"Has anything else seemed to help you?" Lecter asked.
"I don't even know how much it helps anymore doc. It's just a habit at this point I'm...I'm having to drink a lot for the pain to numb," Misato gave a sad knowing smile, "It's getting expensive."
"And you only drink the cheap stuff." Lecter responded. Misato chuckled.
"Yeah, I'm glad I don't have better taste." Today Misato swore she would not let her emotions supersede reasoning, she would make progress. I've dealt with worse...so much worse.
"So, you only find comfort in the bottle?" Misato switched which leg was on top of the other, she knew where his question was leading.
"They mean everything to me Dr. Lecter. Everything, and they deserve better than me moping around after I come home from cleaning up the mess I helped make."
"You shoulder even their culpability. Is that your gift to them? To wall them off from a world which would ask questions of them?" Misato was sure her internal temperature increased by at least a couple degrees. She had to force herself to speak in a neutral tone.
"I... I don't know."
"Trust me, I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks. After all, I know I'm better than everyone, so why would I care about what anyone thinks?"
"Is the necklace new?" Lecter asked.
"Uh—yeah," Asuka responded surprised at the new line of questioning. She shifted in her seat and straightened the necklace. "It's Topaz, I got it yesterday."
Not real Topaz, Lecter thought. "As a gift?"
"Umm—not really, but sort of. It was more a prize. It was well deserved though."
"And here I thought you stole it." Lecter said without a hint of sarcasm.
"Wh—I would never! Who do you think I am?!" Asuka crossed her arms and shifted to the front of the couch. "I can have what I want by perfectly legal means. Thank you."
"Not all theft falls under legal jurisdiction. Why are you here Asuka?"
"I don't know why I'm here! I'm perfectly fine."
"Unfortunately, I'm not sure those whom you live with agree with your assessment. They seem to believe you have taken much from them."
Asuka's eyes widened as surprised joined anger. Her words came out slower than she intended. "What do they say I've taken from them?"
"A great deal: time, stability, peace. If you are to make progress, you'll need to develop a moral center to ground your every thought and action. You can no longer allow yourself to drift in the current of your desires."
"Are...are you saying—I'm not a good person? That I've got to learn to be good!?"
"You can't blame yourself for lacking a foundation which should have been laid by others. For now, you must commit to improvement. Can you do that for me?"
Asuka stood and began to storm out of the room. Suddenly she stopped and turned around, as if to speak before thinking better of it and continuing out of the room. She swung the main door open and left the building. Misato called out to her several times, and Asuka was thankful she knew better than to follow her.
Shinji hesitated for a moment after Asuka stormed out of the office, the doctor was quick in turning his attention towards himself.
"The solitary battle is a requisite of progress. Come, it's time you focused only on yourself." He followed Lecter back into his office and took a seat on the same couch he sat on a couple of days prior. Shinji had never expressed so much at once. He had never opened himself up so completely. He had never felt so free. It was impossible to describe Lecter as a warm figure, but he projected a lack of judgment. Of course, he does...this is his job he doesn't really care about me. Shinji forced those thoughts down to a place within himself he would never address.
"I wish I didn't need this. I wish I was as strong as Asuka and Miss Misato."
"Even the strong must learn to channel their strength. Has anyone ever said you are not strong?"
"I—I know others think so. They think I'm weak," Shinji replied.
"Implications are only relevant to that which we already perceive as true. You mustn't let your mind degrade you. At the moment your greatest adversary is always in the room with you."
"What do you mean?" Shinji asked.
"You will need to overcome your self-image."
"But—but that's not fair! I was born like this; I can't change who I am."
"Nor should you want to, you should strive to renew your own sense of self. Start with one question: what do you bring to the world?" Shinji took a moment to consider the question...
For the first time, the ice was beginning to crack. Shinji realized hope was indeed attainable. The dark cloud which always surrounded him was no match for the rays of actualization. He did not know how much time had passed in this second session. He just knew every minute brought him closer to understanding. A hope now resided within him, a hope made brighter by the people who cast a light on his life.
"What about when I can't do what people want me to?"
"Are they asking you to exceed your ability, or expand your capabilities?" Lecter asked in response. "Now, tell me why you said you enjoy cooking."
"There isn't an attractive place to rest in the area," Lecter said.
"Well, I've checked all the streets in the area and she's nowhere to be found so I need some ideas," Misato said.
"My suggestion is to wait another hour before contacting the authorities, but I defer entirely to your judgment."
"I'll give her thirty more minutes. When we find her, we're going to have a very long talk."
Shinji sat in the waiting room chair. The last few moments had been such a swing of emotions, he was certain his stomach had turned inside out. She's fine. Of course, she's fine. She'd never let anything bad happen to her. His faith in her was absolute, but he still had to fight a nagging concern for her safety. He was not sure how much time had passed since she left the building though based on the concern of his normally relaxed guardian, he knew his worry was not entirely misplaced.
"Shinji, are you alright?" Misato asked while placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Uh—yeah I'm fine...thanks I'm just—"
"I know," Misato said, "we're going to find her soon, and then I'm not going to know whether to hug or slap her."
The officer tried to suppress a sigh, "Ma'am I need you to slow down and repeat the description."
Misato clenched her fists and attempted to renew her patience. "Ugh—she's probably 1.57 meters and about fifty-four kilos. She has blue eyes and red hair."
"What's her build?" The officer asked.
"Athletic, her build is athletic. I can help you look—"
"Ma'am, the best thing for you to do, for both of you to do right now is get some rest. You'll be contacted in the morning, or if we have an update." She wanted to say something spiteful even though she knew there was no reason. The police would do their job and the advice she had just received was sound. It was clear Shinji had been trying to follow at least the tone of her conversation. Although there was nothing of note exchanged, she filled Shinji in on what was happening now.
"Miss Misato, are we just going back to the hotel? I mean—shouldn't we at least try to look for her? We can't just do nothing, we have to—" Misato put a hand on his cheek. He was trembling and she hoped he could not tell she was doing the same.
"I want to turn this city upside down too, but we've got to let the police do their job. Let's get some rest." She had to work to keep her voice even.
"I'm...not going to be able to sleep."
"Neither am I, so we'll stay awake together." She hugged him before calling a taxi to take them back to the hotel. She was in no condition to drive. Her phone rang and for a moment they were overcome with anticipation of good news. The call was from the FBI.
