You're broken, I know this
And if you knew it, you would love me a whole different way
But that's how love goes, goes
Blood. There was blood everywhere. He never saw so much red at once.
He remembered washing his hands in the white hospital sink, rubbing it hard, while his wife's blood was going down the drain.
His wife's blood.
The same blood he could still see under his tone nails, even though he tried to wash it away. But it didn't go away. They do say blood is thicker than water, he just never thought about it until now.
The waiting room was full of people. Blake, Crystal, Adam, her new sister, Amanda, Sam, Kirby. Everyone was there except Alexis. Everyone wanting, no, needing to know how she was.
Fallon would have liked that. Knowing she managed to have every person she loved in the same room and no fighting envolved. She only had to get shot to do it.
He could hear the sound of footsteps near him, but he didn't raise his head. His body has been feeling way to heavy for him to carry himself, so he continued he way he was. His head down, leaning his body against the white wall, absorbing the sound of the vending machine on his right, and focusing on the buzz it made, but still glaring at his hands, still reddish because of the blood, the same blood that remained under his nails and on his clothes.
"Liam" he hears a feminine voice with a accent but doesn't bother to move. "I'm Amanda. I don't think we've been formally introduced" she starts softer than he would expect but still gets annoyed with the interruption.
"I know" he mumbles, pulling in and out his wedding ring, hoping the movement could take his mind somewhere else.
"Fallon has told me so much about you that I feel like I've known you for a long time" she ends with a smile, expecting a reaction from him but she doesn't get one.
"I wish I could say the same... but Fallon and I... we weren't in good speaking terms" this time he looks up to stare at the blonde in front of him. Her clothes didn't have any trace of blood like his, but her face betrayed her, and he noticed the fear in her eyes right away. Just like him, Amanda was also scared of losing Fallon.
Amanda nods, her hand squeezing one of her fingers, to anxious to keep them quiet. "I know. She came to me a few days ago. She was trying to save your marriage and asked for my help"
"Do you know she slept with another man?" he blurts out, not really getting where this came from but too numb to actually filter his words.
It's over, Fallon
"I do. Yes" she confirms not knowing exactly how to respond to that. "Liam, I'm aware I barely know you, but are you feeling alright? You seem a little shocked"
He should be in shock. His wife just got shot, right in front of him. The woman he loved and also cheated on him, almost died in his arms.
The sound of the gunshot was still in his head, repeating itself like an annoying song that never goes away. The feeling that something was not right confirmed when he looked at his left and saw Fallon's perfect white dress stained with blood. He watched as that stain got bigger and his wife got paller. He was fast enough to catch her so she wouldn't fall completely on the ground, but kept a hand on the wound. He remembers Adam yelling at him to "don't move your hand" or to "keep pushing, Liam". And he followed his orders.
He started to call for help the second Fallon closed her eyes, the same blue eyes that were staring at him minutes ago, happy that he made it, that he was there with her and willing to give their relationship another try.
He remembers the paramedics arriving and asking if he was related to her and if he wanted to come with them in the ambulance. He just nodded and followed their orders too.
He remembers seeing his wife limp body being taken away from him and a nurse telling him that they would be taking good care of her. He could still hear Blake shouts, asking where his daughter was, while Liam was washing his hands.
He remembered everything. Like this was one of those out body experiences. He could probably get his computer at that moment and type everything, every minor detail.
He just couldn't believe this was happening to him. To Fallon. To them. So yes, he was in shock. He shakes his head, laughing a humorless laugh while his eyes didn't show any life in them.
"We met up today" he starts, focusing on the wall on the other side, this time, his eyes watering "She tried to convince Eva was a stalker and had a plan to separate us and when she stopped talking, I told her I had contacted a divorce lawyer"
This is goodbye, Fallon
"Liam..." Amanda starts in a condescending tone but he doesn't listen to her.
"I was ready to walk away. I was going to sign those papers and disappear. I really was. But then, Eva just opened her mouth and I finally understood what Fallon was saying earlier. I could see what would happen the second I asked her to leave" he continues, his voice hollow.
Amanda lays a hand on his shoulder, taking a step closer to him. "Liam, you have to know that this was not your fault"
"You didn't see her eyes when I kicked her out" he shakes his head, and some tears escapes his eyes with the movement
"I didn't have to. I had a feeling that woman was not in her right mind when I found out about her true identity. This, is her fault, only" Amanda stress, squeezing his shoulder.
He raise his hands, rubbing his face and wipes some of the tears. "I should hate her" he speaks, looking down again.
"Yes, you should. She shot your wife" Amanda agrees nodding.
He shakes his head. "Not Eva. No, no, words can't describe what I'm feeling right now about that woman. I meant Fallon. I should hate her"
Amanda stays silent, not wanting to say the wrong thing and he continues.
"I should hate her so much. I should despise her. After all, she cheated on me and even though our marriage was going through a rough phase, I never expected her to do that. Even in my worst nightmares, I never saw that coming" he exhales and Amanda feels her heart break for the already broken man in front of her.
"Have you let her explain? Maybe this has a explanation" she tries but he shakes his head.
"Do you think that there's a motive out there, something that can explain why she was having an affair with the guy she claimed she hate? Other than just who she is?" he asks sarcastic and Amanda feel his pain in every word.
"You know her better than I do" she shrugs, sending him a condescending smile.
He huffs, looking away, watching Blake yell at some nurse again while Crystal tried to calm him down. "I guess I didn't "
Amanda takes a deep breath, preparing her next words carefully. "I need you to think clearly here, Liam, because these kind of situations, like the one we are living now, only intensifies our most irrational feelings. You said you should hate her, so it means that don't hate her, am I right?" he stays quiet and she gets her answer. "You love her, Liam. And I can see how much it pains you that you still love her and wants her to make out alive. You're allowed to feel that away. And I know that what Fallon did was wrong, in every way, but I did my fair share of wrong things in the past so I won't judge. And if you are still here, if you appeared tonight just to be by her side, I think you want to give her a second chance" she ends softly.
She expects an answer from him but their conversation is interrupted by a doctor rushing in to the waiting room, and suddenly everyone's attention is on him.
"I was told you were waiting for news about Fallon Carrington" he starts, glancing at his charts to make sure he got the name right.
"Yes, she's my daughter" Blake intervenes and Liam is grateful for tat, too numb still to move or open his mouth, afraid of what he was going to hear.
"I'm the doctor that operated her. She's off the surgery and your daughter is stable now" and just like that, everyone in the room could breath again. Everyone but him. "She lost a lot of blood but we stopped the bleeding and the bullet didn't hit any important tissue. She's expected to have a full recovery"
He can hear cheers in the room, can see Blake hugging Crystal and Kirby lay her head on Sam's shoulder, relieved. But Amanda didn't move, she stayed right next to him, not saying a single word or showing any emotion, paying attention to Liam's reaction, which was none.
"When can we see her? I need to see my daughter immediately" Blame demands.
"She's heavily sedated now, or else she wouldn't be able to deal with the pain. But right after surgery, she regained her conscience for a brief period of time and called for a Liam?" the doctor asks, moving his head if he could point it out who was the person he was talking about.
I miss you, Liam
And suddenly all eyes were on him.
He didn't budge. He shouldn't. He can't have the privilege. After all, they both hurt each other. Badly. And she was now lying down on a hospital bed because of a stalker. A stalker that shot his wife because he said no to her. So no, he shouldn't move.
Blake knew his daughter marriage was not in a good place, even though her husband did show up to stand next to her tonight. So he stepped in, trying to dissipate the weirdness in the room.
"Liam is her husband. But I'm her father, I really need to see her, to make sure she's okay" he insists but it's interrupted by Amanda.
"Father, I think you should let Liam go first" she starts and Liam glances at her, not understanding why she was doing that.
"Amanda –" Liam starts but she stops him.
"You need to see her first" she turns to face him, staring at his eyes until he nods, then she turns to Blake. "I think is just fair he goes first, after all, Fallon was calling for him, not for one of us"
One by one, they all nod, agreeing with her, and Liam finally leaves the wall, ignoring the pain in his back for being too long in the same position.
She steps in front of him and speaks in hushed tones. "I've gotta go, I've got a call from Alexis and she needs my help. But you go there and stay with the woman you love. And I know we barely know each other, but if you need me, just ask my father and he will give you my number and you can call me anytime"
He nods and starts walking, slowly to where the doctor was. He can feel all eyes on him again, but he doesn't care. He was going to see the woman he loves.
"Follow me" the doctor asks and he takes his first steps when Blake stops him with a hand on his arm.
"If she's awake" he starts "tell her I love her" Blake pleads and Liam nods, not trusting his words.
He follows the doctor through many hallways until they finally arrive at a room. Room 2347. He never loathed a number more.
He opens the door carefully, and there she was. Sleeping peacefully, like a princess from a fairytale. But her body was hooked to several machines, all of them making noises he was sure she would complain about it if she could. And instead of a nice dress, like the ones she loved to wear, she was wearing a blue clothing she was going to detest even more.
He takes a few steps closer to her, watching her chest move up and down and somehow, that gave him piece.
"As I've said before, she's stable" her doctor starts, noticing Liam wouldn't move or say anything "We are going to keep her here for a few days, to monitor her wound, to make sure everything is as expected. But soon your wife will be good as new" he says expecting a reaction, but when gets nothing, he makes his way to leave.
As soon the door closes, the numb goes away.
He walks to her, standing in front of her bed, touching first her covered feet, then her legs, just to be sure she was real. Not a vision.
He sees a chair in the corner of the room and pushes closer to her bed. He sits on the uncomfortable chair, taking the opportunity to look closer at her. He admires her face, free of make up, her hair making waves on her pillow.
She doesn't move and didn't seem to notice his presence, so carefully, he takes her hand. He squeezes it, not liking the coldness of it.
Don't touch me
Her hands are still a little bit red, just like his. And he also notice she too has blood under her nails, destroying her perfect manicure.
It doesn't matter. She's here. She's alive. And after what it feels like a longtime, he's touching her and is in piece with it.
He doesn't know how long he stays like that, holding her hand, watching her face, expecting any changes, until a nurse comes in to the room.
"Sorry to disturb" she apologizes, walking slowly to him. "So you're the famous Liam, huh?" She jokes coming closer to watch the monitors around the bed, making sure everything was good.
He frowns. "Famous?"
The nurse chuckles, finally turning to him after checking on Fallon. "When your wife woke up after her surgery, she kept saying your name. If we didn't have to sedate her again, she would have woken the whole hospital up, calling for you"
His eyes go straight to her peaceful face and he can imagine Fallon driving the staff mad with her orders.
"She must really love you" the nurse completes with a smile, ignorant to what was going in their lives. "Are you newlyweds? We get to see things like that all the time here with them, it's like they found love for the first time in their lives"
He doesn't know how to answer, aware the woman wouldn't like his answer and also had nothing to do with their marriage.
So he nods, not letting his eyes away from Fallon's face.
"I'm truly sorry. No one should have to be here, especially people on their first year married" she says with a pout and Liam has to hold his thought. "No one should have to deal with a betrayal and a shooting at their first year married. Or kidnappings"
"Here" she gives him a transparent plastic bag and he has to let go of Fallon's hand to pick it from the nurse. "These are her personal belongings. We tried to remove the blood from everything as much as we could but you might want to get it cleaned again"
He opens the bag and see the jewelry Fallon was wearing tonight, among them, her wedding ring and the peach diamond ring. He holds the last two on his hands, wondering why she was wearing them that night if he had just told her he wanted a divorce. Maybe for appearances. His thoughts are disturbed by the nurse again.
"Those are beautiful. You have a really good taste" she compliments him, watching him admire the rings.
He shakes his head. "Fallon always hated my taste in everything"
She chuckles. "I bet she liked your choice. It is one of the most gorgeous rings I've ever seen" she turns to Fallon again, double checking everything. "She seems fine, but if you need or see anything that is not ordinary, I'll be down the hall"
"Thanks" he says, putting the pieces back in the bag and she nods, leaving the room.
There's silence again and he's thankful for it. He takes his wife's hand, bringing it slowly to his face. He brushes a light kiss on the back of her hand, hoping his beard wouldn't irritate her skin too much and keeps holding it next to face, trying to warm it.
He stays like there for what could be hours, never moving even though his back is killing him. Her vitals are good and he knows he should let others visit her but once again that night, he can't move.
Her face is peaceful and he misses it. He miss the rare opportunities he had of watching her sleep. He misses the smell of her hair, the first perfume he usually smells at morning. He misses waking up with her head on his chest, even though it's been too long since they woke up together. He even misses the sound of her getting ready to work.
And in the silence, her voice apologizing to him, echoes in his head. So right now, all he wants is to hear her speak, so he can replace that sound.
He closes his eyes, searching in his mind for the right memory. And he finds it. Suddenly, they are back at the Maldives. They are in bed, their bedroom's door open, letting the breeze come in. There's white sheets everywhere and she's trying to get out of bed so she wouldn't miss her massage. But he's not letting her, kissing her neck and keeping her arms still with his own hands. There's laughter, then, there's moans, and they're happy. He's never been so happy than in that moment.
Without noticing, a smile appears in his face and a voice disturbs his happy place. "Liam" Fallon's hoarse voice echoes in the empty room.
I showed up, didn't I?
He opens his eyes to see her blue ones staring at his, with a frown on her face. He breaths relieved, he just got his wish.
He kisses her hand again, this time with more force and speaks with a chocked voice. "Hey, Fal"
She moves her head, checking the room she's in, clearly confused and sleepy. His other hand goes to her hair, rubbing it lightly, hoping to calm her down.
"Fal, you've been through a lot. Why don't you go back to sleep?" he suggests soft and she focuses on him, her blurry eyes trying to read him.
"Will you be here when I wake up?" she asks hopeful and he nods, giving her a half grin but she doesn't buy it.
"Do you promise me?" He chuckles. Even convalescent and barely conscious, his Fallon was there.
"I promise" he nods and this time she believes him, closing her eyes again, going back to her world of dreams.
He stays put, watching her, wishing he could follow her there.
