A/N: I own absolutely nothing except the thoughts and grammar errors. This is based off of S1:E3 "The Passenger". Spoilers for S5:16 "Dr. Bashir, I Presume".

The Passenger's Battle

He was lying, of course, when he said that he didn't remember anything. Julian sighed, running his fingers through his hair as he worked his way through the Infirmary records. Again.

Ty Kajada was gone. The duranium was gone. A successful mission. Jadzia had saved his life… more than that, his mind.

In truth, he remembered nothing at the time. When he was himself. But when Vantika took over, he felt as trapped as a mime in a box, screaming and unable for anyone to hear.

Dear God, he had almost strangled Quark! To feel his hands—the hands of a healer—around another lifeform's neck, to kill…it was unthinkable.

"To do good, or to do no harm."

The words he'd read from Hippocrates when he was a first-year medical student. He'd done neither. He had almost killed Ty Kajada. He had almost killed an entire star system. And he had killed. No, not him. Vantika killed. But it was his hands that held the phaser. His hands that he was powerless to stop from killing that mercenary.

He had been so arrogant! So impressed with his own abilities, his overconfidence that Vantika was dead that he hadn't even considered someone might be able to transfer consciousness using glial cells.

"Doctor?"

Julian looked up from his dazed musings and saw Garak at the Infirmary door.

"Garak?" He said. "Do you need something?" What was Garak - Plain and simple Garak - doing on the promenade so late? Was he spying on the doctor?

"It is perhaps that you might need something, doctor," Garak replied. "I was simply doing some late-night mending. It is spring season after all. All the ladies need a new dress."

"Ah yes. Of course." The dull ache in his head was back to a more persistent throb. He didn't have the energy to play Garak's mental games right now.

"My dear doctor, you look quite unwell. It does you no good to be here at such a late hour. I heard you had quite a time with the Kobliads today."

"Mmhmm," Julian replied. "And just how would you know that?" He rose from his chair, wobbled ever so slightly from the headache that swelled up with the position change. Garak was right of course. All his scans were normal. All the patients he worked on while compromised were fine, treated as he would treat them under normal conditions.

But were they sure Vantika was gone? How could he be sure? What if he fell asleep and never came back? What if he was trapped in the back of his mind, forever?

He'd had these feelings before. When he was young. And he never wanted those feelings again. A stranger in his own mind. But they were back and with a vengeance.

"Doctor." Oh right. Garak was still here. He'd forgotten. "He is dead, I assure you. There is no trace of him."

Julian studied the tailor. Had he voiced his thoughts aloud?

"I know that," Julian replied. Convincing him or was it himself? "It's just…how can I trust myself?"

"Come Doctor," Garak laughed. "You act like you did those things. That man is not Julian Bashir, though he may have looked the part."

Julian didn't answer. He was supposed to be better than this. Dear God what if this man had succeeded? With all the skills and knowledge Julian had already… He shuddered. Augmentation was illegal for a very good reason.

"It wasn't you," Garak continued. "No one blames you for this unfortunate incident."

"If I hadn't been so arrogant, this wouldn't have been an issue in the first place! People have died Garak. Because of me," he hissed. The pain in his head bounced around and his vision faded for a moment…Just like when Vantika took over. A blackout. And then he was merely a puppet.

Julian drew a breath to center himself. He was here, alive, and in control, and the throttling pain should be a pleasant reminder of that. If it was anyone else, he'd be worried about the pain.

He'd already taken the max dosage for pain meds, and they'd done nothing with his enhancements.

"Many more people would have died without you fighting Vantika. A very dangerous battle indeed. You must tell me a good story about it. Tea, tomorrow?"

Julian blinked. Somehow, they'd walked all the way to his quarters. Why didn't he remember…?

"Our minds face the most difficult battles, " Garak said. "Congratulations on your victory. I bid you Adieu." Garak sauntered off, leaving Julian to stare at his receding form blankly before tapping the keypad to enter his quarters.

Our minds were battlefields. Well wasn't Garak full of metaphors. Julian's mind felt puckered with holes from all those mental battles as a child, and now, this one, had left a gaping crater. He prayed there wouldn't be another. He wasn't sure he'd manage.