Daffy's Gladiator Re-Experience
By WileE2005
DISCLAIMER: "See Ya Later Gladiator" is a real Looney Tunes cartoon from 1968 written by Cal Howard and directed by Alex Lovy. I do not own the rights to this cartoon or the Looney Tunes, and they are owned by Warner Bros. Animation.
Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny and Wile E. Coyote were walking in an old abandoned warehouse. There was some complicated-looking machinery scattered around.
"Eh, Daffy, dis place is kinda creepy," Bugs said.
Daffy agreed, "You're right. I don't know WHY I came here for no reason! Wait… what's that?"
The three came up to an interesting-looking machine with three helmets hooked up to it. A sign read "ACME VIRTUAL CARTOON EXPERIENCING MACHINE." Underneath it said, "Star in a classic Looney Tunes cartoon! An added plus: if you were in one of these cartoons, you will get to re-experience the part as yourself!"
"Hey, why don't we try this out?" Daffy asked his friends. He pushed a button with his face on the machine, then he handed them the other two helmets.
"What is this?" Wile E. asked.
Daffy explained, "You two get to co-star with me in one of my classics!"
They put on the helmets, and with a loud zap of electricity, they vanished into…
…
A blue background faded up, and then some orange and yellow lines zoomed up to them and the 1960s Warner/Seven Arts corporate logo formed as Bugs screamed in agony and pulled on his ears, "AAAAAAARGH! I HATE that Abstract W-7 intro!" All the while, a strange atonal version of "The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down" theme music was playing.
"Oh, no… PLEASE don't let it be…" Daffy prayed.
But it was. The title came up: "SEE YA LATER GLADIATOR."
"NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOO!" Daffy screamed.
"What's wrong?" Bugs asked.
"This is my worst cartoon ever," Daffy explained. "'See Ya Later Gladiator!' It's got some lame plot involving me and Speedy Gonzales going back in time, and it makes me look BAD! And, oh no, WHAT'S HAPPENING?" He was beginning to glow.
Wile E. scratched the side of his head in puzzlement. "What's going on with you?"
Daffy vanished in a puff of smoke, and then the cartoon began…
…
The setting was a stylized Mexican-looking town. Nearby there was a laboratory, with an electric arc setup on the roof making strange space oscillation noises. Bugs and Wile E. looked around.
"Wow!" Bugs said. "Why is everything so flat? And what's with that lame music playing?"
"Let's go see," the coyote said as they peeked into the laboratory window.
Inside, a professor was working on some big complicated-looking machine. He called out in a Hispanic accent, "Assistant! ASSISTANT!"
A now crudely rendered Daffy Duck skidded up to the professor, his feet making a screeching sound like the ones Hanna-Barbera cartoons often did. "You called, sir?" Daffy asked.
"This is a great moment, Daffy," the professor explained. "My time machine is finished! I can go forward to the 80th Century, or back to 65 A.D., to the time of Nero!" As he said this, he showed it on the time machine's dial.
"Gosh!" Daffy said. He had heard this before when he did the cartoon back in 1968, but he couldn't help himself in staying in the role.
"Keep an eye on the machine while I take asiesta, and whatever you do," the professor warned, "DON'T pull that chain!"
Coming to his senses, and remembering what happened, Daffy said, "I will make sure nobody touches it." Though he knew the chain would wind up being pulled.
"I'll see you later," the Hispanic professor said, walking out of the room. Daffy decided to just start sweeping the floors right away for a change, but the professor still repeated, "Remember, don't pull the chain!"
"Gee Daffy," Bugs commented, "You look awful!"
Daffy just slapped his forehead. "I can't believe this is happening," he muttered to himself. Then he heard Speedy Gonzales and his mice friends' Mariachi band playing a cheesy tune of some sort. "Oh, it's that Speedy Gonzales and his band!" Daffy couldn't help but say. "I can't stand his corny music! It'll drive me bats!"
"You mean batty," Wile E. corrected.
But Daffy didn't listen. By force of habit, he threw the broomstick right into Speedy's trumpet, interrupting the band's performance. "Vamoose!" Daffy called out to them, unable to stop himself. "Scram! Take your band and beat it, and don't come back!"
Speedy started glumly walking off. But then he got an idea and turned back to the lab. "Hey, señor Daffy!" he called out.
"NOW whaddaya want?!" Daffy asked exasperatedly, but then he remembered what was about to happen and ducked down. Sure enough, Speedy blew the broomstick out of his trumpet and it went flying up to the window. This time it missed Daffy but landed right on Wile E. Coyote's muzzle!
Pulling the broom off his snout with a Hanna-Barbera -esque cork pop sound effect, Wile E. noted, "Obviously this was supposed to hit you."
Ignoring Wile E.'s comment, the crudely-drawn Daffy said, "Why, that despicable mouse!" And then he jumped up and did a Hanna-Barbera -esque running-on-the-spot takeoff, complete with bongo drums sound effect.
"Huh," Bugs noted. "So, he actually did that BEFORE we did 'The Looney Tunes Show' and 'Wabbit.'"
Daffy returned to the time machine, skidding back up. He noticed the dial and said, "65 A.D. Say, this gives me a stupendous idea!"
"Are you sure?" Wile E. asked. "You're gonna end up in 65 A.D. as well."
"Aww, don't worry," Daffy reassured him. "The professor will save me and Speedy in time!" Then he hurried back outside, calling "Hey, Speedy!" Bugs and Wile E. watched out the window as Daffy skidded up to the Mexican mouse, lying, "I was only kiddin', old buddy. Actually, I LIKE your music. I was thinking we might make some records!"
"Records?" Bugs asked. "Now I know we've really gone back into the past!"
"What about the recent vinyl comeback?" Wile E. asked him.
"Whatever," Bugs said.
…
Daffy returned to the lab with Speedy Gonzales, gestured to the time machine and said, "Just step up there in the, uh, recording booth."
"Sure, Daffy!" Speedy said, running into the time machine's chamber. "Oh boy, this is exciting!"
"Yes, isn't it?" Daffy mockingly said.
Wile E. Coyote put his palm over his eyes. "I can't believe Speedy is falling for it."
"Yeah," Bugs Bunny added. "I thought he'd know better!"
"Now, uh, pull the chain," Daffy instructed Speedy.
"Hey, what song you'd like me to play?" Speedy asked.
"Play anything," Daffy ordered. "Just pull the chain. PULL THE CHAIN!"
"OK," Speedy said, giving the activation chain a yank but snapping it in two. "Uh-oh," he exclaimed. "The chain, she broke!"
Wile E. laughed at that, and Bugs and Daffy glared at him for it. The coyote admitted, "Sorry, I just thought the way he said it sounded funny."
"Clumsy mouse," Daffy said. "I gotta do everything myself to get this cartoon going!" He stepped into the chamber, fixed the chain and gripped the handle on its' bottom. "Well, here goes!"
And sure enough, Speedy played a blast on his trumpet, causing Daffy to jump in surprise and pull the chain. Bugs and Wile E. watched as the world around them faded into some kind of spiral, and then weird multicolored shapes and symbols began flashing against the blackness as discordant ringing noises were heard.
Bugs shuddered. "What's with the weird shapes?!" he asked over the noise.
"I guess it's their idea of time travel!" Wile E. shouted to Bugs.
Then an explosion occurred, and the four found themselves standing on a cobblestone street in Rome in 65 A.D.!
"Hey," Bugs asked. "How'd we go back in time as well? We weren't in the machine!"
"I guess it comes as part of the experience," Daffy told Bugs and Wile E., but then he and Speedy noticed a centurion riding a fast horse-drawn chariot approaching them. They managed to jump out of the way at the last second as the chariot sped by like a jet. As the dust settled, Daffy angrily shouted while sitting on the ground, "LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING, YOU FATHEAD!" But then he gasped and covered his bill, realizing his mistake.
Indeed, the chariot screeched to a halt and the horse whinnied as the centurion, a big burly-looking guy, walked right up to the duck and mouse. "You called ME fathead?" he growled.
"He doesn't even have an Italian accent," Wile E. pointed out.
Even though he knew he was asking for trouble, Daffy couldn't help but say his next line, "Oh no, no, I was, uh… talking to my friend here!" He winked at Speedy and asked, "Uh, wasn't I, fathead?"
Bugs chuckled and softly told Wile E., "Speedy DOES look like a fathead. He's so off-model!"
But Speedy corrected Daffy, "No, Senor Duck. I Speedy Gonzales. HE'S fathead!" He pointed directly at the centurion, and Daffy attempted to cover the mouse's mouth, but it was too late.
"Fathead, huh?" the Centurion threateningly asked. He grabbed Daffy and Speedy by the necks and said, "To the lions!" Then he carried the two back to his chariot and rode off again.
"NOW what do we do?" Bugs asked Wile E.
"We go to the Colosseum," the coyote replied. "That's where a lot of the action will take place next." They began walking…
…
Bugs Bunny and Wile E. Coyote arrived at the Colosseum, looking almost new. "But the Colosseum wasn't even built yet back in 65 A.D.," Wile E. pointed out.
"Eh, what do you expect?" Bugs asked. "Our writers were never known for being historically accurate."
They went inside, where they saw two trumpeters play a fanfare. A wooden door slid open on one end, and someone threw Daffy Duck and Speedy Gonzales into the arena, each equipped with two wooden swords. The door slammed shut, and up in the stands, Nero laughed as he held his violin, and the other audience members sitting alongside him guffawed as well.
Bugs was puzzled watching them laugh. "I don't get it," he told the coyote. "What's so funny?"
Daffy overheard, and he called up at Nero and the others, "Yeah! What's so funny?!"
But they didn't answer. Instead, another wooden door slid open on the other end of the Colosseum, and a lion leaped through, snarling angrily.
"Eek! A lion!" Daffy cried out.
"Well, DUH!" Bugs said, rolling his eyes.
The lion charged towards the hapless toons, but Daffy was able to jump up and use his wooden sword to slice off much of the lion's mane, giving him a Bart Simpson-esque crew cut.
As the lion skidded to a stop and started feeling around the top of his head, Bugs chuckled and joked, "Look, it's Bart Simps-lion!"
Wile E. shook his head in amusement and added, "That hair style won't be trending for another twenty years."
The lion checked himself in a hand mirror and let out another angry roar at Daffy, not amused by his haircut.
Daffy, being his usual cowardly self, leaped up in the air and began wiggling around to a different bongo drum sound before running off.
"Really?" Wile E. asked as he rolled his eyes. "They decided to come up with a different bongo run sound instead of using the Hanna-Barbera one they already had on file?"
Speedy Gonzales saw the lion charging towards him, turned his head with his eyes closed, and held his wooden sword up. The lion skidded up to Speedy and took a bite out of his sword. Among realizing this, Speedy tossed away the sword and tried to creep away.
Bugs scoffed and said, "I guess Speedy forgot he's the fastest mouse in all of Mexico."
But Speedy didn't get too far, for the lion reached down, held Speedy's tail down with his front right paw and began sniffing menacingly.
"Oh, hello amigo," Speedy said to the lion. "You still hungry, eh? Oh look, I just happen to have some chili peppers!" As he spoke, he revealed some chili peppers underneath his sombrero.
The lion scooped up the peppers in his tongue and chewed on them a few times before stopping. Because they were incredibly spicy, the lion shot fire out of his mouth and ears for a bit, and then soared into the air like a skyrocket, opened his mouth and let out fireworks. Among landing back on the ground, the lion raced towards the would-be gladiators again.
Speedy and Daffy raced up a wooden flagpole and clung onto the top. The lion shook the flagpole in an attempt to make them fall, but the duck and mouse hung on tight.
"I don't recall a flagpole being in the middle of the Colosseum," Wile E. pointed out.
Daffy pulled the dome off the top of the flagpole and threw it down, directly hitting the lion on top of his head. This angered the lion more, and he began pulling the wooden flagpole down.
"Daffy!" Bugs called. "You and Speedy get off that flagpole right now!"
"Sorry," Daffy shouted back. "I need to get me and Speedy out of here!" And with that, he bit down on the lion's tail.
With a "YEEEEOWWWW!" the lion let go of the flagpole, springing it back up and sending Daffy and Speeding hurtling through the air. Bugs and Wile E. ran after them, only to see they were descending towards Nero's throne!
Nero, holding his violin and bow, gasped, and braced himself for the impact. Sure enough, Daffy and Speedy landed right on the throne canopy, crushing it with the unfitting sound of china and glass breaking like a Hanna-Barbera cartoon would use.
"Oh yeah," Wile E. recalled, "I remember how that was WB Animation's only crashing sound effect they had on file at the time, and constantly used it even if it didn't fit with whatever was being destroyed."
"Makes you miss Treg Brown's junk crashes even more," Bugs added, "as if them not showing up in our new 'Looney Tunes Cartoons' wasn't enough."
Nero saw that his violin had been destroyed in Daffy and Speedy's landing and cried out at the two, "You broke my fiddle! Now I'm gonna break your neck!" His voice was a dead ringer for Marvin the Martian's.
"Wow," Bugs said. "Nero sounds a lot like that little Martian!"
Daffy and Speedy took off once again, and the angered Roman emperor followed, running off in a Hanna-Barbera -esque fashion.
"Looks like we've got to follow them," Bugs said with a sigh, and they rushed after Nero chasing Daffy and Speedy down the cobbled streets of Rome.
When the duck and mouse passed by a horse and chariot, Nero stopped at the chariot, ordered the horse to "Giddyap!" and jumped onto the chariot. But due to his heavy weight, Nero flattened the chariot and caused the horse to run and whinny suspended in the air.
"As if we couldn't already tell how fat Nero was," Bugs commented as he rolled his eyes.
Nero got off the chariot and caught up to Speedy and Daffy waiting at a crosswalk, where a pedestrian crossing signal read "DON'T WALK" with an accompanying red-flaming torch. With a clanging sound, the flame changed from red to green as the sign changed to "WALK", and the three began walking across the street.
As Bugs and Wile E. followed, the coyote asked, "Now why would there be a pedestrian crossing signal in ancient Rome?"
"Eh, you know how our writers didn't care as much for anachronisms, as long as they were funny," Bugs said.
"Only this one's not so funny," Wile E. pointed out.
Among reaching the other side of the crosswalk, they all began running again, Nero pursuing Speedy Gonzales and Daffy Duck, and Bugs Bunny and Wile E. Coyote pursuing Nero. But after some running, Wile E. and Bugs noticed the environment around them beginning to fade again.
"Hey, how come Daffy, Speedy and Nero are fading as well?" Bugs asked.
"You and I are now back in the laboratory!" Wile E. observed.
Indeed, Bugs and Wile E. were standing back in the lab, not too far from the time machine that had been flashing an "ALERT" light and making weird electronic noises. The Hispanic professor from earlier ran into the room and noticed the alert.
"Oh, are you here to bring Daffy and Speedy back to the present time?" Bugs asked the professor.
"What are you talking about?" the professor said in his Mexican accent. Then he turned to see Speedy and Daffy running from Nero on the monitor's time machine and exclaimed, "Caramba! I must bring them back!" He changed the dial from "65 A.D." to "20th Century."
An explosion erupted from the time machine's chamber, and once again Bugs and Wile E. saw everything around them go black as weird colorful shapes began flashing with discordant ringing. After a few seconds of weird shapes, another explosion occurred, and the two found themselves back in the lab. The smoke cleared to reveal Speedy, Daffy and Nero standing in the time machine chamber.
"Hey," a puzzled Nero asked. "Where am I?"
"This is the 20th century," Daffy explained. Then he muttered to himself, "and I sure miss being in the 21st century right now."
Nero tried counting on his fingers. "One, two… ten… twenty…" He held his head and moaned, "Oh no! What am I gonna do?"
"Don't worry, Nero. I'll take care of everything," Speedy said, and he took Nero by the hand and led him outside the laboratory.
The professor yawned and said, "Now back to my siesta." He walked back to his room.
"And I'd better get to my room, in order to end this mess of a cartoon," Daffy added.
…
Bugs Bunny and Wile E. Coyote had followed Daffy Duck into what was his bedroom in this short, with very 1960s-looking furniture. Daffy climbed into bed and said, "I'm certainly glad I'm home. I can't believe I went through THAT again." He settled down on his bed and closed his eyes for a bit as some cheesy mariachi music began playing. After a few seconds, Daffy's eyes popped back open. "Speedy again?!" he whined as he put his hands to his head. "Ohh! This is too much!"
Daffy hopped out of bed and walked back to the lab window. "Didn't we already see him do this?" Bugs asked Wile E.
The three looked out the window. "Oh no!" Daffy wailed.
Outside, Speedy and his friends were playing their mariachi music again, but this time Nero was accompanying them on his violin.
"You can't even hear Nero's fiddle amongst that bad music," Wile E. observed.
Everything around Bugs Bunny and Wile E. Coyote faded to black, and then they found themselves in a blank blue area again. The yellow Warner Bros.- Seven Arts corporate shield logo popped into view as a shortened version of the klunky version of "The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down" started up, prompting Bugs to grab his ears in annoyance. The text "A WARNER BROS.- SEVEN ARTS CARTOON" appeared over the shield, with the "OO" turning red and bouncing up and down three times, like a cartoon eye take.
"Aaaagh, the freaky jumping O's!" Bugs groaned out loud. "They don't even say 'That's all, folks!'"
Then as the theme music ended, a bright white light flashed, and Bugs and Wile E. found themselves standing with Daffy Duck back in the warehouse in the virtual cartoon machine, the three wearing their helmets. Daffy was back in his more familiar form.
Daffy pulled off his helmet and said, "Thank goodness THAT's over," stepping out of the machine. "Easily one of the worst films I've ever done!"
"I can see why," Bugs replied as he and Wile E. doffed their helmets and exited the machine as well. "Things really went downhill after the original Termite Terrace closed and I was laid off from Warner Bros."
"That's for sure," Wile E. said. "It sure wasn't the same without Chuck Jones around."
"C'mon, let's get out of here," Daffy said as he and his friends started for the exit door. But as they got closer, they could hear some cheesy mariachi music playing, similar to what they heard in the cartoon. "Huh? What's going on? I thought we left the cartoon!"
Daffy, Bugs and Wile E. hurried over to a window. "What the?!" they cried out in shock. They couldn't believe their eyes, for Speedy Gonzales was out there, also in his normal form, but with his mouse friends as they appeared in the cartoon AND Nero accompanying the band on his fiddle, also straight out of the "Gladiator" cartoon!
Daffy Duck wobbled a bit and fainted flat on his back as Bugs Bunny and Wile E. Coyote gave a weary look as the mice and Nero finished their song.
THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!
A Warner Bros.- Seven Arts CartOOn
A Vitagraph Release
