It was the little inconsistencies that you loved most about Jade.
The little inconsistencies in her behavior. Her stance. Her attitude and sarcasm. The way she treated you and the way she treated everyone else. It was a fact that you see a side of your partner that not many other people see. The vulnerable, the raw, the human that hid behind the public façade which she used to hide her feelings, her longing to be close to you; but there was another side that you didn't like so much, you already knew that dating someone would not be easy, and dating Jade of all people was not an exception to this. The jealousy, the unending need for control, the threats and the violence.
It started with the smallest things, of course. The banter and barbs were reduced to mostly harmless jabs. The sarcasm had a slight bounce to it, an air of humor. The butterfly kisses on your shoulder after a dig for your antics. A balm of sweetness in her laugh as she curved her voice into her Sweet Sally Peaches accent. The black roses in your locker, and the sweet notes during Sikowitz's classes.
Yet every good side has a bad.
The jealousy she showed when someone was close. Her need for control driving her to interrogate you of your whereabouts at all times. The bruises people would receive if they looked at you with loving eyes or dared put a finger on you. She did not like to share her things with anyone, she did not let anyone touch what belonged to Jade West. If anyone did, they had to face a pair of razor-sharp scissors that slash at the speed of light with relentless precision.
The light behind her eyes danced for you and no one else. It made perfect sense the way your heart grew to embrace hers, but for others those bright eyes that you saw, others saw death, or worse.
You occasionally chided yourself when you were younger: "This is a honeymoon phase, teen romance doomed.", thinking that you had fooled yourself, or that you had fooled her, or that in one way or another, you were both the fools. Stupid, young and in love.
But the captivating smile that lay dormant behind every comment of hers showed that you were wrong for the rest of high school. For you she had a bright and loving smile, with gentle words that were only for your ears, but for others, they were of death and anger.
College came and so did her offer to move into a small apartment off campus. It was such an easy decision, that you were both packed two weeks before the moving date. She also started therapy in hopes of figuring out her compulsive jealousy. It had not been very difficult to convince her, because you knew that she would do anything you asked of her.
With anyone else, she showed an aura of superiority, darkness, she was inaccessible to those who did not know her; but with you she was a puppy who listened to any order you gave her, that aura that everyone saw in her now became love, vulnerability, nerves.
Living together was an adjustment, but then came the bigger things, of course. The bigger inconsistencies came in the way she woke up with you, the way she relaxed with you, the way she walked through the apartment, slowly making it your apartment.
The immediate rush to get up before someone barged in, or before the alarm went off, had all but faded. With her came the dawn of lazy morning kisses, the discovery of her greatest weakness - being the little spoon, and the discovery of your greatest weakness - her, bathed in the pale glow of the waking world. Some mornings surprising you with breakfast in bed, made with all her love, some others you wake her up with an Eskimo kiss and a cup of coffee. Every morning by her side was perfect and you prayed that they would never end.
The afternoons became your comfort away from the world. Luke-warm, pointless bickering over what to watch, falling asleep, melting into her side after she inevitably gives in to a cheesy rom-com courtesy of your pout, slow, soft kisses hidden between sleepy smiles and less-than-average on-screen dialogue.
Your favorite discoveries were her completely un-Jade-like mannerisms, all of which made your heart melt. The way she let you see all her perfect little moments of goofiness. Humming light cartoon tunes and making little 'bops' as she fumbled for things, her brows tilted and a frown carving a serious, focused, and utterly jarring expression on her face. Swaying from foot to foot as she waited for the popcorn to pop, and stopping the microwave just as it reached the third second from finishing. Her arms glued to her chest unconsciously, the hands playing from time to time; this was by far your favorite, though you know she would still deny it to the moon and back. You called these her raptor arms, and they never failed to bring a smile to your face.
Her smile when he woke you up each morning shone for you and no one else. It made perfect sense the way your heart built a home for hers. Yours rebuilding hers in the process, one that was too long off or unwilling to function until she met you.
It would be four anniversaries before you thought you couldn't fall in love with her any more than you already did. Older, not much wiser, but in love. On each anniversary Jade surpassed herself, you thought she had to have magic to be able to overcome each anniversary and do better than last year. In reality you didn't care what she did, because the only thing you wanted was to spend it with her, with that one wish you knew it would be the best anniversary of all.
But the way she kissed you goodnight, every night, stole your breath away and proved you wrong for the rest of college. That kiss goodnight had become mandatory, even necessary for you to be able to have a great night. Some nights she forgot or was too late, and you spent the night awake, but after a while you would fall asleep with her arms around you, lovingly embracing your body.
As your careers blossomed, your sights shifted to bigger and brighter things. To your future, when she turned to you in the early hours of dawn; bathed in the pale glow of the world that had to still wake up, wrapped in your arms, naked, vulnerable, and asked you to marry her. It was such an easy decision that you couldn't help but pull her incredibly close and ask her in what world you wouldn't want to marry her.
Planning a wedding was something you would never have thought you would be doing on the verge of twenty-three, at first it wasn't easy because your visions clashed. Jade wanted something quick and with few guests, as she didn't want anyone to see such a sensitive and loving side of her. For a girl like her, you wanted the wedding of your dreams which you started planning since you were little. But it was the second thing you thought when you woke up and the second to last thing you thought before cuddling with her at night, falling asleep in her arms. The first and last thought was always about her biggest inconsistency.
The way she loved you.
It was something you thought you would never experience. Normally those you dated only wanted you for your Latin beauty or to sleep with you, but Jade was different from all of them. She did not have double intentions with her love, or how she showed it to you. Everything she did or said to you was true, she did not hide anything behind her words.
Her biggest inconsistency didn't add up until she was reciting her vows. Her hands held yours, her eyes dancing with glee and unshed tears, and her smile threatened your already strained heart. The guests saw a side of Jade that she never would have willingly shown if not for you. It was an affectionate and romantic side. Everyone was speechless, many thought it had to be a dream, many pinched themselves to see if they were asleep. Her friend was the only one who acted naturally, she was the only one who had seen that side before anyone else, she was happy that her friend could find the love of her life.
"I am nothing without you and everything with you."
She was almost screaming at the top of her lungs with happiness before meeting her lips with yours. You couldn't articulate any words as you were swept away by the kiss. At first it was difficult for you to get used to it, as it was fast and fierce, but a few seconds, and you gently took control and led those fierce lips to warmer and calmer ones, proving that you would never leave her side, sealing a deal that would last an eternity.
Months and years, apartments and houses, sleepless nights and early rises, crying babies and driving lessons. Old, young in spirit, stupid with years of life behind you, but in love with that goth girl who stole your heart. A girl that everyone did not know and feared, but whom you called Love. Unfortunately or by chance, in the years to come, you had another goth to spoil, a little Jade Jr, that you protected from any evil.
The way she told you she loved you, you and no one else. It made perfect sense the way your heart tilled and watered the soil for hers to take root. Little by little, Jade became the Gardener who watered your heart so that it would grow healthy, you knew that your heart only beat for one person, and that was Jade West, the only one who had permission to take care of your heart.
The rest of your life would pass and you thought that you would never be able to express your love for her. Rather you believed that you would not be able to return everything that she gave you; but you did, she never stopped loving you, nor will she ever stop.
The way she showed you that she loved you, the way she showed you all her little inconsistencies and allowed you to love them, showed you that you were wrong. You gave her back the desire to live, the desire to love and protect the person who she loved and adored most.
