology in me, long before i even knew it was there. Those days we spent together in the garden, before mum had lost the house, were bliss and i felt so special. Like i was his absolute favorite person in the world. So that's why when he woke up one morning and decided to avada himself, i was shocked to say the least.

In the fall out of his death i vowed to never again call him my father. "But your'e Grace Abbott," my little sister Polly had whined, she was only 4. "An i'm Polly Abbott."

My mum, even though she was a fresh widow, had begun making plans before the crypt was even closed on John. "Then we just won't be Abbotts anymore." She told Polly. The burden of the estate was now the sole burden of Mum, and she had never worked a day in her life. Mum went to the shelf of books we kept in the study, and produced the families archive. A list of every member of our family that had ever been, it went back by 1000 years. Each time someone new was born, a new page magically appeared, placing them among us. The book was an heirloom, i suppose would be mine someday. "Close your eyes, and turn to a page. Whatever surname is at the top is what we shall be from here on out." She told me.

I squeezed my eyes shut, flipped the pages back and forth and even turned the book upside down in my palms. I opened my eyes and presented my mother with the page, i could not yet read. That's how we became Portia, Grace, and Polly Lordon.

As for my coward of a father, i like to think that might have made him roll over a few times in his grave. Knowing that his name died with him. That his own flesh and blood abandoned him in death the same way he had left us in life. If heaven or purgatory or anything awaits us after this life i hope John Abbott is on the receiving end of the worst horrors.

My family was ruined in name mostly, but eventually it hit us financially. My mother was a strong woman, every bump in the road she fought tooth and nail to see us through. So much was asked of her. We can't afford Grace's school books? Sell the family silver then. Polly needs money to play muggle sports? Then we will part with a house elf or two. Mum hung on for so long but she started to lose it, after the house was taken. A psychotic break brought on by years of repressed trauma. Polly tells me she's doing much better lately, the healers who oversee her care agree. I only wish i had the time to visit, she's started to talk again.

Rumors put a damper on our social standing long before John died. As each year went more and more pureblood families seemed to forget us when it came time for the fancy parties, and dinners. I had never met Draco prior to Hogwarts for the the sacred 28 had decided they wanted the Lordon's out. And out we were, like a cloak from last years collection. With a squib in our family we were cut off socially, financially, and in every way that mattered to the pureblood society.

If it weren't for my sister Polly perhaps mother might have married again. Knowing she produced a squib "ruined" her among the purebloods. I'm not mad at John for having ruined our family name, nor making us poor. I'm mad at John for the reason he decided to kill himself. In a short letter to mother he cited his reason lied in her failure to produce proper offspring. He put the fault on her for their squib daughter. My mother always assured Polly she was blameless, and that being a squib was nothing to be ashamed of. John had chosen not to stand by my mum, and she did more than move on from him she erased him completely. His portraits were disappeared overnight. His shirts thrown out with the rubbish. Then lastly his prized collection of chocolate frogs had been torched. John Abbott was gone from our homes and our hearts forever.

It's no surprise that Draco and i avoid the topic of family like the plague. We avoid alot of topics actually. Family, Friends, future goals, the death eaters and their master. Sometimes i feel like i only know half a man. I feel like we live a half life. I know if Draco knew the things i kept from him, he would feel the same about knowing half of me. He's no idiot, he must know i'm keeping things from him.

"We can't be together publicly," Draco told me after the yule ball. My mum had sold her last diamond broach to afford my dress for that dance, and i had spent the evening crying on the damned stairs. At least i'd had Hermione there. Draco has been paranoid about someone finding out ever since.

I'm no idiot either, I am the daughter of a ruined family i know his parents would never approve. "Father dead by suicide and a squib for a sister? The malfoys can surely do better." i could hear Lucius say to Narcissa in conversation they've never had. No doubt Draco has never said my name around his parents. It still hurts to think he's embarrassed of me, of my family.

Draco and i started out like any other pair of Slytherins the same age, friendly. But as we got older he had started to change. Asking me to meet in private to study, or telling me to move over so Goyle could have a seat. "Nothing needs change." He said after the first time we kissed but that changed everything. No longer would Draco allow us to interact in public. As a fifth year i thought it exciting having a secret boyfriend. Making out in secret. Being in love in secret. But secrets after awhile secrets are hard to keep. So much harder the longer they go on.

The things Draco keeps from me are to do with the death eaters. His father and aunt have the dark marks. Yet another reason Draco insist i stay in the shadows. He's terrified that if we were found out i could be used against him. Torture me to torture him. I think he's right about that. But i know some snobbish part of him still begrudges me for my family, and our circumstance. He detests that i have a squib in the family, and so he's happy to keep me hidden like a common mistress. Will the secrets between us ruin us?

At the start of this year i realized I've become weary, and a little bit jaded by our arrangement. It's finally occurred to me that these secrets Draco and i keep from each other, would knowing them change anything? Would we love each other less? And then as i stare into the eyes of Harry Potter, i think to myself yes Draco might love me less for some of my secrets.

"Don't go." Harry says.

Here it is my longest running secret. Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley are my best friends. They have been since first year on the train ride to Hogwarts. I've spent Christmas and some time in the summer at the burrow. I've gone vacationing with the Granger's the muggle way, letting little Polly tagging along of course. Harry and i have had a running game of exploding snap for years, and we save half the foul flavored bertie botts beans we find. Then laugh when the other gags on them. I've played secret girlfriend to Draco for 2 years. But i've played secret friend since i was 11.

I never intended to be the keeper of so many secrets. They became necessary for one reason or the other. Every step towards Draco is a step away from my friends and family and every step towards my friends and family a step away from Draco. Draco hates them all of course. Hermione he's certainly softened towards but I've been told when I'm not around the "M" word is tossed out.

Before Hogwarts i was in an interesting position. My family was hated enough already. Ron's family were blood traitors, Hermione was a muggleborn, and then Harry who the remaining purebloods wanted to punish for having caused Voldemort's downfall. I'm angry at Draco for keeping me his dirty secret, but my very best friends are mine.

At the the sorting ceremony, my new friends all got sent to Gryffindor. I wanted to join them. Then for the first time i saw Draco fidgeting next to the other Slytherins. He was lost and i felt pity and the strong desire to help him. Ron, and Harry, and Hermione would not need me i reasoned once the hat was on my head, they've got each other. But who will Draco have? The hat wanted me for Gryffindor, but in the end i convinced it Slytherin house needed me more. Even if the purebloods hadn't wanted me, a Gryffindor pureblood would have been outrageous. When my cousin Hannah was put into Gryffindor, there were gasps and she had even cried. Her family would not be pleased with her sorting. "I can try again." She begged Mcgonagall between sobs. I had made a good choice in Slytherin.

"Harry, i have to follow him. He might be going to do something stupid." I say dragging Harry out of everyone's earshot.

"He's already done something stupid Grace."

"That's not fair. You don't know he's taken the mark Harry." I say.

"You've been closer to than anyone else has been Grace and you cant say for sure that he doesn't have it." See this is the part of friendship that sucks. You confide in them how terrible you feel when your secret boyfriend won't touch you, and then they use it against you. Draco would be furious if he knew Ron, and Harry, and Hermione knew everything about Draco and i.

Hagrid's working with Dusk still. As Draco stormed away i yanked Harry over here demanding to know what happened. He refused to tell me so instead i asked for the invisibility cloak. Harry wanted to go himself, but Harry was not nearly as stealthy as he thought. We had all taken turns following Draco around the castle, this year watching him. He was suspicious but there was nothing damning and i hold onto hope. It was tedious but i was scared for him. He's finally in over his head. I thought that i could change his mindset, make him better but were running out of time. He cares more about Voldemort's regime than he does for me.

"Draco's going to hex you one of these time when he catches you Harry."

"Fine, you go." He concedes. "But be careful. I know you trust him but i don't. He can't be helped Grace. I know it was him, Madame Rosmerta, and Katie-

"I want proof before, i let you condemn him Harry."

He hands me the balled up wad that is his invisibility cloak. Last time i had used it, i had gotten into the restricted section. Those books were important, there was certainly a reason access was limited. He also pulls the marauder's map from his pocket hands it to me and walks away as Hermione comes over holding the bucket with the placenta. Okay placenta drop off then use the map to find draco.

"For Slughorn. On your way back to the castle. Be careful." She knows i'm going after him. She and Ron made their position on Draco clear after last year when he was on the inquisitorial squad. They no longer wanted to talk about Draco unless it was to talk about the things he hides. I dont have time to say goodbye to hagrid. I just wanted to see a unicorn born. Our magic was imbued in Dusk, and Draco had failed to understand the significance of that. Even though i had told him already.