Vol 2. [shorter volumes doing this 'Kafka styled' like it's a manga (4 chapters per 'volume'. hahahaha so lazy I am]

Assignment 5: Stubbornness and the Mind are Old Drinking Buddies

Atsushi meanwhile was holding Kyouka still and straightened up. People had gone back to their normal activity. It really was like nothing had happened anymore.

But Alu had the distinct feeling that Osamu Dazai was not far behind Doppo Kunikida. Was it an ambush? Or did they really just want to talk. Ah, jeez. Alu didn't want to suddenly be surrounded by practically everyone in the ADA.

'Toldja you'd get caught, dumbass…'

Ah…I underestimated how quickly they conglomerate…

"Oh no, I'm sure you're busy," Alu said looking for a way out, inwardly panicking. Kunikida was known to be violently enthusiastic during an interrogation and while he was more lenient when it came to women, it did not mean she wanted to be put into a headlock by this man. Haha, even she had her moments. "Why don't we do this," she clasped her hands together. "I'll make an appointment?"

Kenji touched her arm lightly.

Alu looked at that with a smile.

"Please miss?" He gave her big eyes.

Ugh. Oh my god Fukuzawa just who did you hire? You're an assassin with a blade but this kid is an assassin of the heart!

Alu inwardly tried to steel herself against unfair levels of kawaii-desu. She was aware of Tanizaki's 'light snow' ability and Kenji's superstrength. She didn't want this to turn into an involuntary detainment if Kunikida got carried away haha. To be honest she didn't mind the thought of talking with these guys, but well, she was trying not to get overly involved so to speak.

Alu groaned. "Aw jeez, you're too cute!" She glommed onto Kenji snuggling the boy.

"Why thank you?" Kenji said cutely.

Atsushi suddenly wondered if this person was alright. They were acting oddly like that older man was with that little girl… Atsushi wondered if attracting weird people was just par for the course when working at someplace like the Armed Detective Agency.

"So is that a yes?" Kunikida asked menacingly.

Alu hid behind Kenji. "I'll talk but please keep the big scary man away from me," she whined.

Kenji saluted. "Roger! Will keep the big scary Kunikida-San away!"

"Wha—-!?" Kunikida's little ponytail zigzagged. "Don't just obey her request mindlessly!"

"Well, you kinda do come off as overbearing, Kunikida-San…" Atsushi said meekly, carrying Kyouka now in his arms.

Kunikida frowned. "I must make sure people understand the situation at times!"

Naomi snuggled Tanizaki's arm. "A gentle touch with a woman is allowed you know," she said cheekily, patting her brother's shirt. "Tanizaki could give you a tip or two~"

"I don't need tips! I need answers!" Kunikida flustered. "Anyways, it'd be appreciated if you didn't make a fuss!" He gave her a stormy glare and Alu squeaked.

"Kenji-chan, protect me!" She whimpered.

Kenji smiled and picked up Alu hilariously despite her being far bigger effortlessly. "Okay~oh golly! You're much lighter than the cows back —"

Alu's expression darkened comically. Alu rolled out of his grasp, like air. But she also smacked him in the shoulder lightly. The light push sent Kenji comically back a few yards. He skidded easily to his feet, unscathed, despite being barefoot.

"Wo~ow, Kenji-kun, as a fellow man, you're going to make me cry," a jovial voice laughed, coming up near Kunikida now. "A man shouldn't talk about a woman's weight if he doesn't want to get a beat down!"

This person, with his cheeky grin, and billowing trench coat, was none other than the one person Alu was trying to limit contact with the most. He was the real reason she kept her distance from the agency. He was a man shrouded in mystery to most.

"Sorry kiddo, hitting people when they're rude was reflexive," Alu said quickly, trotting over to Kenji worried. "Ah man, you're okay…right?"

Kenji just laughed. "You're so strong!"

Well, at least the kid was having a good time.

"Please, we just want to talk!" Atsushi said, worried, carrying Kyouka-Chan now. But he had experienced enough conflict today. He glanced at Kunikida and seeing Dazai there too, made Atsushi inwardly relieved.

Alu sighed inwardly. Well, if she ran now it would just make things even more suspicious. But if she went with them what would happen next? It wasn't like she was a criminal. But…the thought of being around that person made Alu grimace.

While the crowd had long since broken up, they were starting to garner some attention with what just transpired between Alu and Kenji. "Please stop causing trouble and come with us," Kunikida barked at Alu.

Alu sighed heavily.

She really didn't think she was getting out of this one. Besides, eventually they'd cross paths and come to face off at some point. Alu put her hands in the pockets of her pants. She laughed a little, despite herself. Kunikida hadn't changed too much in some aspects.

"What's so funny?" Kunikida barked at her, suspicious.

Alu smiled at him. "Nothing, I just thought you are incredibly cute when you're bossy~" she grinned.

"C-Cute!?" Kunikida's face easily showed the shade of red his cheeks went. "Please do not say such things!"

"Ah, I'd take a cute girl's flirting compliment where you can get it if I were you," Dazai deadpanned next to him, just watching Kunikida flail like a fish emotionally and mentally all over his face. It was comical. "So hopeless…" Dazai sighed deeply.

Ah well, Alu thought as she gazed at the members of the ADA. Maybe it was time to knock after all. A storm was coming soon. She could already smell the rain.

—-

Atsushi took Kyouka to Yosano's nurse's office to rest.

Tanizaki and Naomi were in the other room with Kenji writing the report about what happened with The Guild.

Only Kunikida and Dazai stood now, with Alu comically dwarfed almost between them, in Fukuzawa's office. Ranpo stood near Fukuzawa's seat, arms crossed, gazing at the girl now in the room with them. He had his brow furrowed, Jade eyes open and staring at her. He wasn't wearing his frames right now but Alu already knew that it wouldn't be long before he whipped out his bad boys lol.

Comically the door was blocked, and Alu knew if she went out a window hilariously enough that wouldn't help things.

Ah, the thought of easy access to a fire escape would be nice though.

Alu blinked. An old memory…her first memory…Back when.

Alu glanced between the two men. She had an odd feeling like they were both comically poised to sandwich her if she tried anything. Ah, how perceptive. And annoying. Inwardly she pouted.

"I apologize for bringing you in like this," Fukuzawa said with a frown. He furrowed his brow gazing at Alu. "I am grateful for your cooperation, regardless. I do not seek unnecessary conflict."

"Aha…sorry for any alarm I caused you by reaching out to Kyouka-Chan," Alu said in turn, scratching her head, smiling meekly.

"That does beg the question though, how did you know about the vessel beforehand? We had to work very hard to get that information even with our own skilled detective, Ranpo," Kunikida immediately barked, looming over Alu.

Alu shrank back, like Egad.

Dazai sighed comically. He grabbed Kunikida by the shoulder pulling him back. "Now, now, Kunikida, you're going to give the poor girl a heart attack! Leave the heart attacks instead to me~" he said, making a cute blushy expression.

Alu dead ass ignored him. Her expression looked almond eyed and vacant. She tuned him out turning back to the other men.

Dazai had a comically pouty expression of chagrin, at being ignored.

"We need information!" Kunikida barked.

Alu just stepped back a bit. She didn't feel like being martial arted by this guy for no unprovoked reason. "I'll answer your questions, so calm down. Seriously, your blood pressure must be through the roof," she commented to Kunikida.

Kunikida huffed, crossing his arms. "My blood pressure is fine, thank you."

Alu just smiled again, awkwardly. "Right…"

Dazai meanwhile gazed at her. Well, staring unblinkingly more fit the bill here. Alu wondered just what he was thinking. That was a scary thought actually. Him analyzing her. She wondered if he would pull a 'Ranpo' and could tell that she already instinctively tried to steer clear of him for the most part.

Ranpo pointed at her, haughtily. "You still have explaining to do."

Alu gazed at Fukuzawa instead, ignoring Ranpo's outburst completely. Ranpo looked affronted. "To be honest, I've been watching all of you for a while now," she said brightly, gazing at the older man.

Fukuzawa's eyes widened at that blunt honest admission. "…have you now?" He sighed. "Do you have a particular reason?"

"Yeah," Alu said brightly, clasping her hands together. "You all are an inspiration for my writing!" She said beaming.

"…writing?" Kunikida deadpanned with Fukuzawa comically. They did look like student and teacher.

Alu nodded. "Yeah, I like to base my characters off of real life influences, ya know?"

"That doesn't explain your involvement with either Atsushi-kun…or The Guild," Ranpo said, his tone sharp.

Alu blinked. Huh, Ranpo wasn't flailing around like a brat whining about the attention not being all on him? He must be really bothered. Alu frowned. Did she come off as that off putting? She was worried. "…I'm involved because of dreams I've had," Alu said, glancing at the other men. "Ah, to be clear…it's not a special ability…it's more like, I have visions?" She tilted her head, furrowing her brow.

"So you know about us because you have been having dreams about Atsushi-kun?" Kunikida asked, baritone rumbling like the ground underfoot a moving tank. He didn't sound any less suspicious. "How is that not an ability?"

Alu pursed her lips. "I'm special?" She tilted her head, blinking at him dolefully.

It was hard to get a read on what the other three men were thinking. "…"

"You didn't have to go and tell Kyouka-Chan that I'm just some food junkie with subpar detective skills!" Ranpo finally burst out, irritated. "I am Ranpo Edogawa, this world's #1 detective! Anything you don't answer I will merely find out anyways so there's no point in hiding anything!"

Correction: two men.

And one big baby detective.

"Yeah, okay." Alu deadpanned. "Whatever strokes your ego, I guess…" she shrugged indifferently.

Ranpo looked absolutely ready to pop and Fukuzawa had to put a hand on his arm, shooting him a look to not tantrum. Ranpo looked at Fukuzawa like a man drowning in despair of disbelief that someone on this earth didn't agree with him. ~lol~

She furrowed her brow, trying to think how best to explain her 'not' ability…. "So it's not an ability. I've always had visions about certain things that are from the future. The visions for Atsushi started about two months ago?" Alu sighed. "I tried to ignore them but I found myself drawn here…"

"I see…" Fukuzawa was quiet and thoughtful.

Fukuzawa gestured to Ranpo discreetly to put on his glasses. Alu thought it was kinda obvious they didn't want to announce his ability or something which was weird because she was used to Ranpo being far more hyper and ready to gloat. This more serious atmosphere was honestly tense as hell. Uwah…

"Ah, wait!" Alu said, holding up a hand as Ranpo pulled out his frames.

The other men looked at her.

Alu pursed her lips. "Um, I don't think it's a good idea for you to do that," she said tentatively and delicately, pointing at Ranpo.

Ranpo blinked. "You know about my ability, which gives me even more reason to want to do so," he countered.

Alu grimaced. "I'm not sure your brain will be able to handle whatever your 'ability' is going to unload to you…" she said with genuine concern.

"I'll be the one to determine what my brain can and can't handle!" Ranpo pouted. "My brain can handle anything! I've never met one person that I couldn't crack! You think you'll be any different? Don't flatter yourself!"

Fukuzawa frowned.

Dazai and Kunikida exchanged a glance with one another.

"Are you speaking out of concern or because you know that if something happens to Ranpo in this room that you will be held accountable?" Kunikida spoke sharply.

Uwah…so direct and unrelenting. A bit harsh too. Alu just gazed at Kunikida and put her hands on her hips, with a disgruntled frown. "I'm telling you because I don't want something to happen to his head especially while you're in the middle of a huge schoolyard shindig with these 'Guild' folks!"

"And you could be a part of that!" Kunikida said, glaring at her. "You could be luring us into a false sense of security! Reverse Psychology!"

Alu wanted to punch him.

"You're quick to judge a book by its cover," Alu said, frustrated. "I take it back, you're not cute at all." She huffed, sticking her nose in the air.

"When has this ever been about me being cute!?" Kunikida spluttered.

It was hard to say how pitiful Dazai thought Kunikida's ability to handle women was at that moment or not.

"Whatever! All of her lies will be—-….!" Ranpo however, adjusted and put on his glasses. He froze, his expression frozen on his face in surprise.

"Ranpo!" The President said sharply.

Alu looked along with Kunikida and Dazai. Ranpo fainted in Fukuzawa's arms. Alu could see the windows error message playing.

Sigh. She did try to warn him. "I did try to warn him…idiot…"

Immediately, Kunikida grabbed Alu in an armlock. "Enough fooling around!"

Alu's eyes widened with surprised alarm. "Eh?"

"He's completely unconscious," Fukuzawa's voice shook with disbelief and incredulous alarm. "What did you do?" His sharp tone made Alu flinch.

She felt Dazai grab her free hand in his own. No doubt to stop whatever 'ability' they thought she was using. She flinched. Alu felt her heart twist. She didn't want to hold hands with this person of all things. Man, her day was just turning out terrible! "Ow—ow! Kunikida—-easy!" She yelped.

"Do not address me so informally! That is Doppo-San to you!" Kunikida growled.

Alu flinched. Well their friendship bar was in the garbage disposal as it was.

"Ah, sorry, it's not in my nature to roughly handle a cute girl, but if you could… please fix that," Dazai said with a beaming smile, pointing at the Ranpo that was foaming a little now like he had contracted rabies, from in Fukuzawa's arms.

"Ack!" Alu grimaced. "I did warn him!" She protested.

"So that is your ability! Your target…" Kunikida's voice shook, "Was to take out our own ace, Ranpo!"

Dazai and Fukuzawa's expressions flashed at Kunikida's declaration.

"You…?" Fukuzawa's face was twisted with the sudden realization that hadn't even occurred to him. That someone was capable of 'breaking' Ranpo's mind. Ranpo just continued to foam in some weird 'mushroom high' state akin to one of Dazai's episodes, honestly. It would have been funny were the situation not as tight as a tuned bow string.

"You were sent here to sabotage us, weren't you?" Kunikida twisted Alu's arm suddenly behind her back, as Dazai let go, allowing him to pin her to the ground.

Alu felt her teeth rattle.

THUD.

THUMK.

"Agh—ow!" Alu grimaced under Kunikida's expert pinning. He now sat on top of her, using his weight to ensure she couldn't get up. She could feel her windpipes screaming in agony. She coughed.

How had this turned out to be such a terrible first meeting with the ADA. She was in a corner, literally being sat on by perhaps the most 'angyyyyyy' member of the entire freaking department, and on top of that….she was being accused of working with The Guild!?

'Hehehe…I could say 'I told you so' about getting involved…'

I'm going to turn you into a nice fur coat, jerkface …

Alu inwardly chibi-anime cried. But outwardly, she knew she had to somehow turn down the heat. Not turn it up. "Agh. I'm not. The. Enemy," she groaned, looking at Fukuzawa from where she was pinned. "I'm definitely not with The Guild!"

"Ah, but, as much as I'd personally like to believe you," Dazai said brightly, "one of our agents is currently K.O.'d from whatever you did."

"I didn't do anything!" Alu said irritatedly.

"Tch," Kunikida began to twist Alu's arm more just then.

Alu flinched. She didn't like pain. She hated that nothing she could say was going to get these blockheads to believe her. Dammit! Dammit! She squeezed her eyes shut tight, tears pricking at her eyes, from frustration and pain.

She grit her teeth.

"I get you all are in a tense situation with The Guild, but you are jumping the tracks here with your accusations against me! Especially you, Kunikida! I thought you were about ideals, or something!" Alu said, breathing hard.

"I am about my ideals," Kunikida said gruffly. "But I've also grown a bit wiser in my experience and time here."

"There's a difference between growing 'wiser' and only becoming more jaded," Alu huffed, still in pain. She glared at Kunikida, frustrated. "Some people just want to live their life, you know! Live their simple dream!"

Kunikida glared back, his frown and body language tense.

Suddenly, the weight lifted from her body.

"Dazai? What the hell!" Kunikida barked as Dazai just comically removed Kunikida's limbs from Alu's own. It was like unsticking Velcro action figures. It was a bit humorous.

Alu's own eyes were wide. She was surprised. She hadn't expected that person to come to her rescue. Especially not that person.

"Now, now, I know things are tense, but I think we should find a more optimal solution rather than our current course of action." Dazai stepped in front of Alu now, as though to block any of Kunikida's further attempts to man-handle her. Alu just sat on the floor, on her knees, catching her breath, her heart pounding, honestly. Kunikida was terrifying when he was angry. They all could be.

Fukuzawa dabbed at Ranpo's brow with his sleeve, just watching Ranpo and the interrogation. He was stressed though. He trusted Dazai's intuition almost as much as Ranpo's. Ranpo meanwhile began to snore.

Fukuzawa breathed a sigh of relief.

Ranpo was going to be okay.

"He's sleeping now, his mind must have regrouped," Fukuzawa concluded. It was natural when a person's mind got an influx of sudden information to sometimes want to just sleep to process.

Actually, Dazai tilted his head, thoughtful.

"I have to wonder what she showed him to make him fall into that state," he gazed at Alu with an expression of intrigue that disturbed Alu on so many levels. Oh no, she didn't want to be a person of interest. Agh.

Alu looked at Fukuzawa.

Fukuzawa inwardly sighed. He stood, with Ranpo in his arms. "Kunikida, Dazai…keep an eye on her. Detain her for the time being."

"Huh? You can't detain me!" Alu yelped. "I'm a civilian!"

"Who just one-hit K.O.'d our 'ace' against The Guild…and who knows about The Guild and Atsushi-kun to some level," Kunikida reiterated darkly.

"If you wish you leave I suppose we can't stop you," Fukuzawa sighed agitated. He glared at her. Ranpo snored loudly.

"…mmm…candy…" he mumbled.

Fukuzawa was relieved on some level that Ranpo was asleep and dreaming about Ranpo things. His bad mood was still there but far less ominous.

Alu grimaced. Innocent if she didn't and Guilty if she did, huh. "Ugh…look I'm not the enemy so fine. I'll stick around to prove that at least," she huffed. Her body was sore from Kunikida and she stretched her arm.

"…Harm them and it will be me coming for your head," Fukuzawa left the office with Ranpo to have Yosano run at least one health check. In the meantime, Alu found herself still comically sitting in the president's office with Kunikida and Dazai. And sweating a bit. Wow, when had the ADA turned…mental?

Ugh. Alu felt like she was going in circles with these guys. Her head hurt. "Sorry, even though you say you're not with The Guild, you have technically handicapped our forces at this time," Dazai said, clapping a hand on her shoulder. He beamed at her. "For now, I suggest not trying to resist. Trust me, you will have a harder time with Kunikida if you do."

Of that, Alu had no doubt. Alu groaned, shoulders slumping. "Is the detainment gonna be somewhere dark and gloomy?" She asked, bummed.

Dazai blinked. "Oh, well, you should wait before you see my place to determine that," he said humorously.

"Wha—Dazai, no!" Kunikida stuttered. "You are terrible with work and even more so with handling women!"

Alu looked at Kunikida with oval eyes of 'pot calling kettle black'…lol.

"So mean! I was fine the last time I had a woman over!" Dazai whined. "C'mon Kunikida, we're hanging out with her, not throwing her into the gulag!"

Alu was quiet. But inwardly, she honestly couldn't get a read on this person. His chipper attitude, his debonair Prince Charming facade…made her shiver. But Kunikida…he looked like he would bench-press her between his thighs if she tried anything at all like running.

Ah… Alu didn't actually know who would be worse to bunk with, hilariously enough. Though Dazai may actually be less inclined to immediately choke-hold her—ironically enough. "Um…I really don't want to be a burden…" she said tentatively.

"Too late," Kunikida huffed, making Alu grimace.

Wow, this guy really had terrible bedside manners. Alu really wanted to kick him. Dazai caught her mood shift and he beamed at Kunikida. However before he could speak, a loud noise startled all of them.

Grow~~owl.

The men paused.

They turned to the source.

Alu drew her lips into a thin line, looking away, blushing embarrassed, and hugging her stomach. Please just let her hunger kill her and spare her from the tension.

"…I suppose even detainees have to eat," Dazai said humorously.

Alu pouted. "I'm fine. I'll just starve."

"Ah, that's not good for you! You should treat your body like a temple!" Dazai took her hand, "since you are a goddess, after all…"

Alu's face tightened.

She couldn't decide whether to laugh or be put off.

It apparently showed because Dazai just chuckled, straightening up. He pulled her to her feet, and Alu's eyes widened as she found herself wrapped in his arms with no warning. He glommed onto her from behind, hanging off her like a deranged backpack. "Kunikida~feed us!"

"Will it get you to shut up?" Kunikida growled.

"Possibly. Or I could choke on something and die," Dazai said cheekily.

"…I'll hold you to that," Kunikida gruffly retorted. He turned on his heel.

Alu was confused. "Um…where are we going?" She asked, completely confused.

"Where do you think?" Dazai said humorously, sliding his hand down her arm and gripping her wrist. Whether or not it was a gesture of affection—highly unlikely— or a gesture to ensure she didn't bolt, she could only assume it was the latter. Damn, this man was a shameless flirt. "We're gonna get something to eat! Since you're more like a guest now?"

Dazai's hyper attitude and radiant smile was too shiny and draining at the moment for Alu. "…" her expression was beyond amusing. It mostly read: dear lord, this boy too pretty, with an ugly ❤️….

A/N: enjoy the descent into madness. Mwahahaha *insert Mori laughter.