Lecter's waiting room spared no lavish detail; paintings and unique décor adorned the walls and shelves. Asuka sat in her chair in a way that made it noticeably clear she had no interest in being there. She knew she could not change the situation, so the objective became embarrassing Misato. Much to her delight her petty trick seemed to be working. A fact made clear by Misato's occasional frustrated glances and subsequent sighs. After what seemed an eternity, the door to the main office creaked open and Lecter emerged.

"Good morning, who would like to go first?" the doctor asked. Shinji and Asuka glanced at each other before Asuka stood assertively.

"I'll get this over with," Asuka said.

"Please come in," Asuka paid Lecter no mind as she walked into the office. It was even more fascinating than the waiting room and she knew she would have a second to explore as Misato apologized for her lack of manners. Almost like I planned that, she thought to herself triumphantly. There was even more art in this room as well as a couple of bookshelves and drawings at the main desk.

"Please have a seat." Lecter said while gesturing to one of the couches at the heart of the room. She took a seat on the couch opposite the one suggested.

"Why are you here today?" Lecter asked.

"Huh, aren't you supposed to figure that out doctor. Don't you know my life story from the color of my hair?" Asuka had a way of making every action she took as smug as possible and sitting on a couch was no exception.

"I would prefer if you told me and saved us both the time." Lecter small smile annoyed Asuka, and she vented that frustration with a sigh.

"Listen, I'm not gonna play these mind games all right. I don't wanna be here, so why don't you save us some time and tell me what I need to say to get out of here."

"Who made you come here?" Lecter asked.

"Like you don't know that Misato dragged us across the world to see the brilliant Dr. Lecter because he'll solve all our problems. She should've taken us to see a magician."

"How does that make you feel?"

"Wh—I don't feel anything. I'm a hero not some kid, I'm not even her kid. She's out of line. My life is my own, not hers—not anyone else's." When Lecter said nothing, she continued her rant. "I can take care of myself. I did that for years. All of this is because I play a little rough with her precious Shinji. Well, he should thank me every time I kick his ass because maybe one time, he'll hit his head and stop being so ins—pathetic."

Lecter thought of Freud as a fortunate hack. "He's pathetic?" The doctor asked.

"He couldn't be more pathetic if he tried. Someday I'm gonna catch him trying to suck on Misato's tits and the worst part is she'd let him if she could. God! I hate those two."

"Do you believe there is an inequity?"

"Oh, I see what you're doing. A word of warning, don't think of me as another one of your stupid freaks who you've got suckered into seeing you. Now, you want me to cry about how much attention I need and realize that I'm not as strong as I think. Well, you're gonna have to do a lot better than that doctor." It was Asuka's turn to give a small smile.

"I never mentioned attention," Lecter noted.

Asuka slammed a long-curled fist into the couch. "I'm so sick of this! Do you just want me to say I'm a nutcase, so you can give me some medicine that that will turn me into some doll!"

"We will try to facilitate your wishes."

"And I didn't even need to rub a lamp. I wanna get out of here."

"There's nothing stopping you." With the doctor's words Asuka stormed out of the room.

The doctor studied every step.


Shinji walked into the room as if a heavy step would shatter the floor.

"Please take a seat anywhere you'd like."

"Thank you." Shinji only took quick glances at the cavernous office, preferring to act as if the floor was more interesting. As he took a seat, he only utilized the front of the couch so his feet could remain in contact with the floor.

"Thanks for joining me." Lecter said with a smile.

"Oh—um thank you. Can... can you really help me—help us?"

"Do you believe you need help?"

"I—yes I need help."

"Then you've answered your own question." Shinji relaxed slightly and in turn his feet rested above the floor.

"Although I must ask: how is it I can help you?" Shinji was surprised by the question. He had not thought through what this process would entail, but he hoped it would be something akin to magic.

"I—I'm not sure—"

Lecter suddenly cut him off. "If you're ever going to be honest, be honest now." Shinji never tried to be deceptive. He would do what he had to spare people's feelings. He often found himself amongst the people he would try to spare, but here and now he vowed to be as honest as possible. This was not an opportunity he could waste. Nothing might get better, but he resolved not to make the failing once again his own cowardice.

"Well...I want people to—to like me. I want to be loved and cared for. I don't want to hate myself anymore. I don't want to be afraid and alone." Shinji felt tears welling in his eyes and his whole being screamed at him to run out of the room. All the way home, where he had learned to bury his feelings.

"Alone?" Lecter asked.

"No, I'm not alone. I just feel alone because I won't let others in, because I don't want to hurt them."

"Just them?"

"And me I don't want to be hurt and seeing others hurt, hurts me. I feel so bad for them, and to know I caused others pain...I can barely live with myself," Shinji stated.

"Yet you live on," Lecter observed.

"I won't kill myself because...because I'm afraid. That's it—I'm a coward that's all I'll ever be. Someone who deserves to die but can't even do that." The tears were flowing freely now, and Shinji was once again sitting at the front of the couch with his feet on the floor.

"Fear is the most potent deterrent. It's the only reason our species has survived so long. Long enough to create the finer beauties. Shinji are you afraid of the beautiful?"

"I—I don't know. I don't think so. Why would I be afraid of beauty? Beauty should comfort me, like music—music calms me and takes me away. It makes me forget about my life."

"You fear the fleeting, that which you cannot be sure will last. Do you feel appreciation when you serve your family? Do you get the loving smiles you crave?"

"Sometimes—no always from Miss Misato, but only rarely from Asuka, when I do get her praise it means so much to me. I—I just need to keep going."

What a feast, a morsel is, to a staving rat, Lecter thought. The child in front of him would have been a newborn snack if he indeed dwelled in the sewer. In more barbaric times, he would have been dead or a sexual release for some holder of power. In these times, he was allowed to live on. Though penetration can take many forms.

"Does she know the power she holds over you?" The doctor asked.

"Y—yeah she does, and she loves it. She has to be in control, everything has to be her way...but doctor she's had a bad life she deserves to be treated well!"

The flash of emotion from Shinji was the first of its kind. Lecter was aware the first leak of a dam was the least of the water which would follow. "I don't doubt your feelings. But the way she treats you. How does that make you feel?"

"I feel so many different things. I feel—I feel like I deserve it. I don't deserve to be treated kindly because I've hurt people even though...even though I want nothing more. I want people's kindness."

The tears were streaming down Shinji's face, his tone was equal parts pleading and searching. Searching not for answers but, for sympathy. Does he always clasp the fingers when he hands over his leash? Lecter asked himself for his own amusement.

"You will enjoy exactly what you have the authority to demand. Nothing more and often times less. A tree sways in the wind, yet it stands or falls by the strength of its roots. How strong are your roots?"

"My...my roots?"

"That which keeps you grounded, your sense of self." Shinji pretended to become interested in the top buttons of his shirt.

"I—I don't know. I just want to be happy. Is that really too much to ask...to be loved."

"For some." Lecter said as he rose to his feet. "But that's enough for today. Actualization is delayed by demanding its timely arrival. All of you should get some rest, we'll resume in a couple days."

"Oh...ok," Shinji responded.