Bittersweet

The following week and a half was spent in a wonderful blur of smiles, laughter and love.

Remus and Sirius did everything together. They shared a bed, brushed their teeth, ate, went to activity and played games or planned pranks with James and Peter. They were inseparable and Remus loved it.

They stole kisses from each other on every opportunity; they kissed on the clearing in the forest, made out on the secret glade on the other side of the fence and had made use of the lube on more occasions than one.

Remus and Sirius did everything together, and it didn't take long before James joked about them being glued together. But Remus didn't mind if anyone thought it odd because he felt happy. Happier than he'd ever been in his entire life and it was all thanks to Sirius who took his hand in his, sat down in his lap or kissed him when he thought no one was looking.

They bathed in the lake, built sandcastles and danced to music Slughorn played on the radio he'd brought out for the last bonfire with the girl's camp of the summer.

That evening they had also played a game called 'Pass it on' where you sat in a circle and one person whispered a sentence to the one sitting next to them, and then watched as the others whispered the sentences until the last one in the circle said it out loud again.

When it had been Sirius turn he'd leaned close to Remus' ear and whispered 'You're sexy'. And Remus who immediately blushed had turned to Peter where he whispered it to him, but he had jumped up in fear and aimed a light slap on Remus' cheek. Though, then Sirius had shouted 'Hey, don't hit him!', and James had had to interfere.

Apparently Remus hadn't been supposed to pass 'You're sexy' on to Peter. He'd felt extremely stupid and embarrassed over his slip up, but he'd laughed at it many times afterwards.

Rosier and Snape still snarled, sneezed or spat mean words at them when they passed in corridors or outside on the grounds, but they hadn't left anymore notes or tried to prank them again.

Regulus almost seemed to have disappeared from the camp as it could be days when none of them spotted him anywhere. They'd even broken into cabin 9 once when Sirius suspected he'd went home early, but when they'd found the wardrobe still filled to the brim with fancy clothes they'd sneaked back out again. Remus knew Sirius never would admit it but he cared about Regulus. He was his little brother after all.

Except for the times where they walked into Rosier or Snape Remus lived life like in a dream. He spent the days walking hand in hand with Sirius, having fun by themselves or joining James and Peter in a new game.

And the nights Remus spent making love with Sirius. Remus was desperate to become one with Sirius, had to relay his love to him, and since Sirius seemed urged on by that same desire they sometimes managed to go at it twice a day.

Even though James and Peter weren't particularly fond of spending so much time out of their cabin they let Remus and Sirius have it for themselves at least a couple of hours a day. And if that wasn't enough Sirius led them to the small cupboard, the forest or found a new place for them to use as they explored each other's bodies.

Remus became drunk on love as he spent every waking moment in close proximity to Sirius. It was like the most brilliant fairytale, or sweetest dream, and he never wanted it to stop.

But eventually you have to wake up even from the most wonderful of dreams and face reality. That's what Remus felt as the last day of the camp approached all too quickly.

Remus had pushed the fact that his days on the camp was limited to the very far back of his mind since the mere thought or mention of it made his stomach clench uncomfortably. He had deliberately not thought about it for all summer, but that only made the shock about his soon departure even more severe.

He couldn't believe he would have to leave the camp for the last time. It felt surreal. It couldn't be real. He couldn't separate from Sirius.

'''''''''''

As Remus held onto Sirius that evening he felt overwhelmed by a looming sadness that made his chest hurt. He was on the verge of tears and had been for the entire day and was afraid the tears would escape his eyes as soon as he opened his mouth to speak.

Sirius looked into his eyes with an expression that changed from concerned to sad. Remus felt his own eyes mirror them, and he let a sad sigh escape his lips.

This night they wouldn't spend on making love, Remus realized with another sharp jab of pain in his chest. This night they would spend mourning the future nights and days they would have to spend separate.

"You alright?" Sirius whispered, snapping Remus out of his sad thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He lied as he snuggled in closer to the hug. He wanted to really live in the moment and relish in the feeling of having Sirius close to him. He didn't dare think of how long it might take until they would share another moment like this again.

"You really want me to believe you're 'fine' when I can see your eyes watering? I don't suppose those are tears of happiness, or are they?" Sirius whispered as he loosened the hug to get a good look on Remus' watery eyes.

Remus smiled sadly at Sirius when he saw Sirius' eyes glance into his, thick with worry.

"I'm just worrying about the future. I don't want us to separate." Remus whispered, his voice breaking into a sob at the end, making Sirius' lower lip shake worryingly.

"I-we," Sirius started but didn't get to finish his sentence as his voice broke at the end. Instead he glanced deeply into Remus' eyes, almost desperately. Remus felt his heart clench painfully and another sob escape him when he saw the first tear run down Sirius' cheek.

"Don't cry," Remus whispered as reassuringly as he could, but the effect got lost when a set of tears ran down his cheeks as well. It all just hurt too much. He didn't want to leave Sirius. He didn't
want Sirius to leave him. They belonged together.

He felt Sirius shift on the bed and then felt his right hand being held by one of Sirius'. He watched as Sirius lifted their clasped hands to lay pressed in between their chests, and felt another sob escape him when he saw the rings on their fingers.

"You still wear it." Remus whispered, voice so low it was a wonder Sirius could even make out the

words.

"The ring? Of course I do. I got it from you." Sirius said as he aimed Remus a watery smile that made his heart clench again.

They spent a moment in silence where they looked at their clasped hands. When Remus felt Sirius tighten his grip around his hand he did as well, and soon they held on to each other so fiercely that their knuckles turned white. But it still didn't feel enough. Remus never wanted to let go. He wanted to meld together with Sirius.

"When are your parents coming to pick you up tomorrow?" Sirius asked.
Remus tried to keep his voice as steady as possible when he answered. "Around four I think. You?"

He tried not to think about how Sirius' eyes got that haunted look back in them. And he tried not to think about what Sirius' family members might do to him if they'd found out about their relationship.

It hurt too much to think about Sirius in pain.

"Same." Sirius whispered, eyes darkened with sorrow. Remus guessed his eyes own eyes looked the same.

They silent for another moment as Remus felt Sirius lift his free hand to trace his hair. Remus closed his eyes, wanting to remember the feeling of Sirius' fingers in his hair for another time when he heard Sirius clear his throat next to him.

"We- When we're older, couldn't we get a flat together? Or- or something...? I don't want to leave you," Sirius suggested, voice insecure.

Remus felt his heart jump in a mixture of surprise and excitement. Sirius didn't want to leave him. Sirius wanted to share a flat with him!

"Yes! Or, I mean, I would love that." Remus confessed with a small smile that grew into a grin when Sirius smiled at him shyly.

"I love you." Sirius told him honestly, making Remus' heart constrict in grief again.

"I love you too. To the moon and back." Remus said before he wiped his nose on his shoulder.

"I see what you did there Moony." Sirius said, grinning at him.

Remus aimed a playful jab in Sirius' chest, feeling a light chuckle escape him, but then the lingering pain in his chest made itself reminded again.

"I don't want to leave tomorrow. I'll miss you." Remus cried as another sob shook him, sending tears running down his cheeks. Immediately Sirius' hand was there, wiping them away, and then Remus felt a pair of soft lips kiss the tears away from his cheeks. He smiled sadly thought about the face it was Sirius' lips.

"Shh, don't cry." Sirius soothed as his free hand stroked Remus' hair. "I love you and always will." Sirius smiled at him, but the smile didn't reach his sad eyes. "We'll find a way..." Sirius trailed off, eyes flicking from Remus' forehead, to cheeks, to eyes. Remus guessed Sirius was trying to take mental pictures of what the other looked like, just like himself.

Remus felt Sirius press a soft kiss to his lips that he answered. Then they lay back to look each other in the eyes for a while.

"I- I read something the other day." Remus heard himself say just as he saw Sirius' eyelids threaten to slide shut.

"Hm?" Sirius hummed as he shifted on the pillow, positioning them nose to nose and stealing a kiss from Remus before he continued.

"... Do you believe in soulmates?" Remus asked, but when he saw Sirius look at him confused he went on with the explanation.

"It's kind of like a theory that two people are made for each other. It basically means the belief that there are two people who are perfectly made for each other that will find each other in every world. They will find each other and fall in love, again and again, with nothing stopping them because they are linked by fate. Linked by their souls." Remus explained, voice low as he waited for a reaction from Sirius.

When Sirius' mouth formed into an 'o' and his eyes widened Remus went on.

"Do you- Do you perhaps think, think we are...?" Remus whispered, his heart stopping in anticipation to Sirius' thoughts.

"That we're soulmates? I don't know, I've never heard of it before, but I think we could be." Sirius whispered, voice astonished like he'd just realized something he'd searched the answer for during a long time.

"Hope you don't think I'm creepy or anything now," Remus started, feeling insecure but relaxing when Sirius smiled at him reassuringly and whispered "Nothing can make me think you're creepy. You're always as wonderful as an angel." So Remus went on his with suspicion.

"I get the feeling that we, even thought it might sound weird, connect somehow. Like on a deeper level. Like we belong with each other," Remus whispered, feeling his cheeks heat up from his confession. Suddenly he hoped Sirius felt the same.

"... Like on a soul level?" Sirius asked him, eyes big and curious.

"Yeah..." Remus trailed off. He searched Sirius' gray eyes for an answer, but then he felt Sirius tighten his grip around his hand and saw his eyes glisten with affection.

"I think that as well, or I mean, I feel the same." Sirius whispered, voice sounding almost excited.

"You do?" Remus asked, feeling overwhelmed by the fact Sirius felt the same. What if it was true and they really where soulmates?

But as he watched Sirius nod at him he felt his excitement fade. Whether they were soulmates or not didn't matter. Nothing mattered save for the fact he and Sirius would have to part ways the next day, and the fact there was nothing they could do about it.

As Remus let himself think about it he felt his chest constrict with pain. Tears ran down his cheeks and he felt himself start to panic.

"I don't want to spend any time away from you." Remus heard himself plead all of a sudden. "We don't even know when we'll see each other again, I-I can't take that. I-I can't live without you. I can't survive without you!" Remus pleaded right before he released Sirius' hand in favor of

gripping Sirius' pajama top.

"I can't..." He cried, voice breaking into a sob, tears streaming down his cheeks as he held onto Sirius' pajama top as if his life depended on it.

Then he realized it did. His life did depend on his grip on Sirius' shirt. He wouldn't survive without him.

"Remus," Sirius begged as he placed a hand over Remus'. "Remus I don't want to leave you, I-"

"But you will. I can't even send you letters!" Remus cried as he buried his face against Sirius' neck. "You, you can't just do this! You can't make me fall in love with you and then not give me any way to contact you!" Remus screamed into Sirius' neck.

He didn't care if he accidentally woke James or Peter up anymore. It would only serve them right. One night of interrupted sleep still couldn't even begin to measure the many sleepless nights Remus would face when he returned back home.

"Remus," Sirius whimpered as Remus felt a sob shake him. "Remus I don'twant to leave! I don't ever want to leave you! I want to stay with you forever. I thought you knew that." Sirius cried as Remus felt a set of warm tears land on his neck.

"But why can't I write to you?" Remus whimpered as he dried his wet eyes on Sirius' pajama top and then leaned back to look Sirius in the eyes.

He saw Sirius look at him with a pained expression that made Remus' heart break.

"They burn all letters to me and read through the ones I want to send." Sirius confessed, his eyes so filled with sadness that Remus felt the need to cry a river.

"Who?" Remus demanded but then he remembered. "Walburga and Kreacher." Sirius exhaled.

When Remus saw the haunted expression return in Sirius' eyes he felt the lingering accusations for Sirius not being able to contact him fade. It wasn't his fault. It was the horrible Walburga and Kreacher's faults. And Remus hated them for it.

"It's alright. It's not your fault. Sorry I got so upset." Remus whispered as he tried to soothe the haunted expression from Sirius' eyes by swiping a hand up and down his back. Sirius smiled at him, but it was a sad smile that made Remus heart break from just a swift look of it.

"We'll think of something." Sirius told him, eyes turning serious. "This isn't the end for us. This can't be the end." Sirius decided while shaking his head. "I love you and have to be with you."

Remus buried his head deeper into Sirius' neck and pressed a kiss to it. The lump in his throat had grown and he knew it would make his voice break into a sob if he spoke.

"I never want to be with anyone else. It has to be you. It has always been you. I belong to you." Sirius said, his voice breaking here and there due to sad sobs before he lifted a hand to thread in Remus' hair. Remus sobbed into Sirius' neck but then leaned back to look him in the eyes.

He stared into Sirius' sad, grey eyes that shimmered in silver from the faint moonlight shining through their window, illuminating the cabin. Remus found himself get lost in them, not ever wanting to look away.

"Maybe... maybe we could run away." Sirius said suddenly.

"No... You don't mean? You would want to run away with... me?" Remus said in disbelief. Was he serious?

"I told you before didn't I? You're my hero and mean everything to me. I can't live without you either." Sirius' eyes bored into his with intensity. "So why don't we run away?"

Remus immediately felt his heart swell with happiness and excitement both. Finally he felt some hope for the future. But then reality dawned on him again.

"But... where would we go?" Remus piped as the hope left as soon as it had come.

"I, ehm, we'll decide that on the way." Sirius said as a crease appeared between his eyebrows. Remus lifted a hand and let his thumb swipe over the crease until it disappeared.

"What if anyone found out and went searching for us?" Remus whispered. "Then we would hide." Sirius said as he nodded his head.

"But... I don't have any money." Remus confessed. He felt his chest constrict nervously. He'd never really told Sirius about the fact his family was poor; he'd always thought that would make Sirius think less of him somehow. He knew it was stupid of him to think that considering he had worn hand-me-down clothes since they first met, but still.

Sirius' frown returned at that revelation.

"Me neither." Sirius said with a sigh. "They didn't let me bring any to the camp. Said I wouldn't need it. I should've known they just prevented me from running away." Sirius said as he closed his eyes, face in deep grief.

"What do you mean? Have you planned on running away before?" Remus asked, unsure whether the topic was safe or not. He didn't want Sirius to feel worse than he already did.

"I've been thinking about it since a couple of years back. But if I'm honest I've always felt that I didn't belong there. They all think of me as a black sheep as well. They only want me to stay in order to bring new generations of Black's to the family." Sirius said with a shrug, trying to act nonchalant, but Remus could see he didn't take this lightly. He looked worried.

"That sounds awful." Remus said as he let a hand swipe up and down Sirius back reassuringly.

"Yeah but I'm used to it. Don't worry for me. Let me see that beautiful smile on your lips instead." Sirius lifted his hand to cup Remus' chin and them swept his thumb over Remus' lips until he'd turned them into a sad smile.

"Want to run away with me?" Sirius whispered, eyes boring into Remus'.

"I'd love to," Remus said as he blinked away a new set of tears. "But I can't. We can't. We don't have any money, no plan and we would probably end up starving to death within three days."

Sirius frowned at him before he bit his lip in worry. "Perhaps I could send a letter to my uncle Alphard...?"

Remus let a helpless sigh escape him. He gave up all his efforts to stay at the camp with Sirius. He knew they couldn't. They would have to part. It was meaningless to get his hopes up.

"Hey," Sirius whispered softly, snapping Remus out of his depressive thoughts. "Hm?"

"I love you." Sirius told him with a fond, but sad, smile before he leaned forward to plant a kiss on his lips. Remus kissed him back fervently, wanting to remember the very feel, taste and sensation of kissing Sirius.

They kissed until the world around them seemed to disappear and the sole center of the universe became the two of them as they hugged and kissed on the bed. They only parted when Remus felt himself start to relax as the tiredness caught with to him.

"Fate is really cruel, isn't it?" He heard himself mumble before he closed his eyes.
"It doesn't seem to like us very much." Sirius whispered as a reply as he pulled Remus closer. "But I like you." Remus said as he felt a small smile tug at his lips.
"And I love you." Sirius whispered back.
Remus felt a soft pair of lips kiss his before he fell asleep."You coming? Wormy and I are leaving in less than twenty."

Remus slowly, hesitantly, opened his eyes. He'd barely slept at all, and when he did he'd been tormented by horrible nightmares of Sirius leaving him for someone else when he was too far away to do anything about it. And that's when Remus had realized that had been his greatest fear; losing Sirius. Or more like; losing Sirius to someone else.

He closed his eyes for one more minute as he let himself take in the feel of having Sirius lying so close to him.

He thought it was ironical that when he finally got the love of his life to like him back they couldn't meet anymore. He didn't know when he would meet again Sirius after this day. In fact, he didn't know if he'd ever meet him again. With no way of communicating it all seemed too hopeless to even try and wish for a miracle.

As they got up to get themselves ready Remus felt his heart break into tiny little pieces. It was the 31st of July. The last day of the camp. The last day with Sirius.

Remus and Sirius just had the time to get ready and dump their belongings in their trunks before it was time for James and Peter to leave.

The four of them dragged their trunks with their heads bent and backs hunched. The atmosphere was gloomy and Remus thought his chest was going to explode with sorrow.

He allowed himself one last look of the cabin where he'd spent the three best summers of his life before he walked outside. When he'd walked down the stairs he looked back at the door and felt his heart break a little more when he saw the inscriptions on the old door. 'Prongs Wormtail, Padfoot Moony' was carved into the wood in the middle of the door. Remus remembered they probably couldn't reach much higher on the door at the time. They had only been eleven after all.

"Coming Moony?" James asked him as he dragged his trunk after him on his way to the path.

"Coming..." Remus mumbled quietly, lump in his throat too thick for him to try and say anything higher.

With his whole being screaming for him to stay where he was he started dragging his trunk after James, Sirius and Peter. He saw Sirius stop until he'd caught up with him and felt his heart swell with love again. He let his shoulders bump into Sirius as they walked, making a small smile tug on Remus' lips. Even though it was now the day he'd dreaded for weeks he felt the butterflies in his stomach churn, always eager to respond to Sirius.

They walked to the parking lot where they hugged James and Peter goodbye. Before they parted they all exchanged telephone numbers and addressed as they promised each other to write every day.

However, for Remus it was only words. He knew he wouldn't be able to contact Sirius and that made him want to contact the others even less. Sure, it would be nice to have a pen pal, but it couldn't compare to having Sirius.

Remus and Sirius waved them off and made to head back inside, but then Remus saw James turn around and run back to talk to him off-side.

"Hey, Moony." James said, voice hushed and determined. "What is it?" Remus asked.

"I just want you to know that you can always contact me if something happens or something. Just so you know. If you miss Padfoot, or something happens. Just contact me and I'll be there, alright?" He said, eyes honest.

Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Wow, ehm, okay. That was very thoughtful of you. Thanks." Remus said as he brought a hand up to scratch his hair awkwardly. He felt really moved. For some reason he hadn't really got that James card about him so much. It really warmed his heart.

"I might even come visit you sometime if you want to." James said a grin. "And it totally isn't because of your friendship with the fair Miss Evans." James said with a wink and smug grin that made Remus roll his eyes.

Of course James would want to visit him. He was still nuts about Lily.

"Hey, you're not trying to steal my boyfriend now, are you?" Remus heard Sirius say as he cut in the conversation while he hooked arms with Remus. "I know he's hot but he's taken." Sirius said as he raised his chin in the air, looking proud.

"Me, stealing Moony from you? Dream on." James laughed, making Remus unsure whether to feel offended or not. "I meant what I said though." James told Remus seriously before he turned around to run back to the awaiting car.

"Bye! Have a nice rest of the summer! Don't miss me too much! Say hi to Evans from me!" James shouted over his shoulder before he flung open the car door, jumped in and slammed it close behind him. He waved down the window to wave at them just as the car engine started and he was driven away from the camp.

"Bye James." Remus whispered as he stopped waving in favor of letting his hand hang by his side.

"And then there were two." He heard Sirius state, his voice final. Remus turned to the side to glance in his eyes. He felt his heart clench when a tear ran down Sirius' cheek.

"Want to hold my hand?" Sirius whispered, voice breaking at the end as he extended his right hand for Remus to take.

"You don't have to ask. The answer will always be yes." Remus told him as he took the hand and held it with a secure grip. He loved the way Sirius' hand seemed to fit perfectly with his, almost as if they were mold to fit together.

Hand in hand they walked over to the dining hall where they left their trunks. None felt like eating anything so instead they headed outside where they walked around the grounds one final time. They walked by the beach, walked out on the bridge, walked past all ten cabins, by the outskirts of the forest and then back to the main building.

Every minute or so Sirius told Remus he loved him, the words making Remus' heart bleed in pain by the fact he would soon have to let go. He felt tears burn in his eyes and then let them run free down his cheeks.

He tightened his grip around Sirius' hand and felt him do the same as they in silence cried while they walked next to each other.

When they'd walked three laps around the grounds Sirius found a bench that he pointed at. They walked towards it and then sat down on it. They sat in silence for a moment but then Remus climbed up Sirius' lap and wrapped his arms around him in a tight embrace that Sirius answered with fervor.

With his throat aching, chest constricting and voice breaking Remus let Sirius know how much he loved him once more.

Then they dreamed away again. They fantasized about running away to the forest on the other side of the fence. Fantasized about breaking into one of the cars and take off in the sunset. They even fantasized about hiding in their cabin and hope that no one would remember them missing.

Remus sighed every time he thought about the fact that he lived in Wales and Sirius in London. It was too far to take the bike, and too expensive for him to take the train. And even though Sirius probably had the money for it his off family would never allow him.

They held onto each other for the remaining time leading up to their departure. Though, all too soon it was quarter to four and the both of them had to start heading back for the parking lot for their parents to pick them up.

Crying, Remus felt Sirius wrap an arm over his shoulders. He let his own arm wrap around Sirius waist and then they were off toward the main building.

When they had retrieved their trunks from the dining hall Remus made to steer them for the parking lot but felt Sirius tug him in the opposite direction. Eager as he was to follow Sirius he felt himself being led away. He wondered where they were going for a moment but when he saw a sigh that said H.Slughorn by one of the doors by the wall he got what Sirius was thinking.

He was planning on sneaking into Slughorn's office like two years ago.

"In here." Sirius hushed as he opened the door and slid inside, pulling Remus after him. The office was empty, though Remus wondered if Sirius had known that or if he'd rushed in on pure luck.

When Sirius had closed the door behind them he positioned himself so that they were standing face to face, with their hands still clasped together. Sirius looked Remus deeply in the eyes before he let a mischievous quirk at the corners of his lips.

"Close your eyes, I want to give you something." Sirius said, making Remus' heart jump as he remembered those exact words being said before.

"Okay." Remus said as he felt a giddy smile tug at his lips.

After one last look at Sirius who looked excited Remus closed his eyes, and instantly he felt Sirius wrap an arm around his neck, using it to pull them into a kiss.

Remus lifted his free hand to thread in Sirius' long hair, and rejoiced when he felt Sirius' hand swipe up to scrape his scalp. He felt Sirius' lips press against him, gently at first but then growing more determined as they parted, pressed and nibbled on Remus'.

When Remus felt Sirius suck on his lower lip he opened his mouth and angled his head to allow Sirius' tongue entrance. And when he felt the tip of Sirius' tongue slide against his own he could feel a shiver run down his spine. His heart jumped as every nerve ending in his body sang.

As he kissed Sirius he felt complete. He felt his body relax and jump with excitement at the same time. He felt fireworks in his chest. He felt laughter bubbling to slip out of him.

He felt like he'd found home.

Remus let go of Sirius' hand and instead wrapped it around Sirius waist. He felt Sirius do the same, the both of them trying to pull them closer together.

Remus kissed Sirius fervently and felt Sirius do the same. Remus pulled Sirius closer, tightened his grip in his hair and hoped that if they kissed long enough they might melt together and never have to let go.

Though, just as he let his other hand run up to Sirius' hair he felt Sirius break the kiss. Break their magical kiss that was over all too soon.

"I'm sorry. I have to go." Sirius breathed.

Glancing up Remus saw that his lips were swollen and cheeks flushed. Glancing up further Remus saw Sirius' eyes, but immediately felt a sharp stab of pain reach his heart when he saw the pain in them.

"No," Remus heard himself plead helplessly. "No, don't leave me!" Remus begged, voice breaking as tears streamed down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry." Sirius cried as he lifted an arm to cover his mouth.

Remus flung himself on Sirius, pressed desperate kisses on his neck, cheeks and lips, but Sirius didn't stop crying. Remus neither.

"I'll miss you." Sirius whispered. Remus looked into his eyes and felt his heart break when he thought he might just look into Sirius' eyes for the last time.

"I love you!" Remus blurted, desperate to let him know how he felt one last time. "I will always love you."

Sirius smiled at him sadly as he lowered the arm that had covered his mouth. "I love you too Remus. To the moon and back." Sirius said with a playful wink, but the joke was lost when he broke out into another sob.

"Don't forget me." Remus heard himself plead as Sirius took a step back, furiously wiping his eyes.

"Forget you? How could I ever forget you? You're the love of my life!" Sirius cried, making Remus heart break again.

"Will- will I ever get to see you again?" Remus asked desperately as he took a step forward to close the distance between them again.

Sirius shook his head. "I-, we-, we'll think of something. I'll think of something. They can't keep me isolated from the world forever." Sirius said and Remus felt hatred rise up in his chest when he thought about who 'they' were. Walburga and Kreacher.

Remus stared into Sirius' eyes desperately for a second before he saw Sirius lean forward to press a final kiss on his lips.

"Good bye Remus." Sirius said as they parted. Remus struggled to make out his expressions as his vision turned blurry from the many tears of his extensive crying.

"Good bye Sirius." Remus said, but then he quickly extended his right hand and held it out in front of Sirius. "One last time?" He piped.

Sirius' eyes widened and then an odd strangled noise escaped his throat as he lifted his right hand. In silence they did their secret handshake, and Remus could still feel small shivers of pleasure surge through him from every brush of Sirius' fingers against his own.

"Good bye Remus. Love you. See you soon," Sirius whispered, voice broken, as he took a step back again. He gazed into Remus' eyes with a sad expression.

"See you soon." Remus said and for a second he felt a sting of hope flare in his chest. Though, it disappeared the moment he saw Sirius turn around, grip his trunk, open the door and walk outside.

Remus kept staring at the open door for a while, but then he felt himself start to panic for real.

Sirius had left him.

He was all alone again.

"Sirius, wait!" He heard himself shout as he gripped his trunk and ran out the door to the empty corridor outside. He snapped his head around but couldn't spot Sirius anywhere.

He ran out of the corridor, past the reception desk towards the main entrance. He ran up to the doors, chest heaving with a mixture of panic and exhaustion. He opened the doors and ran outside and that's when he finally spotted Sirius.

"Sirius!" He screamed desperately at the dark haired boy who just stepped inside an expensive looking car on the parking lot. However, as the boy turned around Remus winced as he saw it was Regulus who glared at him. Remus grimaced at him and waved once before he snapped his head from side to side to locate Sirius again.

"Miss me already?"

Remus turned around faster than he'd done anything in his life and wrapped Sirius in a tight hug. He pressed his face against Sirius' neck and breathed in. It smelled like safe.

"Don't leave me." Remus cried into Sirius' neck as he felt Sirius hug him tightly.

"Don't want to." Sirius whispered. "But I have to go now. Regulus is motioning for me to hurry on."

Reluctantly, Remus loosened his grip around Sirius and took a step back. He wiped his tear-stained face on his sleeve and then pouted at Sirius who smiled at him sadly.

"Remember what I told you before? I will always love you. You're perfect, you're beautiful and the best person ever to walk this earth. We'll meet again. I'm sure of it." Sirius said as a last goodbye. Remus nodded but didn't feel persuaded. He saw a tear roll down Sirius' cheek that Remus wiped away with his thumb.

"Bye." Remus said with a broken voice and then Sirius walked past him and left.

Remus shot a glance over his shoulder to watch just as the car door shut closed and the car pulled off the parking lot, heading away from Remus on its way to London.

Remus snapped his head back to stare at the ground he was standing on. He saw a small stone that he aimed a hard kick at just as he felt a powerful sob bubble up from his chest. He felt a stream of fresh tears run down his cheeks as his chest hurt from the absence of Sirius.

He furiously wiped away the tears with his sleeves but gave up when they got soaking wet after only two swipes. When he felt another sob escape him his knees gave out under him, making him fall down to the ground. There he pressed his hands to his face as he let the pain in his chest devour him.

As he cried into his hands he realized that Sirius' absence would kill him. That if the suffocating pain in his chest went on, became stronger, he would in fact die. Die out of sorrow as he mourned his loss of Sirius.

But then another thought popped up in his head. If he died, and if Sirius were to die from pain as well, and if they really were soulmates, wouldn't that mean they would just wake up in another world and find each other again?

Remus felt his steady flow of tears stop when he thought over the possibility of getting to spend time with Sirius again. To find him again. He wondered if it was worth dying to see Sirius again, but as he remembered the idea of soulmates was only that - ideas - and none of them knew if they were soulmates for sure, or if it would even work, he started crying again. He felt hopeless. He felt like his heart was being stabbed from the pain. He felt like he was dying without any reassurances he would see Sirius again.

"Hey lil fella, watcha doin there on the ground crying?"

Remus dropped his hands to lie in his lap when a loud voice reached his ears. Glancing up he found Hagrid standing next to him, looking concerned.

"Need help up?" Hagrid asked as he extended an arm to offer Remus help to stand. Remus took the hand and the felt himself being hauled up by Hagrid's force.

"Don't wanna return home?" Hagrid asked as he brushed away some dust from Remus' shoulders. Remus shrugged at him, feeling numb after his extensive crying fit. He really liked Hagrid but it was hard to have a conversation when his whole being screamed for him to run after Sirius.

"Wanna know something? A secret?" Hagrid whispered suddenly, probably trying to cheer Remus up.

"What?" Remus croaked with a small smile. It was really kind of Hagrid for even caring about him.

"Okay, but don't tell anyone else, alright?" Remus nodded. "The secret is that yer the best kid I've ever got the chance to know here at Sluggy's camp." Hagrid confessed with a kind smile. His small beetle eyes blinked at Remus from somewhere under the mass of hair and beard, making Remus' chest swell with warmth.

"Y-you sure?" Remus stuttered, not believing his ears. Hagrid must have watched hundreds of boys arriving and leaving the camp throughout the years. How could he think Remus was the best one?

"I'm as sure as I know my name's Hagrid." Hagrid said, nodding to himself. And then Remus suddenly remembered one of his first days at the camp, over four years ago. He remembered Hagrid being kind to him and sitting by his table, making him feel less alone. Being his first friend in years.

"Thank you for taking care of me, and, ehm, sitting with me when I was alone." Remus heard himself say right before he was wrapped in a bear hug from Hagrid.

"It was nothin'." Hagrid exclaimed as he nearly crushed all bones in Remus' body from the force of the hug.

When he let go Remus stumbled on the ground, struggling to regain his balance. But as Hagrid placed a steadying hand on his shoulder he regained his posture. He was just about to bid Hagrid farewell and start searching for his parent's car when he heard Hagrid clear his throat awkwardly.

"What it is?" Remus asked curiously. Was he about to give Remus another compliment?

"Just wanna let ya know that I, uh, know about ya and Black. Sirius, I mean." Hagrid stuttered as his cheeks tinted pink. Remus tensed. Was Hagrid about to tell him something mean?

"And I wanted ya to know that I approve of ya to one hundred percent. I think yer a nice couple." Hagrid chuckled. For a second Remus felt thankful for Hagrid's blessing, but then his heart reminded him of how much he missed said Sirius, making him wince in pain.

"Thank you Hagrid, but I have to go now." He cried, staring at the ground. He felt Hagrid pat his shoulder before he coughed, bid him farewell and walked away.

Remus gripped his trunk and turned around to search for his car. He searched the parking lot but when he couldn't find it he started looking around him, staring at the many boys and families that came to pick them up after the summer. He saw the Prewett twins jump into a car, and Rosier into another.

Then Remus spotted someone walking towards him and he startled when he recognized it was Dumbledore with his long white beard and robes. Remus jerked when he saw Dumbledore wave at him to stop. So Remus stopped and waited for Dumbledore to walk up to him.

"Hello Mister Lupin, or dare I say Remus?" Dumbledore said as his blue eyes twinkled in the light of the sun.

"Hello Dumbledore. You may call me Remus sir." He said as he tried to wipe away the last traces of his tears on his sleeve. Though, if his eyes looked as swollen as they felt just wiping off the tears wouldn't be enough to cover up the evidence of his earlier extensive crying.

"Tell me Remus, did you have fun this summer?" Dumbledore asked as he blinked at Remus expectantly.

"Eh, yes sir. I had a lot of fun this summer." Remus nodded.

"Perhaps so much fun that you do not want it to... end?" Dumbledore said as he raised his eyebrows, making Remus frown at him. What did he mean by asking Remus something like that? Wasn't his cry-swollen face evidence enough?

"Exactly sir." Remus nodded again before he swept his gaze over the parking lot, hoping for his parents to pull up on it soon.

"But please tell me Remus. How can you be sure this is the end?" Dumbledore said, making Remus glance up at him again. Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise when he saw Dumbledore's mysterious smile.

"I don't understand sir. It's the 31st of July, everyone knows the camp ends by then." Remus shrugged as he felt his heart make another painful clench at the reminder.

"Yes, the camp ends on the 31st. Of course." Dumbledore trailed off dreamily as he let a hand come down on Remus' shoulder. "But love doesn't." Dumbledore stated, making Remus narrow his eyes at him. Was he implying something?

"Please tell me one last thing before you leave Remus." Dumbledore asked. Remus nodded at him, unsure of the point of the conversation when he heard Dumbledore clear his throat and take a step closer.

"Don't you believe in..." Dumbledore whispered mysteriously.

"Don't I believe in what sir?" Remus whispered back, torn between feeling curious and irritated.

"In magic?" Dumbledore whispered as his eyes twinkled excitedly.

Remus startled. What?

Unsure of what to do Remus stayed still on the spot. He watched as Dumbledore took a step back, aiming Remus a wink right before he turned around.

Frowning, Remus turned to stare at his hands that he'd formed into fists as they hung by his sides. Was Dumbledore going mental? Was he teasing him? Had he found out about his relationship with Sirius and found it fun that they were parting ways? Or was he trying to help?

But then Remus remembered his conversation about soulmates with Sirius from the night prior. Perhaps that was the kind of 'magic' Dumbledore was talking about? Did he think Remus and Sirius were soulmates? Did he mean it was worth for Remus to die of he could be with Sirius again?

He wondered about what 'magic' Dumbledore had meant, but then he remembered all the occasions mostly him, but also James had watched Dumbledore disappear from the spot in belief he was a wizard. And now, when Dumbledore asked Remus if he didn't believe in magic it all fell into place. Of course Dumbledore was a wizard!

Remus snapped his head up to search for Dumbledore again, hoping to finally get the question whether Dumbledore was a normal person or not answered. But when he turned his head from side to side he saw that Dumbledore was already gone. He'd disappeared like usual.

Grunting, Remus shook his head. He scolded himself for even thinking about such gibberish such as magic and wizards. He knew nothing could help his situation. Not even Dumbledore if he

turned out to be one. "Remus!"

Remus looked around when he heard someone call his name. His eyes fell on the small car that just parked on the parking lot. His mother waved to him through the waved down window and his father stepped out of the driver's seat.

Remus forced a stiff smile on his lips as he walked forward to greet his father that gave him a hard pat on the back.

"Hey Remus! Had a great summer?" His father chanted. Remus nodded to him and handed him his trunk. Then he opened the back door and climbed in to sit on his usual seat by the window.

He closed the door and made himself comfortable in is seat, but nothing could erase the painful ache in his chest that reminded him of Sirius. Everything reminded him of Sirius.

"Hi sweetheart." His mother greeted him from the front seat. "How was the last summer with your friends? Let me see, what were their names again... James, Peter and...?"

"Sirius." Remus cried as his voice broke out into a messy sob.
"Right. Sirius. Oh, wait why are you crying sweetie?" Mother asked sounding concerned.

"I miss Sirius." Remus wailed, unable to stop the heavy flow of tears that streamed down his cheeks. He missed Sirius terribly. And he knew he would until they met again. Which they wouldn't. So he would cry forever.

Remus' chest heaved from the extent of his sobs. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to be with Sirius.

He cried all the way home.

Memory Lane

December 1975

"Isn't it nice to have Christmas break now Remus?" His mother chirped from across the dining table.

"I guess." Remus shrugged as he took a sip from his tea.

"Are you planning on inviting any friends over for the holiday? Perhaps that wonderful friend of yours, Lily?" His mother tried.

"I don't think so." Remus shrugged again as he emptied his cup of tea and made to get up from his chair.

His mother got up from her chair as well, all the while eyeing Remus worryingly. "Maybe you could invite some of the friends you got from the summer camp? Perhaps James? Peter? ... Sirius?"

Remus felt the usual jab of pain to his chest he always got when someone mentioned Sirius' name. Sirius, who he hadn't heard a word from since the last day at the camp. Sirius, who he still loved.

"No mom. I think they're all busy, but I'll let you know if I invite Lily over." Remus said only to make his mother stop worrying over him. It seemed to work as she sighed and lost that concerned look on her face.

"Want to help me decorate the Christmas tree? You can shake the presents under it if you help." His mother asked with a playful smile.

"Perhaps later." Remus said, not even remotely interested in the contents under the Christmas tree. The only thing he wanted for Christmas was currently miles away, somewhere in London. And hopefully he wasn't getting himself into trouble. Remus couldn't stand the thought of Sirius in pain, but then he couldn't stand any thought about Sirius at all. It made him too depressed.

Remus passed his mother, who looked disappointed over him neglecting the Christmas chores, and headed up the stairs for his room. Well inside he locked the door behind him, pressed his back against it and slid down to sit on the cold floor.

He closed his eyes as he took a set of deep breaths. It didn't help. Nothing could ease the pain in his chest that only seemed to grow from every day he spent away from Sirius.

He hauled himself up to slump down on his bed instead. He rolled around on top of it but stopped when his back collided with something fluffy. Turning around he saw Teddy lay pressed against the wall. Remus picked him up and pressed him to his chest as he proceeded to give the bear a long hug.

He had started sleeping with Teddy again, and even though he knew it was silly and something for small kids it helped against the pain and nightmares at night. He thought Teddy's gray-silver fur reminded of Sirius' eyes and sometimes, or always, when he hugged Teddy he imagined it was Sirius he was hugging instead. It always calmed him down for a minute before the pain of sorrow and longing kicked in.

Remus stayed like that for a while; rolling around on the bed while hugging the air out of Teddy. As his grip around Teddy loosened and he made to get up from the bed his eyes locked on the

pictures taped to his wall. As usual, he felt his heart jump when he saw the two Polaroid pictures of him and Sirius that he'd got from James back in '73.

Remus had taped them to the inner wall of his bed, in eye sight from his main pillow. Every night he looked at them, not wanting to forget how Sirius looked even though he was much younger in the pictures. Remus felt immensely lucky for the pictures now, and he had even sent a letter to James where he thanked him.

He let his index finger swipe over picture-Sirius' dark hair twice, imagining that the real Sirius was there with him. Then he thought back at the occasion when the picture was taken. He remembered they'd gone swimming in the lake, and that he'd for one of the first times thought Sirius looked hot.

Remus felt a shy smile tug at his lips when he let his finger swipe all over Sirius' body, stopping momentarily over his shorts but then quickly moving on to his bare feet when Remus' flush creeped back to his ears.

Remus lowered his hand to the side as he sat up on the bed. He reached for his nightstand and pulled out the drawer and fiddled around some until he found what he was looking for. When his fingers brushed against the folded paper he brought it out to lie in his lap.

With his heart in his throat he read:

The Marauder's Map Property of
Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs 24.07.1971

Briefly, Remus wondered how he had ended up with the map. But he was glad he did. He felt that he had most use of it.

He traced his finger over 'Padfoot' before he opened the folded paper. Inside he saw the descriptions, drawings and sketches of Slughorn's summer camp. Remus' eyes immediately searched for their cabin, and when he spotted cabin 7, drawn slightly bigger than the rest, he smiled.

He let his eyes swipe over the rest of the map, from the lake to the main building, not stopping until he saw the drawing of the secret passageway to the other side of the forest. Then Remus thought back of how many times him Sirius, James and Peter had climbed over it to the other side to play new exciting games or just relax on their secret glade.

Letting his eyes look some to the right he spotted the splotchy drawing of the small cupboard by the main building. He felt his heart jump and stomach do a little somersault when he remembered that to be the exact place where he'd got his first kiss. Where he'd got kissed by Sirius for the first time.

When Remus let his mind wander to the time him and Sirius had sneaked off to the cupboard during a game of hide and seek he felt the blush creep up his forehead. Now the idea of them making out in a crowded cupboard when people searched for them on the other side felt surreal. Had they really done that? Had Remus really snogged Sirius in that small cupboard?

Shaking his head, Remus let his eyes wander to the main building where they had marked out 'dining hall', 'reception desk', 'utility room', 'kitchens' and 'Slughorn's office'. Remus looked at the

drawing of Slughorn's office and felt his heart constrict when he remembered his first real kiss with Sirius having happened right there.

Then Remus remembered the first kiss they'd shared back in the summer of '75. He remembered being pulled into the small alley between cabin 6 and 7, totally surprised but overjoyed when Sirius kissed him again.

Remus smiled sadly at the map folded out in his lap. He'd shared many firsts with Sirius. First crush, first love, first kiss, first snog. When Remus remembered his other firsts that all involved a certain part of his body he felt his cheeks burn again.

Sirius had been his first everything, and he believed he would be his last as well. He didn't want anyone else. He only wanted Sirius. He only loved Sirius.

Remus let his eyes wander back to the glade in the forest, thinking back at the moment when he'd first realized he loved Sirius. He remembered he'd laid next to Sirius on the grass and glanced at his profile as his heart urged him to just kiss him already.

Remus sighed. If only he'd known back then how serious his feelings were. That he'd known he would love Sirius for the rest of his life, making life suffocating when they had to part ways. If he'd known then he might had been able to plan something or just do anything to prevent the situation he was in now.

He folded the map on his lap before he placed it back in the drawer. Then he got up from his bed in favor of walking over to his desk where he sat down on his rickety chair. He reached for a paper and a pen but before he started writing his eyes locked on the high pile of letters laying to his right.

After a quick glance to the door to check no one was passing by Remus allowed the sob that he'd built up in his throat escape him as he reached for one of the letters in the pile. He gave it a look over before he felt the first set of tears run down his cheeks.

He had written letters to Sirius since the first day away from him. Though, he hadn't sent a single one of them, too afraid of them being confiscated or burned before they reached Sirius. So instead he was left to stock them up until he hoped to one day hand them over to Sirius personally. If he even wanted them that is.

Remus leaned back on the chair that creaked from his weight. He let his eyes send a swift look on the snow covered fields outside his window before he took a deep breath and opened the envelope with the name Sirius Orion Black in fancy, cursive letters.

He read the letter from top to bottom and felt his heart clench from just reading it. It was one of the first ones he'd written during the first week away from Sirius, and it was filled with memories they'd shared together.

When another set of tears threatened to soak the letter Remus put it back in its envelope and placed it back in its original place in the pile. Then he leaned his elbows on the desk as he wondered what do to with this day away from the love of his life. When he remembered the paper and pen he'd brought he set for writing another letter to Sirius.

Even though he kind of knew it was a bad idea to write to the one person he knew he couldn't meet and ultimately make himself feel worse he couldn't help but to at least want to imagine Sirius receiving his letters and were about to send him a reply any day now.

So he put the pen against the paper and started writing.

Dear Sirius

I hope you are having a good time wherever you are. I know you are probably at home or still at the boarding school, though you never told me where it was.

I know I should not but I miss you tremendously. Not a day goes by without me missing you.

Want to know something?

I still wear the ring. The silver one that matches yours that we found during the treasure hunt back at the camp for over two years ago. Though, it became too small for my middle finger so I moved it to my ring finger instead.

I know it probably sounds silly but I secretly hope you have moved yours to the ring finger as well. Makes it feel more special.

On another note I recently went on Christmas break. It is nice to be out of that hell hole for a while, but then not really considering it is just another three weeks when I cannot see you.

Life just seems dull without you. Meaningless. Yes, that is the word. Meaningless. Everything has lost its purpose, colors and meaning since you went away. Nothing is the same.

I hope you are having a good time but at the same time I secretly hope you are in as much pain as I am. I know it is selfish of me to think that, but it seems unfair otherwise.

You know I do not really wish you to be hurting. I love you and want you to be happy every day. I miss you.
Hope we will meet soon.
Love you.

Remus

Remus lowered the pen on the desk to lie next to the paper that he read through. He had deliberately tried to make it seem like he was hurting less than he was, not wanting Sirius to worry too much since he couldn't do anything about the situation. But still. He didn't feel like confessing that the mere mentioning of Sirius' name made his chest hurt and eyes water.

Remus leaned back on the chair as he took a deep breath to steady himself. He tried to swallow but the growing lump in his throat made it nearly impossible.

He looked down at the paper lying on his desk for a minute and then he shook his head. Writing letters to Sirius was just a waste of time considering Sirius probably would never get to read them, and the fact the procedure always ended up with Remus crying.

Though, somehow he always found himself writing a letter or two when it all felt too much too much to bear alone. When he wrote at least he could imagine that Sirius was with him.

He scribbled a 'Sirius plus Remus equals heart' in the top corner of the letter before he folded in into half and reached for an empty envelope he put it in. Then he addressed it to Sirius Orion Black and added todays date. He laid it on top of the pile and stared at it for a while, but then he got up from the chair, too restless to stare at the unsent letters anymore.

He walked over to his bed again where he lay down. He reached for Teddy who he pressed to his

chest in a tight hug before he turned around to glance at the Polaroid pictures of him and Sirius.

He lifted his right hand to trace picture-Sirius' hair but lowered it when he felt a set of hot tears burn in his eyes.

"I miss him." He cried as he buried his face in Teddy's soft, gray fur that reminded him of Sirius. "I miss him so much."

Chapter Notes

The Final

This has been an incredibly fun journey but now we're already at the end. Thank you so, so much for reading, commenting and leaving kudos!3

Wolfstar forever!

Summer of 1977

"Remus, sweetie, there's someone at the door! Can you get it?"

Remus groaned but dropped the book he'd been reading and got up from the bed to get it. On his way downstairs he muttered, wondering who in their right mind came by for a visit at eight in the evening.

Still muttering Remus unlocked the door and opened it.

"Hi Remus!" Lily Evans said as she suddenly stood in front of him. Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Hello Lily. What're you doing here?" He frowned.

"Nice to see you too. Can I come in?" She said as she pressed herself past Remus into the small hallway.

"Sure. Why not?" Remus said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes at Lily's straightforwardness.

"Have you changed the carpet or something? It looks different than before. And how come you haven't invited me over for so long?" Lily asked as she turned around to face him, one eyebrow lifted, hands on her hips.

Remus felt himself start to sweat under her prying gaze. "I, ehm, well," He started as he flicked his eyes down to look at the floor.

"It's fine. Don't break a sweat over that. I'm just kidding." She exclaimed friendly as she lifted a hand to pat Remus' back reassuringly.

"Want to go upstairs?" Remus asked and when Lily nodded at him with a grin they started walking up the stairs, heading for Remus' room. On the way Remus' mother asked who it was and when he told her it was Lily Remus had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes when his mother exclaimed happily.

His mother was really fond of Lily. Almost so fond that Remus sometimes suspected she'd forgotten he was gay and tried to make him fall for her.

"So, what's up?" Lily asked when Remus had closed the door behind them and they'd sat down on the edge of his bed.

"Nothing much. You?" Remus asked, immediately wanting to dart the focus back to Lily.

"Oh, the usual." Lily said as she moved closer to Remus on the bed, her eyes narrowing as she looked into his.

"How are you?" Lily asked, making Remus' chest immediately flare with pain at the question. "Brilliant." He lied as he forced a stiff smile on his lips. "Never been better actually."

Lily rolled her eyes at him and waved her hand in the air dramatically. "Oh don't give me that. You do know you're a terrible liar, right?"

"Don't know what you're talking about. I'm telling the truth." Remus mumbled as he started fiddling with the sleeves of his shirt. He stopped fiddling when he felt Lily press a hand over his.

"Come on. Tell me. Is it about you-know-who?" Lily asked gently, making Remus glance up at her insecurely. Was it safe to open up to her or was she going to scold him for his incapability to move on?

"He hasn't answered my letters. I sent him two last summer but he still hasn't answered them." Remus sighed helplessly. He'd actually known from the start that Sirius wouldn't answer them. That's why he hadn't sent him any letters for five years, but after one year apart he'd felt the need to at least try to contact him. But no. No response, no anything.

It was as if Sirius was dead. It was as if it had all just been a too good to be true dream after all.

"There must be a reason. I'm sure he wouldn't just ignore you on purpose...?" Lily tried as she pulled Remus in for a quick hug.

"It doesn't matter. I don't care anymore." Remus said as he struggled out of the embrace, leaving Lily looking offended.

"Don't give me that. It's obvious you do. In fact, I think you still care about him so much you can hardly stand it." Lily declared as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Remus frowned at her. It was easy for her to just say that. It was another thing to be Remus and have to feel those things every waking moment. That led him into thinking that if he tried to talk himself into believing he didn't care about Sirius anymore it would work. That then he would finally be able to his live without the lingering ache in his chest and lump in his throat that threatened to break him.

"Hey, Remus. I'm sorry I didn't mean for it to come off so mean." Lily apologized.

"No, it's fine. It's the truth anyway. I don't know who I'm trying to fool. It's obvious that I'm still crazy about him." Remus' voice was shaking from the honesty of it all. He lifted a hand to rub his neck. "I'm still in love with him."

"Oh Remus." Lily looked at him with a concerned expression. Remus lowered his gaze to stare at his lap. He liked Lily a lot, and how she always wanted the best for him, but he didn't want her pity.

"Why don't you send a letter to James?" Lily suggested suddenly, making Remus look at her again. "Why?" He frowned.

"Well, perhaps he has heard anything about you-know-who that you haven't?" Lily tried.

"Like what? And if it turned out he'd contacted James but not me when I've literally been on my toes, anxiously waiting for any signs he's even alive for the past two years, it would break me." Remus rubbed his forehead in hopes it would rid him from the pain his chest. It didn't.

"Okay, okay! Forget I ever said anything. Geez." Lily breathed. Remus tsked at her and then they sat in silence for a moment, the only signs coming from Remus' mother who'd started vacuum- clean the top floor.

"You think he has forgotten about me?" Remus heard himself ask, making his eyes widen in surprise over his own bluntness. He looked over at Lily who crossed her legs as she frowned in thought.

"No. I don't think so." She decided. "Not that I have spent enough time with him to really know more than the most important things about him, but if the way he looked at you is anything to go by I'm sure he hasn't forgotten about how. I mean; he literally looked at you like you were the most wonderful thing in the world." Lily said with a grin as she nudged Remus' shoulder, making him smile back at her.

"He did?" Remus asked, heart clenching from a mixture of longing and missing.

"He always did. And you looked the same back at him." Lily nodded, making Remus heart clench again. He looked over his shoulder to get a quick glance at picture-Sirius over at his bed. Sure, Sirius was about four years younger than today-Sirius in the picture, but still. He didn't ever want to forget how Sirius looked.

But then he shook his head over his own silliness. As if he could ever forget how Sirius looked. He was the love of his life for god's sake.

"Think you'll meet again?" Lily asked curiously, her green eyes glistening with interest. "I don't know." Remus confessed as he bit down on his lip worriedly. "I hope so, but-"

"Nonsense. Of course you will!" Lily chirped before she patted Remus' back. "If you ask me I think it's only a matter of time."

"If you believe in miracles..." Remus muttered to the floor, but Lily heard him.

"If I believe in miracles? Of course I believe in miracles! Don't you?" Lily asked with a nudge to Remus' shoulder that made him threaten to fall to the floor.

"I don't know. Should I?"

"Of course you should! And you should believe in magic as well." Lily told him as a matter of fact. Remus shrugged, not really listening to her hopeful chanting, but when the words sunk in he found himself startle.

"Wait, Lily. What did you say?" Remus blinked.

"What do you mean? Miracles? Magic?" Lily asked as she raised her eyebrows at him. "You think I don't mean it?"

Remus shook his head. "No, Lily it's not that. It's just... I've heard it once before. It's weird to hear it again now." Remus sighed as he lifted his hand to rub his temples.

He remembered the last day at the camp when Dumbledore had approached him only to ask if he didn't believe in magic. That it wasn't the end or something else as confusing.

Remus frowned. Was it a coincident that Lily had told him the same now? Or was destiny really trying to tell him something?

"Someone else has told you to believe in magic? That doesn't sound like anything just anyone would say, but okay." Lily shrugged, green eyes searching Remus' amber ones for an answer.

"Remember that really old man back at Slughorn's camp? The one with the long, white beard, hair and half-moon glasses?" Remus asked as he decided to let her in on the full story.

"Yeah, the one with the funny long robes and stuff?" Lily asked as she shifted on the bed, leaning her back against Remus' main pillow.

"Exactly. Albus Dumbledore was his name. Anyway, right before I was going home for the last time he approached me only tell me it 'wasn't the end' and asked me if I 'believed in magic'." Remus shrugged. "I know it's weird, and I haven't really thought about it since then but I did now that you asked me the same thing."

Lily rubbed her chin in thought. "Perhaps he just meant you shouldn't give up on Sirius so easily?" Lily tried. When Remus looked confused she went on. "Perhaps he knew it would eventually work out in the end already or something? Hey, I know! What if he's psychic?" Lily exclaimed as she clapped her hands together.

"Sure, Lily. Sure." Remus said as he rolled his eyes.

"Oh, come on. Don't give me that 'you're mental' look now. How would you explain him being so mysterious? Didn't you think he was a wizard or something before anyway?" Lily said as her scrutinizing eyes bore into Remus'.

"Yeah, you're right. But still, I think it's weird how mysterious he was, and still doesn't get what he meant. But yeah, perhaps he was psychic or something. Who knows?" Remus shrugged.

They sat in silence for a while as Remus mind wandered to different memories from the camp. He remembered how he'd wished upon a shooting star, where he'd wished for a friend and then got three. He remembered how Lily had moved to his small town only to become friends with him and ultimately protect him from bullies. He remembered how he'd felt that him and Sirius fit together on a deeper level, like two pieces of the same thing.

Suddenly those things didn't feel like coincidences anymore. It felt too surreal to be. Perhaps there was some sort of magic in the picture after all?

"Want to know something?" Lily said after a beat of silence. Remus guessed she wanted to change the topic from the camp since she saw how sad it made him.

"What?" Remus asked as he shifted of the bed, sitting cross legged.
"I'm exchanging letter with James." Lily said as a light blush covered her cheeks.

Remus blinked, too shocked to understand. "What?" He decided on after he'd stared at her, baffled, for a minute.

"Surprised? Well, I was too when I realized I didn't despise him anymore. I don't know, think I kind of like him." Lily confessed. Remus' jaw hit the floor in surprise. Was he hearing things?

"What-, when?" Remus babbled.

"I don't know how he found out about my address but he sent me the first letter about six months ago, and since I sent one back it went on from there. I might even invite him over to come visit me later this summer. Well, if he behaves. I haven't told him yet and I can still change my mind." Lily smiled at him. Remus was happy that she seemed lucky, but he was still a bit too surprised to congratulate her yet.

"Wait. Are you seri, ehm, I mean; are you two a thing now or...?" Remus said as he felt his face heat up in embarrassment over the fact he'd deliberately stopped himself from voicing Sirius' name. Lily gave him that are-you-serious-right-now look but after a second she answered him.

"Yeah, or I mean, I think so. I hope so." Lily said as she flung her red hair from her shoulder. "Weird right? How time can change people?" Lily said with a dreamy sigh. Remus agreed. He thought James must have changed into a totally different person for Lily to sigh dreamily about him.

"It's our James you mean right? James Potter?" Remus asked just to be sure. Lily laughed at him before she leaned forward to shove his shoulder playfully.

"Yes you mutt. Who else?" Lily asked him with a funny look.

"Yeah, I don't know. But why haven't you told me until now?" Remus pryed, suddenly feeling left out in the dark. Lily was his best friend after all.

"Sorry I didn't tell you sooner but after having watched you sulk for over a year I didn't feel like waving my own happiness in your face. Figured it would only make you sadder or even jealous. Lily said as she looked into Remus' eyes apologizing.

Remus shrugged. "You're probably right." He breathed. "I'm pathetic, aren't I?" He mumbled. He should just pull himself together already. Get over Sirius. But the aching and longing in his chest told him otherwise. His heart and soul still wanted Sirius.

"Remus, it's alright. You'll be happy again in no time. I know you will." Lily said as she patted Remus' shoulder reassuringly. However, Remus didn't believe her. And he didn't think she sounded as reassuring as she probably thought she did.

Lily lay back down on his main pillow and Remus climbed on the bed until he flung himself next to her. There they stared up at the ceiling in silence, listening on the sounds coming from the other side of the door where Remus' mother still cleaned the house.

Lily shifted next to him until she lay on her side and then she lifted a hand to point at the wall behind Remus.

"Nice picture. From James?" Lily asked with a light laugh. Remus felt his heart clench when he realized she must be pointing at his two pictures of Sirius and him.

"Yeah..." Remus trailed off as he turned around to look at the pictures.

"From his Polaroid camera? Thought I should know. He used to chase me around with that camera back in the day, trying to sneak pictures of me." Lily tsked like that James one from the past. Remus frowned at her. He still thought James acted like that, but perhaps he managed to behave himself in Lily's proximity nowadays. Or he just made himself seem more mature in the letters he sent her.

Remus and Lily talked on the bed about everything and nothing until it got dark outside. Then Remus followed her home where he had to force a smile as Petunia greeted them in the door. He thought she looked more like a horse than ever and it was with a fierce determination he managed to suppress the snicker until she'd closed the door after Lily had hugged Remus goodbye.

Remus made his way home in the darkness, the only light coming from the moon and stars above as he lived in a small village with few lamp posts to spare. Though, the darkness didn't scare him anymore. Not when the pain in his chest was far more horrifying.

When he got home he went through his night routine early and then locked himself in his room again. He turned off the lights and lay down on his bed, stared up at his ceiling.

He went through the evening with Lily in his head. He was thankful to have her as a friend and that she always was the one to initiate a meeting. He felt grateful she didn't just give up on him, because really; he never made any effort to do anything besides sulking over Sirius.

Sirius...

Remus didn't know whether to feel thankful or bad over the fact him and Lily hadn't mentioned Sirius' name even once. Instead they had referred to him as 'he' or 'you-know-who', which eased Remus pain momentarily but still didn't really do anything to soothe the aching in his heart in the long run. He knew it was silly but somewhere along the way he'd talked his heart into believing that if he never heard Sirius' name again it would be able to heal faster.

Because then it would be as if he had never existed.

Remus grunted as he rolled around on the bed. He didn't know who he thought he was fooling. All his efforts to forget about Sirius were halfhearted. One minute he refused to hear or speak Sirius' name, but the other he caressed picture-Sirius' hair like his life depended on it.

He was really pathetic.

Sighing, he turned around on his bed until his head laid on the foot of the bed, allowing him to look out his window at the moon outside. He watched it as it wandered higher up the sky, distracting him from his thoughts about Sirius even if it was just for a moment.

'''''''''

"Remus sweetheart, your father will come home in less than three days and you still haven't helped me clean once. Could you at least help me clean your room?" His mother sighed, sounding irritated, but then she smiled and dropped the towel from her hand to pat Remus' cheek.

"Okay." Remus shrugged. He hadn't really planned to do anything that day anyway, well except for reading or mourning his loss of Sirius.

"Really? All these days I thought you would refuse but all it took was to ask." His mother mumbled under her breath as she handed Remus a bucket with warm water and soap along with a new towel. "Here you go. Don't forget the windowsill." She nodded at him and then he was off, heading upstairs for his room.

He walked inside his room and closed the door behind him with his free hand. Then he placed the bucket on the floor before he got to work. He swabbed his shelves, nightstand and windowsill. And when he got to his desk he carefully emptied it of the extensive pile of unsent letters to Sirius that he placed on his bed before he started swabbing that area as well.

When he was done and had checked that the surface was dry three times he carefully placed the pile of letters back with a relieved sigh. He knew it was silly, but somehow those letters felt like a part of Sirius and he did everything he could to protect them.

As Remus walked out of his room to fetch the vacuum cleaner his mind unintentionally drifted to thoughts of Sirius. He thought about how today it was exactly two years since they'd met for the last time. And no matter how many days passed the mere thought sent a painful jab to Remus' chest.

He was still heart broken. He missed Sirius horribly.

He started the vacuum cleaner and started cleaning his floor when he thought back of one of the last things Sirius had told him. If he remembered right Sirius had said something along the lines of 'I'll think of something'.

Remus pouted, eyes sadly looking around his sparsely furnished room. Had those only been words from Sirius? Remus had waited for two years already but hadn't even seen a trace of Sirius. Had Sirius forgotten about him after all? Perhaps he'd thought of Remus as just a summer flirt only to move on to the next boy or girl as soon as he got home.

But then Remus scolded himself. He knew better than to accuse Sirius of such things. Sure, it had been two years since they'd last seen each other but it didn't give Remus any rights to distrust him. Sirius might just as well be the same person he was on the last day on the camp as he might be a totally different person. Though, Remus hoped Sirius was the same. And he hoped he still loved him as much as Remus still loved him.

He hoped Sirius spent every day in sorrow, his heart longing for Remus just like Remus did for Sirius.

When Remus finished cleaning his room he put back the vacuum cleaner and walked downstairs to empty the dirty water and clean the towel and his bucket. Then he walked outside to doze off against one of the trees in their garden, and perhaps daydream some about Sirius, perhaps cry a little.

He closed his eyes and waited for sleep to take him, but no matter how long he sat leaned against the tree it just wouldn't come. So instead he let his eyes wander around their garden, flicking to the many flowers his mother had planted during the years.

He looked up at the blue sky and felt his chest hurt when he thought about how the blue color reminded him of one of Sirius' pajamas back in the day. He looked down at his hands only to feel his heart jump when he saw the silver ring on his ring finger glisten in the light form the sun. He looked past the edge of their house at the vast fields stretching behind it and felt his chest constrict when he remembered how Sirius had said he would probably love it in Wales.

Remus sighed as he closed his eyes. He would have to sit with his eyes closed from now on. Everything he looked at reminded him of Sirius.

"Remus, come inside! You've got mail!" Remus snapped his eyes open.

"What?" He shouted back as he got up from his spot by the tree. Who would send him mail? Lily? No, she lived almost next door. James? No, the last time he'd gotten a letter from him was three months ago. Peter then? Remus tsked as he shook his head. Peter had only sent him two very short

letters and that was over a year ago.

"I don't want to shout, come inside instead!" His mother shouted, making Remus roll his eyes before he got up from the ground and started walking towards the door.

He walked in through the open door and felt his stomach clench nervously. Who would send him a letter? He hoped it wasn't one of his old bullies at school who wanted to torment him again. They had sent him a couple of evil letters back in the day.

"Here you go sweetie. I don't recognize the address it's from, but I guess it's from somewhere in London by the letter mark. Oh, and do you know this person? The envelope is very, eh, decorated." His mother said as she handed him the envelope.

Remus didn't answer her. He was too busy staring at the envelope in his hands.

To: Remus John Lupin it read it big, rainbow colored colors. Under the text someone had drawn a mess of stars, moons and kissing lips. In the top left corner was a set of letter marks, but in the bottom right corner was something scribbled in red letters. Bringing the letter closer to his face Remus felt himself gasp.

The words read 'I love you'.

Remus heart started beating faster. His stomach churned with anticipation and the lump in his throat returned. He blinked away a set of tears that pooled down on his cheeks as he slowly, tentatively turned the letter over in his hands.

When his eyes found the backside he involuntarily cried out. His knees gave up under him and he fell to the floor, hugging the letter to his chest.

"Remus? Remus what is it? Who is it from?" His mother asked, looking confused as she wondered if Remus needed help up or not.

Remus shook his head as tears streamed down his cheeks. "Sirius!"

His mother gasped and dropped the sandwich she'd held in her hand in surprise. "What!?" She shouted in a mixture of joy and surprise.

"Sirius Black!" Remus cried, his chest exploding with happiness, nervousness and sorrow all at once. He couldn't believe it. Had Sirius finally sent him a letter?

"Well, what are you waiting for? Open it!" His mother urged him on as she extended a hand to haul him up from the floor. She pulled out a chair and helped him sit down on it before she told him she would be in the living room in case he needed her. Absentmindedly Remus felt happy for her giving him privacy, but at the moment he was far too occupied by the letter in his hands to thank her properly.

With trembling hands and shaking lower lip Remus wiped his tears on his sleeve and then opened the envelope. He felt his heart stop when he recognized the handwriting on the letter. It was Sirius'. It was really him. He had finally sent him a letter.

After taking a deep breath to try and steady his racing heart he read the text.

Dear Remus

First of all, I love you.

I love you and miss you every day. I have tried to find a way for us to meet since I left you there at the parking lot for nearly two years ago now.

But now one thing has led to another and I think, if I dare hope, that we can finally meet again.

Two days ago I ran away from home, but don't get all worried because of me now. As I told you before I had planned on doing it for years, and it went kind of according to plan as well.

I live with the Potter's now and they're really kind and understanding.

In fact so understanding that they've bought a train ticket for me to go to Wales train station tomorrow afternoon, which will be today if the letter arrives in time.

Hope you still want to see me because I'll be at the train station by eight PM tomorrow/today. Please come and get me.

If you still want to see me I could remind you of how wonderful, perfect and unique you are. And about the fact I'm going crazy from longing for you.

Please forgive me that it took so long. Please, please come and see me. Remus, I love you.
Please?
I love you.

Sincerely, Sirius Black

(PS. I hope you still want to see me. I'm nervous as hell. And I could have written twice as long but James is telling me to go downstairs now. Please come meet me!)

Remus gaped at the letter in front of him. He stared at it and then red it again. He felt his heart stop, skip a beat and jump at the same time his stomach did somersaults.

Sirius had run away from home. Sirius lived with the Potter's. Sirius came to Wales tomorrow - today. God! Sirius was going to Wales in less than six hours!

"Mom!" Remus shouted happily.

He furiously wiped the steady stream of tears from his eyes as he told the news to his mother. Though, he only told her he was going to the train station later to meet Sirius. He wasn't even sure of his mother really knew all the details of their relationship. But it didn't matter. She understood that Remus cared about Sirius more than the world, so she smiled and hugged him and then patted his cheeks affectionately.

Remus rushed upstairs to threw himself on his bed where he hugged the letter to his chest. He cried and laughed, happy about the fact he would get to see Sirius, but mourning the long years he'd spent without him all alone.

He read the letter five more times before he carefully tucked it in his nightstand drawer, on top of

the Marauder's Map. Then he walked over to his wardrobe to pick out an outfit for Sirius. As he brought out his finest pair of trousers and a tight shirt for him to wear Remus wondered if Sirius still looked the same. He wondered if Sirius' hair would be longer, if he would be taller and if anything else might have changed.

Remus felt his smile grow nervous when he thought back on his memory of Sirius' brilliant gray eyes that shimmered in silver from time to time. He hoped Sirius' eyes would be the same. Hoped they hadn't transformed into those sad, haunted ones he always got when mentioning someone from his family.

Remus shook his head. The Black's weren't Sirius' family. The Potter's were now. And perhaps, just perhaps, even Remus.

Remus rushed out of his room to jump in the shower where he scrubbed himself clean from top to bottom. He washed his hair three times and even shaved the faint stubble he'd managed to grow overnight.

He blinked at his reflection in the mirror. He hoped Sirius would still think he looked good.

He grimaced at himself. He knew he was seventeen now but wondered if he really looked like it. Sirius was turning eighteen in just about three months, what if he thought Remus was too young for him now? But then he shook his head. He was being silly. If Sirius had gone through the trouble of running away from home only to immediately jump on the next train for Wales Remus didn't think he was going to turn around in the door from just one look at him. No, Remus had to trust that Sirius still liked him. In the letter he had said he still loved him after all.

Remus got himself dressed and then walked back to his room where he rummaged through his pile of letters to Sirius until he found the one he was looking for. It was one he'd written around Christmas '75, and he found it particularly cheesy.

He tucked the letter into his back pocket as a backup plan. In case he would be too shocked, sad, or happy to speak he would be able to give Sirius the letter where he could read that Remus still loved him. And well, he planned on handing all letters to Sirius one day after all so it might not hurt to start delivering them now.

When Remus had tucked the letter in his pocket he sat down on his bed, folded his hands in his lap and waited. He glanced at his nightstand clock.

Five hours left. ''''''''''

Remus fiddled with his sleeves as he shifted from foot to foot on the empty train station. There were only two people there save from him, and the both of them were old men who glanced at him disapprovingly. Remus tried not so seem too nervous from where he sweated in his tight shirt and trousers.

Anxiously, he heard the 'ding' that declared a train was approaching. Remus bit his lip nervously. Was Sirius on the train?

When Remus could make out the faint sight on top of the train he felt his heart jump. 'London - Wales' it said.

With his heart stuck in his throat Remus walked out on the platform so that he stood in the middle of it. Since he was unsure which wagon contained Sirius he felt it was safest.

As the train slowly came to a stop Remus felt his heart beat out of his chest. He could hear it echo in his ears and he wondered what to do with his hands. He clenched and unclenched them nervously as he bit his lip and let his eyes wander from door to door on the train that came to a stop in front of him.

He stilled when he saw all the doors open at once. He waited. He let his eyes swipe over the many entrances where fancy looking Londoners walked out into the empty platform. Remus frowned. He couldn't find Sirius anywhere. What if his letter had gotten delayed and he actually arrived yesterday? Or what if Sirius changed his mind?

Then he saw him. Remus' heart stopped.

His jaw his the ground and eyes stared wide as he saw a tall, handsome boy walk out of the train from the wagon to Remus' left. Remus stared and literally felt the world seize down to only him as he recognized him as Sirius.

Sirius was here. Sirius was in Wales. Sirius was walking out of the train right in front of him.

Remus tried to shout for him but found that his voice got stuck in his throat as he only managed a croaked squeak. But it didn't matter. In that exact moment Remus saw Sirius' eyes lock on him. Sirius gaped at him, his eyes as wide as saucepans as he dropped his bag on the ground next to him in shock.

Before they had any time to register what happened the both of them started running, eager to see each other again. Remus felt a sob escape him as he saw Sirius rush towards him, his face looking overjoyed and sad at the same time.

"Sirius!" Remus cried when they finally met halfway and he wrapped his arms around him.

"Remus!" Sirius cried back before he lifted Remus from the ground to spin him around in a circle. Remus meant to shout out happily from the embrace but ended up voicing a broken sob instead. He felt Sirius put him down on the ground and buried his face in his neck.

He couldn't stop the tears that soaked Sirius' shirt in a second, but he didn't care as he thought he felt a set of hot tears land on his own shoulder. He sniffled into Sirius a second longer before Sirius leaned back to look him in the eyes.

Remus felt himself gasp as he looked into Sirius' emotional gray eyes for the first time in years. They were slightly red, and wet from his crying, but other than that they were the same. Sirius' eyes were the same. They were gray, shimmered in silver from the sun and so warm they melted Remus' soul to a wonderful mess. They hadn't got destroyed by his family.

"Remus?" Sirius whispered, voice broken as he lifted a hand to trace over Remus' forehead, eyes and nose. When his fingers reached Remus' lips they lingered for a second longer and Remus ceased the opportunity to press a light kiss to them. He saw Sirius' lips quirk in a smile before he lowered his fingers to trace down Remus' chest.

"You're even more beautiful than I remembered." Sirius whispered, successfully making Remus' chest dance with affection and excitement.

"You too. You're the most handsome thing I've ever seen." Remus croaked before he mentally slapped himself for being unable to voice his opinion better. He finally reunited with Sirius and he told him he was a 'thing'? Though, Sirius didn't seem to mind considering his smile grew into a shy

grin.

"Thanks." Sirius said, and then he leaned forward to press a soft kiss to Remus' cheek that made his cheeks burn. He felt the butterflies in his stomach churn to life as he gazed into Sirius' wonderful eyes.

Sirius looked very much the same as he remembered, save from the fact he'd grown and matured visibly. His jaw line, cheek bones and nose was more defined and he was taller. Remus thought he looked incredibly beautiful as his skin glistened in the light from the sun, but then he remembered he'd always thought Sirius looked beautiful so he didn't know if he'd changed that much after all.

He felt Sirius take step back to create some distance between them and was just about to ask why when Sirius extended his right hand. Remus felt his heart constrict when he got what he meant.

The handshake.

After Sirius wiped away Remus' new set of tears with his thumb Remus extended his right hand and they went on with their secret handshake. Remus deliberately let his hand linger after the handshake and rejoiced in the pleasant shiver that ran down his spine from the contact. He smiled shyly at Sirius when he saw him smile shyly back at him, and then he felt Sirius take his hand in his.

"I love you." Sirius whispered suddenly, voice desperate as he tightened his grip around Remus' hand. "I love you and it hasn't gone a day where I didn't miss you."

Remus felt his heart swell with affection. "I love you to." He whispered as he felt a new set of tears burn in his eyes, these were from happiness.

Sirius smiled at him as he gazed into Remus' eyes dreamily, and that's when Remus got an idea.

"Sirius, I want to give you something. Why don't you close your eyes for me?" He said as he felt an excited smile tug at his lips and happiness bubble in his chest.

He saw realization dawn on Sirius as he grinning shot Remus a watery wink before closed his eyes. Remus rejoiced when he saw that Sirius' cheeks were tinted pink.

After counting to three, all the while trying to calm his racing heart, Remus slowly leaned forward, closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to Sirius' perfect lips.

Remus felt the butterflies in his stomach flutter like they wanted to escape him, his chest explode with wonderful fireworks, and a wonderful tingling feeling spread though his entire body. His mind, body and soul sang in harmony as he finally got to kiss Sirius again, and it only got better as Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus' neck to press them tighter together, deepening the kiss.

They kissed until Remus had to break for air, the both of them panting slightly as they stood nose to nose on the train station. Remus lifted his free hand to swipe over Sirius' chest and smiled when he realized Sirius had put on tight clothes as well. They were so silly the both of them, putting on tight clothes to satisfy the other.

"I'm still in love with you." Sirius said, voice honest, as he tried to persuade Remus that the past two years didn't have to mean anything. That they could catch up on lost time in a matter of time.

"And I'm still in love with you. But it hurt so much. To be away from you for so long." Remus whispered as he shook his head. "Why did you run away now?" He asked.

He knew he should pity Sirius for even having to run away from home, but at the same time he found himself selfishly wishing he'd have done it sooner so Remus wouldn't had been alone for so long.

"Remus trust me when I say I tried to find a way to get to you. I never wanted it to take this long. But I had no choice." Sirius pleaded. Remus felt his heart break when Sirius' eyes filled with tears again.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm asking so much of you when you're only doing your best." Remus said honestly as he let his hand wipe away the tears on Sirius' cheek. "I'm so happy we're together again. I almost can't believe it."

Sirius smiled a watery smile at him as he gave Remus' hand a reassuring squeeze. "Same. Actually, do you think you could pinch me? I think I might be dreaming." Sirius laughed. Remus tsked, but grinned in response as he nudged Sirius' shoulder playfully.

"Okay, but do you want to hear what made me finally run away after all those years?" Sirius said after he cleared his throat. Remus lifted his free hand to scrape Sirius' scalp as he nodded. He wanted to know everything about Sirius.

"Well, ehm," Sirius started before he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"It's alright." Remus soothed him as he let his hand tighten around a fistful of Sirius' hair, making a content smile splay on his lips.

Suddenly Remus wondered what could have happened to make Sirius take such drastic matters. After all he'd stayed at home even when Walburga or Kreacher had hurt him, or confiscated and burned his letters.

"They wanted to marry me off against my will." Sirius confessed, making Remus gasp.

"What?" Remus demanded as he felt his chest constrict with pain. Had Sirius' parents planned on marrying him off?

Sirius nodded at him, eyes pained from the memory. "I thought I had managed to sneak around it with different excuses but three nights ago the girl stood at our porch with her parents. Walburga and Orion welcomed them inside and before I had time to escape upstairs they ordered me to sit down at the table with them." Sirius frowned. Remus lowered his hand to caress his neck as he looked at him worriedly.

"When they brought out the papers of the contract I knew I either had to succumb or run away. So I ran upstairs, fetched the trunk I had prepared and rushed out through the back door. I was gone before they had time to get up from the table, but as I ran outside I heard Walburga scream after me." Sirius shuddered at the memory.

Remus stared at him, baffled. "W-why, I mean," Remus stuttered, not sure what to say. Sirius aimed a small smile at him.

"As I said, I had only waited for the moment to finally escape. I had already packed my trunk and knew Prongs' address since long. But it was in that moment by the table I knew I had to choose. Choose between living my life according to the Black's or live life my own way. Live it with you." Sirius smiled at him, eyes glistening with tears, making Remus' heart skip a beat.

"M-me?" Remus stuttered, too baffled to feel embarrassed over his incapability to speak like a normal person.

"It's always been you. My whole life encircles around you. It was only a matter of time before I got enough and finally ran away." Sirius said as he let a hand fiddle with Remus' hair.

"But now I'm free from them. I'm free to do what I want now. Free to be with you." Sirius said as he glanced deeply into Remus' eyes. Remus felt his lower lip shake as his heart screamed for Sirius. He loved him so much.

"I missed you so much. It literally killed me inside." Sirius whispered. Remus felt himself nod vigorously. "Me too." He piped, the emotional lump in his throat making it difficult to speak.

"I love you." Sirius whispered as he leaned forward to plant a kiss on Remus' ear, making him smile.

"I love you too." Remus said and then he remembered about the letter. "And I loved the letter you sent me." He said just as he remembered about his own letter he'd tucked in his pocket.

Not letting go of their clasped hands, Remus reached out his free hand to his back pocket where he brought out the folded letter he'd put there earlier that morning.

"Here. I want you to take this." Remus smiled shyly at him.

"What is it? A letter?" Sirius' face lit up and he immediately tried to open it with his free hand, but Remus stopped him.

"No, don't open it here. Not yet. But yeah, it's a letter. I wrote it some time ago." Remus confessed as he felt his cheeks heat up. Sirius grinned at him before he tucked the letter in his back pocket.

"You wrote me a letter, huh? Can't wait to read it." Sirius said as his eyes sparkled in the most beautiful of silver.

Remus wondered what Sirius' expression would look like if he saw the generous pile of letters dedicated to him back home on Remus' desk considering he got so happy from just receiving one letter. Then Remus figured he'd find out soon enough since they were probably heading there after this.

Smiling, Remus glanced down at his left hand. He looked at the silver ring for a moment before he felt his curiosity peak. Did Sirius still wear the ring?

Remus glanced to his right, searching for Sirius' left hand when he saw it hang by his side. He stretched his neck some to get a better look. And then he saw it. Something silvery reflected in the light from the sun, and squinting Remus found the ring. He felt his chest flutter when he noticed it was positioned on the ring finger. Just like Remus'. Just like a married couple.

"You still wear it." Remus heard himself whisper with a giddy smile on his lips.

"Hm?" Sirius asked, but then he saw that Remus was staring at his hand so he lifted it. "The ring? Of course I do. I wear it every day. It reminds me of you."

Remus felt his chest swell with that comfortable warm feeling as he lifted his left hand to lie next to Sirius' in the air.

"On the ring finger." Remus said, making Sirius voice a small gasp. Glancing up, Remus found Sirius looking at him with fond eyes and a watery smile, looking both happy and overwhelmed at the same time. Remus felt the same.

Then Remus felt Sirius lift his free hand to pull him in for a tight hug that he answered. Remus hugged Sirius like his life depended on it, and loved the way his whole body heated up from just being this close to him.

He felt Sirius lean back briefly only to lean forward again, pressing a kiss to Remus' lips that he answered eagerly. Remus brought his soul into the kiss as he pushed, pressed and swiped his lips over Sirius' soft ones. He let his hand swipe over Sirius' back, urging him on as Sirius' hand found his hair where it scraped his scalp, sending shivers down Remus' spine.

When Remus felt Sirius suck on his lower lip his chest threatened to explode from excitement. Eagerly, Remus parted his lips, allowing Sirius' entrance and then felt his stomach flutter as the tip of Sirius' tongue met his. Remus suppressed a moan when he slid his tongue along Sirius', and felt his insides melt away from the kiss. It had been years since last time but his body remembered and perked from the feel and taste of Sirius.

Remus answered Sirius' tongue vigorously, and as they kissed there on the train station Remus finally felt the last bits of the aching pain in his chest fade away. Instead it was replaced by a warm, content happiness that bubbled inside him. All of a sudden he felt drunk on happiness and it was all thanks to Sirius.

When Remus' attentions started heading from the fireworks in his chest to the building pleasure somewhere more south he broke the kiss. He smiled happily at Sirius who grinned at him, lips swollen and eyes glistening with happiness.

Remus felt a giggle escape him when Sirius ruffled his hair, then giggled again when Sirius pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. And suddenly Remus felt as if no time at all had passed since they last met. Sirius was the same, and Remus was just as in love as before. If not even more now.

Hell, he felt ready to explode from the love he felt for Sirius right there.

Remus felt an euphoric grin spread on his lips as he realized that Sirius was there. Sirius was holding his hand. Sirius was kissing his cheeks. Sirius was back and Sirius was his.

After one more snog they walked to the train where Sirius retrieved his bag that he'd dropped in his rush to get to Remus. Then Remus suggested they started heading home since the train station was closing for the night soon.

Hand in hand and with happy grins on their faces they slowly started their back on the platform of the train station.

Though, as they walked out of the gate and stepped onto the pavement on the road leading back to the Lupin house Remus thought he didn't need to go home. He had found home right there when Sirius stepped out of the train. With Sirius back he would never have to feel insecure or unprotected ever again.

Sirius made him feel safe. Sirius was his hero. Sirius was his home.

Remus tightened his grip on Sirius' hand. He struggled to believe it all wasn't just a dream. It felt surreal to have Sirius back. To hold his hand after all this time they'd spent apart.

He felt Sirius tighten his grip as well, and then he skidded them down to a stop. Remus glanced up as Sirius positioned them face to face, Sirius' expression turning serious.

"We'll work this out." He said honestly. Remus blinked at him and swallowed as his heart tried to beat out of his chest.

"As long as we're together it'll be fine." Sirius said, but Remus didn't need convincing. He already knew what he wanted and that everything had been fine since he first saw Sirius again. So Remus smiled at him and nodded, his chest swelling with affection for the beautiful boy in front of him.

"I love you." Sirius whispered with big eyes that made Remus' heart skip a beat. He never got tired of hearing that.

"I love you too." Remus told him with a watery smile.

He felt Sirius pull him into a tight hug, and Remus answered it with all his might. When he felt Sirius squeeze his hand he squeezed back. He even planted a kiss to Sirius' neck, eager to relay his love.

"I'm never letting go again." He heard Sirius whisper close to his ear as they tightened the hug. "I'm never letting go again..."

Remus nodded as he leaned back to plant a passionate kiss on Sirius' lips. He felt the same.

Chapter Notes

Epilogue - 19 Years Later

Random information: I got the inspiration to write this fic after reading the incredible and amazing fic called 'The Door Through the World'. But I also got some inspiration from 'Pray the gay away' and 'Slughorn's sanitarium for troubled boys'. If you liked this fic you should really read them as well! :D

On another note I'm posting the last two chapters now. Both of them are epilogues, though, you can stop reading after the first one if you like. That's the main ending and also the _happy_ ending. It serves as a stop to the story and is; happy.

However, the second epilogue includes the main plot twist and might answer some questions, or it might not. But please note that this, the first epilogue, is the happy ending. The second one is not as happy.
(I don't want to fool anyone into reading it with the belief it's fluffy or anything, hehe.)

With that said; Hope you like this chapter! And thank you for reading this story! I had a wonderful time writing it!3

Summer of 1996

"Behave!"

"Take care!"

"See you on the 31st!"

Remus waved his hand at the small group of boys in front of him.

"Daddy will miss you, so, so much! Bye!"

Remus jabbed an elbow in Sirius' ribs, but it didn't shut him up.

"Daddy loves you!" Sirius shouted, making Remus grimace. Sirius was probably going to be known as the embarrassing dad from now on. Remus just hoped he wasn't as badly off.

"Oh, come on Remus. Don't tell me you're not going to miss him as well." Sirius sniffled as he wiped a tear on his sleeve. Remus smiled fondly at him. He realized it didn't matter if Sirius was embarrassing or not. Sirius cared, was loving and so sweet Remus just had to lean forward and steal a kiss from him.

"Augh, please! Not in front of the kids!"
Remus snapped his head to the side and saw James and Lily stand next to them, James covering the

eyes of his second son, Lily covering the eyes of their daughter. Remus rolled his eyes.

"Sod off, grass eater, you're just jealous." Sirius huffed before he purposely slapped a hand on Remus' ass, making him jump at the spot.

"Sirius!" Him, James and Lily all hissed at the same time. But Sirius only laughed at them.

"Dad! Look! They're leaving now!" A small, excited voice exclaimed. Glancing around Remus felt his heart swell when he saw little Romulus Remus run towards him. He kneed on the ground and caught him in a hug as they collided.

"Where's your sister?" Remus asked him as Romulus pointed to their right. Looking in that direction Remus saw Cassiopeia Auriga hug Sirius' leg, making him laugh as he leaned down to tickle her. Remus felt his heart melt from the sweet scene, but looked forward at the main building again when he heard loud chants of 'Goodbyes'.

Smiling, and with his eyes watering, Remus lifted his hand to wave off Regulus Sirius one last time. Regulus grinned at them from where he stood in the entrance to the main building together with a mess off red headed boys Remus remembered as the Weasley's and Prewett's.

When Remus saw a tall, ice-blonde boy appear behind Regulus he flicked his eyes at him. He thought he reminded a lot of his father when it came to appearance, but as he watched as another tall boy, this one with a mess of black hair and round glasses, positioned himself next to him Remus relaxed.

It warmed Remus heart when he saw Harry Potter take Draco Malfoy's hand in his and ultimately make a small smile appear on his lips. Draco didn't resemble Lucius that much when he smiled.

Remus swallowed the lump in his throat when he thought about James and Lily's suspicion that Harry and Draco dated. It all reminded him so much of himself and Sirius, and suddenly he wondered if they shared the same cabin, perhaps they stayed in cabin 7?

"Bye dad and dad!" Regulus exclaimed happily before he pressed himself inside the entrance, past Harry, Draco and a Weasley-kid Remus remembered as Ron.

"Dad, why can't I go to Slughorn's camp as well?" Romulus complained as he struggled out of Remus' embrace until he was left to stomp on the ground, ready to throw a tantrum, reminding Remus a lot of Sirius.

"Because you're too young. They don't let nine year olds into the camp." Remus told him as a matter of fact before he ruffled his black hair, making him swat Remus' hands away.

Remus watched as Romulus ran over to complain by Sirius instead, having learned Sirius was easier to budge for the puppy-dog-eyes.

"Dad! Can I go to the camp as well? Please?" Romulus pleaded, his amber eyes making the famous puppy-dog-eyes, but ended up getting tickled by Sirius who left Cassiopeia to laugh on the ground by their feet.

"Watch out cause here comes the tickling monster!" He laughed, making Romulus squeal before he took off, trying to avoid Sirius' tickling fingers.

Remus smiled at them. He felt proud.

Though, he found his attention being directed elsewhere when he felt a heavy hand land on his shoulder. Turning around Remus saw Hagrid look down at him, face looking about twenty years older but his kind eyes and smile looking the same as he remembered them.

"Remus?" Hagrid asked, seeming baffled as he blinked down at Remus whose heart jolted in surprise.

"Hagrid!" Remus exclaimed cheerfully before he gave Hagrid's broad frame a hug.

"Remus... It wasn't yesterday I saw ya for the last time. Yer really grown up!" Hagrid chuckled and Remus found himself chuckling as well. He bet he'd grown up quite a lot in the past years. It was a miracle Hagrid even recognized him.

"I remember how ya looked when ya first arrived at the camp, only eleven years old." Hagrid said dreamily. "Then I never woulda believed I would get to see ya wave off a kid of yer own." Hagrid said as his small beetle eyes watered. Remus watched him retrieve a napkin from one of his many pockets before he wiped away the tears on it.

"The years really fly by, huh?" Remus sighed dreamily as he let his gaze linger on Sirius and Romulus who chased each other around the parking lot. Remus shook his head as a giddy smile spread on his lips. He didn't know who acted more like a nine year old; Sirius or the actual nine year old?

"It's nice to see ya again." Hagrid croaked, overly emotional. "It'll be a pleasure getting to know...?" He trailed off, raising his eyebrows expectantly. Remus cleared his throat as he tore his gaze from Sirius and his son.

"Regulus." Remus nodded at him. Remus saw how Hagrid smiled but then startled. "Wait. Regulus? Wasn't that the name of-"
"Sirius' brother. Yes." Remus nodded.

"He passed away many years ago now. We named Regulus after him." Remus explained as he waved his hand in the air to make a point. He didn't explain the details of Regulus the original's passing, or how sad Sirius had been back in the day. He didn't think he had to. He thought the fact they named their firstborn after him would speak for itself.

"Well, I can't wait to get to know him. If he's anything like you or Sirius, or even like Harry that I've become fond of then we'll have a brilliant summer!" Hagrid bellowed as he patted Remus' back once more, sending him stumbling forward.

They small talked some more but said goodbye when Hagrid found someone else he wanted to greet. Remus made to retrieve Cassiopeia from the ground where she was hugging stranger's legs, or search for Sirius and Romulus who'd gone missing when he spotted another familiar face.

Albus Dumbledore.

Remus stared at him from where he stood by the entrance to the main building, blinking at Remus calmly. Remus thought he looked exactly the same with his long white beard, half-moon glasses and ancient looking robes. It was if he hadn't aged a single day. But he guessed it might have something to do with the fact he was already old to begin with.

But then Remus narrowed his eyes. Exactly how old was Dumbledore?

Remus looked into his calm, blue eyes that twinkled in the light from the sun until he found his gaze lower to Dumbledore's lips when he smiled at him kindly. Remus find himself smile back in response, but then Dumbledore's smile changed. It changed from kind to mysterious.

Remus startled and took a step back. When he looked up he saw that the smile had turned kind again. He looked back into Dumbledore's eyes and made to wave him goodbye when he saw Dumbledore lift his right hand, extend his index finger and then point at his left wrist.

Remus frowned. He looked over his shoulder to see if Dumbledore was perhaps having a silent conversation with someone behind him. But when he found that no one behind him even looked Dumbledore's way Remus turned his head back. Though, when he looked back at Dumbledore he was gone.

Shaking his head, Remus mumbled under his breath. Was he seeing things?

Remus turned around to look at Lily as he remembered a conversation from years back when she'd told him her suspicion of Dumbledore being psychic, but when he found her looking at James dreamily with her hands full of kids Remus turned his gaze back to the ground.

He allowed himself to feel confused for one more second before he ran off to fetch Cassiopeia who clung to a stranger's leg. After Remus had apologized as she bent her away from the leg he crouched down for her to jump up on his back. Then they went off as they searched for Sirius and Romulus.

"Sirius!" Remus shouted at the same time Cassiopeia shouted "Dad!" Then the both of them spotted Sirius and Romulus by the entrance to the main building.

Tsking with his tongue, Remus stomped over there and then gripped Romulus' hand tightly.

"Are you teaching him how to sneak in or something?" Remus asked Sirius who rubbed his neck, looking suspiciously guilty.

Though, Remus gave up all his efforts on scolding him when he remembered how the both of them excitedly had watched Harry slide Regulus the Marauder's Map earlier. The both of them were still down for any mischief, but still. Remus thought Romulus was a tad bit too young for starting sneaking into buildings and such, and that's why he started yanking him in the direction of their car.

"Wait for me!" Sirius laughed as he saw Remus take off with one kid on his back and the other one held tightly with his hand. Sirius caught up to them in a second and when he did he helped Romulus up his back so that he and Remus carried one kid each.

"We must look really silly right now." Remus exclaimed at Sirius who grinned at him.

"You sure? I didn't know you could look else than beautiful." Sirius sang to Remus who felt his cheeks heat up and heart skip a beat. Even after all this time comments like that always made his chest swell with affection for Sirius.

"I love you." Remus heard himself blurt, and before he knew it Sirius had taken a step forward to press a soft kiss to his lips that lightened his body up inside.

"Yuck!" "Ew!"

Laughing, Remus broke the kiss when they heard Cassiopeia and Romulus complain from their backs.

"What was that? 'Please dads, kiss again'? Well, if you ask so nicely!" Sirius teased, earning him loud complains from their children. Remus laughed at Sirius who made kissing noises with his lips, totally unaware of the scene they were causing as other families stopped what they were doing to stare at them.

They started walking again but stopped to wave James and Lily goodbye.

"Bye Remus, bye Sirius! Have a nice summer and don't hesitate to come over any day for a cup of tea or for the kids to play." Lily said with a fond smile as her green eyes sparkled in the light from the sun.

"Yeah, what she said." James chuckled as he lifted a hand to ruffle his already messy hair. "See you soon, Padfoot, Moony." James said with a mischievous glint in his eyes that made Remus' heart clench in nostalgia.

"Bye Prongs!" Sirius exclaimed cheerfully before the both of them waved Lily, James and their two children goodbye. On their way to the car Romulus demanded to know what a 'Padfoot, Moony and Prongs' were, and they only managed to silence him up by promising to tell him at another time.

When Remus and Sirius had managed to force a laughing Cassiopeia and wild Romulus in the backseats of their car Sirius sat down on the driver's seat as Remus sat down in the seat next to it with a sigh. He was exhausted after the busy morning and their road trip to Scotland, though there was no need for him to pity himself. He felt extremely happy.

As Sirius started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot Remus turned his head to the side to glance at him. He watched as Sirius' profile highlighted from the sunlight seeping through the window, contrasting with his long dark hair.

When Sirius briefly flicked his eyes to Remus and winked at him while he bit his lip Remus quickly darted his eyes away to stare at his lap. He tried to calm his racing heart, tried to tell it that after spending twenty years with Sirius it should learn to calm down around him. But it didn't.

Remus exhaled as he shifted in his seat, tried to make himself more comfortable. He smiled when he felt his chest flutter excitedly and stomach constrict with anticipation when he thought back of Sirius biting his lip. He let out a light, joyful laugh.

He could barely believe it, but he was still as in love with Sirius as ever.

Remus' smile grew into a wide grin when he allowed himself one more glance at Sirius who decided to lick his lips at that exact moment. Quickly, Remus looked away again as he tried to focus on anything else, not wanting himself to get turned on when there were children in the car.

Instead he looked outside the window and let his eyes trace the many trees they drove by. Remus listened to the silence in the car and felt himself start to doze off when suddenly Sirius extended an arm to shove his shoulder, rustling him awake.

"Who wants to sing a song?" Sirius exclaimed cheerfully. "I do!"
"Me!"

Came the happy voices of Cassiopeia and Romulus from the backseat. Remus groaned. He scolded himself for believing that even for a second he could relax in the company of his family that all seems to have taken after Sirius' cheerfulness and incapability to sit still.

"Great! Why don't we let daddy Remus decide the song today?" Sirius laughed as their children agreed from the backseat. Remus sighed dramatically but felt a grin spread on his lips. Sirius was just too silly. Too adorable.

"How about the song; 'My husband is a mutt but I love him anyway'?" Remus suggested, earning him a huff from Sirius as he slapped Remus' thigh at the suggestion.

"You just made that up." Sirius exclaimed before he let his hand creep up Remus' thigh suggestively, making him slap it away, not wanting to cause a traumatizing scene in front of their underage audience.

"How did you guess that?" Remus asked sarcastically. Though, when he saw Sirius pout he apologized and patted his shoulder reassuringly.

"You know I love you right?" Remus whispered sincerely, making Sirius' pout turn into a proud grin.

"Yes, but please remind every other second or so. I might forget otherwise." Sirius said, making Remus have to suppress the urge to nudge his shoulder playfully or kiss him passionately, too afraid of Sirius accidentally steering them off the road.

"Music! Music!" Chanted Cassiopeia and Romulus from the backseat, turning Remus attention back to the original task. He rummaged through their small stack of CD's in the glove compartment until he found his favorite. He put it in the CD-player and then sat back with a smug grin as he awaited Sirius' reaction.

When the song started Sirius gasped as a grin split his face. Remus rejoiced. It was the song they'd played almost every night since it came out, their song that they'd listened to when they wanted to dance or have a great time since back in 1980.

"Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight!" Sirius sang, joining the chorus. Remus smiled when he heard Cassiopeia and Romulus join in as best they could, their light voices blending with Sirius' darker one.

Smiling, Remus joined in the chorus as well, and then they sang all the way back home to their little house outside of London where they lived only ten minutes from the Potter's.

Remus felt his chest swell with happiness as he pressed the replay button on the song. Here he was in a loud car with Sirius and two of their children. He was loved and admired and he had never felt happier.

And it was all thanks to Slughorn's camp for boys between the ages of eleven and fifteen. It was all thanks to Camp Casanova.
Where he'd first met Sirius.
The love of his life.

Epilogue part two & Prologue

Chapter Notes
Reminder: This epilogue is NOT as happy.

Summer of 2034

"Sirius, can you pass me the sugar please?" Remus asked Sirius that sat next to him by their small dinner table.

"You're too old now to even reach across the table?" James teased him.

"At least I'm not the one walking around with a cane. Old man." Remus shot back with a smug grin. That silenced James up who muttering turned his attention back to the newspaper.

"You want one or two sugar cubes?" Sirius asked Remus who told him two. He watched as Sirius dropped the cubes in his tea before Remus stirred it with his spoon.

Remus sat back in his chair as he lifted the steaming cup to his lips. He smiled when he saw Sirius do the same, always eager to copy him.

"I can't believe this. You're still acting like a couple of lovesick schoolgirls." Lily exclaimed as she sighing put down her reading glasses on the table. James agreed with her but Remus and Sirius grinned. Remus couldn't help it. It was as if it hadn't passed a day since they first got together nearly sixty years ago.

After taking a sip of his tea, that sadly burned his tongue, Remus lowered his cup back to its plate in favor of picking up his battered copy of Oliver Twist that Sirius had bought for him many years ago. It wasn't the same copy he'd read back at the camp, but it reminded much of it which is the reason he liked reading it.

Remus opened the book and started to read where he'd last stopped meanwhile Sirius, James and Lily discussed something over their afternoon tea. Remus thought they probably must talk about their children, grandchildren, or share some bad words about Peter Pettigrew who they hadn't seen since back in the day when he'd joined an odd cult around the time Regulus Black passed away, when he heard something knock on the kitchen window.

Frowning, Remus glanced up. He startled when he saw what had caused the noise. It was an owl.

"What's that?" James asked, but when he made to get up from his seat Sirius made a joke about him having forgotten his cane somewhere in the living room, making James grunt, looking irritated, so Remus got up instead. He put the book down before he reached for the window and opened it.

Immediately the snow white owl flew in, successfully making the four of them jump in surprise. They all watched as the owl flew a circle around the room and then settled on the sink right in front of Remus who frowned at it, confused.

"Okay. Who ordered an owl?" Sirius joked. None of them laughed. It was all very strange, and got even more surreal when Remus saw that something was strapped to the owl's leg.

"There's something strapped to its leg. Do you think I should see what it is?" Remus asked.

When Sirius, James and Lily all shrugged, looking as confused and surprised as Remus felt, he decided to loosen the straps and retrieve whatever things the owl had brought with it.

When he'd successfully released the small package and letter from the owl's leg it immediately took off again and flew out the window. Remus blinked in surprise, wondered for a while if he was still asleep, then he shook his head and closed the window again.

He walked over to his chair with the small package and letter in his hand and then sat down on his chair next to Sirius.

"What is it?" Sirius asked, James and Lily joining him, all of them moving closer to Remus as he placed the package on the table and held up the letter in his hand. When he read the text on the envelope he frowned.

"It's for me." Remus said, earning him confused frowns from the others.
"Why would anyone send you mail with an owl?" Lily asked incredulously.
"Yeah, why couldn't they use the mailbox like any normal person would?" James cut in. "Or send an email." Sirius added.

Remus shrugged. Then he turned the letter over in his hand, his eyes looking at the surface, suddenly noticing it looked very old. The paper was turning yellow and the letters of his name seemed to have been scribbled in some sort of ink since it had faded some.

When Remus made to open the envelope he startled. There was a seal keeping it closed. He lifted the letter closer to his face, squinted to make out the small symbols on the blood red seal. He could make out the tiny symbols of a lion, eagle, badger and... Remus turned the envelope around some more until he could make out that the last animal was a snake.

"What's that you're looking at?" Sirius asked as he peeked down at the envelope when Remus lowered it back to the table. Remus motioned for the strange, fancy looking seal.

"That's odd. Could it perhaps be from some fancy agency or something?" Sirius suggested as he rubbed his chin in thought.

"Perhaps you've received a heritage from an unknown relative." Lily said, but Remus shook his head. All his relatives were dead. There was no one to inherit from.

"Would you open it already? I'm afraid I'm going to get a heart attack if the suspense lasts for any longer." James complained, earning him a scolding jab in the shoulder from Lily.

Remus almost expected for Sirius to scold James as well, like he always did when someone did as much as look at Remus disapprovingly, but he didn't. Instead Remus watched as Sirius moved his chair closer so that they were literally pressing hips under the table. At first he felt moved by the gesture, but when Sirius' prying fingers reached for the letter Remus swatted them away with the reminder the letter was sent for Remus, not Sirius.

Remus broke the seal, brought the letter from the envelope and then placed the small piece of

paper on the table. Then he frowned. It wasn't paper. It was something else.

"Parchment?" Lily helped him. Remus nodded before he let his eyes swipe over the letter. He saw a neat, tilted handwriting all over the parchment. It seemed to have been scribbled with ink just as the letters at the front of the envelope.

Remus frowned. The handwriting seemed familiar somehow. It was as if he'd seen it before, though, so long ago he couldn't remember it anymore.

Shaking his head he finally started reading the letter.

Dear Remus John Lupin

I am since long gone by the time you are reading this, but I made sure this letter would reach you on the exact date of twentieth July 2034.

If you have ever felt like you have forgotten anything, or wondered about some lingering mysteries, all your answers lies here.

But please do leave some for the others. Something tells me a certain Sirius Black might fancy a taste of it as well.

I hope you will find my decisions accurate, and that you will forgive me for my past actions. Yours sincerely,
Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore

Remus felt his jaw hit the table as he read the letter again. His brain worked like crazy as he tried to put the pieces together, but he just didn't get it. He didn't understand what Dumbledore was pointing at.

What was this? Why had Dumbledore sent him an owl? Why had he predetermined the letter to reach him on this exact date? What was so important Dumbledore had to tell him even after his own death?

Remus shook his head as he dropped the letter on the table for the others to read.

Meanwhile Remus thought back of how mysterious he'd always thought Dumbledore had been back at the camp. Even though his memories had become blurry along the edges he still remembered the creepy feeling he got when Dumbledore suddenly disappeared, appeared, or smiled at him mysteriously. It had always felt as if he knew something the others didn't. Something major.

"This handwriting... I recognize it from somewhere." Sirius mumbled as he read the letter. Then he shouted in surprise when he got down to Dumbledore's sign at the end of it.

Sirius slid the letter to James and Lily who immediately started reading it.

"I'll be back." Sirius said before he pulled out his chair, rose up from it and walked away. When he returned he held something in his hand that he placed on the table when he sat back down. Remus felt his cheeks burn from embarrassment, and he shot an apologizing look over at James and Lily, but when they didn't seem to notice anything Remus looked back at the table in front of them.

"I can't believe you kept that." Remus whispered, making sure James and Lily weren't looking their

way. Though, they seemed far too invested in the letter to notice anything.

"Oh, come on. How could I not?" Sirius said as he nudged Remus' shoulder playfully. "But that's not the point. Here, look at the note lying next to it. Remember the note we got along with it?"

"Yeah," Remus trailed off as his eyes flickered from the old, empty tube of lube in front of him to the small, now yellow, note lying next to it. He picked it up to look at it and when he saw the handwriting he gasped.

"Dumbledore!" He hissed, surprised.
"Yes. The handwriting; it's the same." Sirius nodded. "Coincidence? I think not."

"But... How? Why?" Remus asked as he frowned in thought. "Why would Dumbledore send us this? At the camp for god's sake! Weren't we like, underage or something?" Remus whispered before he shot a glance at James and Lily who discussed something between one another.

"But look here," Sirius said as he placed the note next to the letter. "The handwriting is exactly the same. It almost looks as if it was written around the same time even!" Sirius exclaimed. Remus nodded, but then his eyes found something else more interesting.

"Look here." Remus said as he pointed on the small note where it read I feel like I owe you this. Then Remus pointed at a line in the new letter that read I hope you will find my decisions accurate, and that you will forgive me for my past actions. "Why do I get the feeling Dumbledore thought he owed me something?" Remus mumbled.

He felt Sirius pat his back before he swiped the hand up and down it a couple of times. "I don't know. I don't understand. Somehow I feel the knowledge that the note and the letter are from Dumbledore just makes it seem too odd to comprehend. I mean, what does it mean?" Sirius sighed.

"So, are you going to open the package or not?" James suddenly cut in, making Remus quickly reach for the lube and throw it under the table, making him wince as the collision with the floor echoed in their kitchen.

"Subtle." Sirius winked at him. Remus grimaced, though then he remembered James' request and the fact he still hadn't opened the small package that came with the mysterious letter.

Remus reached for the small package that lay in the middle of the table and then started unwrapping it. When he was done he frowned. It was a small vial.

"Do you think it's something in it? Like some sort of liquid?" James asked, seeming to be the most curious out of the four of them.

"Yeah, I mean the letter said 'your answers lies here' and since this was the only thing coming along with it perhaps you should drink it or something." Sirius shrugged.

"Wait. If it's any liquid in it you should drink it as well Padfoot. Dumbledore said to leave some for 'Sirius' as well." James cut in as Remus rose up from his chair to fetch two glasses. When he sat back down Sirius had opened the lid to the vial and peeked inside.

"It's some sort of liquid." Sirius informed them.

"So we're supposed to drink it then?" Remus asked as he emptied the contents of the vial in to the two glasses. Though, he left some in it in case they would become deathly ill and James and Lily would have to show the liquid for the ambulance personnel.

"Are you really sure you're supposed to drink that? I mean... it's black. Looks poisonous." Lily told them before she leaned forward to take a whiff off Remus' glass. "And it smells poisonous too." Lily said as if it made a difference.

Remus shook his head. He felt himself grow determined. If Dumbledore had thought this important enough to send Remus after his death then Remus wasn't going to take it lightly, or joke it away. This was obviously something Dumbledore had planned for a long time. It felt important. And perhaps it would answer why Dumbledore had acted so mysterious around him. Remus wanted to know. He felt the need to.

"I'm going to drink." Remus told them as he gripped his glass.

"Sirius, on three?" He asked Sirius who lifted his glass to his lips, his face a mixture of nervous and excited.

Lily grunted and James sighed dramatically. "It was fun to know you while it lasted." James sang, earning him a jab from Lily who hissed "They're not going to die!"

But Remus who suddenly didn't feel as certain hurried to tell Sirius he loved him. And it wasn't until Sirius had told him he loved him back that Remus slowly started counting as he lifted the glass to his lips.

"One, two, three." Remus said, and with one last glance at Sirius he downed the glass and swallowed the content that burned in his throat. He slammed the glass back on the table, and was just about to retch when he felt the world around him tune out.

Remus was about to tell Sirius not to drink it when he stilled. And then it all came rushing back to him.

He saw the full moon on the night he got bitten, he saw himself arriving at Hogwarts, meeting Sirius, James and Peter, becoming the Marauders. He saw the Whomping Willow, the Shrieking Shack, the Hospital Wing, the Common room, their dorm and them creating the original Marauder's Map.

He saw Sirius, James and Peter become animagi for him, becoming the real Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail. He saw them playing with him in the Forbidden Forest during the nights of the full moon.

Then he saw pictures of him and Sirius together, joking in their dorm, sneaking away under James' invincibility cloak, kissing under the stars, attending James and Lily's wedding, saw new born Harry, saw the remains of the Potter house in Godric's Hollow, saw Sirius being sent to Azkaban, saw Peter return to Hogwarts, saw the department of mysteries, saw Sirius fall though the veil.

He saw himself plead to Dumbledore for him to help him. He saw how Dumbledore aimed his wand at him. He saw how everything went black.

Remus blinked as he slowly came back to reality.

He remembered it all. Dumbledore had given him a second chance at life. Dumbledore had given him Sirius back.

Tears streamed down his face at the realization, his chest constricted painfully. Glancing to his side he found Sirius staring at him, eyes teary and smile watery.

He felt Sirius take his hand under the table and Remus sighed in relief. He could feel the heat from Sirius' hand warm him up inside, calming him, and he closed his eyes as he took in the feeling of having Sirius this close to him, warm and alive.

He understood it all. He remembered it all. But he didn't long for his past life that had been all too short.

He liked this life better.

Because in this life he had Sirius.

Prologue

"Please"

"Please bring him back!" Remus pleaded.

"I can't live without him... I, I just can't!" He felt the panic constrict in his chest, tears staining his cheeks. But the man in front of him didn't look the least remorseful.

"I've done everything!" Remus shouted, not caring about manners anymore.
"I've trailed Greyback, I've done missions for the order... I've helped you in the fight against

Voldemort for over twenty years! Now you have to help me!"

Remus rose from his begging position on the floor to close the distance between him and the man in front of him. Suddenly he hated him. He hated that he had been used like a mere pawn in his game against the Dark Lord.

Remus gripped the man by his robes threatingly, though he didn't even flinch at the contact.

"Bring him back!" Remus screamed the man in the face, voice breaking at the end by a sob.

"I can't." Dumbledore finally spoke, eyes looking at something behind Remus in thought.

"Yes you can! You're the most powerful wizard alive, of course you can!" Remus shouted, desperately holding on to his last hope. Dumbledore had to bring him back. He must know a way.

"No one can bring back the dead Remus. You know that as well as I. No matter the power of the wizard the dead will remain that and should not be disturbed."

Remus let go of Dumbledore's robes in favor of pressing his hands over his eyes. He couldn't stop crying. The pain was too great. The loss too major.

Then he heard Dumbledore clear his throat.
"But... perhaps there is one way." He started, gaining Remus' attention.
"There is? Tell me!" He demanded, furiously wiping the tears from his cheeks.
It would be alright. Dumbledore would find a way. Dumbledore would bring him back.

"It would need a great sacrifice, and it might not work. Though, if you are absolutely certain about what you want I might be able to help you. After all, I owe you from the countless of times you have helped me."

Remus didn't trust his ears; it seemed too good to be true. "I'll do anything if it means I'll get him back!" He pleaded.

"So, I take that you agree to my offer? Even if the consequences might be... severe? Please note that there is no going back. I am only able to help you once." Dumbledore said as he brought his wand from a pocket in his robe and gave it a slow stroke, his eyes looking at Remus mysteriously.

Remus fell to his knees. "Yes, yes! I'll do anything... I- As long as I get to see him again..." His voice trailed off as he watched how Dumbledore aimed his wand at him.

"Here, drink this." Dumbledore handed him a small vial that he'd spelled to fly over from one of his shelves. Remus quickly lifted the strange potion to his lips, not thinking twice about it since he was too eager to meet the love of his life again.

Remus immediately felt himself fall, landing with his back on the stone floor. His head was spinning, clouds blurring in front of his eyes. He tried to lift his hand to steady himself back up but found that he couldn't move it. He was paralyzed.

He flicked his eyes to Dumbledore as he felt the fear flare up in his chest. What had he done? What was Dumbledore planning?

"I hope you will find your new life better. Perhaps destiny will be kinder to you this time." Dumbledore smiled at him sadly as Remus struggled to understand what he was saying.

"The price for a second chance is major. But simple." Dumbledore leaned over him. "You won't remember a thing." He stated.

Remus' eyes widened. He tried to speak but found that he couldn't. Had Dumbledore poisoned him? Did he think he was too much of a work to deal with now that he would just kill him off?

As the clouds covering his vision got thicker Remus watched as Dumbledore aimed his wand at him.

"You'll be missed here, but we'll manage to win the war without you. I know we will. We've got Harry after all." Dumbledore told him, his expression changing into determination.

With one final look at Remus Dumbledore mouthed a silent spell that made everything turn black. Remus had died.
... Or had he?

THE END