(*"Heil Pottsylvania" instrumental*)

(*Caption: "Паид фор бы тхе Pottsylwanian Пропаганда цоммиттее то KEEL MÜSE AИД SKVÏЯЯEL*)

(The video opens, it's filmed on a 80's-style camcorder. Fearless Leader walks in front of a tall podium, clears his throat.)

Fearless Leader: "(gives an enormous smile) HALLÖCHEN! I yam de ruler of Pottsylvania, Fearless J. Leader…yes, zat's mein real name…and let me be ze first to zay, "Glasnost", or een plain Engleesh, velcome, to ze Central Control!"

(*"ta-da!" horn sfx*)

(Boris and Natasha both throw confetti into the air.)

Fearless Leader: "(continued)…here at Central Control, yu vill follow VONE PERSON, und I mean VONE PERSON, only, and dat ees ME! Yu vill also learn complex bomb making, complex evil planning und adwanced willainous scheming, UND, on Tuesdays und Thursdays, yu vill also take mein SUIT to dry-cleanink. Eef I like yu, dat ees.."

(FL gazes at the viewer, then continues.)

Fearless Leader: "..Buht do not take eet from me, leesten instead (he pulls out Boris…albeit by the seat of his pants) to vords of Borisovich J. Badenov and Natalya J. Fatale! Mein two top agents!"

(*Caption: "BФЯЇS BДDЄИФV, ЩФЯLD'S ҪHДMPЄԐЍ ИФGФФDЍЇҠ…HET!"*)

Boris: "Privyet, and allow me to eentroducink myself! I yam Boris, and (begins reading from signs Natasha's holding in the background) as…a…member of…Central Control, de main objective, pause for dramateec effect…(he stops reading) EES KEEL MOOSE AND SQVIRREL! I LOVE KEEL MOOSE AND SQVIRREL!"

(*Caption: "ИДTДLYД FДTДLË…HЦBBД HЦBBД…")

Natasha: "(steps into the camera frame) Da, but as yu may know, dollink, keelink moose and sqvirrel can be a wery deeficult johb! Dat ees vhy I, Natalya J. Fatale, am pleesed as arsenic-spiked punch, to announce next category…VEAAPONNNS!!"

(Boris and Natasha are now standing in front of a variety of weaponry, ranging from the goof gas gun to the guns of abalone from that one episode.)

Natasha: "Ven keelink moose and skurrl, ees WERY eemportant to know ow' to properly handle veapons, like dees taser!"

(Natasha pulls out a taser and aims it directly at Boris, who is dressed in a squirrel suit. He becomes electrocuted and painfully yelps until he passes out.)

Natasha: "Observe, vhen usink taser or any ozer gun, yu can use eet on any part of müse and skurrl, like head, back, stomach, or ewen de GROIN!"

(Nat zaps Boris in the nuts, he SCREAMS like a little girl, then faints.)

Natasha: "(pulls out a little black bomb, lights the fuse.) Vhen usink a bomb however, ees important to aim at target, ozerwise..."

(*KABOOMSKY!*)

(Natasha's skin is charred, her hair is standing on its end, completely blackened, along with Boris.)

Natasha: "(coughs loudly) DEES...happens..."

(The next scene shows Boris holding up a card reading "HISTORY OF THE COMPANY.")

Boris: "Now ve gonna take a leetle behind scenes look at how Central Control vas created!"

(A black and white clip is shown of Fearless Leader's parents.)

Boris: "Founded een 19-who cares by Herr Johannes Leader and Frau Heidi Jaska Leader, Central Control vas and STEEL EES de leadink spy organization een all Pottsylvania! Eventually, de company vas taken ower by none ozer than their son…."

(In the black and white clip, Heidi turns in front of the camera, revealing herself to be pregnant. A large arrow appears at Heidi's pregnant stomach, with a caption reading "FEARLESS LEADER". Flash-foreword 50 years showing an adult FL seated at an office desk.)

Boris: "and DAT, ees mostly how Central Control become de müse and skurrl-hatink company eet ees today!"

(The videotape burns to a crisp, pan out revealing that B and N, along with FL have been watching it the entire time on a projection screen.)

Fearless Leader: "(stands up, scowls at Boris and Natasha) Badenov….Fatale….dat…vas…"

(Boris and Natasha quiver. FL gives a smile.)

Fearless Leader: "AWESOME!…."

(They breathe a sigh of relief, FL has a scowl again.)

Fearless Leader: "(cont.)—LY BAD! DO EET AGAIN!!"

(Boris and Natasha faint.)

End.