Chapter One

The autumnal season had come around again. With winter quickly approaching, the number of quests had skyrocketed. In a last-ditch effort to make a ton of money before the monsters started hibernating, the adventurers of Axel pounced on anything they could find.

Kazuma was no different. Sure, he was earning good money from the products he sold to Vanir, but these quests had high payouts due to their time sensitivity. For example, there was a posting for a One-Shot Bear kill quest that paid out 3 times more than the standard rate. This was primarily due to their breeding season overlapping with their hibernation. The guild believed that it was better to kill them off before they multiply and become a more pressing matter in the spring.

While that was enticing, Kazuma was still haunted by his last encounter with a One-Shot Bear. The visit with Eris was pleasant, but the means of visiting her was horrific. After he was resurrected, Aqua told him he was lucky that the bear hadn't finished its meal before Darkness rushed it with lewd intent. Apparently, the experience of being tossed around and roughed up appealed to her in some sick way. What a terrible experience.

Shaking those thoughts away, Kazuma sneaked his way to the front of the freshly updated board and looked for the quest he came to collect. It was an autumn specific quest that he had heard about last year and knew that he had to snag. Hidden under a dragon-slaying quest and a call for potion testers, he found it. Snatching it before anyone could notice, he rolled it up, shoved it in his pocket, and left to collect the girls waiting outside.


"You want us to exorcise a haunted forest?" Megumin asked Kazuma after the group had finally retreated a safe enough distance from the guildhall. Kazuma nodded.

"It should be just as simple as clearing out our mansion," he said as he turned to face Aqua. "With our resident undead attractor/defeater, we should be able to get them all in one go."

Aqua wasn't listening and was instead staring at a food cart across the street. She suddenly turned to Kazuma.

"Give me 900 eris."

"What for?!"

"I want their frog leg basket." She grinned, closed her eyes, and used her 'cutesy' voice. "Please?"

Kazuma promptly chopped her on the head. Aqua shouted and started crying. It was a disaster.


900 eris and one frog legs basket later, the group had returned to the mansion. Having explained the mission on the way back, Kazuma entered the living room and asked Aqua to explain her role to make sure she knew what they were doing.

Plopping onto the couch, she began reiterating in an annoyed tone. "You want me to do all the work exorcising the forest while you guys sit around and do nothing. Y'know, I expect a larger part of the reward since I'm doing everything!"

"Now Aqua, you know that's not entirely true," Darkness chimed in from the kitchen, where she was making some dinner under Megumin's supervision. She was at work seasoning a roast boar while Megumin was boiling the noodles for mac n' cheese (a recent culinary wonder that was 'discovered' by one Kazuma Satou).

Darkness continued, "You know that we're going to be guarding you from the ghosts and using holy water to purify them if they get too close."

"And who's making that holy water?" Aqua asked self-righteously. "As far as I can tell, it sounds like I'm putting in all the work. Exorcising ghosts, making all this holy water, and rewarding you all with my party tricks afterward."

She faced Kazuma with a look of grand delusion, "I feel like I should get 90% on this one."

A spoon clattered to the ground in the kitchen, as Megumin looked aghast at Aqua. "90?! You'll be lucky to get your share, you greedy archpriest!"

Kazuma was stunned, she had taken the words out of his mouth. Perhaps she was spending too much time with him.

"Megumin is right! You're insane to ask for 90% for this job. I know that we're asking you to do a lot this mission, but we're still putting in some work-"

"Which is why you guys get the 10," Aqua interrupted with a matter-of-fact grin on her face.

Kazuma was trying to be civil, but he knew that was too much to ask from Aqua. Time to bring out the big guns.

"If you're going to be this much of a pain about it, I'll just hire an Eris priest to do it. You can stay home. I'm sure they'll do a much better job, and we won't have to pay them as much."

Aqua looked pissed. It wasn't the reaction Kazuma was looking for, but he had an idea on how to turn this around.

"You can just screw around and miss out on your cut of the 100 million eris. It's not like you have any debt collectors coming around to make you pay off your bar tab or anything."

Aqua's eyes opened wide. Just what he was looking for.

It was a recent development in the mansion. A couple of months ago, one had shown up offering a payment plan to help lower the interest that her tab was gaining. Aqua ignored their offer and said she'd pay it when she felt like it. Since then, they've been showing up more frequently and even trying to serve a court ordered payment plan. However, Aqua was conveniently gone whenever they showed up.

Megumin gave Kazuma an impressed smirk and went back to supervise Darkness, who seemed to be struggling with the pasta boiling over.

Aqua looked scared, knowing that this was a chance to help pay off some of her tab. She finally relented and agreed to her normal share of a quarter.


With dinner over, Darkness and Kazuma packed up the leftovers for their trip tomorrow. While wrapping up her surprisingly good roast boar, Darkness nudged Kazuma. He turned and saw her give him a warm smile.

"Nice job getting Aqua on board. I know it's difficult dealing with her sometimes."

Kazuma was taken aback, he wasn't used to Darkness complimenting him like this. Usually, it was followed by some lewd remark.

"Uh… no problem. It sometimes just takes some minor threats to get her in line."

"I'm jealous of her though. I wish I had debt collectors coming to collect from me. Although, I'd say I was penniless, and I would have to find some other way to pay them."

There it was. She was starting to squirm.

"T-those debt c-collectors can be so r-rough sometimes. I don't know what I w-would do in her situation with those-"

Kazuma promptly chopped her on the head, breaking her lewd thoughts.

"Oh Kazuma, you're so rough with me."

"Nope." Kazuma dropped the snacks he was packing and left. He was done dealing with Ms. Masochist over there.


After taking a bath and brushing his teeth, Kazuma hopped into bed. It was going to be a long trip to the haunted forest, and he wanted to get as much sleep as he could beforehand. Just as he was about to fall asleep, he heard a knock at his door.

"Kazuma, are you still awake?"

Ah yes, he forgot about his nightly blue balling session.

"Yeah Megumin, I'm still awake."

The door creaked open and Megumin came in dressed in her pajamas and carrying a pillow. Kazuma remembered he did mention something about his arm going numb from her sleeping on it last night. He felt a little bad that she thought she needed to bring a pillow now.

Moving over a little, Kazuma patted the bed as an invitation to join him. Putting his arm in the usual position, he hoped she would get the message.

"What brings you over tonight?" Kazuma asked as Megumin slid in next to him. Her pillow was now resting between them.

"Chomusuke was sleeping in the middle of my bed and I didn't want to disturb her."

Kazuma could tell it was just a lame excuse to just sleep in his bed.

"Good idea, who knows what she would've done if you moved her. Maybe she would've run over here and snuggled with me instead of you."

"I can go get her if that's what you prefer," Megumin said as she began to climb out of the bed. There was a hint of disappointment in her voice.

"No, I was kidding. I'd much prefer you here." Kazuma said as he pulled her back under the sheets. It was dark, but he could tell that she was blushing slightly. She got comfortable laying on his arm again and looked at him. Feeling a bit awkward, Kazuma felt the sudden need to initiate some small talk.

"Excited for the quest tomorrow?"

What a dumb question.

"Yeah! It will be nice visiting another haunted forest."

What a smart question.

"Another haunted forest?"

"Well yeah, the forest outside of my village is also super haunted. But it's a year-round haunt, not like this seasonal haunted forest we're going to tomorrow."

"That honestly explains a lot. Clearly, all the Chrismon Demons are each possessed by some chuuni spirit."

"Do you really think so?!" Megumin replied excitedly. Of course, she would believe that. Kazuma decides to play along.

"Who knows? Maybe we should get Aqua to check and see if you're possessed."

"Wouldn't she have noticed that when we met though?"

Kazuma stuttered, not expecting a reasonable question that could unravel his theory. However, he had a certain ace up his sleeve.

"How many times has Aqua failed to notice the obvious?"

"Fair point."

Success. Whatever faith she would've had in Aqua has suddenly been erased by Kazuma's questioning. Considering that enough progress for tonight, Kazuma bid Megumin good night and proceeded to fall asleep. Perhaps he was a bit more tired than he thought.


A/N: Thanks for sticking to the end. This is the first story I've written since middle school English class, so I might be a little rusty. I had outlined this to be a one-shot, but it looks like it's going to be a couple of chapters at least. Since I'm new to this, I'd appreciate any feedback you could give me. Hopefully, I'll have the next chapter written soon!