The envelope was in his hands. The envelope containing the end of their future was in his hands ready to be passed to her. Derek opened the door of the attendings lounge and found her sitting on the table with a foam cup in her hand. She had lost a patient, he'd heard from Maggie. She had lost a patient and she was pissed. He knew he wouldn't be helping but he needed this out of his hands before he went into his surgery.
"The lawyer sent these in this morning, they need your signature," he mumbled as he placed them on the table in front of her, "And I uh- I just wanted to let you know the realtor found a buyer."
She looked up at him angrily, "Okay."
"They want to stop by tomorrow to see the house again."
"I'm done packing. I'll stop by later to check again but it should be empty by then. I'll leave the keys for you on the kitchen bar."
"Okay," he nodded.
"Okay."
He stuffed his hands in his coat pocket, "It's my weekend with the kids so I'll pick them up today."
It was her turn to nod, "Okay."
"Okay."
He opened his mouth to say something else but nothing came out. Instead, he walked out of the lounge.
The papers sat on the passenger seat next to her. They made it simple.
File under irreconcilable differences. Everything split down the middle. Sell the house and split the earnings. Joint custody with an arranged schedule. Split the holidays and vacations.
Amicable was the term the lawyer used.
Except deep down it was bitter. Angry. Anything other than amicable.
Meredith sat in her car staring at the house in front of her. How did they get here?
The day Derek had returned from D.C. he had given her an entire speech. Worthy of his once nickname. Except the patient she lost that evening was, what she called, a sign. A sign that they weren't meant to survive. That this was their endpoint and they couldn't be together. Too much was broken.
So she asked for a divorce. And even though she could hear both their hearts shatter into a million pieces, he obliged.
This is what you want?
This is what I want.
We're not even gonna- Meredith?
No, we're not.
As she got off the car, she looked around the land. This had been her refuge. Somewhere they could hide out when it all became too much. It had been such a big part of them and such a big part of Derek that she was genuinely shocked when he brought up selling the place.
Packing and leaving had been hard. But this wasn't home. It wasn't her home. It was hers and Derek's home. And they weren't Meredith and Derek anymore.
She opened the keys and let out a sigh as she looked throughout the room.
It wasn't home anymore.
"Okay, Zo, carrots for the princess."
He placed the carrots on her plate as Bailey played with his sippy cup.
"Daddy, where's momma?"
Derek pressed his lips into a tight grin, "Probably at her house."
She played with the carrots on her plate as she sighed deeply, "I miss our old house and my old room. With you and momma."
He never wanted this. He had the next ten years planned out perfectly. House. Kids. Work on the side. Family first. That's what he had told Mark. It's what he wanted most. And somehow when a prized position was dangled in front of him, he chased it mindlessly and let it all slip out of his hands. He never wanted this stupid condo where he was alone most of the time. Where his kids were only with him certain days and every other weekend. This wasn't in the plans.
I can live without you and I can't do this anymore.
What are you saying?
I-I want a divorce.
The words would forever echo in his mind. The way she very subtly hesitated and yet stood firm. The way she didn't blink. The way she stayed there when he asked if she was sure and she had reaffirmed what she wanted.
It was worse than ever. Worse than any time they ever had broken up. Because this time it wasn't just them. It was the family they built. How did they let it fall apart?
The envelope sat on the counter. She had thrown it there determined to sign them and leave them for Derek to find the following morning.
Meredith walked out of the hallway with a box in her hand. One final box that she found in Zola's room that the movers must've forgotten. It wasn't labled or opened. It was closed shut and it really didn't weigh much so it was easy to assume it was clothes. She just wasn't sure whose clothes.
As she placed it on the counter she opened it carelessly unprepared for what she would find.
Their Post-It.
It took her breathe away. It made her stop and breathe heavily.
To love each other even when we hate each other.
No Running.
Take care when old, senile, and smelly.
And it's forever.
It was all scrawled in his handwriting. Signed at the bottom by Derek Shepherd and Meredith Grey.
Not Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Grey. Not the ambitious, overworked doctors.
Promises between two people who loved each other so mindlessly, so carelessly, and so fiercely. It was true and sacred. Beautiful and enchanting. And heartbreaking.
She touched the glass that protected the piece of paper. He had replaced it, she was sure of it. Because when she had taken it off the wall, the broken one was still there. The broken one that had shattered the day he left to D.C.
As she placed the post-it on the counter she took out a blue blanket that sat on top of another brown, striped, blanket. His terrible, unwarm, ugly blanket. She chuckled softly and shook her head. She hated it since the very first time she had spent the night in the trailer. And she was sure he kept it because it was a damn good excuse to wrap his arms around her when they slept.
She grabbed her phone and opened his message thread.
There's a box in Zola's room. Yours or should I get rid of it?
Thanks. It's mine. I'll get it tomorrow.
Surprised at his response, she shut off her phone and folded the blanket prepared to put it back in the box until one final item caught her eye.
Her old, ratty, Dartmouth tee.
The door opened with the clink of keys. Amelia walked in and closed the door behind her.
"You have got to be kidding me?"
Derek looked up from the television screen, "what?"
"Seattle Pres.? Seriously? You're taking a job-"
"Amy-"
"Seriously, is working under me that bad?" Amelia insisted, "I get your not the head of neuro now but your still the high and mighty Derek Shepherd, Neuro God at Grey Sloan-"
"Amy-"
"We're divorcing, Amy!"
"Oh shut up! You and I know you haven't s-"
"Amy, I can't be around her," he whispered as he threw the remote across the couch, " I see her and I can't breathe."
He chuckled at the irony.
I can't breathe with you looking at me like that, so just stop!
Do you think I want to be looking at you?
"She wanted this," he shook his head, "I fucked up so the least I can do is give her what she wants. And she wants this."
Amelia shook her head, "I was hoping you'd say you were leaving because of me."
"What?"
"I was hoping you would work it out. I don't know it-" she sighed, "I just know you love her so much."
Derek nodded. A sudden ring disrupted the silence as he spotted Meredith's contact photo brightly indicating her call.
"Meredith?"
Amy watched curiously as her brother listened to the other caller.
"What's wrong? Slow down, Mer-. Okay, okay, I'm on my way," he hung up and grabbed his keys from the coffee table and ran towards the door.
"Derek what's wrong?"
"She's at the house in the woods and something happened," he grabbed his coat and quickly looked back, "Kids are asleep-"
"Derek-"
"I need to make sure she's okay!"
He slammed the door behind him as he raced towards the car and sped towards their once home.
Something was wrong.
"Are you okay? What's wrong?"
He jumped out of the car in the pouring rain as he watched a stoic Meredith Grey stand outside drenched as she clenched her phone in her hand. She had been crying, he could tell.
"Meredith, what happened? Are you hurt? Was anyone in there?"
"What are we doing?"
"What? What are talking ab-"
"What the hell are we doing?!" she shouted over the pouring rain, "I stood out here, for hours waiting for you to come home! I built a stupid candle house because I was whole and healed! You built a house with your bare hands - granted that was because you were pissed at me- but you designed this house for us and our kids! You planned it all out for our family! You built this house for me! And you! And Zola! And Bailey! For us! And we're just gonna throw it all away?"
"Meredith-"
"After the bomb, the shooting, the plane, all of it, we're just gonna throw it away?!" she lifted her arms in frustration, "What the hell are we doing?"
Blue eyes pierced into green eyes wanting to answer her. Wanting to insist she wanted this. That she had asked for the divorce. But instead his lips crashed onto hers and his hands cradled her head.
And she kissed him back. Holding him close to her baring all she had into him.
She latched onto his jacket as he pushed them back into the house. And when he closed the door behind them, neither could recall who tore what first. All they knew was that they were on the floor of the living room floor, making love. Bathed in the moonlight that came through the windows.
His fingers pressed onto the skin of her thighs as she wrapped them around him. Hers lost in his wet curls as her sounds of pleasure echoed throughout the house as he moved within her.
He panted as he felt her nails rake down his back until he felt her clench around him. Her soft whimpers were enough to bring him to a climax and grunt against her neck.
When she came down from her high and sighed into his mouth, he heard her whisper what he hadn't in a long time.
"I love you, Derek Shepherd."
His hand searched for hers as he kissed her once more, "I love you, Meredith Grey."
When Derek Shepherd kissed her, the world stopped. When Derek Shepherd made love to her, the world was safe. And when she was in his arms, forever was promised. That's what she always felt. It was always safe.
And now more than ever, she felt that as he kissed her on the floor of their Dream House, lit solely by the fire place built with the stonework she once hated.
At one point she had brought the stupid brown blanket and the ratty blue one that she had found and he had made a fire.
Now they were tangled in each other's arms once again.
He moaned softly as he pulled away from her lips and laid next to her. She wrapped a leg across his hips and tucked her head in his chest.
"What are we doing?"
"Having nearly-divorced-sex," Derek chuckled before he realized what had come out of his mouth, "Meredith-"
She sighed as she pushed herself off and propped her head on her hand, "Derek, I don't want a divorce. I don't- I don't want to split our family apart. I don't want to end us."
"I don't either," he pushed her hair back as he looked into her green irises. Sometimes he could read her like a book. Other times she was a puzzle with a million pieces to put together, "So what do you want to do?"
She sighed, "Don't sell the house. Don't leave for Seattle Pres."
"How'd you hear-?"
"Everyone knows everything-"
"At Grey Sloan. Yeah, everyone knows everything." he shook his head. Nothing was secret at that place even if they wanted to.
"I panicked. When you came home, I panicked," she whispered, "I lost a patient that day after not losing eighty-nine in a row and I just needed some time to-"
"I get it." he answered sincerely as his fingertips traced patterns on her back, "I weirdly get it. I think we needed the space for a bit."
He paused before he furrowed his brows, "Eighty-nine? Seriously?"
"Seriously," she smirked.
"Wow," he shook his head, impressed, "I always knew you'd be a badass. Even when we were fighting."
Meredith watched as his eyes searched the ceiling, as if he were replaying the last months in his head.
"I was an idiot wasn't I? All that time before I left for D.C.?," he whispered.
"I'd say you were a jackass, but idiot works too," she playfully retorted with a teasing raise of her eyebrow.
They laughed. Genuinely. It almost sounded like them again. Like Meredith and Derek.
Meredith leaned down to press a kiss where his jaw met his neck earning a moan from her still husband, "Can we come home now?"
She pulled away as she searched his eyes for an answer.
He smiled as he laced his fingers with hers, "Let's come home."
He leaned up to capture her lips.
Meredith watched the fire place as the fire crackled through the darkness. She'd been sitting next to him wrapped in the blue blanket watching it since Derek had dozed off to sleep after the second time they'd made love.
She looked around the house until the manila envelope caught her eye.
She hadn't signed them. She hadn't even opened the envelope.
Meredith stood up and walked towards them. She opened the envelope took out the stack of papers flipping through them until she reached the final page. The line on top of the name Derek Shepherd, M.D. was empty alongside the other empty line she was meant to sign.
"I never signed them," his voice startled her, "I couldn't sign them. I couldn't even look at them."
She turned to look at him, "Did you know I wouldn't sign them?"
She could see him thinking.
"No," he replied honestly, "but I hoped you wouldn't."
She was certain he had signed them when he gave them to her at the hospital. Meredith placed the papers back in the envelope and walked back to her spot in front of the fireplace.
"This is forever, right?" she echoed their vows.
He sat up and wrapped his arms around his blanket covered knees. He contemplated the look on her face. She was certain and so was he.
"This is forever," he agreed with a smile.
She smiled and leaned in to kiss him before she turned to throw the envelope into the pit.
The fire burning the past and lighting the rest of their lives.
A/N: This random one-shot came to me on MerDer day, ha! Don't forget to review!
