Love Me Dead

by Antidaeophobia

AN: I think all the romance books I've been reading are finally getting to me, either way- I regret nothing!

'As Lover's Go' by Dashboard Confessional


Chapter 5 "As Lover's Go"

Frea's mind had been in turmoil since Lore's confession. Although it had been exactly what she wanted to hear and was at first happy to finally have her own feelings told. She still wasn't sure what to think. Was he serious or was he simply being manipulative?

Frea was suspicious by nature given her experience with men in the past but she couldn't help but think him truly sincere- Frea would however continue to tread cautiously and continual thought had brought made her more tense and on edge as she suspecting him of ulterior motives.

She always managed to fall in with bad men and Lore was no saint. He had come to mean more to her than any other person in her life besides her father. After her fathers death, she had fallen into a long line of relationships and friendships with people who had no interest in her welfare or happiness and who used and abused her- Frea had promised herself after she was nearly beaten to death by a person who was supposed to care for her that she would protect herself and wouldn't depend on anyone else. Perhaps she was simply falling into old ways?

Frea walked over to the closet, opening the door and cocked her head- a sudden empty place where her clothing and shoes had once been.

"Lore, where are my old things?"

Lore didn't look at her "I got rid of them"

Frea's jaw tensed and she felt her resolve crumbling to keep it together. "Lore, you have no right to throw my things away without asking. I wouldn't do that to you. Stay away from my stuff!"

Gold eyes met hers- a blank expression on his face as if he hadn't understood her "They were old, you weren't going to wear them anymore. I just saved time and got rid of them for you."

True, she didn't need them anymore since she had new clothing, but that wasn't the point. He needed to say away from her things. They were all she had and she wouldn't have him all of a sudden deciding to dominate everything and decide what she was keeping and what she was getting rid of just because they were starting a relationship.

"You're not getting it. The point is, you didn't ask. If I just got into your things and started chucking stuff away you'd get pissed wouldn't you...Wouldn't you?!" Frea hissed in anger. Her movement frenzied and erratic, like a caged animal.

"Oh, I've heard of this and there's a reference in my programming of picking fights that have nothing to do with the real situation that bothers you. Couples often do this. So, what is the underlying issue?" Lore smiled at her as if the anticipation at having a lovers spat so soon after admitting his feelings was exciting. Getting up and striding over quickly, moving into her personal space. Frea took a step back a bit uncomfortable at the closeness but continued to glare daggers at him.

"I am pissed about you throwing my old things away. Next time you want to throw something away of mine, ask first and we're not a couple!" Frea growled and quickly stalked away and to the other side of the room to get away from him. Immediately busying herself by smoothing the delicate fabric on a nearby chair.

Lore didn't understand what was going on, he really didn't. He really didn't understand why there was an issue. The old clothes were destined for disposal anyway since she had a new wardrobe and he couldn't imagine why she'd quickly come into a poor mood with him. It had happened shortly after he'd told Frea he'd decided to keep her. Maybe it was his choice of wording that offended her and angered her?

"This is about earlier?" Lore's brows were scrunched; a perplexed expression lined his face.

"Just forget about it. Your right- I was going to throw my old stuff away but next time please ask" Frea didn't look up nor address the subject and Lore could see her forcing a pleasant expression indicating she was shutting down and closing off her feelings. Frea walked away again, this time attempting to appear busy by organizing the stuff on the vanity.

"Ohhhh so this is about that. Why not just say so?" A smirk spread across his face, his usual egotistically manner coming back to him. Lore moved closer but took a seat at a respectable distance from her since she seemed uncomfortable.

"I don't want to get into a fight." Frea mumbled uncomfortably, taking deep breaths.

"We never fight, we debated loudly. There's a difference." Lore chuckled but he merely received a cold glace from Frea. Her bottom lip quivered slightly.

Lore raised a brow and sighed. He'd be upset if he'd opened up to her and find out she didn't like him like he liked her. Although, he got the impression that this had something to do with a deeper problem she'd been dealing with for awhile now. Frea seemed uncomfortable now, almost angry as when he met her and Lore felt he'd lost some of her trust. Why would that happen, usually settling and deciding to become a couple put people in a better mood? From his files he found it usually lead to the 'Honey Moon' period where you think the other person can do no wrong and are hopelessly infatuated with them. This was nothing like what he'd expected. He'd assume a lot more kissing would have resulted from his confession not screaming.

"You humans are very confusing." Lore gave a bitter laugh, his cheek eye twitched and his jaw clenched. He was irritated and for the first time, Frea felt worried as to his reaction. Lore must have caught her look and it hurt him for her to look at him with any sort of fear.

"What's wrong? Tell me, I'm not a mind reader, you have to tell me." Lore spoke gently, hoping to soothe her.

"Fine! What's wrong is I thought you were my friend but you're trying to use and manipulate me just like everyone else has. Your not really interested in me or my feelings, you just want to know what you can get out of it and I'll tell you this. I am not going to stand for it!"

Lore's face suddenly became cold and hard. He's body tightened and his spine straighten. "You think I'm using you?" his voice was icy.

"You're a professional manipulator and your proud of it. I just thought that you wouldn't do the same to me since I was a friend but I guess I was mistaken. You saw I was attracted to you and liked you and now you're trying to use that against me!"

"You don't have to yell, I can hear you just fine! And by the way, I'm not using you. I actually like you, forgive me for not being like a human and taking forever to tell you. You appeared to be attracted to me and liked me. Since the feelings were mutual I felt I could go ahead and tell you and we could move on with our lives together. What you probably know about me Frea is that once I figure out what I want then I figure out how to get it and I want you."

Lore jumped a little in surprised when she took a seat on the bed, turn away from him and let loose a gut wrenching sob. Lore cocked his head and moved closer but she turned away, her face covered. "Your crying...why are you crying?"

"Don't look" She mumbled and waved him off at first and it wasn't for several seconds of staring at her intently that she finally spoke.

"I feel so ridiculous. I'm just tired of people hurting me and me letting them. What is wrong with me?" Frea growled but it came out hoarse.

"There's nothing wrong with you; and I happen to adore how ridiculous you are." Lore comforted her gently.

"I'm not good with relationships- friendship or romantic. I'm not going to even pretend I am. But I can assure you I'm not lying. I want you." Lore cocked is head and moved his face closer to inspect her. Her hands still covering her face, she seemed almost childlike and fragile. "Can you forgive me for being abrupt and saying I like you?"

A almost snort of a laugh came from the still softly crying female before him. Lore had been right, this wasn't exactly all about him but his little admission earlier had been the last straw that finally broke her down and brought out deep seeded feelings she'd felt for a long time but had never been comfortable enough to express. The only thing that brought him some assurance now was that she felt safe enough to express herself in front of him.

"I know what it's like to be manipulated and used. People see me; see that I'm ravishly handsome" Frea snorted in another laugh and he smirked "Then they find out I'm an android. Suddenly, anything they want to do to me is suddenly ok. I'm not human, I'm not sentient, and I have no soul. To them, I become something that was made to be used so what they want to do is acceptable and justifiable. We're more alike than unalike and I really do care for you… I'm sorry I threw your things away. "

"I'm so tired" Frea mumbled in a soft forlorn voice with a deep sigh. So sad and exhausted as if that simple phrase had expressed every horrible, depressive and sad event that had happened to her; as if the pressure through all those years had finally become too much to bear and she had finally felt safe enough to let those feelings overcome her. He admired her ability to have an emotional breakdown and release the frustration. Frea rubbed her hand across her brow and Lore felt the unusual emotion of sympathy wash through him. She needed him like he needed her.

"...you have to promise me something."

Frea uncovered her face and wiped her eyes, pulling her sweaty hair out of her face and trying to compose herself. Her face was red as well as her eyes. She gave a heavy snuff of her nose. Lore observed with humor that Frea was NOT a pretty crier. No single tear glistening down her cheek like those romantic movies.

"What?" she mumbled softly, her voice cracking.

"Don't tell anyone. I don't want them getting into there minds that I'm sensitive or any of that junk. I have a reputation to protect." He teased gently

Frea smiled a bit and Lore sat close to her then pulled her close against his chest and into his strong arms- he felt her sigh contently but said nothing. Lore grabbed a tissue from the nightstand and reached out and starting wiping the moisture from her face like a Father might a child. He followed this up by putting the tissue to her nose.

"Blow" Lore commanded and Frea complied, too tired to argue or make a sarcastic comment. Holding her against his warm chest and cradling her against him. She didn't struggle or tense.

Stroking her damp hair off her forehead, and finding it sticky with sweat and tears. Lore looked her over with soft gold eyes and Frea saw the love in his gaze. Frea astonish at his kindness as he reached a warm hand up to cradle it against her cheek. Wiping tears gently away with his thumb.

"The sons of the Prophet are brave men and bold and quite unaccustomed to fear, but the bravest by far in the ranks of the Shah, Was Abdul Abulbul Amir. If you wanted a man to encourage the van, or harass the foe from the rear, Storm fort or redoubt, you had only to shout for Abdul Abulbul Amir." Lore's calming voice sung to her and she couldn't help but smile softly.

"Where did you learn that?" Frea lay her head against his chest. Pulling her flush against him, he smiled softly nuzzling into her neck and breathing her scent in with a contented breath before he pulled away reluctantly.

"It's what my mother use to sing to me when I was sad."

Her lip quivered again and a couple tears leaked out. "Oh god" wiping her eyes "What is wrong with me? I'm such an idiot" she chuckled softly

Stroking her arm with soft caresses as he continued to hold her close as he gave her a kind smile and she felt embarrassed slightly at being the focus of his gentle attentions. "Yes you are- and so am I. How about we be two fantastic idiots in love?"

This made her chuckle slightly and he thrilled when she cuddled closer against him placing a hand behind his neck as he felt her fingers stroke lazily along his skin sending chills through his spine. Frea's face settled into his shoulder and her breath prickled along his neck, exciting him. Frea placed a hand on his cheek, brushing her thumb gently across his pale lips. He never wanted to kiss anyone more. Lore could see the adoration and love in her gaze as she stroked his pale lips. He'd never seen that sort of affection directed towards him and he had an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.

Lore didn't realize when, but her soft breath now tickled across his lips as his own barely hovered over hers. When had he moved closer? When had her hands started caressing in his hair? The sound of her fragile human heart pattered like a scared rabbit to his sensitive ears. Frea's soft skin was suddenly hot to the touch and the closeness irresistible and he look forward to many days ahead when he could touch her.

Brushing Frea's delicate lips with his thumb as she had him, she gently parted her lips to let a soft sigh escape her mouth. Leaning forward, barely brushed his firm lips back and forth over hers, tantalizing and creating a hitch in her breath and shiver down her spine that caught her breath and created an ache in her she'd never experienced. Lore became distinctly aware of his own artificial heart hammering against his chest and the flush of goose bumps against her skin. The haze in her mind was nothing she had ever felt and the loving touch of his lips that had yet to kiss her, but caressed around her own.

A large pale hand cradled behind her head as he finally brushed her lips in a loving kiss like nothing she'd ever experienced and quickly heated by his expert touch. Frea barely felt her dizzied head hit the pillow below her and the whimper of ecstasy she barely recognized as her own as his kisses claimed her lips and along her neck. The tingling and shudder from his touch from his new position laid over her. His hard body press into her as she felt his tongue plunge and stroke against her own. Acutely aware of his other arm now wrapped around between her waist and the bed, pulling her firmly against his muscular body.

Lore felt a rush of love at the little mewls of pleasure she made at his touch as his fingers trailed down her neck, along her side and rest just above her breast. To know he was giving her enjoyment brought him delight. Although it was hard for him to contain himself when he felt her buck her hips up into him and became increasingly aware of his beginning erection. He wouldn't be able to control himself if he allowed things to continue and he had promised himself he wouldn't take things any further until he was sure she trusted him. Otherwise he would have gladly taken her then and there and shown her just how experienced his programming was, leaving her gasping for more. Especially when he felt her slender hand reach to his pants and he caught her wrist with lighting reflexes making her gasp.

Lore pulled away from her and gave a grunt of self pity. "No." his voice was husky and a part of him was kicking himself. She would let him have his way with her, but she wasn't just some girl to release tension with, he wanted to assure her he loved her and wanted to make love to her instead of rut her out of lust and for that, he would need to wait.

Frea met him with a hurt gaze but said nothing. He caught her expression and gave her a reassuring smile, tracing a finger along her jaw line. "I want to wait and do this properly. Not now and not like this."

This seemed to reassure her and he took that opportunity to pull away from her needy body that tempted him. "I understand." Frea sighed softly, sitting up and adjusting her shifted clothing shakily. She respected him for holding back now that she understood he wasn't rejecting her. Lore grinned when he caught the shy blush across her face as she ran a hand through her tousled hair.

"I'm going to go take a bath." Frea announced suddenly and hurriedly got up- Grabbing a change of clothing and heading quickly towards the bathroom.

"That's a good idea." Lore didn't realize his voice mirrored her exacerbated hoarseness in her tone. He waited until he heard the door shut behind her before he let out a deep breath, trying to calm his lust for her. Hearing the gentle rustle of clothing and realizing he could hear her undressing for her bath made him grit in annoyance as he felt himself hardened completely. Lore growled out a curse to his creator. He had to get out of the room.


Frea was asleep by the time he'd gotten back and immediately felt bad for having abandoned her, but his sanity had required him to leave for a walk lest he allow his lust to spur him to take her. One of the problems with his programming was that once that switch was started that prepared his body for sex, it was almost impossible to stop and reverse the effect.

As he started to remove his boots, setting them next to his jacket he'd left behind in his walk and crawled into bed next to her. He hoped she didn't think he'd left because of her, or that he'd been unfaithful given how they'd left each other.

Pulling the covers and tucking them around her better before wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her against him and nuzzling into her neck- the scent of her freshly washed hair tickled his nose pleasantly. Lore smiled softly when she left out a sigh of contentment and leaned against him and continued snoring. He didn't need to sleep but that wouldn't stop him from lying next to her and loving her every second while she slept.


Holding the unusual, old style postcard that had just been delivered. Mr. Anderson stared at it in confusion before walking into his home.

"Honey, why did we get a 'Wish you were here' postcard from Tri Alpha? And who is L. Soong?"