This chapter is based on the song Close to You by Rihanna
Chapter Text
Nothing but a tear, that's all for breakfast
Watching you pretend you're unaffected
You're pulling our connections, expecting me to let you go
But I won't
No you don't need my protection
But I'm in love, can't blame me for checking
I look in your direction, hoping that the message goes
Somewhere close to you
Close to you
Like so close if they hurt you, you wouldn't find out
Just say now, I'm coming right now, to be close to you
Amanda knocks three times at the wooden door, before entering and frowning with the scene in front of her.
Fallon was seating on her bed, wearing her black Givenchy dress, applying her red lipstick then checking her things inside her purse.
"I thought you would be sleeping right now, I came to ask you for breakfast. What are you doing up?" the blonde asks walking slowly to her sister, who doesn't stop to look up. "Aren't you tired? We landed less than a day ago, the jet lag is still killing me"
"I can't afford to be tired. These past three weeks had been great but I can't spend much more time away from my company" Fallon replies, now typing something on her phone.
Amanda frowns. "I thought you were doing that in London"
"I was, but the American base needs my attention, more than my European one. And three weeks was enough to make me miss my baby"
After spending her night crying in her father's arms, Fallon decided she needed a break. She desired a moment away from the house she lived in, her workplace and the people surrounding her, so she booked the jet and called her assistant to clear her schedule for the next three weeks. She walked in to the jet, ready to forget about her own life for a few days, only focusing on work, when she saw Amanda sitting on Fallon's usual place, sending her a warm smile.
"I won't let you go away to another country all by yourself when I know how broken you are right now" That's were Amanda's words when her sister asked what she was doing there.
Too tired to form a reply, Fallon just nodded and they used their flight to drown their sorrows in tequila. Or at least, that's what Fallon did while Amanda just followed her lead.
Their flight was basically a preview of what happened once they landed in London. Fallon divided her time going back and forward to Scotland, to supervise the construction of her European base while Amanda decided to visit some relatives. And in their free time, they would hit the pubs absorbing as much alcohol as they could. Amanda was actually surprised her liver was still working after all that booze.
They had a great time and managed to bond, over alcoholic drinks and loneliness, but now Fallon knew what having a sister meant.
The brunette stands up, looking for any wrinkles that might ruin her look and she gestures to her dress.
"What do you think?"
"Of what?" Amanda frowns.
"My dress" Fallon rolls her eyes, turning around "Do I look good?" she asks insecure when Amanda doesn't reply.
"Perfect" she compliments with a smile and Fallon sighs, putting her red Louboutin on. "This can't be only for work. You don't have a date later, right? Because if you do, I might lose five hundred dollars to Sam"
"You two are making bets about my love life?" Fallon asks offended while going to her walk in closet. "And why would you bet against me? I thought we had a nice time together in London" she whines, walking back to her room with her Burberry trench coat on her arms.
Amanda sighs, plopping down at the bed. "I didn't bet against you. But in London, everytime a man tried to talk to you, you would run away as if they had the plague"
Fallon shrugs, picking her iPad. "I'm trying to stay away from men with British accents. They never did me any good" she mutters, checking her emails.
"And you're still wearing your wedding band. And your engagement ring, I see" Amanda points to her peach diamond ring.
Fallon stops for a few seconds, eyeing her left hand and those said rings. She takes a deep breath, closing her hand in a fist, trying to erase the hollow feeling in her chest.
"This is my last day wearing them. I'll give them back to their previously owner. Later today" she gulps down, deciding to focus on her tablet and not her beating heart.
"You're meeting with Liam today?" Amanda asks softly.
"I am. The divorce papers are done so there's no point of prolonging this any longer. And after today, I'll be a single woman again" Fallon sings plastering a fake smile on her face.
"Now I get the dress" Amanda muses and Fallon chuckles.
"Yeah, this is my version of Diana's revenge dress" she tries to joke but Amanda doesn't laugh.
"Fallon, are you sure this is what you want? Because I don't think this is the right decision for you to make" the blonde tilts her head to watch her sister carefully, not missing the way she looked down to avoid being seen.
"But it is"
"Fallon –"
"No, Amanda" Fallon stops her, raising her chin "You didn't saw his face or how broken he was. And it was because of me. I did that to him" her voice breaks at the end and Amanda leans forward to take her free hand "I know what I'm capable of... of how much destruction I can cause. But if I can be poison, I can also make an antidote. And that's what I'm giving him this afternoon"
"He loves you, Fallon" she states, squeezing her hand "He didn't stop calling while we were overseas and I bet the only reason he didn't fly over is because you threatened everyone to not tell him where you were" Fallon pulls her hand away, not comfortable with the touch anymore so Amanda tries in a calmer way. "He's in pain, anyone can see that"
"I know. I was the one that caused it" Fallon says ironic, putting her iPad in her purse.
"And do you honestly think that a divorce is the solution for this problem?" Amanda asks skeptical "Because from where I stand, this will only hurt you both more"
Fallon exhales, turning to her. "I thought you had my back. Three weeks with me and this is the time you find appropriate to talk about how wrong I am?"
"I was just trying to be a supportive sister, which doesn't mean I agree with your actions"
"Well, I don't need your support" she counters, grabbing her purse "I'm ending things for good in a few hours. I'm taking my freedom back and I'll be giving Liam's too. This is the only way. It may be hard, but no one can accuse me of not being brave enough to do the right thing. So enough of this talk"
"And this is what you're going to do? Drown yourself into work so you can forget about the enormous mistake you're about to do?" Amanda asks ironic and Fallon huffs.
"Yes, this is exactly what I'm about to do. Because I realized I suck at marriages but work is something I'm really good at. And this finishes our conversation for the day"
She starts making her exit when Amanda calls her name, but Fallon doesn't bother stopping or turning to her sister.
"Can we at least eat breakfast together?"
"I don't eat breakfast with fake supportive sisters" she yells from the corridor and Amanda rolls her eyes, laying down.
"My relationship with drunk Fallon was so much easier" she mutters, closing her eyes for a minute and trying to forget about the drama.
Fallon strolls back to her office with a satisfied smile on her face. She had spent her morning in and out of meetings, almost making her lose lunch.
She was in her element, and nothing could be more fulfilling for her than that.
But her smile dies out when Fallon sees Liam sitting on her leather chair, behind her desk, staring at the photograph she put next to her computer.
It was one from their honeymoon. Her skin was great, tanned and her hair looked amazing. Probably a result of the amount of sex they had at the Bahamas.
She was wearing a white dress and they were smiling at his iPhone, right after eating a delicious dinner and they were ready to go back to their room but Liam suggested a walk under the moonlight.
She used to love stare at it when her day was long and all she could think was going home to him.
Now is just a sad memory for her. For him too, giving the flat expression he was wearing on his face.
The sound of her heels break his trance, making Liam look up. "Hey" she starts soft, walking slowly to him "You're early"
"And you're here"
Fallon frowns. "It's my company, why wouldn't I be here?"
"I don't know" he shrugs, getting up "After three weeks of you not answering my calls or my texts, denying every contact from me or any chance of me fighting this, I thought you would want to skip this too. Maybe just send your lawyers and get this over with"
"I needed a break... some fresh air"
"Couldn't you do that in the same continent as me? How was London by the way?" He asks wry, surprising her.
"You knew where I was?"
"Of course I knew, Fallon" he says tired "You're my wife and you're not the only one with connections. I found out where you were on your first week out"
"And you didn't fly over to London" she states, her mind going everywhere, trying to make the 'why' he didn't do it.
Yes, she did hide her location from him because she didn't want to be found. But hearing Liam knew where she was and didn't do anything about it... that hurt her on a whole another level. Maybe she finally got her wish coming true, after all.
He laughs a humorless laugh. "I thought about it. And I almost did it but I figured you could use some time to clear your head, change your mind about what you said to me last time we saw each other" he shrugs "Now imagine my surprise when I received a call from your team of lawyers, saying the papers were ready and asking me when I could come to your office to sign it"
Fallon stays silence. Now he knows how she felt when Eva lied to her, in this same office, months ago.
A part of her feels glad. Putting him in her shoes could help him understand what happened inside her head that day.
But it also saddens her, because Fallon still remembers the pain, the sensation of feeling lost and out of control, knowing the one person she loved was leaving her. And that, she didn't wish for anyone to feel it.
Liam leaves his place, walking slowly to her. "I was ready to fight it, Fallon. Fight you, because a divorce was not what I wanted. But then it struck me, of how serious you were, that you didn't want to be found... not by anyone, but by me" He sighs, putting his hands inside his pockets "Even with an ocean between us, I knew you were hurting. And it was because of me. And I figured I could insist, try harder, but then, I realized I might hurt you even more doing it, and that is one thing I never intended to do with you. You have to know that even on our worst days, I never planned to hurt you, Fal... That's why I'm here. To give you what you want, even if it's something I don't want to do"
By the time he finishes, Fallon feels her throat tight, and she has to blink fast to keep her tears away.
Even with her causing him pain, Liam was trying to avoid hurting her. He was being her Liam. And God, how she still loved her Liam.
Fallon keeps quiet, not knowing what to say without making things more complicate, but is saved by the bell, with her lawyer knocking on her glass door.
"Good. You're both here" he greets walking in, making himself comfortable on her couch. He puts a blue folder on the coffee table and a pen. "Let's start, shall we?" he nods pointing to the pair of armchairs in front of him.
Fallon follows his lead and Liam imitates her. "So let me go through all the paperwork with you, then you two can sign it"
And he does, explaining every page carefully but Fallon doesn't listen. Neither does Liam. All they want is for the nightmare to end.
When he's done, they stay put, nobody moving to take the pen. So noticing the air, he stands up. "I'll give you two some privacy. I'll be right outside" he says, leaving the room.
After counting until thirty in her head, Fallon shifts to face Liam, who keeps staring at the coffee table like it was going to attack him at any time.
"I don't know what to say right now" she starts, her voice hoarse from the tears she was still holding "I should know, considering this is our second divorce, but I don't" she shrugs "I just hope that you find it in your heart to forgive me, for all the bad things I did, for everything I did that made you hate me. And... I'm really sorry, Liam. For everything" she goes for the pen, signing her name where her lawyer told her to do.
She leaves the pen where she found it, expecting Liam to pick it, but he stays still.
"I could never hate you, Fallon. I never did and I don't think I'm capable of ever hating you in my life" he leans to grab the pen, toying with it "I love you, and that's why I'm doing this. And I'm sorry too. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel uncomfortable in your own skin, if you ever felt the need to change who you are just to please me, or if I didn't make you feel enough love, making you question our marriage or my feelings for you... I wish I could have made things in a different way, but if there's one thing I don't regret, is you, Fallon" he says staring at her blue eyes. And when he leans to sign his name, he misses a tear that escapes her eyes, or her devastated look.
When he's done, Liam stands up, and she mimics him. He searches for something inside his blazer and passes a yellow envelope to her. "This is for you"
She arches an eyebrow before taking the envelope from his hands. "What is this? Another book about us?" She tries to joke, removing the papers inside of it. "This is a deed..." she starts reading when she widens her eyes. "Liam..."
"I bought you a house. More specifically –"
"Wrightwood Drive, 525" she interrupts him, reading the deed.
He got Fallon her dream house. The one she wished she could live in, with her new happy family, not with her lousy parents. But the one she always fantasized about.
The one house she tried to buy years ago, with a fake husband and fake kids, but failed at the process.
But he didn't.
"How did you do it?" She asks still amazed, looking up to see him with a small smile on his face.
"Esther Winslow is not an easy women to convince. Especially after the stunt you put years ago, but I found a way in"
"I thought she had sold the house to that family we saw talking to her. I thought it was gone"
He shakes his head. "After what you did she decided not to sell the house. I think you might have traumatized her" he jokes and she rolls her eyes "But I had a lot of free time these past months. So I went for a visit, explained to her why the house meant so much for you and showed her pictures of us, to prove we were a real couple and not a fake one like the last time. After a few visits, she sold it to me" He shrugs, leaving her speechless.
"Oh my God, Liam..."
"I know that when we got married and I brought the subject of moving out, you were against it. And I understood you, after all Carrington manor was the only home you've ever known in your life. But when you talked about this house, your eyes would have this spark... I knew what it meant to you, so I guessed that if you ever had to move out the manor again, you could only move in to Wrightwood Drive, 525. I wouldn't want to force you or anything, but I wanted you to know you had a place to call yours"
She shakes her head, putting the papers back inside. "I can't accept this"
Fallon dreamed with a house full of love. It was the fictional family she used to dream having that made the house magic.
A house without love is just walls with a roof. She knows that very well, growing up in one. She desired a home. And that, she couldn't have it anymore. Not without Liam.
"Fallon –"
"No, I can't. You bought it so you can keep it" she tries to push the envelope in his way.
"I didn't do it for me, Fallon. It's not my name on the deed. It's yours. It was yours, even before Esther sold it to me"
She felt like that too. It was hers. And maybe, this could be the one thing she can keep from Liam that no one can take it away from her.
"I don't know what to say" she speaks, her eyes watering again, holding the envelope against her chest like her life depended on it.
"I don't need you to say anything" he shrugs "This was supposed to be my gift to you, for our first anniversary. It could be our fresh start. But I thought you could still make some good use of it, or you could sell it. I don't know"
Her heart is beating so fast inside her chest that Fallon actually thinks she might faint, or throw up at any time.
When she doesn't speak, Liam finds it as an opportunity to leave. "Have a nice life, Fallon Carrington"
She closes her eyes so she won't see him leaving, this time, out of her life for good. But she can still hear his steps, making her heart sinks even deeper at every step he takes.
She plops down at her couch, still holding the deed in her hands. She ignores when the lawyer walks in to retrieve the divorce papers, or when her assistant tells her she has an important client trying to reach her.
The world around her is just a blur, and she's too numb to react to it.
And that's how Amanda finds her, when hours later, her sister decides to stop by after noticing Fallon hadn't arrive for dinner.
"Fallon? Are you okay?" She asks carefully, watching the brunette still staring at the papers on her lap.
"No" Fallon shakes her head.
"Can I do anything for you?" Amanda offers, sitting next to her but Fallon shakes her head again. "You're still wearing the rings I see" she comments.
"I've made a mistake. A big one. Again. And I can't go back. Not this time"
"Fallon..."
"He never gave up on us. Even when I did, he didn't" she mutters, finally letting go of the envelope, laying it to her side. "What have I done, Amanda?" She asks desperate, turning to the blonde.
"From what you said this morning, you did the right thing" she suggests.
"So why I don't feel good? Why do I feel like someone just stole my heart from inside of my chest? Why does it hurt so much?"
Amanda sends her a condescending smile. "Because, contrary to what you may think, you don't know everything, Fallon. You're human, which allows you to make mistakes. And in my opinion, you were wrong about the divorce and you are just starting to realize it"
"Oh my God" she starts to pant.
"Fallon –" Amanda tries to speak but Fallon stands up, interrupting her. The brunette picks her purse and her coach, storming to the door. "Fallon, where are you going?"
"I can't stand to stay in this place anymore" she yells not looking back, leaving a confused Amanda behind.
Fallon gets inside her car and stays put, realizing she didn't have a plan on what to do now. She was panicking.
It was not her first time. She used to have a lot of episodes like this when she was little but Steven was always there to calm her through it.
He was her safe place. He was her home.
And when Fallon left Paris, leaving her brother in an institution, she knew she was leaving her home behind.
But Liam showed up again, and he became her new home. And now, she was homeless again.
Maybe this meant it was time for her to grow up. After all, she was an adult. A billionaire adult. She shouldn't need anyone. She was a self- sufficient woman and she could achieve anything she set her head on.
The rational part of her brain was replaying this like a broken record inside her head. She's Fallon Carrington. She doesn't need anyone.
But the part of her brain couldn't understand the message, so her hands started shaking, her breathing was uneven and she felt like she could throw up.
She starts the car, blinking fast to stop the tears that were fogging her view, and starts driving. First, on the streets around her company. Then, away from the neighborhood.
Her brain is on automatic while she tries to control her breathing, realizing that if she didn't let the oxygen get to her brain, she might faint at any minute and provoke an accident.
And before she realizes, she arrived at her destination. She parks sloppily and runs to the glass door.
She presses the button a hundred times before the metallic doors open and she walks inside the elevator.
And when those doors open, she rushes to another kind of door, knocking desperately, hoping there's someone inside.
Fallon feels like her prays are answered when Liam opens the door frowning.
"Fallon?"
She barely gives him time to elaborate another sentence, marching inside his apartment, closing the door behind her.
"What is this?" he asks confused, taking a step back so he wouldn't get in her way. "Listen, if you're here to plan another divorce party, you can count me out"
"Shut up, Liam" she snaps. She takes a step forward, getting closer to him, closer enough so she can feel his perfume, the one she bought it for him. "You still love me, right?"
He huffs, shaking his head. "Is this some kind of a joke to you? Do you enjoy playing with my head?"
"Just answer me" she begs "Do you still love me, Liam?"
He sighs, diverting his look, then moving back to her. "Of course I still love you, Fallon... You know I never stopped loving you"
"That's all I needed to know" she says grabbing his shirt, pulling him to him for a desperate kiss. One he responds with a fervor that equals hers, wrapping his arms around her waist, bringing her closer.
Maybe, this could be our goodbye kiss, she thinks. This could be their closure. So now, all she had to do was walk away, get back to her car and her not-so-miserable life without him. But she doesn't.
Her hands fly to the back of his neck, where she grabs his hair, pushing his face away from her enough so she can bite his under lip.
He uses the opportunity to voice her name, shaking his head. "Fallon..."
But she's not in the mood to talk. "Please, shut up, Liam" Fallon captures his lips again, and this time, he obeys her.
Slowly, and with clumsy steps, they go to his bedroom, and with the movement, their clothes start to leave their bodies. First her stilettos, then his shirt, following her dress and finally his pants. By the time they arrive at the bed, both are only with their underwear still on.
Starting from that moment, their night is filled with moans, shivers and breathless mentions of each other's names.
And when they get too tired to move, she enjoys the silence of the room to slip next to his body, laying her head on his chest and her left hand, the one with her wedding band, next to her head.
When his breathing gets synchronized, she knows he fell asleep, and with that assurance, she closes her eyes, ready to join him.
Now, she was in peace. Now, she was home.
Said you let it go, you kept it
Working hard to perfect it
Now your fear is reckless, and it's out of your control
Would you let it go?
No you don't need my protection
But I'm in love, can't blame me for checking
I look in your direction, hoping that the message goes
Somewhere close to you
Close to you
Like so close if they hurt you, you wouldn't find out
If you let me, I'd be there by now
Close to you
