The dream had been so vivid and felt so real, she found herself lying in her childhood home, in the bed she had always felt safest in. The nighttime outside of her bedroom window held a full moon. She rose from her bed and walk to the window and there perched on the branch of the large tree just outside her window was a black bird with vibrant blue eyes. Bonnie felt enthralled as she gazed into the eyes of the black bird who hopped the short distance from the branch over to her window sill. The blackbird began to hit its beak against the window pane as the night sky around it became darker and the branches of the tree began to swing and bellow as the winds outside picked up and began to howl. The blackbird pecked at the window pane with more urgency, and as Bonnie took a closer step to the window the bird's blue eyes seemed more familiar to her.
"Damon?" She called out to the bird and as she reached out to open the window and let the bird that she was sure was Damon inside a voice made her snap her head around.
"Bonnie, love," The male voice that Bonnie had spent most of her life longing to hear again, spoke softly to her.
"Enzo?" Bonnie half gasped, half cried out as she turned to find him standing just at the threshold of her bedroom doorway. "Oh my God, Enzo, is it really you?"
"Yeah, it's me, love," He confirmed as he held out his hand to her. She took a step but stalled at hearing the frantic pecking at the window which now sounded like a harsh banging. Bonnie turned to see the blackbird struggling against the hurricane force winds that blew outside, and she knew if she didn't let him inside he would surely die.
"Damon, hold on!" She yelled over the howls of the wind as she again reached for the window, and again was stopped by Enzo calling to her.
"Bonnie, help me!" Enzo called to her in a panicked voice and when she turned she watched in horror as he became engulfed in flames.
"Enzo!" Bonnie screamed as she stood transfixed watching him burn. She felt torn. Her tears poured down her face, her heart pounded, and her chest heaved as she stood gripped with fear and unable to move, unable to save either of the two men she loved most, too afraid to save one at the loss of the other. "No!" Bonnie screamed out as her body shook all over.
"Bonnie," Damon spoke softly to the sleeping beauty he held possessively in his arms as he lay with her in the large bed. He had heard her crying out in her sleep and rushed to her side to console her. "Come on BB wake up," He shook her gently as he placed soft kisses on her forehead until her eyes snapped open, wide and panic-stricken.
"Damon," Bonnie gasped out as she reached out and gripped his muscular bare forearms and then brushed the palms of her hand across his bare chest. Her actions were one of reassurance and nothing sexual so Damon stalled all snarky remarks he would have normally thrown at her. "You didn't die…you didn't die," She sobbed out and her distraught demeanor wouldn't allow him to point out that in this world he was technically once again one of the undead, a vampire. Somehow he knew that wasn't what she meant.
"No, I'm here BB, I'm right here and I've got you," Damon whispered as he pulled her closer and again kissed her on her head. Bonnie welcomed his closeness and she clung to him, closed her eyes and drank in the feel of him, the smell of him, and his entire essence.
"I couldn't save you," She whimpered out as she buried her face against his chest. "I couldn't save either of you and I lost you both," She added and Damon's brow furrowed in confusion to her words but he didn't question her to allow her to tell her dream at her own pace. She pulled back a bit and looked up into her eyes. "We did really die and then we were brought to an alternate world with Stefan and … and Enzo … But he's not my Enzo?" Damon only nodded to her words and she clamped her eyes shut to the realization. "I couldn't save him in my dreams just like I couldn't save him back then. I tried to save him after he died, did I ever tell you about that?" She asked as she opened her eyes to look back up at him as she rested more comfortably in his arms, while they both lay cozily against the massive pillows in the bed. Again Damon simply shook his head not allowing his words to interrupt Bonnie's words. "I did, I was sure that I could do a spell that would bring Enzo back but my mom stopped me when she sensed that I was actually being pulled to the other side with him. I knew it too, I could feel myself going and I wanted to go. I didn't care where it was as long as I was with Enzo and we were together. But my mom set him on fire to break the spell and ensure that I could never try it again." At hearing those words Damon felt a new appreciation for Abby Bennett. "He burned in my dream too because I couldn't choose…" She frowned up a little as she recalled the nightmare she had been having. She then realized where she was and whose arms she was lying in and she scrabbled back from Damon's embrace and he released her almost sorrowfully and watched her jump from the bed. "What are you doing in here?" Bonnie questioned in an accusatory tone as she wrapped her arms around herself to cover the flesh that the nightgown left exposed.
"You were having a bad dream so I came to check on you," Damon explained as he rolled more on his side and rested his weight against his elbow, never giving any indication that he was getting out of the bed.
"Well, I'm fine now so you can leave and next time don't just assume that I need you coming in here to climb in bed with me, and to do God only knows what you were doing while I was sleeping," She huffed out and regretted her words as she notice Damon's eyes narrow into a glare as his lip curled a bit, telling her he was getting irritated.
"Clearly you're not fine because I have not seen Judgy Bennett or Bitchy Bennett for many decades now," He spat at her and the words were like a slap in the face and she flinched a bit, which was just the reaction Damon had wanted to cause.
"I'm sorry," Bonnie spoke softly as she bowed her head a bit in shame at her words. She knew Damon Salvatore better than anyone ever had, Stefan and Elena included. So, she knew he would never take advantage of her in any situation. "I … I just don't want to have to choose. I can't choose Damon," She said as if she were making a confession to a priest. Damon stood from the bed and moved around to stand before her.
"What are the choices?" He asked although he already had a pretty good idea from the names he had heard her calling in her dream.
"Enzo," She quickly said. "And … you, the two men that I … That mean the most to me." She stammered over her words. "I feel like if I choose one I'll lose the other, and I don't think I can choose. But if I don't choose I'll lose you both." Damon nodded his understanding as he stepped closer to her.
"Come here," He coaxed as he reached out for her. She stepped away from him but he grasped her wrist stilling her and pulled her back. She allowed him to pull her back into his arms and she sighed, closed her eyes and rested her head against his quiet chest. "Bonnie it's a very easy choice," He spoke into her hair where he had pressed his lips. "Enzo, our Enzo is gone," He could feel her stiffen up at his words. Before she could push away from him he held her closer not wanting her to leave before she heard what he had to say. "Enzo died a very long time ago BB and he's never coming back," Bonnie silently struggled against him and he could feel her tears wet his chest. "I'm not saying this to be cruel. You should know by now how much I love you Bonnie Bennett and that I would never purposely hurt you," These words made her stop struggling and her shoulders shook in her despair and at the reality that his words created for her. "I know that you've lived your life the way you did; never allowing yourself to find love, to settle down to have a family, have children because you truly believed that when you died you and Enzo would finally be together. I'm sorry Bon, I'm so fucking sorry that this is not the afterlife you wanted, that you're not going to get the happily-ever-after that you had imagined with Enzo," She let out a mournful sob at these words as she squeezed her eyes tightly shut. "But I'm here," He pushed her away a bit and placed his large hands on either side of her face, forcing her to look up at him. "You still have me you'll always have me, and if you'll let me I can make you happy."
Bonnie stared up at him letting her eyes search his as if seeking the sincerity in his words. In her heart she knew what he was telling her was the truth, and she had known it from the second she awoke to this world and learned that 'her' Enzo wasn't here. As for always having Damon, well, that she'd known since he had come back into her life after 3 years spent desiccating. After their reconciliation, he had kept his promise to never leave her again, and it had only been his death that caused them to part. The part of his words that wouldn't sink in for her was his declaration to make her happy. Could he, would he? She wouldn't lie to herself and deny the fact that she had sometimes thought about it, about what it might feel like to be loved by Damon. If the truth be told she wasn't sure if he even knew how to love. Many would say that he had loved Elena but he seemed more obsessed with her.
"You said you loved me," Bonnie began to speak and Damon quickly corrected her words.
"I 'love' you, yes," He declared once more as he now searched her eyes hoping that she might be ready to accept his love for her.
"But can you, really?" She asked as she frowned up a bit while looking up at him.
"If you let me-"
"No," She cut off his words as she shook her head. "I mean are you capable of loving?" Bonnie could read this man so well and his emotions played so easily within his eyes. Like a switch, she could see that her question had angered and insulted him. "I know that you love your brother, but that's an entirely different kind of love than what I mean. You are kind Damon and you're also very loyal, devoted, possessive and obsessive. But have you ever truly been in love with someone, are you 'in love' with me?" She appreciated the fact that he stood there actually contemplating her words and he didn't simply spit out that he had been in love with Elena since they both knew he had not been.
"What do you want me to say, Bonnie?" He asked and she opened her mouth to tell him that those words had said it all, but he hadn't finished yet and so he kept on speaking. "Who decides what love is or what being in love is? Who defines it?" She bowed her head a bit at his words and Damon could see that he wasn't saying what she wanted to hear. But theirs was the kind of relationship, friendship, and she was the one person in his life that he never had to pull punches with and could always speak what was on his mind and in his heart. "All I know is that I'm happier when you're around me than when you're not. I get depressed when you go away for an extended time and the only thing that brings me out of it is when you call and I get to hear your voice. Whenever I'm going through some really bad shit and I feel like I'm going to either kill someone or kill myself you show up and I silently say, 'Oh thank God, Bonnie's here. She'll listen to me bitch and moan and then she'll know just what to say to make it all better.' And you always do," Bonnie couldn't stop herself from smiling at his words and dramatics. "When I really knew that I was dying I kept praying to a God I never had much use for before and I asked for 2 things, just 2 things; to let me see my little brother again and to have you there with me. Let me tell you that filled me with a lot of guilt because I was sure I was going to some hell and I knew you didn't deserve to go there. But we both know I'm a selfish bastard so I still wanted you right there beside me," He smirked and when she giggled at him he lifted his hand and stroked his thumb across her cheek. "Bonnie, all I know is that I don't want any life or afterlife without you in it. I honestly can't …" He stalled as he looked off a bit and shook his head, and Bonnie wasn't sure if he couldn't find the right words or if he had gotten distracted by something and lost his train of thought. Then, his eyes refocused back onto hers and he continued his words. "I don't want to live my life without you with me. Now, I don't know what you call that but I-" His words ended as Bonnie quickly leaned up and captured his lips with her own. Damon was only stunned for a millisecond before he found his bearings and gripped at her hips to move her closer. Bonnie ended the kiss just as quickly as it had begun pulling herself from Damon's grasp. "Ok, I'm not sure what I did right or what I did wrong there," Damon panted out his eyes darkening with heightened arousal,
"You did it all right Damon," Bonnie acknowledged with a smile which Damon matched with one of his own.
"Well, ok then," He said as he moved to grab her and pull her back into a kiss.
"But," That one word falling from Bonnie's lips was like a bucket of ice water being poured down Damon's back without him being warned beforehand, and he groaned a bit in frustration. "I'm sorry Damon I'm just not quite ready for this," Damon raked his hands through his head which he bowed a bit as he nodded.
"You're still not ready to try a relationship with me because you're holding on to the memories of a dead man who's now dust in the wind," He spoke in a snappy tone and with hurtful words that showed his irritation. "But I can wait for as long as you want me to because you're worth it." After a pregnant pause with Bonnie gaping at him, she finally found her voice to reply.
"My God, how can you be such an asshole one second and then be so freaking sweet, all in one breath?" She asked truly wondering.
"I guess it's just one of my many talents," He countered as he continued to pout.
"I only meant that I'm not ready for a sexual relationship yet and I know if I keep letting you kiss me like you kiss me, we'll end up in that bed probably for hours," He smiled pleasingly at her words and the imagery they invoked.
"Days," He interjected and her eyes widened a bit as she swallowed the lump in her throat.
"D…days?" She repeated and he bit his bottom lip as he quirked his brows at her and nodded his head. She had to shake off the thoughts that had been conjured in her mind. "What I'm saying, Damon is that I want to 'try' to see where this could lead…between us."
"Wait, so you're saying that you know I like you and you like me too and you want to be my girlfriend?" He teased in a sing-song tone to which Bonnie smiled as she rolled her eyes at him.
"Yes, Damon," She agreed.
"I accept," Damon spoke as he flashed to her, gripped her about the waist dipping her a bit with the intention of kissing her long and proper like.
"No, no kissing," He arched his brow and send her his 'you cannot be serious' look. "Well, at least, not in a confined space, like a bedroom, where the kissing could lead to lovemaking."
"But I would make it so good for you Bon-Bon," He leaned down and whispered into her ear. Her eyes drifted closed as a shiver ran through her. When she felt his hands on her hips tugging she opened her eyes once more and casually removed his hands from her body.
"I'm sure you will when I'm ready, but I'm not ready for that … 'yet'," She spoke as she looked up at him with pleading eyes. Damon understood that she was asking of him and that she was expecting him to be the chivalrous gentleman that he only ever was when he was with her. She didn't trust herself when he tried to romance her so she wanted him to control himself so she wouldn't have to try to control herself. So he nodded as he moved his hands behind his back and then took several steps back from her and towards their adjoining door.
"You really should lock this door when I leave," He said as he opened it and crossed the threshold back into his room. "Goodnight Bonnie," He tossed out as he shut the door.
"Goodnight Damon," She replied as she watched him disappear behind the large door, she moved to it and flipped the lock. She then raised her hand and rested it against the door as if somehow knowing that at that same moment Damon was doing that very same thing on the other side. Then with a sigh, they both turned and went back to bed.
